I just want you to fight for it: A Stefan/Elena versus Damon/Stefan meta
Recently I have seen this take in fandom that Stefan ~selling his soul for Damon in ‘As I Lay Dying’ is proof that Stefan loves his brother more than he loves Elena. As in, Stefan was willing to do anything to save his brother versus his perceived passivity when it came to “saving” Elena from Klaus. And I just can’t get onboard with this theory? Granted I ship Stefan/Elena like it’s my job, but I also love the screwed up co-dependence between the Salvatore brothers. And one thing I’ve always appreciated about the show is that we’re not just talking about a ~who will she choose~ love triangle, but a love triangle among three people who all love each other in different and complicated ways.
I don’t like putting Stefan’s actions into such stark terms-as in, he loves Damon MORE or the MOST because he sold his soul to save him in 2x22. For me, it’s not really about loving someone less or more but loving people in different ways. Yes, Stefan made different choices when it came to Damon and Elena, but I think each choice he made reflects the very different relationship he has with each person. Stefan and Elena have a different dynamic from Damon and Stefan-and that’s how it SHOULD be. Stefan and Elena are in a romantic relationship based on the idea of equals and partners making decisions together whereas Stefan and Damon have an incredibly screwed up 150+ year history of co-dependence and misery. What works in the Stefan/Elena relationship (i.e. sitting around in a house talking about their issues until they work things out) is simply not going to work in the Damon and Stefan relationship.
ANYWAY I figured this would give me a chance to have some Stefan babble (I am always happy to do so) and explode Stefan/Elena feelings all over the place (also always happy to do so).
First, my unpopular opinion time: I sort of loved Stefan’s arc in S2? Yes, I would have been delighted had he had more screentime. I disliked that the writers introduced some mini arcs at the beginning of the season and then dropped them. And I agree with fans who say his role was mostly relegated to being Elena’s boyfriend. BUT I STILL LOVED IT. In shows where women play supporting roles to men all the time, I honestly didn’t mind that Stefan spent a lot of the season playing a supporting role to Elena’s Leading Woman. And I actually think he grew a lot in his relationship with Elena, in a way that both surprised and pleased me.
It’s my decision, Stefan. Please respect it.
Flawless ship is.... mostly flawless.
Oh my god I love them. I didn’t always love them, though, and the one criticism of Stefan/Elena I will never have a good response to is “But they were so rushed in the beginning.” And.... yeah, they were. In fact, I didn’t even really start shipping them until we got to the Established Relationship stage because Stefan/Elena in their falling in love stage was sort of baffling and less interesting to me. I still feel like I “get” it, though? It was rushed, but it wasn’t quite insta!love (though it definitely skirted the line). Girl liked boy because she thought he was hot (which is fair when you’re in high school) and boy liked girl because he had secretly been stalking her for months (this will never make me not laugh because everything about Stefan is the opposite of the creepy stalker type - THERE NEEDS TO BE FIC ABOUT THIS TIME PERIOD). They connected because they each knew what it was like to feel loss in their life. Elena felt like Stefan understood her grief for her parents and the fact that she could never quite return to being Queen Bee Elena Gilbert. And ultimately, with Stefan she could feel happiness again, helping to fill the void that her parents left behind. That’s why she fell in love with him.
So while I get their attraction, I wish the writers had spent more time on it. On the other hand, the plot and the show improved so much once Elena was immersed in the vampire world. I wonder if there were just more/better stories to tell with them together as a couple and the writers felt like they couldn’t afford a season long build-up. I mean, can you imagine if by episode 10 Elena was still going, “WHY IS THE NEW BOY SO GOOD AT FOOTBALL? HOW BAFFLING.” I probably would not have kept watching that show tbh.
Despite it all though, I came out of S1 shipping them like burning. They were so unexpectedly cute and functional and Stefan was such a good boyfriend despite being a vampire. S2, though? Stefan/Elena in S2 was near flawless. So flawless that I have barely written any fic for them-and this is the thing, my entire purpose in life is to write fic for my fandoms. THAT IS WHAT I HAVE ALWAYS DONE. First comes a fandom, next comes the shipping, and then comes the fic. Bam. Clockwork. Except I don’t have to write any fic for Stefan/Elena because the writers gave me so much canon fodder that there wasn’t any need to.
Always the Protector
Stefan went through a journey in his relationship with Elena over the course of S2. Sometimes I feel like this gets unfairly overlooked when fans accuse Stefan of being ‘passive’ with regards to Elena and Klaus at the end of S2. Stefan as the guy who is willing to stand back and cede to Elena’s decisions (even when that means Elena is putting her life in danger) is not the guy we started the season with:
Damon: Are you sure you want to do this?
Stefan: Yeah, I’m certain I want to do it.
Damon: Because if we go in that house, we may not come back out.
Stefan: Alright, then I won’t come out.
Damon: So noble, Stefan.
Stefan: I can’t think of a better reason to die but if you want to stay here, I totally understand.
-2x08 ‘Rose’
Stefan: Listen to me, whatever she said to you is a lie. Do not listen to her. She’s a liar, Elena.
Elena: What if she isn’t? You didn’t hear what she said.
Stefan: You don’t have to worry, I’m not going to let anything happen to you.
Elena: That’s the problem. You won’t, but you’ll die trying, and how is that any better?
.....
Katherine: Always the protector, but even you must realize that she’s doomed.
-2x09, Katerina
Stefan: Keep Elena way from here.
Damon: Yeah, ‘cause that will be easy.
Stefan: Promise me. No matter what happens, you’ll protect her.
Damon: I promise.
-2x10, The Sacrifice
I found this over-protective streak of Stefan’s both endearing and annoying in equal measure. Endearing because aww, he just wants to protect the girl he loves (*shippy arm flail*). Annoying because eww, that is so paternalistic and heavy-handed.
I keep coming back to Katherine’s line in 2x09: Always the protector. THAT IS SO STEFAN TO ME. That is the role he’s carved out for himself-not just for Elena, but for everyone around him. He will do anything to keep Damon safe, even after everything Damon has done to him in the last 145 years. He will cradle Caroline in a bathroom and promise her it will be okay. And how many times has Stefan calmly been willing to sacrifice his own life if it meant protecting Elena (or protecting Jeremy or protecting Jenna)? Countless times.
But this is 2011 and not 1864. Elena isn’t someone who will idly sit by in her glass case and be protected while Stefan nobly lays down his life for hers. The defining moment in S2 for their relationship is the 2x14 - 2x15 arc. By the end of ‘Crying Wolf,’ I honestly did not think they could be further apart. Stefan was right to call Elena out for being a martyr and willing to sacrifice herself (and he was even right about it being different for him because he’s already lived) and she was right that it was her autonomy and her choice and the people SHE loved she was trying to protect. 2x15 is actually amazing to me because we get to watch two people on TV have this ongoing argument about something important and worthwhile without any threat of them breaking up or without it descending into petty jealousies and past arguments. STEFAN/ELENA, WHY SO CONSISTENTLY FLAWLESS.
And then somehow they come to a compromise:
Elena: You know, you guys want me to fight, fine, I’ll fight. But if we’re going to do this, you can’t keep anything from me anymore. From this moment on, we’re doing it my way.
Damon: That seems fair.
Stefan: Okay.
Elena: Okay.
2x16, The Dinner Party
THIS IS THE DEFINING MOMENT. This moment explains their choices when it comes to Klaus and each other for the rest of the season. HE JUST WANTED HER TO FIGHT FOR IT. AND SHE WILL. AS LONG AS HE PROMISES TO DO IT “HER” WAY.
And they stick to it. Elena makes her own decisions and Stefan backs her up. And I think for Stefan, this is one of the hardest things he has ever had to do in his relationship with Elena. I know some fans question whether his motivations were really because he respects her agency or because he was afraid she would break up with him-but I don’t really care? I suspect it’s a mix of both. But he steps back and lets her take control because she’s his partner and they’re trying to build a relationship based on respect and equality. This is Elena’s life that is in danger-not Stefan’s. How she responds SHOULD be her choice, it’s her body, her autonomy, and not his. THIS IS WHAT THEY’RE ABOUT. And I think he learned so much this season about what it means to be in a relationship between equal partners where he can’t just unilaterally take the bullet for her and be a martyr and hero. Actually, in contrary to the part of fandom that accuses him of being “passive,” I would say that for Stefan, stepping back was actively something that took a lot of strength of will and character. It would have been so much easier on him if she had just let him martyr himself for her.
Sometimes I think I might just be interpreting things differently from the rest of fandom? Like there seems to be this idea that Elena was jumping off a cliff and Stefan was standing there passively going “BYE HAVE A GOOD SUICIDE.” But in mind that was taken care of in The Dinner Party? The deal that Elena made with Elijah did resemble “giving up”-and Stefan DOES call her out for it. But instead of locking her up or imposing his will on her, they talk it out, they argue it out, and Elena finally decides that she will fight for her life. That’s what they do for the rest of the season. Elena fights for her life and Stefan supports her and it is one of the best/most delightful/most empowering things I’ve ever seen.
You are not allowed to feel my guilt
Stefan: It’s not over. There might be a cure, but I have to find Klaus to get it.
Elena: No. He’s gonna kill you.
Stefan: No, he had the chance to kill me, but he didn’t. Whatever Damon’s done, whatever has led him here, I’m the one that made him become a vampire in the first place. So if there’s a chance for a cure, I owe it to him to find it.
-2x22, As I Lay Dying
I know I have been saying this a lot, but: DEFINING MOMENT. WHATEVER DAMON’S DONE, WHATEVER HAS LED HIM HERE, STEFAN BELIEVES THAT IS HIS FAULT. Omg, these two. So messed up and complicated.
I really don’t think it’s as easy as Stefan simply loving Damon “more” than Elena. I think in Stefan’s mind, Elena is the love of his life-absolutely. But on the other hand, Stefan has this MASSIVE guilt complex because of what he did to Damon 145 years ago. He really believes that everything Damon has done, every life Damon has taken, every decision Damon has made, ultimately falls on his shoulders-because STEFAN is the reason Damon is a vampire.
Damon apologism makes me crazy (HE KILLED ELENA’S BROTHER, WHY DOES NO ONE EXCEPT ME AND THREE OTHER PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET REMEMBER THIS), but Stefan is Damon Apologist Number One and I get it from him, I do. Because in Stefan’s mind, whatever Damon has done is ultimately on him. And because Stefan feels responsible for taking Damon away from his humanity-so if there’s even a small chance that Stefan can salvage some of Damon’s humanity and give him another chance, he will do anything to make it happen.
This isn’t a relationship where Damon and Stefan can sit in a house for 24 hours and work out all their issues and come to a compromise-that’s not how they work. They’re not a relationship based on mutual respect and partnership. Their relationship is based on 145 years of manipulation and, at times, outright misery. They love each other somewhere underneath it and I think both of them secretly harbour the desire to just be BFFs and brothers again but I honestly don’t know how capable Stefan is of untwining his love for Damon from his guilt.
So I don’t think it’s as simple as Damon coming first for Stefan. So many of Stefan’s actions for his brother come from Stefan’s own desire to make up for what he did to his brother and to help him find his humanity again. Guilt is a powerful motivation. Stefan made Damon become a vampire in the first place and he owes him.
Elena’s line... or there is no line
Damon and Stefan don’t get all the dark and twisty stuff, though. I love Stefan/Elena for how healthy and functional they can be, I do, and The Last Day will always feel like the greatest gift for my inner shipper, but.... I’m ready for Stefan/Elena to go to a dark place next season. I want to know what Elena’s line is-and if she even has one when it comes to people that she loves (I’m thinking ‘no.’) If there is any complaint I have about Stefan/Elena in S2 is that sometimes it seemed like Elena took Stefan for granted-she generally expected him to fall in line behind her with no complaints. And that’s fine. But I want to see how far she will go for him (I WANT IT TO BE FAR) and if she can love him in spite of/despite seeing what he’s really and truly complicated. And if Stefan can accept that love even after he’s in his right mind again. Basically there are a lot of interesting/dark possibilities that can be explored and I want the writers to BRING IT. *grabby hands*
I don’t like putting Stefan’s actions into such stark terms-as in, he loves Damon MORE or the MOST because he sold his soul to save him in 2x22. For me, it’s not really about loving someone less or more but loving people in different ways. Yes, Stefan made different choices when it came to Damon and Elena, but I think each choice he made reflects the very different relationship he has with each person. Stefan and Elena have a different dynamic from Damon and Stefan-and that’s how it SHOULD be. Stefan and Elena are in a romantic relationship based on the idea of equals and partners making decisions together whereas Stefan and Damon have an incredibly screwed up 150+ year history of co-dependence and misery. What works in the Stefan/Elena relationship (i.e. sitting around in a house talking about their issues until they work things out) is simply not going to work in the Damon and Stefan relationship.
ANYWAY I figured this would give me a chance to have some Stefan babble (I am always happy to do so) and explode Stefan/Elena feelings all over the place (also always happy to do so).
First, my unpopular opinion time: I sort of loved Stefan’s arc in S2? Yes, I would have been delighted had he had more screentime. I disliked that the writers introduced some mini arcs at the beginning of the season and then dropped them. And I agree with fans who say his role was mostly relegated to being Elena’s boyfriend. BUT I STILL LOVED IT. In shows where women play supporting roles to men all the time, I honestly didn’t mind that Stefan spent a lot of the season playing a supporting role to Elena’s Leading Woman. And I actually think he grew a lot in his relationship with Elena, in a way that both surprised and pleased me.
It’s my decision, Stefan. Please respect it.
Flawless ship is.... mostly flawless.
Oh my god I love them. I didn’t always love them, though, and the one criticism of Stefan/Elena I will never have a good response to is “But they were so rushed in the beginning.” And.... yeah, they were. In fact, I didn’t even really start shipping them until we got to the Established Relationship stage because Stefan/Elena in their falling in love stage was sort of baffling and less interesting to me. I still feel like I “get” it, though? It was rushed, but it wasn’t quite insta!love (though it definitely skirted the line). Girl liked boy because she thought he was hot (which is fair when you’re in high school) and boy liked girl because he had secretly been stalking her for months (this will never make me not laugh because everything about Stefan is the opposite of the creepy stalker type - THERE NEEDS TO BE FIC ABOUT THIS TIME PERIOD). They connected because they each knew what it was like to feel loss in their life. Elena felt like Stefan understood her grief for her parents and the fact that she could never quite return to being Queen Bee Elena Gilbert. And ultimately, with Stefan she could feel happiness again, helping to fill the void that her parents left behind. That’s why she fell in love with him.
So while I get their attraction, I wish the writers had spent more time on it. On the other hand, the plot and the show improved so much once Elena was immersed in the vampire world. I wonder if there were just more/better stories to tell with them together as a couple and the writers felt like they couldn’t afford a season long build-up. I mean, can you imagine if by episode 10 Elena was still going, “WHY IS THE NEW BOY SO GOOD AT FOOTBALL? HOW BAFFLING.” I probably would not have kept watching that show tbh.
Despite it all though, I came out of S1 shipping them like burning. They were so unexpectedly cute and functional and Stefan was such a good boyfriend despite being a vampire. S2, though? Stefan/Elena in S2 was near flawless. So flawless that I have barely written any fic for them-and this is the thing, my entire purpose in life is to write fic for my fandoms. THAT IS WHAT I HAVE ALWAYS DONE. First comes a fandom, next comes the shipping, and then comes the fic. Bam. Clockwork. Except I don’t have to write any fic for Stefan/Elena because the writers gave me so much canon fodder that there wasn’t any need to.
Always the Protector
Stefan went through a journey in his relationship with Elena over the course of S2. Sometimes I feel like this gets unfairly overlooked when fans accuse Stefan of being ‘passive’ with regards to Elena and Klaus at the end of S2. Stefan as the guy who is willing to stand back and cede to Elena’s decisions (even when that means Elena is putting her life in danger) is not the guy we started the season with:
Damon: Are you sure you want to do this?
Stefan: Yeah, I’m certain I want to do it.
Damon: Because if we go in that house, we may not come back out.
Stefan: Alright, then I won’t come out.
Damon: So noble, Stefan.
Stefan: I can’t think of a better reason to die but if you want to stay here, I totally understand.
-2x08 ‘Rose’
Stefan: Listen to me, whatever she said to you is a lie. Do not listen to her. She’s a liar, Elena.
Elena: What if she isn’t? You didn’t hear what she said.
Stefan: You don’t have to worry, I’m not going to let anything happen to you.
Elena: That’s the problem. You won’t, but you’ll die trying, and how is that any better?
.....
Katherine: Always the protector, but even you must realize that she’s doomed.
-2x09, Katerina
Stefan: Keep Elena way from here.
Damon: Yeah, ‘cause that will be easy.
Stefan: Promise me. No matter what happens, you’ll protect her.
Damon: I promise.
-2x10, The Sacrifice
I found this over-protective streak of Stefan’s both endearing and annoying in equal measure. Endearing because aww, he just wants to protect the girl he loves (*shippy arm flail*). Annoying because eww, that is so paternalistic and heavy-handed.
I keep coming back to Katherine’s line in 2x09: Always the protector. THAT IS SO STEFAN TO ME. That is the role he’s carved out for himself-not just for Elena, but for everyone around him. He will do anything to keep Damon safe, even after everything Damon has done to him in the last 145 years. He will cradle Caroline in a bathroom and promise her it will be okay. And how many times has Stefan calmly been willing to sacrifice his own life if it meant protecting Elena (or protecting Jeremy or protecting Jenna)? Countless times.
But this is 2011 and not 1864. Elena isn’t someone who will idly sit by in her glass case and be protected while Stefan nobly lays down his life for hers. The defining moment in S2 for their relationship is the 2x14 - 2x15 arc. By the end of ‘Crying Wolf,’ I honestly did not think they could be further apart. Stefan was right to call Elena out for being a martyr and willing to sacrifice herself (and he was even right about it being different for him because he’s already lived) and she was right that it was her autonomy and her choice and the people SHE loved she was trying to protect. 2x15 is actually amazing to me because we get to watch two people on TV have this ongoing argument about something important and worthwhile without any threat of them breaking up or without it descending into petty jealousies and past arguments. STEFAN/ELENA, WHY SO CONSISTENTLY FLAWLESS.
And then somehow they come to a compromise:
Elena: You know, you guys want me to fight, fine, I’ll fight. But if we’re going to do this, you can’t keep anything from me anymore. From this moment on, we’re doing it my way.
Damon: That seems fair.
Stefan: Okay.
Elena: Okay.
2x16, The Dinner Party
THIS IS THE DEFINING MOMENT. This moment explains their choices when it comes to Klaus and each other for the rest of the season. HE JUST WANTED HER TO FIGHT FOR IT. AND SHE WILL. AS LONG AS HE PROMISES TO DO IT “HER” WAY.
And they stick to it. Elena makes her own decisions and Stefan backs her up. And I think for Stefan, this is one of the hardest things he has ever had to do in his relationship with Elena. I know some fans question whether his motivations were really because he respects her agency or because he was afraid she would break up with him-but I don’t really care? I suspect it’s a mix of both. But he steps back and lets her take control because she’s his partner and they’re trying to build a relationship based on respect and equality. This is Elena’s life that is in danger-not Stefan’s. How she responds SHOULD be her choice, it’s her body, her autonomy, and not his. THIS IS WHAT THEY’RE ABOUT. And I think he learned so much this season about what it means to be in a relationship between equal partners where he can’t just unilaterally take the bullet for her and be a martyr and hero. Actually, in contrary to the part of fandom that accuses him of being “passive,” I would say that for Stefan, stepping back was actively something that took a lot of strength of will and character. It would have been so much easier on him if she had just let him martyr himself for her.
Sometimes I think I might just be interpreting things differently from the rest of fandom? Like there seems to be this idea that Elena was jumping off a cliff and Stefan was standing there passively going “BYE HAVE A GOOD SUICIDE.” But in mind that was taken care of in The Dinner Party? The deal that Elena made with Elijah did resemble “giving up”-and Stefan DOES call her out for it. But instead of locking her up or imposing his will on her, they talk it out, they argue it out, and Elena finally decides that she will fight for her life. That’s what they do for the rest of the season. Elena fights for her life and Stefan supports her and it is one of the best/most delightful/most empowering things I’ve ever seen.
You are not allowed to feel my guilt
Stefan: It’s not over. There might be a cure, but I have to find Klaus to get it.
Elena: No. He’s gonna kill you.
Stefan: No, he had the chance to kill me, but he didn’t. Whatever Damon’s done, whatever has led him here, I’m the one that made him become a vampire in the first place. So if there’s a chance for a cure, I owe it to him to find it.
-2x22, As I Lay Dying
I know I have been saying this a lot, but: DEFINING MOMENT. WHATEVER DAMON’S DONE, WHATEVER HAS LED HIM HERE, STEFAN BELIEVES THAT IS HIS FAULT. Omg, these two. So messed up and complicated.
I really don’t think it’s as easy as Stefan simply loving Damon “more” than Elena. I think in Stefan’s mind, Elena is the love of his life-absolutely. But on the other hand, Stefan has this MASSIVE guilt complex because of what he did to Damon 145 years ago. He really believes that everything Damon has done, every life Damon has taken, every decision Damon has made, ultimately falls on his shoulders-because STEFAN is the reason Damon is a vampire.
Damon apologism makes me crazy (HE KILLED ELENA’S BROTHER, WHY DOES NO ONE EXCEPT ME AND THREE OTHER PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET REMEMBER THIS), but Stefan is Damon Apologist Number One and I get it from him, I do. Because in Stefan’s mind, whatever Damon has done is ultimately on him. And because Stefan feels responsible for taking Damon away from his humanity-so if there’s even a small chance that Stefan can salvage some of Damon’s humanity and give him another chance, he will do anything to make it happen.
This isn’t a relationship where Damon and Stefan can sit in a house for 24 hours and work out all their issues and come to a compromise-that’s not how they work. They’re not a relationship based on mutual respect and partnership. Their relationship is based on 145 years of manipulation and, at times, outright misery. They love each other somewhere underneath it and I think both of them secretly harbour the desire to just be BFFs and brothers again but I honestly don’t know how capable Stefan is of untwining his love for Damon from his guilt.
So I don’t think it’s as simple as Damon coming first for Stefan. So many of Stefan’s actions for his brother come from Stefan’s own desire to make up for what he did to his brother and to help him find his humanity again. Guilt is a powerful motivation. Stefan made Damon become a vampire in the first place and he owes him.
Elena’s line... or there is no line
Damon and Stefan don’t get all the dark and twisty stuff, though. I love Stefan/Elena for how healthy and functional they can be, I do, and The Last Day will always feel like the greatest gift for my inner shipper, but.... I’m ready for Stefan/Elena to go to a dark place next season. I want to know what Elena’s line is-and if she even has one when it comes to people that she loves (I’m thinking ‘no.’) If there is any complaint I have about Stefan/Elena in S2 is that sometimes it seemed like Elena took Stefan for granted-she generally expected him to fall in line behind her with no complaints. And that’s fine. But I want to see how far she will go for him (I WANT IT TO BE FAR) and if she can love him in spite of/despite seeing what he’s really and truly complicated. And if Stefan can accept that love even after he’s in his right mind again. Basically there are a lot of interesting/dark possibilities that can be explored and I want the writers to BRING IT. *grabby hands*