Nov 26, 2007 18:15
I feel like I've totally lost my bearings. I change my mind daily about what really matters in life, I can't come up with any system of values to determine what matters to me. I go back and forth about school, relationships, art, politics, just about everything. I guess I'm just overwhelmed by the fact that I really can do just about anything with with my life, it's so wide open.
An example of the micro level: This morning I agreed to do lighting design for the big end of semester dance showcase, at the expense of most of my free time in the next 2 weeks. Yeah, the tech department here is pretty fuckin lame, but either way, it's good experience. And just 6 hours later, I'm thinking how nice it would be just to have a little extra free time to hang out with friends, read, whatever.
And on a larger scale, should I stay here next year? If not, should I go to art school, or somewhere I can do more theatre, or should I just travel or find an interesting job to work?
Until pretty recently, I hadn't quite realized how many possibilities there are for the rest of my life. It's a rather incredible gift, an intense privilege. Just I have no idea what to do with it.