For Wilson, at the apartment, NFB, and please no interruptions

[gotcanewillpoke]

House lay in the bed until he simply couldn't stand it any more. His body felt heavy, and he ended up crawling on all fours -well, three- to get to the bathroom. His mouth felt dry and disgusting, and he brushed his teeth even though he hadn't eaten, and wouldn't eat. Couldn't eat. The very thought of food made him nauseous, and he threw up in the

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[dr_jwilsonmd]

The noise, the sound of happy party goers had finally gotten the better of him and Wilson had left the park. Shoulder's hunched and eyes cast downward, he'd made it out of Faire without anyone really recognizing or stopping him and though he'd been tempted to walk over to the shop, the check ... to see if Aziraphale was alive or dead he'd eventually turned and walked away.

He was bloodstained, heartbroken and caught in a well of despair with walls so high he didn't think he could see a way out. That wouldn't do Phale any good.

The oncologist wandered about, he could easily have gone into one of the diners, gotten himself something to eat but he'd only bothered to get coffee, the hot beverage helping to chase away a little bit of the numbing cold that had settled into his bones over the long night.

Sitting on a low retainer wall, finishing his coffee, Wilson knew he had to go back to the apartment. He had to face House, if for no other reason then to get his toothbrush if the older man still insisted on throwing him out.

I

[gotcanewillpoke]

By that time, he'd gone cross eyed staring at the door. He blinked, rapidly, several times. There were dried tear tracks on his cheeks, and his right hand gripped his pill bottle so tightly he'd cracked it.

For a tense moment as the door opened, he thought maybe it was Angelus coming back to...take care of the witnesses, ot whatever, and he would have welcomed it. What he saw instead...broke his heart all over again.

Wilson looked...positively broken. Destroyed from the inside out. And House knew, whatever had happened in town, his rejection the day before had been the final straw.

"James." Was all he said. One word. His lover's name. His voice cracked terribly, he sounded like a pubescent teenager. "James."

[dr_jwilsonmd]

Wilson looked up and a guarded expression entered his eyes as he physically braced himself for another onslaught.

Part of him had been hoping that House would be in the Clinic, seeing to the discharge of their patients, while another part of him was begging to find House exactly where he was, sitting...safe in the chair but...maybe waiting for him?

Wrapping his leather jacket tightly around himself, Wilson moved on into the small apartment. He wanted to say something feisty like...he'd come to get his toothbrush, he wanted to throw himself down on the floor beside House's chair and hold onto his legs, hide his face in the good thigh and beg House to forgive him.

In the end, all he could was stand there, at the end of the couch, his voice hoarse, raw and barely more than a whisper from the night of begging people, screaming at Angel, crying and sleeping out in the open.

"I should...have cleaned this up, before I left. I'm sorry."

[gotcanewillpoke]

"Is it why you came back?" House asked, voice low and rumbly, eyes searching Wilson's face. "Because...I'm...if you had..." He closed his eyes. Words weren't coming out right because his thoughts were spinning all over and around themselves in his brain, and had nothing to do with how much Vicodin he'd consumed over the last 24 hours.

He jerked the foot rest of his chair down and set his bare feet on the floor. Sheer will and determination helped him lurch to his feel, and he put his arms out to catch his balance.

"Come to me. I can't...walk on it."

[dr_jwilsonmd]

It was as instinctive as breathing, responding to that bad leg and Wilson took a step, then hesitated then...when House asked him to come to him there was no way the oncologist could stay away.

Taking two quick steps, he closed the distance between them -it really was a smally apartment- arms going around the older man's waist to brace him. House felt so warm against him, Wilson knew he had to feel like some sort of ice cube himself, the leather holding the cold that radiated off his skin.

"You shouldn't be on it." The words were instinctive. "You've been using it too much this weekend."

[gotcanewillpoke]

House's eyes closed as Wilson slid his arms around him, embraced him. "So cold," he murmured, and it wasn't just the chill of his skin.

At Wilson's words, he looked up, blue eyes burning brightly. He'd taken so damn many pills he'd lost count, and the effect was complete numbness of the leg. he could feel it, enough to know it was there, but he wasn't feeling any pain. At all.

Only in his heart. In his soul.

His hands went up to Wilson's cheeks, into his hair. Stroking, caressing. Trying to give warmth. He was still so very confused about the contract, but instinctively he knew...he knew Wilson did what he thought he had to, for whatever reason. That didn't make it okay, but it was a place to work from. They could talk about it later. Right now...Wilson needed warmth.

"Tell me none of this blood is yours."

[dr_jwilsonmd]

In his own way, Wilson felt as numb as House's near dead leg. He knew it was a combination of exhaustion and dehydration combined with emotional stress and numerous adrenaline crashes but it was so impossible to think straight anymore.

At least, he's not pushing me away...calling me Doctor...

Brown eyes blinked a couple of times, dumbly at the question before Wilson could bring himself to look away from those blue eyes he loved so much. The blue eyes that had held such contempt and confusion and anger last night, emotions Wilson wasn't used to having associated with himself.

House's eyes really could cut souls.

"No. It's...a student was sword fighting at the Renn Faire and cut through his wrist...then, Angel..."

No need to explain that further, right? Wilson hoped not he didn't think he could.

[gotcanewillpoke]

House nodded. One of his hands fell to find Wilson's, to link fingers.

"I was so afraid you wouldn't come back..." His eyes closed and he tipped his head foreward, forehead against Wilson's for just a moment before he straighted and looked into his face once again.

House, do you think I have sad eyes?

Sad wasn't even the word now. Broken. Lost. Stripped raw.

House licked his lips, they were so dry. And then...gently, ever so fgently, he leaned i, right hip seeking support against Wilson's body, and softly, so softly, kissed him lover's lips.

"I'm sorry." The murmur was so low, so throaty, House wans't even sure he'd said it out loud in the moment before his lips touched Wilson's.

[dr_jwilsonmd]

Wilson's lips trembled beneath the feather light touch of House's mouth against his own. Had he gone to sleep on the bench after all? No, couldn't have...the warmth was too real and the night had been too cold.

The words I'm sorry were rare from Greg House's lips and Wilson felt them touch him past the numbness he was huddled within.

One arm still bracing that bad side, Wilson reached up and stroked his fingers against his lover's stubbled jaw, as if testing the reality of the moment.

"House?" He whispered, questioningly...frightened. A cry into a dark night where he couldn't find the way out.

[gotcanewillpoke]

House drew back from the kiss, but kept his body close. "Bedroom...so I can sit down. So you can sit down." Since the couch was out of the question until it was cleaned

[dr_jwilsonmd]

Confusion was plain on Wilson's face as he looked down at his lover.

"Hate you?" It was getting hard to talk but he pushed through it. "I don't hate you, House. I love you."

How had that ever been a question? Wilson closed his eyes, using the point where his hands reasted on House's warm cheeks as a way to anchor himself. Taking a breath, mustering up what strength he had, Wilson set his feet apart in a stance House would recognize as a way to keep himself upright no matter what.

Opening his eyes, he looked down at his lover with utter confusion in his gaze.

"You're right...to be angry but it's so much more complicated, House. I wish I could...I've spent part of the night trying to...think of something to help you understand...so you won't hate me so much but I can't explain it to you. If you want answers, you're going to have to look for them on your own."

[gotcanewillpoke]

House moved his hands to Wilson's hips, an after a moment, gently prodded him in to sitting on the bed beside him

[dr_jwilsonmd]

Wilson was greatful for the urge to sit and he landed heavily on the bed. He was going to have to get up, go to the bathroom, shower and try to chase away the physical chill...and probably drink half the contents of the pipes but for the moment, the most important thing was to sit next to House.

Sit next to House and...shyly...lay his head on his lover's shoulder. There was still a hint of fear there, concern that House would pull away again, "You're not better than Stacy.", raced through his mind and he had to close his eyes against it.

It would take time, he was so damn torn between utter devestation that when he'd needed House, he'd unwittingly made his lover so angry that he couldn't help him.

"I feel so utterly forsaken." Wilson whispered. He would have understood, exactly how alone House felt last night.

[gotcanewillpoke]

House's eyes closed briefly. Just long wnough to take a breath.

"What I said to you..." You're no better than Stacy "...I didn't mean it." His voice was very low, and threaded with apology and guilt and shame. "I said a lot of things...I shouldn't have said." But he knew WIlson knew exatcly what he was referring to. Notihng hurt as bad as that. Because Stacyhad utterly destroyed him, years earlier. And Wilson had been the one left to pick up the pieces.

"I don't deserve you, love. And you deserve so much more than me. But I love you, more than I even realised because last night when you were...gone...and I didn't know where you were..." He paused, eyes searching Wilson's face. "I didn't know if you'd do something stupid like I was thinking about...or if somethng would happen to you out there, or if you'd walk away from here and never come back..."

His lip and jaw trembled. "I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't come back, James."

[dr_jwilsonmd]

"It hurt." Wilson whispered and there was a hint of a sob in his tone. He didn't say it to make House feel worse or more guilty or to hurt House in return. He said it because it was the truth and one thing Gregory House had always prized above all else, was the truth

[gotcanewillpoke]

House listened to Wilson talk, pained by his words, and entranced by his voice. It was heartbreak and desperation at every turn, and somewhere along the way, House shifted and nearly lay against Wilson on the matress, keeping upright just enough that Wilson's head remained on his lap, and pausing only when Wilson reached for the water, House stroked and caressed his hair and the side of his face