waiting
So the conversation of what do you want is supposed to happen tonight. I can't seem to get the energy to do anything. I feel like I'm just waiting for the weight to hit me and there is jack shit all I can do. It's not pleasant, I know I'm going through pretty severe depression but after this I can only hope that we can either start to get better or... I don't know but at least I will not be in limbo. Worst part is my kids following me around just wanting to play and I'm barely managing to not fall apart in front of him and start crying about how his moms amazing but I don't think we can be together anymore and this is the end and how much I'll miss him. I had to explain that I feel like yelling and screaming and need to be alone but I don't want to be alone just the only person who I want to be with doesn't even want to spend the time with me and that is... worse than being alone.