Do not attract notice from zombies. Do not attract notice from zombies. Do not attract notice from

[gwendally]

This essay was published in my local paper today.  I'm trying not to reply to it.  I want to not reply to it.  I do not want attention from the zombies.  But, seriously, the replies are burning inside me.  So I'll put them here.  But first, the essay with only minor redaction.

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Comments

[crazyburro]

maybe she really has a covert plan to attract the squirrels so she can eat them herself. I hear they're pretty tasty...

[exvapi]

Yes they are, tough unless you have a pressure cooker, but tasty.

[froggoddess]

o god. i missed this today, but if you tell me where she lives i will go ask her to put out more birdseed. maybe then the squirrels living in the walls of my house (omg must do something about this!!) will go live with her??

[rev_mac]

Damn and here I thought she would find the same solution I did, shoot the little B*****Ds with a pellet gun. I works well, clear a bunch out, wait a while till the next crop moves in. It is entertaining too!

[gwendally]

When I was reading this the first time and I got to the part where she was going to do a paradigm shift and remove the bird feeder I thought she was onto something. The banks get rich because people keep paying them money! You take out loans and pay them interest. You swipe your credit card and they get 2% of gross sales. You use your debit card and they get 40 cents of each dime. You invest in a mutual fund and they get 2% of gross assets under management. You keep FEEDING them and - amazingly enough - they get FAT. Oh, whatEVER could you DO?

But, no, that's not where she was going in this. They werne't fat because she insisted on feeding them. They were fat because they were adaptive little critters who were good at getting what she was giving. The solution she came up with was to magically invent a constantly available food source for EVERYONE.

She just boggled my mind.

[rev_mac]

The ideal of socialism, but as you pointed out it is a centralized system and what happens when resources are no longer available.

She could also have tried putting red pepper in the feeders, birds can't "taste" the capsaicin, but squirrels sure do.

[aloha_moira]

That is an awesome tip.

[ford_prefect42]

mmmm squirrel...

It probably wasn't deliberate, but I actually read the article differently.

I read it as an objection to government (central authority) control of the feeder! Take away the central funnel keeping the food from spreading out, and the seeds will spill wherever they fall, and the everyone gets their share (what they can get to before anyone else does!

Yeah, it's a pretty frelled metaphor, because there isn't someone that fills the birdfeeder/broadcasts seed in the marketplace, but it wouldn't be a metaphor if it were perfect, it'd be a research paper.

Nice snark though.

[aloha_moira]

I agree, it really reads more like an argument for a flat tax/deregulation.

[kayjayuu]

Hey lady, now you have bird poop all over your yard, instead of just one spot.

Enjoy!