Fic - For What It's Worth (19/25)
Title: For What It's Worth
Chapter: 19/25
Rating: M
Ship: James/Kendall, Logan/Camille, side Carlos/Dak, Carlos/Lucy, Jett/Mercedes, and Guitar Dude/Jennifers
Summary: AU. Kendall was a dancer when he was a kid, but when his dad unexpectedly passed away, he had to give it up. He becomes a bit of a stoner, and ends up in a little trouble, and his mother decides that she doesn't want her son living that life. So the Knights pick up and move all the way across the country, to L.A. That's where Kendall meets his cousin, Camille, her boyfriend, Logan, the wacky dresser and actor, Carlos, and, among them all, James. James is a ballet dancer with more ambition than Kendall's ever known. Though the two of them do not get along at first, James finally convinces Kendall to use his natural talent, rather than waste it, and they find each other as kindred spirits, and eventually, lovers. This doesn't come without difficulties. With James' ex-partner, Mercedes; the pompous actor-extraordinaire, Jett, and even Kendall's best friend, Joseph (Guitar Dude) getting in the way. But in may not be a person that come between them. It may be the actual thing that brings them together that splits them apart.
Artwork By:thilia
Beta: jblostfan16
Author's Note: This is my bigtimebang. Woo! I had been playing with this idea for awhile when this finally came around and then Cassie convinced me to do it. And it kinda got away from me. Lol! But anyway, I won't ramble. Strap in. It's a long ride.
Chapter Nineteen
“D-dude! What are you doing here?!”
“I see you got dolled up to see me,” Joe pushed his sunglasses up, sliding the hair back away from his scruffy face. “Bring it in, man!”
And Joseph was hugging him. Kendall’s heart soared momentarily. He was hugging his friend. His friend that had been relatively absent from his life for months. And with all the ridiculousness going on around him, the whirlwind that was his life, it sure felt good to be grounded with Joseph, just for a second.
And then it all exploded again.
“Seriously, dude. Not that I’m not happy to see you, but… why are you here?”
Joseph grinned. “I ran away, man. I came out here to play guitar. And to be with you!”
“Wh-what?” Kendall stared, his jaw hanging open. “But, wait… wait a second.”
“Dude, New York is awesome, but not without you there. Besides, I got tired of being told what to do all the time. I just wanna play guitar, man. So I’m out here. Gonna take my shot at the big time.” He paused, looking Kendall up and down. “Jesus fucking Christ, dude. What happened to you?”
“What do you mean?”
Kendall looked down at the bruises James had left on his ribs, the large violet line across his back. He didn’t realize he was in such bad shape.
“Dude, were you in a car accident? What the hell happened to you?”
Kendall flushed. “Uhhh… it’s a long story.”
“Well,” Joseph swung an arm around Kendall’s shoulders. “Why don’t you take me into this mansion of yours and tell me all about it. Because now that I’m here, there’s no way in hell you’re ignoring me now.”
…
Kendall didn’t exactly want to come clean to Joseph about how his life had been going the past few months. After all, Joe had already complained that Kendall might have been replacing him, and, yeah, Kendall had to admit that he did to a degree. He wasn’t proud of it, but such was the case. And suddenly with his life going crazy, there Joe was with open arms, ready to pick of the pieces.
It made Kendall feel like an asshole.
“So what gave you the idea to, you know. Run away?”
“Dude, that phone call a while back? I didn’t hear anything from you and you wouldn’t answer my texts or calls. I was worried.”
Kendall grimaced, shamefaced.
“Well, that, and I turned eighteen.”
Kendall felt worse. He’d even missed his best friend’s birthday.
“Dude, don’t look so sad. Do you remember what happens when I turn eighteen?” After Kendall failed to come up with an answer, Joseph did it for him. “I cashed out my trust fund. I’m loaded. I can get an apartment and furniture and all kinds of shit and my dad and stepmom can’t do shit about it.”
“Dude…” Kendall stared, a little worried at what the outcome would be.
“Don’t worry about it.”
“You’re walking around with who knows how much cash in your pocket. That’s not safe.”
“Well, I guess we need to go to the bank and open an account for me then, huh?”
“I’m… sorry for worrying you,” Kendall finally admitted with a sigh.
“It’s fine. I always worry about you, man. What had you so upset anyway?”
Kendall shook his head. “It’s… it’s complicated.”
Joe flopped down on Kendall’s bed, running his hand over the blanket, almost like he knew something important had taken place there. “I have time. Talk to me, bro. It’s been too long.”
Kendall sighed, sitting down next to him. “I’m… in love.”
Joseph furrowed his brows. “You’re shitting me.”
“I wish I was.”
Joe leaned back on his hands. “How do you know for sure?”
“I don’t know… I just… know, I guess.” Well, that made no sense. Kendall mentally slapped himself.
“So who is it?” A twinge of jealousy flitted over Joe’s features, and Kendall didn’t miss it as much as he wanted to. “Who’d you fall for in the past few months you’ve been here?”
Kendall sighed. “It’s not a stupid thing, I swear. He just-“
“Wait, hold up. He?” Joe looked scandalized. “I didn’t know you liked cock, man. Have you been secretly pining after my skinny ass all these years?”
“What? No!”
“Well, don’t act so offended.”
“I’m not-I mean you’re not--- I mean, you totally are--- ugh.”
Joseph gave Kendall a wry smile, his eyes twinkling. “I’m just messing with you bro. Relax.” He paused. “So my boy finally got some ass. Or gave some ass, judging by the way you’re walking. Kendall, you whore.”
“Fuck off, man,” Kendall laughed. Then he flinched as he shifted because it still did hurt to move.
“Apparently you like it rough.”
“Not this rough. Things are a little… er… crazy right now. James’ dad refuses to let his son be gay, so that kind of gets in the way.”
“James huh?” Joseph looked a little wistful. “That’s the name of the guy you’re in love with.”
“Yeah… that’s him.”
“Does he love you back?”
“What?”
“Does he love you back,” Joseph said again. “Like. Do you know?”
“He said he does. He’s just confused at what to do. His dad is a monster, man.”
Joe folded his legs under him. “So you took off to Malibu a while back. I’m guessing you’ve made a lot of friends.”
“I’m sorry, Joe.”
“Don’t be sorry, dude. You’re an awesome person. I expected you to make friends.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I guess I was just used to having you all to myself. And that’s my bad. But don’t shut me out anymore, okay? You don’t have an excuse. I’m here now, and I’m not leaving.”
Kendall sighed. “Okay. Okay. I’m sorry.”
It felt good to clear the air. He had a lot on his plate still, but guilt over Joseph was pretty much off the table.
They spent the rest of the evening catching up. Joe had a little bit of stash left after driving cross-country, and they shared it in good company. With a little bit of buzz on him, Kendall felt a lot better.
…
“I think I’m gonna do it, guys. I think I’m gonna drive down there over Christmas and ask him to be my boyfriend.”
Carlos kept talking about Dak. Kendall was actually a little embarrassed. Joe had no clue who Dak was, and probably didn’t really care at the same time, but Carlos couldn’t shut up about him. Kendall briefly wondered if Carlos talked about all the people he cared about with such fervor. Camille was perfectly welcoming to Joe, and Logan disappeared with him a couple of times during the evening and came back talking nonsense. Joe told Kendall he definitely approved of a stoner med-student.
“He blows my mind, man. How can you be that fucking smart? I don’t even know.”
It was an interesting evening, Kendall combining old friends and new. James, of course, was mysteriously out of the picture. He hadn’t seen him for two days. His wounds healed, but his heart didn’t. He felt like James had panicked and taken his father’s side, disappearing forever.
Their project was unfinished. Kendall thought about trying to do it himself, but he wasn’t sure if he had the heart to do it. His heart felt like it was splitting in two, as much as he tried to hide it. He thought he’d lost James forever.
Until he got home.
James was standing on the doorstep, looking like he hadn’t slept since the last time they’d met. His hair was sticking out at odd angles, and his face was drawn and oily. He was dressed in old dirty sweats, his arms crossed over his chest like he was freezing even though it wasn’t cold.
“…Is that your Romeo, dude? I’d say you could do better.”
“James?!” Kendall rushed over to him, his heart a roar in his ears. “What are-what are-“
“I broke up with Mercedes,” James breathed.
“What?” Kendall felt his heart skyrocket.
“I broke up with her. I… I want to be with you. I- I have to-“ James grabbed Kendall by the face and kissed him in front of everyone. Kendall was certain his face was bright red by the time he pulled away.
“Ohmygodohmygod!” Carlos shrieked. “THIS IS HUGE.”
“What about your dad?” Kendall asked.
“He doesn’t know. I can’t tell him, Kendall.” He looked so upset and bothered. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I hurt you. I’m so sorry.” He threw his arms around Kendall and held him there for what felt like ages.
“It’s okay, James. It’s okay. Are you okay, though?”
“Y-yeah. I’m fine.” He was lying. Kendall let him. He was just happy he was back.
“So… er… hi.”
Kendall perked at Joseph’s voice. James turned and looked at him, puzzled.
“I’m Joe.”
“Oh, uh…” James looked sheepish, like he’d just realized that he was among company. “Hi. James. I’m James.”
“I’ve heard,” Joe replied smoothly, looking amused.
They got along massively well. Kendall was almost shocked at how easily James and Joseph carried on conversation. Joe’s lackadaisical demeanor seemed to fit in well to James’ massive determination. And Joe had a passion for music that rivaled James’ for dance. He played songs and the group sang and danced around the house all night until Kendall’s mom and Camille’s dad got home from work. It was fun. Kendall felt his shoulders easing. He looked forward to the holidays, spending them with his friends. And James.
He laced his fingers with James’ when they all settled in front of the TV for a monster movie marathon, and Kendall didn’t care who saw. Even when his mom shot him an intrigued glance, he just smiled at her dreamily.
By the last week of school before holidays, James and Kendall had pieced together a large amount of their dance - though they had the tendency to get a little distracted at times, sharing private little kisses and more on their own time. They had avoided that lift in lieu of other things, but when the time came to show what they had come up with, they danced with more fervor and emotion than Kendall had ever expressed. No movement felt rehearsed. He felt like he was being guided by strings, moving to the rhythm of his own heart. He didn’t want to let James down. He didn’t want to stop touching him. He kept gravitating to him, moving gently around him, never breaking eye-contact. It was intense and passionate and far different than he’d ever known.
Camille and Carlos had cut the last ten minutes of their classes to watch from the doorway. When Kendall and James struck the lift, Camille cried. Kendall’s head flew back, then forward, craning over James’ body, eager as he slid down his form, all grace and balance and everything James wanted for his masterpiece. He even thought briefly about kissing him, but Mercedes had a trained eye on him, brows furrowed. He didn’t care. His whole world was right there with him. When the dance ended, he was in James’ arms, balanced and nearly parallel with the floor.
Mr. X was impressed. Actually, he was enthralled. He clapped dramatically and waved a handkerchief and proudly yelled Bravo! Bravissimo! They were officially Exquisite.
“Ah, my darlings, my darlings,” Mr. X cooed, as if they were his children. “I look forward to your auditions for Julliard in the spring. You will be exceptional.”
Kendall smiled in spite of himself. He still hadn’t decided whether or not to audition. But James… he lit up like a Christmas tree. He looked a little stunned with himself, as if he had no clue that he was even capable of what he’d just done. Kendall had known all along.
“Hey,” Mercedes said, walking up to Kendall, glaring.
“Yeah?” Kendall asked, in too good a mood to let her ruin it.
“…Good job,” she sneered.
She looked James up and down. “Your dad going to see this?”
“No.”
James dad probably didn’t even know James had broken up with Mercedes. It was likely that lie was the only thing keeping him in the class.
“Too bad.” Mercedes made a face that made the phrase sound like a threat. Kendall didn’t like her tone.
“Yeah, it really is,” Kendall said.
…
Christmastime in L.A. was different than New York. Normally there was at least a foot of snow on the ground, and the city was gleaming with Christmas-lights. L.A. was a bit more commercialized than NYC, and brisk if anything. It was hardly cold. The sun was shining and people were still out and about. Joseph was a bit out of his element. He’d been on his own for a little less than a month, and he seemed to be longing for a chill on his back. He was keeping busy, however. Three girls named Jennifer were in and out of his life all the time. They were all pretty, but Kendall kept getting them confused. Joe said he couldn’t figure out which one he liked more. Kendall didn’t really think it made a difference. Joe was never an exclusive kind of guy anyway.
They all had dinner at Carlos’. The Garcias insisted that Kendall and Camille and their families join them. Kendall was amazed at how warm and inviting it was there. Not that Carlos wasn’t an exuberant production of what his family’s love had created. He had two younger brothers, Pablo and Emilio; and a sister, Rosita - who Joe kept trying to hit on, even though she was in college. The food was fantastic and the company was even better. James couldn’t keep his hands off of Kendall. When he caught Kendall under the mistletoe, Kendall’s mom started giggling and ushered him away for just a moment.
“So when are you going to tell me about you two, hm?”
Kendall blushed.
“Honey, I’m happy for you. But don’t go overboard, okay?”
“Mom, it’s Christmas,” Kendall argued. “Everyone goes overboard.” He laughed and kissed her cheek and went back to his boyfriend, feeling happier than he had in a long time.
They did their dance for the party guests and Camille cried again because she was a sap, and then snuck off to be alone for a while. James looked a little melancholy as they slipped out the back door and into the gazebo in Carlos’ back yard.
“What’s wrong?” Kendall asked, his arm around James’ waist.
“It’s nothing,” James sighed. “I just… I wish I could be like this around my family, you know? I wish my family could be like this. My mom and dad… ever since the divorce… they can’t even be in the same room together.” He paused. “You know… you know how people always tell you, when your parents get divorced, that it’s not your fault?”
Kendall nodded.
“Well, it’s not true for me. I know it was. They fought over me. 24-7, 365, until Mom couldn’t take it anymore. I don’t know. I guess I just thought if I could be what my dad wanted, maybe everything would be okay…. But I can’t really do that either without lying. I’m just tired. That’s all.”
Kendall frowned, but James shook it off. “But enough with the dramatics. I’ve got your present.”
“What is it?”
James pulled out a little gift bag and dug inside of it, retrieving a little silver hoop between his thumb and index finger. “It’s a promise ring. I know. It’s stupid. But…” He placed it in Kendall’s palm. “I know that you’re worried I’m going to hop up and leave. I don’t want you to think about that anymore. So. This ring is my promise to you; that by the end of the school year, I will tell my dad everything, come hell or high water. And I’m going to be the best dancer in the world.” He ran a hand over Kendall’s cheek. “I know I can be. I… I have a muse.”
Kendall was a little overwhelmed. He didn’t really have a gift that could compare to what James had offered. It wasn’t the promise ring. It was the promise itself. He knew what it entailed. It meant his father being out of his life, a blacked out star in the sky. And even with the guy being such a horrible person, even after claiming time and time again that he would do the same, Kendall couldn’t fathom having his father out of his life by choice. Never by choice. Never without circumstance.
“James… this is…”
“A lot, I know. But… I’m happy with you. I feel like dancing all the time when I’m with you. My dad… he tears me down and tears me down and… I can’t do it anymore, Kendall. I need someone to support my dreams, not squash them. I can’t walk away from this, and I can’t walk away from you. You’ve… you’ve changed me. I’ve never felt this brave before.”
It was funny, because Kendall had never felt more terrified for James.
He put his hands on the side of James’ neck and leaned his forehead against the other boy’s. “Whatever you need me to do, just say it. I’ll do it.”
He knew he was jumping in the deep end. But if James was willing to risk it all, Kendall sure as hell was going to do it too. He had to live up to his words.
Love was just a crazy emotion. It was a no-holds-barred, jump in with both feet without looking thing. He knew that it was dangerous, trusting that much of his heart to someone. No one was guaranteed their investment back. But he didn’t care in that moment. Not one little bit.