Transition, again
I’ve been trying to find a place where I fit. I’m trying to categorize myself, my life, my age. I’m taking a look at the markers in life and trying to decide that that’s where I’m at.
It’s just not happening.
After a short conversation with one of my teacher friends at the complex, I came upon a different way to look at things
Let’s throw out all of the stuff that is pre-adult; all the growing up stuff. So we begin adulthood at 18 years old, when we are supposed to be able to be responsible for ourselves (at least that’s what the law says). My daughter is in that category. She is almost 20. She was treated as an adult earlier on in her life because she was a responsible individual, for the most part. She was continually at odds with the legal system because it didn’t recognize her ‘adultness.’ And while she is old enough now to be considered an adult, she is still in that age that most ‘older’ adult people consider her to be suspect. She’s under 30. She has just begun her life as an adult and can’t possibly be given the respect that older adult people have naturally earned due to their more advanced age and experience. Never mind that she is an assistant manager for a 116 unit apt. complex. Forget that she has been managing partner in a small business for that past 4 years. Put aside the fact that she can build structures to code and figure out complicated angles for said structures, better than even some more experienced older builders. She has a credit score higher than mine. She pays her bills on time and still manages to have enough money to feed herself at the end of the month; (a feat that many older college students can’t seem to accomplish). This would be categorized as the maiden stage.
This age of young adult is very rarely taken seriously. And as experience and career and parenthood and financial stability begins to creep into the picture, they ARE taken more seriously. Looking at the successful Gen-X’ers out there that made their statements, businesses and places in the world during their young adult years, I had to add the financial stability aspect to the consideration…
Don’t get me wrong. Some people never get that respect. My fiancé is 38 and still feels like he doesn’t get the respect from the elder adult peoples of the world. During multiple conversations on the subject, he has stated time and time again that in his early 20 to 30’s, he was continually harassed by older people, the police, various authority figures… And I know that part of the reason for that is the air of rebellion that he wears on his sleeve. The long hair, the continual sneer, the perpetual attitude that people are out to fuck with him, are on display for everyone to see. It’s much like the rebellious attitude worn by disenfranchised youth. And while would I never advocate giving up the rebellion, (I have and still do rebel in my own way), at least from the outside, I look like the rest of the banal multitude and can get my foot in the door long enough to have my rebellion heard by the ‘normal’ banal masses.
I think the next phase of life occurs somewhere around 25-30. We establish careers. We have children. We have some life’s experience under our belts. We’ve built stuff. We’ve gone places. Bought things, done things… The ‘older’ adults look at us with a little more respect. We can tell tales about what we’ve done and be believed. When we talk about investments or business dealings or the newest computer program or the better cars on the market, and we will be listened to and considered. We are the mommies and daddies. We are doing what we can to succeed in this world. Some of us appear respectable and believable. And even if we aren’t altogether believable, at least we are old enough to be given pause to consider belief. It is a powerful age. This would be categorized as the mother phase.
I’ve always been lead to believe that that phase lasts until you’re 50-60. And then you pass into the crone phase. I don’t think that’s quite right. I really believe that there is a transitional phase between mother and crone and it hits somewhere in the 40’s. And not just for women.
And I view it as a potentially very powerful age. In “Fried Green Tomatoes”, there is a great quote. You’re too old to be young and too young to be old. It’s said in relation to menopause. But I’m not menopausal. Pre, maybe. But definitely not in menopause right now. And I’m not old. I can still run circles around my younger counterparts. I’m still flexible enough to put my palms flat on the ground with my knees straight even when my youngest daughter cannot -a fact that I am continually very proud of! I can still manage to subsist on 4-5 hours of sleep a night. I still don’t get sick much and I still heal fairly fast (although the aches and pains last a bit longer). When I have an opinion, a remedy, a plan, I’m listened to. My faculties are in order, more or less, although with the aid of more notes and lists than before. And best of all, I can still intimidate the little fuckers that want to ride their skateboards, bicycles, scooters, etc. through my complex. I can still walk through a dark parking lot at night feeling sure enough of myself and my abilities to defend myself because I’m not too old. I still ‘look’ like I can hold up my end in a fight. It’s an age where there is a great deal of solidity. And some excusable eccentricity.
Men, at this age, look more believable. Even if their hair is long and they are wearing jeans and a leather jacket. And cursing and swearing is somewhat excusable because you’re really too old to ‘correct.’ (Granted, the younger adults may give you a look if you’re within hearing distance of their kids…) And wild rebellious opinions are somewhat acceptable because of the age in which you grew up. I was born in the early 60’s. I can blame it on the hippies and free love and drugs and rock n’ roll and the war. As those born in the 70’s reach this age, they’ll be able to blame it on disco.
More to follow…
It’s just not happening.
After a short conversation with one of my teacher friends at the complex, I came upon a different way to look at things
Let’s throw out all of the stuff that is pre-adult; all the growing up stuff. So we begin adulthood at 18 years old, when we are supposed to be able to be responsible for ourselves (at least that’s what the law says). My daughter is in that category. She is almost 20. She was treated as an adult earlier on in her life because she was a responsible individual, for the most part. She was continually at odds with the legal system because it didn’t recognize her ‘adultness.’ And while she is old enough now to be considered an adult, she is still in that age that most ‘older’ adult people consider her to be suspect. She’s under 30. She has just begun her life as an adult and can’t possibly be given the respect that older adult people have naturally earned due to their more advanced age and experience. Never mind that she is an assistant manager for a 116 unit apt. complex. Forget that she has been managing partner in a small business for that past 4 years. Put aside the fact that she can build structures to code and figure out complicated angles for said structures, better than even some more experienced older builders. She has a credit score higher than mine. She pays her bills on time and still manages to have enough money to feed herself at the end of the month; (a feat that many older college students can’t seem to accomplish). This would be categorized as the maiden stage.
This age of young adult is very rarely taken seriously. And as experience and career and parenthood and financial stability begins to creep into the picture, they ARE taken more seriously. Looking at the successful Gen-X’ers out there that made their statements, businesses and places in the world during their young adult years, I had to add the financial stability aspect to the consideration…
Don’t get me wrong. Some people never get that respect. My fiancé is 38 and still feels like he doesn’t get the respect from the elder adult peoples of the world. During multiple conversations on the subject, he has stated time and time again that in his early 20 to 30’s, he was continually harassed by older people, the police, various authority figures… And I know that part of the reason for that is the air of rebellion that he wears on his sleeve. The long hair, the continual sneer, the perpetual attitude that people are out to fuck with him, are on display for everyone to see. It’s much like the rebellious attitude worn by disenfranchised youth. And while would I never advocate giving up the rebellion, (I have and still do rebel in my own way), at least from the outside, I look like the rest of the banal multitude and can get my foot in the door long enough to have my rebellion heard by the ‘normal’ banal masses.
I think the next phase of life occurs somewhere around 25-30. We establish careers. We have children. We have some life’s experience under our belts. We’ve built stuff. We’ve gone places. Bought things, done things… The ‘older’ adults look at us with a little more respect. We can tell tales about what we’ve done and be believed. When we talk about investments or business dealings or the newest computer program or the better cars on the market, and we will be listened to and considered. We are the mommies and daddies. We are doing what we can to succeed in this world. Some of us appear respectable and believable. And even if we aren’t altogether believable, at least we are old enough to be given pause to consider belief. It is a powerful age. This would be categorized as the mother phase.
I’ve always been lead to believe that that phase lasts until you’re 50-60. And then you pass into the crone phase. I don’t think that’s quite right. I really believe that there is a transitional phase between mother and crone and it hits somewhere in the 40’s. And not just for women.
And I view it as a potentially very powerful age. In “Fried Green Tomatoes”, there is a great quote. You’re too old to be young and too young to be old. It’s said in relation to menopause. But I’m not menopausal. Pre, maybe. But definitely not in menopause right now. And I’m not old. I can still run circles around my younger counterparts. I’m still flexible enough to put my palms flat on the ground with my knees straight even when my youngest daughter cannot -a fact that I am continually very proud of! I can still manage to subsist on 4-5 hours of sleep a night. I still don’t get sick much and I still heal fairly fast (although the aches and pains last a bit longer). When I have an opinion, a remedy, a plan, I’m listened to. My faculties are in order, more or less, although with the aid of more notes and lists than before. And best of all, I can still intimidate the little fuckers that want to ride their skateboards, bicycles, scooters, etc. through my complex. I can still walk through a dark parking lot at night feeling sure enough of myself and my abilities to defend myself because I’m not too old. I still ‘look’ like I can hold up my end in a fight. It’s an age where there is a great deal of solidity. And some excusable eccentricity.
Men, at this age, look more believable. Even if their hair is long and they are wearing jeans and a leather jacket. And cursing and swearing is somewhat excusable because you’re really too old to ‘correct.’ (Granted, the younger adults may give you a look if you’re within hearing distance of their kids…) And wild rebellious opinions are somewhat acceptable because of the age in which you grew up. I was born in the early 60’s. I can blame it on the hippies and free love and drugs and rock n’ roll and the war. As those born in the 70’s reach this age, they’ll be able to blame it on disco.
More to follow…