(no subject)

[gunsnrosez]

i never fully understood why i was so jealous. i never understood how i could be so jealous like that. but this morning, i realized something. i realized it wasnt me who got so jealous, it was you who made me like this. that first time, when you kissed her, i was crushed. you lied straight to my face, and when i found out that you guys were ddoing this behind my back, i was crushed. i never felt so upset in my life. and when i confronted you, you knew what you had done.
and in that moment, i thought about every other girl you hung out with. as much as i tried not to, i did because i saw what happend with her, and i saw what could have happened, and i just wanted to have you to myself, and that may seem selfish, but its not. i just wanted to be the only girl you kissed. if i hadnt got so jealous, what could have happened? things could have happened, and i wouldnt know about it.
im sorry for some of the things ive done, but never once have i realized something like this that has made me think. i realized it wasnt me, it was you.
maybe if that didnt happen, i wouldnt be like this.
maybe we would still be together.
maybe i should have kept my mouth shut all those times.
maybe i should have not been so jealous.
but then again, maybe you shouldnt have kissed her behind my back.

it killed me, i was so upset.
the reason im feeling like this now is because of that.
and thats something i want you to make up to me.