gah with depression-ness
i just spent the entire day with anita and it was WONDERFUL!!
except i kept having depressive bouts...
but he's got a real one
and mine's from the store
why is it so lonely
in between a boy and a girl
they're so glued down
in this world
and what it means
i'm trans
all of that
i'm trans
all of that
gender i'm a bender
you know...since i was a kid i remember wanting to be a boy.i remember throwing away dolls (except for my wizard of oz ones...HOMO!), spitting on dresses, chasing the girls around the playground...so much.
i hated that i was a 'girl' and i still hate being female.
i dont feel comfortable with myself. i dont like myself. i dont like having to choose from a form 'female', when i feel 'male' inside.
and i even get it from other people.
'erin doesnt count as a girl' - travish
'erin, you are a man, except for the tits and pussy' - nita
'its nice to have a young gentleman around' - lady i held the door open for
'this is a woman's restroom' - manager at borders
all the signs point in the wrong direction to the way i was made. i'm tired of it.
and all the surgerys give you something that doesnt work.
why have it than?
the hormone treatments put you through premature menopause, which leads to bone deficiencies, high risk of breast and cervical/ovarian cancer, blood clots, and a load of other problems.
and anita....
i dont want to alienate her. that is the LAST thing i want. she is here for me, every time i break down about it. i know she is a lez. she screams lez.
and i know she loves me.
i want to keep that.
i mean, even if i could get it to work...than she would have to get used to it too. i know how much she loves (i'll keep it PG) having fun with my junk...and i dont even approve of the BJ...but would she enjoy me different?
thats the biggest thing on my mind. i know she will love me, but would she be attracted to me? would we still have the amazing sex life we have?
i know sex isnt everything...and i do love her...but there are things i know i can give her that turn her to putty in my hands...i love giving her the gift of lovemaking, for that is what it truly is.
and if she is uncomfortable, or if they cant make it perfect, i stay gender queer...maybe lob the sisters off...(goodness, mercy, the house of the lord, valley of the shadow of death....puerto rican monkeys are funny!)
i just...i dont like me
except i kept having depressive bouts...
but he's got a real one
and mine's from the store
why is it so lonely
in between a boy and a girl
they're so glued down
in this world
and what it means
i'm trans
all of that
i'm trans
all of that
gender i'm a bender
you know...since i was a kid i remember wanting to be a boy.i remember throwing away dolls (except for my wizard of oz ones...HOMO!), spitting on dresses, chasing the girls around the playground...so much.
i hated that i was a 'girl' and i still hate being female.
i dont feel comfortable with myself. i dont like myself. i dont like having to choose from a form 'female', when i feel 'male' inside.
and i even get it from other people.
'erin doesnt count as a girl' - travish
'erin, you are a man, except for the tits and pussy' - nita
'its nice to have a young gentleman around' - lady i held the door open for
'this is a woman's restroom' - manager at borders
all the signs point in the wrong direction to the way i was made. i'm tired of it.
and all the surgerys give you something that doesnt work.
why have it than?
the hormone treatments put you through premature menopause, which leads to bone deficiencies, high risk of breast and cervical/ovarian cancer, blood clots, and a load of other problems.
and anita....
i dont want to alienate her. that is the LAST thing i want. she is here for me, every time i break down about it. i know she is a lez. she screams lez.
and i know she loves me.
i want to keep that.
i mean, even if i could get it to work...than she would have to get used to it too. i know how much she loves (i'll keep it PG) having fun with my junk...and i dont even approve of the BJ...but would she enjoy me different?
thats the biggest thing on my mind. i know she will love me, but would she be attracted to me? would we still have the amazing sex life we have?
i know sex isnt everything...and i do love her...but there are things i know i can give her that turn her to putty in my hands...i love giving her the gift of lovemaking, for that is what it truly is.
and if she is uncomfortable, or if they cant make it perfect, i stay gender queer...maybe lob the sisters off...(goodness, mercy, the house of the lord, valley of the shadow of death....puerto rican monkeys are funny!)
i just...i dont like me