Preface: Dichotomoy
The Thought Process:
A glimpse into thought patterns displayed consistently over time.
1.
It is believed that many of the inconsistencies found in my character are explainable with a model that reflects the vastness of responses by challenging the variation. All cases seem to suggest that two extremes exist within the whole.
Analogically speaking, these two "parties" act out various positions in an attempt at total control of the self. This grapple between reality results in a tragic stalemate that is most easily displayed as cautious optimism and enthusiastic pessimism.
The Optimist.
The optimist is an internal expression that represents the inner child. The optimist is a dramatic figure, hopeful in nature and utterly unaware of limitations. Many characteristics of the optimist include ambitious goals, cautious calculation, and a highly competitive spirit. The Optimist believes in himself, believes in his ability and the expansion upon but has a dark side that reflects the egotistical nature of the subject matter at hand. Optimism breeds this sort of ego, and many of the actions that the optimist suggests are usually in contempt of others.
The Pessimist:
The pessimist decides that inaction is better than failure. Failure is a constant focus in the eye of the pessimist, and the need to control the amount of failure is necessary for survival. Sacrificing opportunity in the name of not failing is an option willing to take. The pessimist is determined to self-preserve, to keep conservative in hopes in order to prevent a loss of control. Even in the most distant relation, the pessimist has little to do to accomplish its goals. It merely opposes any notion that the optimist is right and uses countless past examples to bolster the position. What the pessimist does best is keeping the optimist in check, however with this power comes corruption. The Pessimist has no inner drive and is prone to becoming static in fear of losing whatever it obtained before. The loss of good is too high of a price if it means preventing any new events to bolster confidence.
The issue with these two sides comes at a standstill: the pessimism guards any sort of humility and empathy left in my character. My pessimism keeps my ego in check. I have guilt for my ego and I despise how I am not considerate of others when I let my ego rein. My optimist self cannot relinquish this ego, because the ambitious goals that are set require an ego of a large nature in order to even attempt the goals themselves.
Thus an impasse: It appears that if I become the inner optimist, I will become a hapless jerk who only self serves my goals and discounts those around me. In turn I can accomplish some of my wildest dreams (see ambitions chapters 3 & 4 section II). However my inner pessimist tries hard to maintain my ego in a way that will allow me to be social with others. The sad tradeoff is that I don't feel capable of accomplishing anything because my inner pessimist convinces me otherwise. Thus my current state: endless depression from not chasing my dreams because I fear that doing so will unleash an inner bastard who will destroy and deter all those that I love from ever wanting to associate me, if not permanently condemning me to a life of a hermit.
A glimpse into thought patterns displayed consistently over time.
1.
It is believed that many of the inconsistencies found in my character are explainable with a model that reflects the vastness of responses by challenging the variation. All cases seem to suggest that two extremes exist within the whole.
Analogically speaking, these two "parties" act out various positions in an attempt at total control of the self. This grapple between reality results in a tragic stalemate that is most easily displayed as cautious optimism and enthusiastic pessimism.
The Optimist.
The optimist is an internal expression that represents the inner child. The optimist is a dramatic figure, hopeful in nature and utterly unaware of limitations. Many characteristics of the optimist include ambitious goals, cautious calculation, and a highly competitive spirit. The Optimist believes in himself, believes in his ability and the expansion upon but has a dark side that reflects the egotistical nature of the subject matter at hand. Optimism breeds this sort of ego, and many of the actions that the optimist suggests are usually in contempt of others.
The Pessimist:
The pessimist decides that inaction is better than failure. Failure is a constant focus in the eye of the pessimist, and the need to control the amount of failure is necessary for survival. Sacrificing opportunity in the name of not failing is an option willing to take. The pessimist is determined to self-preserve, to keep conservative in hopes in order to prevent a loss of control. Even in the most distant relation, the pessimist has little to do to accomplish its goals. It merely opposes any notion that the optimist is right and uses countless past examples to bolster the position. What the pessimist does best is keeping the optimist in check, however with this power comes corruption. The Pessimist has no inner drive and is prone to becoming static in fear of losing whatever it obtained before. The loss of good is too high of a price if it means preventing any new events to bolster confidence.
The issue with these two sides comes at a standstill: the pessimism guards any sort of humility and empathy left in my character. My pessimism keeps my ego in check. I have guilt for my ego and I despise how I am not considerate of others when I let my ego rein. My optimist self cannot relinquish this ego, because the ambitious goals that are set require an ego of a large nature in order to even attempt the goals themselves.
Thus an impasse: It appears that if I become the inner optimist, I will become a hapless jerk who only self serves my goals and discounts those around me. In turn I can accomplish some of my wildest dreams (see ambitions chapters 3 & 4 section II). However my inner pessimist tries hard to maintain my ego in a way that will allow me to be social with others. The sad tradeoff is that I don't feel capable of accomplishing anything because my inner pessimist convinces me otherwise. Thus my current state: endless depression from not chasing my dreams because I fear that doing so will unleash an inner bastard who will destroy and deter all those that I love from ever wanting to associate me, if not permanently condemning me to a life of a hermit.