people were mean to you, but i always thought you were cool -tMG
It has been forever since i posted. i've been getting my firm up and running, which hasn't left time for much else. i was working through most of the end of the year on contract work, transitioning my business entity in the evenings and weekends from LLP to LLC. paperwork abounds, but in a series of timed explosions.
spent nearly three weeks away from Chicago over the holidays. first time i'd been out of the city since Aug. what a relief. driving to Kansas, listening to music, skype chatting with Brendan, rolling into a place that felt normal and organic. Chicago is a city where the buildings are so close to the streets and sidewalks that you can literally smell the insides of the buildings as you pass. people crammed into every space; full of life and adventure. lifetimes could be spent exploring all the corners. a modern version of what i always imagined when our d&d characters came to a bustling, trade city. out of the city, the openness of the sky, the lack of people, the sheer space was such a contrast. i felt like i had laid a weight down by leaving the city, i felt a sense of belonging that i had not realized i had been missing. i drove into the sunset as i cut through Hannibal, MO on my way to I-35. The sun was a cherry red, the first time i had seen a sky full of stars since Aug, proudly accompanied by a brilliant, silver crescent.
i visited with a few friends, went to dad's storage unit to fetch an electric blanket he'd been wanting, and drove out to friends' farm before the winter storm warning started. After my mom died, dad packed up all the furniture, bought an rv, and hit the road with Mongo, our family dog. Opening that storage room smelled so familiar, my grandmother's cedar chest filled with richly-scented blankets, the wood of the twin beds, bookshelves, and entertainment cabinet that my dad had made. as my sister and i grew up, i was usually the woodshop assistant, to help with setting long clamps, holding tape measures, bracing boards while they were being hammered into place, and walking plywood, in a straight and even path, into the table saw. i watched my dad create these pieces and then experienced them as a part of our lives growing up. it was the smell of home, and i missed my mother.
my friends' farm outside of Lawrence has also become a home over the last few years. it's a place i can go to get my hands dirty with earth, and put energy into something physical. armed with spade, shovel, and rake, i spent some time hacking, pulling, lifting, and pushing one part of a humongous compost pile onto another portion, grateful that i did not come face-to-face with snakes that might have been upset at my disruptions. happy to move and jump and grunt outdoors as the winter winds began blowing on my back, breathing in time to my movement as i celebrated life and earth and my embodiment of both. sweated in the sauna after darkness had come, listened to the wind howl, and dunked my head in cold water--icy tendrils pulling gasps from me, steam rising from my heated flesh. the smell of dried grass and promised snow. stars. and in the morning, there was white everywhere, dry and powdery, with the wind whipping it into drifts. we kneeled in the snow and tucked new blanket corners under limestone rocks to protect the row-covers from the dropping temperature, the wind playing havoc at every opportunity. it was wonderful.
i celebrated Yule, as is custom; gathering with my pagan family, giving thanks for the time we have together and all the blessings in our life, staying up all night, feasting, untangling a giant ball of yarn, hugs, and singing up the sun at dawn. as is custom, i call my dad after dawn, so that he can thank us for bring up the sun, and i can assure him that it will arrive on schedule in his time zone. then, giggling and exhausted, there is a breakfast, one last gathering before the holiday is concluded, and the rest of the world starts again.
it was great to visit with friends, some of whom i have known since high school. i never get to see everyone for every visit, but i spent a couple extra days in KS this time to catch up with some extra people. and with people you stay in regular contact with through the magic of technology, it's so warming just to share the same space and share absolute "real"-time. had a chance to join my bff's family tradition of the making of the tamales, which was tons of fun. and my interest in the process was well-rewarded with all the secret recipes! That's right, i now possess the knowledge to make authentic, Mexican tamales! *yum* and aside from the rocking bonus of getting to spend time with Crystal, her family has gotten used to me, and they are a blast to hangout with.
after some extra hangout time with C, i flew to Denver, CO. i arrived late in the evening, and proceeded by bus to Ft. Collins, where i was picked up by cousins and delivered to Loveland, CO, where Aunt Clara and Uncle Monty have established their elder hall. what followed were several jam-packed days of extreme, family fun-time. there were a dozen cousins in from other parts for Christmas (several from Texas, Hong Kong, and KS). my dad, their 'Uncle Ben' (technically 'Great Uncle Ben'), and my sis from Tucson, other first and second generation cousins in the area, and my aunt and uncle made for quite the Norman Rockwell moments. it was delightful! i did get peopled out by Christmas day, but i had such an amazing time. it was such a closeness; family is so special. i felt so moved when i looked around a room of about thirty people could see the history and kinship that exists. how inherently similar we all are, yet each unique and distinct. i feel so proud that all of my cousins are doing things that they are passionate about. My family, both immediate and entire, are so important to me, and i love any time that we get to spend together. this was the first time that some had been able to visit in 5 years. We are all such a part of each other, and warmth of togetherness for the Holidays was palpable. *ahh, warm and fuzzy*
oh, and there was lazer tag, which was excellent! second round was boys vs girls, and the ladies won! ;) my ladies so smart! Trina was a little hellion, no surprise. ;) vicious as a fox! we went to a really cool micro brew, and Uncle Monty brought us home growlers for dinner the next couple nights. we did a little hiking, which was so much fun. it was great to hear stories and share stories, and there were some great group hugs.
after all of this, i jumped into my dad's truck with Trina, and the three of us headed down to Tucson. we passed the semi-truck carrying the K-state football team's uniforms for the bowl they played, and that made Dad's day. Dad could tell he was getting sick on the ride down. then Trina came down with a nasty cold. both had fevers, and dad wasn't getting better, even after they put him on antibiotics. they were pretty sick the entire time i was visiting, which was a shame. i had one day where i needed to take a nap and had a short fever, but i didn't toss it or anything. we still had some good hangout times, and managed to go see the Hobbit. We listened to some recordings of grandma telling about her life (amazing woman!), and Trina found some old tapes that she and i had made when we were little (spectacular as well as poignant), and this was the first year that it was ok to actually talk about mom and have it not be too painful. i made my dad watch The Royal Tenenbaums, and he thought it was weird but enjoyed it. i was able to do a little hiking, but not much.
i left Tucson new year's morning, and that afternoon, Dad went to the hospital because he wasn't feeling any better and we were getting worried, i suppose his stubbornness finally wore out. it was really hard to not be there, but i would have just fussed over him until he yelled at me. he spent two days there before they finally found something that worked, and he is much recovered now. Trina kept me updated, and i made my way back to KS. it was great to come (second-)home to Crystal after all that adventuring, and decompress with her for an evening. originally, i would have driven home, but instead i lent Black Mamba, my truck, to my cousin for the next 5mos or so (fighting oil pipeline in TX). the next evening, i boarded an overnight bus, and headed for Chicago. got in at 6am, David was kind enough to pick me up. i dropped my things off at home, said hello to the kitties, changed into lawyering clothes, and headed downtown. so ensued a law-firm extravaganza that i have had little respite from. i will blog about those adventures on my semi-professional blog.
well, it's almost my birthday. soon i will be 31: strange to think about. i am in a much better place this year as compared to last, for which i am very grateful. but after all that people-time for three-weeks straight, followed by crazy-busy-ness; i'm pretty drained and need to recharge. i feel that i'm getting to where i need to be and i am loving the journey, but it is difficult and soul-consuming more often than not. i just hope i can keep up the pace and generate business that will sustain me so that i can keep giving back to the community. when i am stressed out, i have violent, epic dreams; with battles and monsters and armaments. i feel like i have so much responsibility in my waking and sleeping; i have been having a hard time finding my quiet space. i worry about failure and about letting down my family. i worry that what i am doing is not enough to generate positive change. i have a list three million miles long and it grows faster than i can finish tasks. but this is what they programmed me for in law school; to triage, to sustain under pressure, to dig deep and plow through till things are better. i read Ender's Game in Tucson; at least i don't have it that bad. my next big mile-marker is my trip to S.Korea at the end of Feb. it will be three-weeks with the wonderful Brendan.
spent nearly three weeks away from Chicago over the holidays. first time i'd been out of the city since Aug. what a relief. driving to Kansas, listening to music, skype chatting with Brendan, rolling into a place that felt normal and organic. Chicago is a city where the buildings are so close to the streets and sidewalks that you can literally smell the insides of the buildings as you pass. people crammed into every space; full of life and adventure. lifetimes could be spent exploring all the corners. a modern version of what i always imagined when our d&d characters came to a bustling, trade city. out of the city, the openness of the sky, the lack of people, the sheer space was such a contrast. i felt like i had laid a weight down by leaving the city, i felt a sense of belonging that i had not realized i had been missing. i drove into the sunset as i cut through Hannibal, MO on my way to I-35. The sun was a cherry red, the first time i had seen a sky full of stars since Aug, proudly accompanied by a brilliant, silver crescent.
i visited with a few friends, went to dad's storage unit to fetch an electric blanket he'd been wanting, and drove out to friends' farm before the winter storm warning started. After my mom died, dad packed up all the furniture, bought an rv, and hit the road with Mongo, our family dog. Opening that storage room smelled so familiar, my grandmother's cedar chest filled with richly-scented blankets, the wood of the twin beds, bookshelves, and entertainment cabinet that my dad had made. as my sister and i grew up, i was usually the woodshop assistant, to help with setting long clamps, holding tape measures, bracing boards while they were being hammered into place, and walking plywood, in a straight and even path, into the table saw. i watched my dad create these pieces and then experienced them as a part of our lives growing up. it was the smell of home, and i missed my mother.
my friends' farm outside of Lawrence has also become a home over the last few years. it's a place i can go to get my hands dirty with earth, and put energy into something physical. armed with spade, shovel, and rake, i spent some time hacking, pulling, lifting, and pushing one part of a humongous compost pile onto another portion, grateful that i did not come face-to-face with snakes that might have been upset at my disruptions. happy to move and jump and grunt outdoors as the winter winds began blowing on my back, breathing in time to my movement as i celebrated life and earth and my embodiment of both. sweated in the sauna after darkness had come, listened to the wind howl, and dunked my head in cold water--icy tendrils pulling gasps from me, steam rising from my heated flesh. the smell of dried grass and promised snow. stars. and in the morning, there was white everywhere, dry and powdery, with the wind whipping it into drifts. we kneeled in the snow and tucked new blanket corners under limestone rocks to protect the row-covers from the dropping temperature, the wind playing havoc at every opportunity. it was wonderful.
i celebrated Yule, as is custom; gathering with my pagan family, giving thanks for the time we have together and all the blessings in our life, staying up all night, feasting, untangling a giant ball of yarn, hugs, and singing up the sun at dawn. as is custom, i call my dad after dawn, so that he can thank us for bring up the sun, and i can assure him that it will arrive on schedule in his time zone. then, giggling and exhausted, there is a breakfast, one last gathering before the holiday is concluded, and the rest of the world starts again.
it was great to visit with friends, some of whom i have known since high school. i never get to see everyone for every visit, but i spent a couple extra days in KS this time to catch up with some extra people. and with people you stay in regular contact with through the magic of technology, it's so warming just to share the same space and share absolute "real"-time. had a chance to join my bff's family tradition of the making of the tamales, which was tons of fun. and my interest in the process was well-rewarded with all the secret recipes! That's right, i now possess the knowledge to make authentic, Mexican tamales! *yum* and aside from the rocking bonus of getting to spend time with Crystal, her family has gotten used to me, and they are a blast to hangout with.
after some extra hangout time with C, i flew to Denver, CO. i arrived late in the evening, and proceeded by bus to Ft. Collins, where i was picked up by cousins and delivered to Loveland, CO, where Aunt Clara and Uncle Monty have established their elder hall. what followed were several jam-packed days of extreme, family fun-time. there were a dozen cousins in from other parts for Christmas (several from Texas, Hong Kong, and KS). my dad, their 'Uncle Ben' (technically 'Great Uncle Ben'), and my sis from Tucson, other first and second generation cousins in the area, and my aunt and uncle made for quite the Norman Rockwell moments. it was delightful! i did get peopled out by Christmas day, but i had such an amazing time. it was such a closeness; family is so special. i felt so moved when i looked around a room of about thirty people could see the history and kinship that exists. how inherently similar we all are, yet each unique and distinct. i feel so proud that all of my cousins are doing things that they are passionate about. My family, both immediate and entire, are so important to me, and i love any time that we get to spend together. this was the first time that some had been able to visit in 5 years. We are all such a part of each other, and warmth of togetherness for the Holidays was palpable. *ahh, warm and fuzzy*
oh, and there was lazer tag, which was excellent! second round was boys vs girls, and the ladies won! ;) my ladies so smart! Trina was a little hellion, no surprise. ;) vicious as a fox! we went to a really cool micro brew, and Uncle Monty brought us home growlers for dinner the next couple nights. we did a little hiking, which was so much fun. it was great to hear stories and share stories, and there were some great group hugs.
after all of this, i jumped into my dad's truck with Trina, and the three of us headed down to Tucson. we passed the semi-truck carrying the K-state football team's uniforms for the bowl they played, and that made Dad's day. Dad could tell he was getting sick on the ride down. then Trina came down with a nasty cold. both had fevers, and dad wasn't getting better, even after they put him on antibiotics. they were pretty sick the entire time i was visiting, which was a shame. i had one day where i needed to take a nap and had a short fever, but i didn't toss it or anything. we still had some good hangout times, and managed to go see the Hobbit. We listened to some recordings of grandma telling about her life (amazing woman!), and Trina found some old tapes that she and i had made when we were little (spectacular as well as poignant), and this was the first year that it was ok to actually talk about mom and have it not be too painful. i made my dad watch The Royal Tenenbaums, and he thought it was weird but enjoyed it. i was able to do a little hiking, but not much.
i left Tucson new year's morning, and that afternoon, Dad went to the hospital because he wasn't feeling any better and we were getting worried, i suppose his stubbornness finally wore out. it was really hard to not be there, but i would have just fussed over him until he yelled at me. he spent two days there before they finally found something that worked, and he is much recovered now. Trina kept me updated, and i made my way back to KS. it was great to come (second-)home to Crystal after all that adventuring, and decompress with her for an evening. originally, i would have driven home, but instead i lent Black Mamba, my truck, to my cousin for the next 5mos or so (fighting oil pipeline in TX). the next evening, i boarded an overnight bus, and headed for Chicago. got in at 6am, David was kind enough to pick me up. i dropped my things off at home, said hello to the kitties, changed into lawyering clothes, and headed downtown. so ensued a law-firm extravaganza that i have had little respite from. i will blog about those adventures on my semi-professional blog.
well, it's almost my birthday. soon i will be 31: strange to think about. i am in a much better place this year as compared to last, for which i am very grateful. but after all that people-time for three-weeks straight, followed by crazy-busy-ness; i'm pretty drained and need to recharge. i feel that i'm getting to where i need to be and i am loving the journey, but it is difficult and soul-consuming more often than not. i just hope i can keep up the pace and generate business that will sustain me so that i can keep giving back to the community. when i am stressed out, i have violent, epic dreams; with battles and monsters and armaments. i feel like i have so much responsibility in my waking and sleeping; i have been having a hard time finding my quiet space. i worry about failure and about letting down my family. i worry that what i am doing is not enough to generate positive change. i have a list three million miles long and it grows faster than i can finish tasks. but this is what they programmed me for in law school; to triage, to sustain under pressure, to dig deep and plow through till things are better. i read Ender's Game in Tucson; at least i don't have it that bad. my next big mile-marker is my trip to S.Korea at the end of Feb. it will be three-weeks with the wonderful Brendan.