Fly away
Throughout my life, I've had the idea that maybe I could change things in my life if I just went away and started over. Job, lifestyle, past, whatever, could be erased if I just walked or flew away and went to a small town or even someplace very, very large that I could just fade into the populace...
It's a nice fantasy. Anonimity. Unfortunately, in this day and age, it's nearly impossible. There are numbers to track us. There are fingerprints. There are magnetic traces of our life in so many everyday things that we do. And there are other things...
It occurred to me as I was making dinner that I really can't just fly away and become anonomous.
And I'm pretty sure I've done it to myself, on purpose. I put myself into the middle of people's lives. Made myself needed by them; needed them for myself. I have animals that rely on me to be there to feed them and care for them. I have a job that is socially interractive because if I wasn't there, it would be noticed.
But the dream still remains...
Someday, I may just fly away to a far off place. Or maybe not so far off. I won't tell anyone. I'll just pack up and go. I just won't be where I'm supposed to be in everyone else's schedule or daily interractions. I'm pretty sure I'll call at some point to let my loved ones know that I'm alive, that I haven't been abducted or met with foul play. I'll probably leave a note: "Gone for a while. Be back soon-ish."
What's really bad about a dream like that is that I can see it playing out. I can see me actually doing it. And I can see the reprecussions of my actions; the worry that I would inflict on my family, the pain, the sense of loss by my pets, the increduality as to 'why' I felt the need to just disappear. I would be plagued with guilt. I wouldn't be able to keep it up. I'd have to come home, have to establish contact, have to take responsibility for doing making people worry.
But that dream still remains...
Maybe someday.
It's a nice fantasy. Anonimity. Unfortunately, in this day and age, it's nearly impossible. There are numbers to track us. There are fingerprints. There are magnetic traces of our life in so many everyday things that we do. And there are other things...
It occurred to me as I was making dinner that I really can't just fly away and become anonomous.
And I'm pretty sure I've done it to myself, on purpose. I put myself into the middle of people's lives. Made myself needed by them; needed them for myself. I have animals that rely on me to be there to feed them and care for them. I have a job that is socially interractive because if I wasn't there, it would be noticed.
But the dream still remains...
Someday, I may just fly away to a far off place. Or maybe not so far off. I won't tell anyone. I'll just pack up and go. I just won't be where I'm supposed to be in everyone else's schedule or daily interractions. I'm pretty sure I'll call at some point to let my loved ones know that I'm alive, that I haven't been abducted or met with foul play. I'll probably leave a note: "Gone for a while. Be back soon-ish."
What's really bad about a dream like that is that I can see it playing out. I can see me actually doing it. And I can see the reprecussions of my actions; the worry that I would inflict on my family, the pain, the sense of loss by my pets, the increduality as to 'why' I felt the need to just disappear. I would be plagued with guilt. I wouldn't be able to keep it up. I'd have to come home, have to establish contact, have to take responsibility for doing making people worry.
But that dream still remains...
Maybe someday.