Getting caught up
[Edited 1:47 PM. Man, how do you get mouseover into underlined text on these things?]
*Establishing shot of the Compy 386. Strong Bad crashes through the ceiling and lands in front of the computer table. He holds up one boxing glove weakly.*
...okay, big brother, I'll do your alphabet homework...
*The Cheat comes strolling up.* "Ma baba?"
*Strong Bad bolts upright, or at least to a sitting position.* Oh! The Cheat! Now I remember what he was talkin' about! The Cheat, take a letter to Pom Pom's mom and dad. *The Cheat hops up on the stool in front of the Compy. Strong Bad clears his throat and begins dictating for The Cheat to type*
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Pom,
We are pleased to report that our earlier announcement of the fatal puncturing of your son Pom Pom was in error. He is alive and well and was recently seen drinking in a bar at the end of the universe, where he in no way kicked the ever-lovin' snot out of us this time either. We are sure you will be pleased to hear this, and that your son will be pleased to learn that we have corrected our error.
In the royal We,
Strong Bad
supreme dictator-for-life, Strong Badia
president, the Limozeen Fan Club of Free Country USA
There. That ought'a do it. Now print it out, and I'll sign it, and we can mail it off to the Isle of Poms. While it's printing, go get the envelope ready, and the stamps.
"Mah!" *The Cheat hits the Print Screen key and strolls off. The letter starts printing.*
A Week or So Later...
*Strong Bad comes in and sits down in front of the Compy.*
Ooh, I'd better check my email. It must have been pilin' up while I was away. And it sure feels like Monday in my head.
aDear Strong Bad,
Who has had the most influence on your life?
Sorry for the delay,
rohandove
Don't you two read anything I ever wrote? Señor Cardgage all the way, baby!
DELETED!
Dear Strong Bad,
Do you consider yourself to be adventurous?
As always,
rohandove
Jeez, I dunno which of you has the comprehension problem still, Roh or Ove. "Do I consider myself adventurous?" Might as well ask if I consider myself to be Strong Bad. Adventurous is my middle name, baby! [OOC: If this were a regular Strong Bad email, clicking on the words "middle name" would pop up the image of a Free Country USA driver's license made out to "Strong Adventurous Bad". The name "Adventurous" appears to have been scribbled in with a felt-tip pen.] Let me demonstrate some more with some of the scenes I've filmed for the eagerly-awaited Dangeresque 3-D: Danger in Your Face, Dude!
[BLACK SCREEN. Suddenly, the lights come on it Dangeresque's office. They have been turned on by DANGERESQUE, played by Strong Bad with cool shades.]
DANGERESQUE: What the crap?
[The office has been ransacked. RINALDO, Dangeresque's partner, played by COACH Z in a turban with a fez on top of it, lies on the floor looking wounded.]
DANGERESQUE: Rinaldo! Rinaldo, are you gonna be all right, man? Who got the briefcase full of money?
RINALDO [weakly]: ...bleak...
DANGERESQUE: Yeah, it looks bleak for both of us.
VOICE (O/C): Very bleak, Dangeresque!
[Dangeresque turns and looks. In the shadow of the doorway stands a THUG with a machine gun. The gun's muzzle seems to fill the camera. Dangeresque turns and looks at the window.]
DANGERESQUE: Looks like I'm gonna have to jump...!
[He jumps out the window. Cut to: exterior view, looking up the side of a building (which appears to be made of cardboard). Dangeresque plummets toward the camera, looking like STRONG SAD with a paper bag over his head. He lands with a thud. Jumpcut, and Dangeresque looks like Strong Bad again as he gets up.]
DANGERESQUE: Time to hit the streets.
[CUT TO: a dark alley. Dangeresque wanders around looking moody.]
VOICE (O/C): I heawd you need a pawtnew, Dangewesque.
[DANGERESQUE turns to face the speaker who looks like HOMESTAR RUNNER wearing cool shades.]
DANGERESQUE: Dangeresque Too?
DANGERESQUE TOO DANGERISTIC: It's Dangewistic now.
DANGERESQUE: You wanna be my partner? Okay, but we gotta beat the snot outta each other first. Because that's what hard-edged heroes do.
[A Matrix-esque fight scene ensues, sometimes with Dangeresque beating up on Strong Sad in a red shirt Dangeristic, sometimes with Dangeristic beating up on Strong Sad with a paper bag over his head Dangeresque.]
DANGERESQUE [panting]: Okay. We're partners. Now let's go get that briefcase full of money.
[DR. BLEAK, who looks like STRONG SAD with a monocle, strokes his The Cheat pet leopard as CUTESY BUTTONS (played, as always, by MARZIPAN) looks on.]
CUTESY BUTTONS: Why are you doing this, Doctor Bleak?
DR. BLEAK STRONG SAD: Well, I figured I'm going to get beaten up for this movie anyway, so I may as well get to have fun some of the time.
STRONG BAD (OC): CUT!
[STRONG MAD starts to come on camera. Jumpcut. Dr. Bleak suddenly looks roughed up.]
CUTESY BUTTONS: Why are you doing this, Doctor Bleak?
DR. BLEAK (flatly): I hate love. I hate joy. I love money.
[Jumpcut. Dangeresque and Dangeristic burst into Dr. Bleak's lair.]
DANGERISTIC: Okay, Doctow Bleak. Hand ovew that bwiefcase full of money!
DR. BLEAK: Fools! The money is already spent! Spent on bringing the product of my genius to life! [pulls a lever] Behold... MEGA-MECHA-KILLINGYOUGUY!
[MEGA-MECHA-KILLINGYOUGUY, looking remarkably like Strong Mad made up to look like a robot, towers over a cityscape that appears to be made of cardboard. Camera zooms in on his forehead.]
[CUT TO: a CONTROL ROOM. The normal-sized Killingyouguy (also played by Strong Mad) sits at the controls.]
KILLINGYOUGUY: I FORM DA HEDD!
[CUT TO Dangeresque and Dangeristic, standing on a rooftop, looking up way up as a shadow looms over them.]
DANGERISTIC: Uh-oh. This does not look good for Dangewistic.
DANGERESQUE: I agree. Looks like
DANGERESQUE & DANGERISTIC: we're gonna have to jump...!
And if you think that looked exciting, wait'll you see it with both projectors rolling! You'll pay for the whole seat, but you'll only need...the edge!
So, until next time, write if you get work, and hang by your thumbs!
[Chime! The Paper drops.]
Muse: Strong Bad
Fandom: Homestar Runner
Word Count: about a thousand, I dunno
*Establishing shot of the Compy 386. Strong Bad crashes through the ceiling and lands in front of the computer table. He holds up one boxing glove weakly.*
...okay, big brother, I'll do your alphabet homework...
*The Cheat comes strolling up.* "Ma baba?"
*Strong Bad bolts upright, or at least to a sitting position.* Oh! The Cheat! Now I remember what he was talkin' about! The Cheat, take a letter to Pom Pom's mom and dad. *The Cheat hops up on the stool in front of the Compy. Strong Bad clears his throat and begins dictating for The Cheat to type*
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Pom,
We are pleased to report that our earlier announcement of the fatal puncturing of your son Pom Pom was in error. He is alive and well and was recently seen drinking in a bar at the end of the universe, where he in no way kicked the ever-lovin' snot out of us this time either. We are sure you will be pleased to hear this, and that your son will be pleased to learn that we have corrected our error.
In the royal We,
Strong Bad
supreme dictator-for-life, Strong Badia
president, the Limozeen Fan Club of Free Country USA
There. That ought'a do it. Now print it out, and I'll sign it, and we can mail it off to the Isle of Poms. While it's printing, go get the envelope ready, and the stamps.
"Mah!" *The Cheat hits the Print Screen key and strolls off. The letter starts printing.*
A Week or So Later...
*Strong Bad comes in and sits down in front of the Compy.*
Ooh, I'd better check my email. It must have been pilin' up while I was away. And it sure feels like Monday in my head.
aDear Strong Bad,
Who has had the most influence on your life?
Sorry for the delay,
rohandove
Don't you two read anything I ever wrote? Señor Cardgage all the way, baby!
DELETED!
Dear Strong Bad,
Do you consider yourself to be adventurous?
As always,
rohandove
Jeez, I dunno which of you has the comprehension problem still, Roh or Ove. "Do I consider myself adventurous?" Might as well ask if I consider myself to be Strong Bad. Adventurous is my middle name, baby! [OOC: If this were a regular Strong Bad email, clicking on the words "middle name" would pop up the image of a Free Country USA driver's license made out to "Strong Adventurous Bad". The name "Adventurous" appears to have been scribbled in with a felt-tip pen.] Let me demonstrate some more with some of the scenes I've filmed for the eagerly-awaited Dangeresque 3-D: Danger in Your Face, Dude!
[BLACK SCREEN. Suddenly, the lights come on it Dangeresque's office. They have been turned on by DANGERESQUE, played by Strong Bad with cool shades.]
DANGERESQUE: What the crap?
[The office has been ransacked. RINALDO, Dangeresque's partner, played by COACH Z in a turban with a fez on top of it, lies on the floor looking wounded.]
DANGERESQUE: Rinaldo! Rinaldo, are you gonna be all right, man? Who got the briefcase full of money?
RINALDO [weakly]: ...bleak...
DANGERESQUE: Yeah, it looks bleak for both of us.
VOICE (O/C): Very bleak, Dangeresque!
[Dangeresque turns and looks. In the shadow of the doorway stands a THUG with a machine gun. The gun's muzzle seems to fill the camera. Dangeresque turns and looks at the window.]
DANGERESQUE: Looks like I'm gonna have to jump...!
[He jumps out the window. Cut to: exterior view, looking up the side of a building (which appears to be made of cardboard). Dangeresque plummets toward the camera, looking like STRONG SAD with a paper bag over his head. He lands with a thud. Jumpcut, and Dangeresque looks like Strong Bad again as he gets up.]
DANGERESQUE: Time to hit the streets.
[CUT TO: a dark alley. Dangeresque wanders around looking moody.]
VOICE (O/C): I heawd you need a pawtnew, Dangewesque.
[DANGERESQUE turns to face the speaker who looks like HOMESTAR RUNNER wearing cool shades.]
DANGERESQUE: Dangeresque Too?
DANGERESQUE TOO DANGERISTIC: It's Dangewistic now.
DANGERESQUE: You wanna be my partner? Okay, but we gotta beat the snot outta each other first. Because that's what hard-edged heroes do.
[A Matrix-esque fight scene ensues, sometimes with Dangeresque beating up on Strong Sad in a red shirt Dangeristic, sometimes with Dangeristic beating up on Strong Sad with a paper bag over his head Dangeresque.]
DANGERESQUE [panting]: Okay. We're partners. Now let's go get that briefcase full of money.
[DR. BLEAK, who looks like STRONG SAD with a monocle, strokes his The Cheat pet leopard as CUTESY BUTTONS (played, as always, by MARZIPAN) looks on.]
CUTESY BUTTONS: Why are you doing this, Doctor Bleak?
DR. BLEAK STRONG SAD: Well, I figured I'm going to get beaten up for this movie anyway, so I may as well get to have fun some of the time.
STRONG BAD (OC): CUT!
[STRONG MAD starts to come on camera. Jumpcut. Dr. Bleak suddenly looks roughed up.]
CUTESY BUTTONS: Why are you doing this, Doctor Bleak?
DR. BLEAK (flatly): I hate love. I hate joy. I love money.
[Jumpcut. Dangeresque and Dangeristic burst into Dr. Bleak's lair.]
DANGERISTIC: Okay, Doctow Bleak. Hand ovew that bwiefcase full of money!
DR. BLEAK: Fools! The money is already spent! Spent on bringing the product of my genius to life! [pulls a lever] Behold... MEGA-MECHA-KILLINGYOUGUY!
[MEGA-MECHA-KILLINGYOUGUY, looking remarkably like Strong Mad made up to look like a robot, towers over a cityscape that appears to be made of cardboard. Camera zooms in on his forehead.]
[CUT TO: a CONTROL ROOM. The normal-sized Killingyouguy (also played by Strong Mad) sits at the controls.]
KILLINGYOUGUY: I FORM DA HEDD!
[CUT TO Dangeresque and Dangeristic, standing on a rooftop, looking up way up as a shadow looms over them.]
DANGERISTIC: Uh-oh. This does not look good for Dangewistic.
DANGERESQUE: I agree. Looks like
DANGERESQUE & DANGERISTIC: we're gonna have to jump...!
And if you think that looked exciting, wait'll you see it with both projectors rolling! You'll pay for the whole seat, but you'll only need...the edge!
So, until next time, write if you get work, and hang by your thumbs!
[Chime! The Paper drops.]
Muse: Strong Bad
Fandom: Homestar Runner
Word Count: about a thousand, I dunno