NRT (7) decision-making
.
the NEXT RIGHT THING:
Emily P. Freeman
17. Find a No Mentor
◘ Knowing what you want to do is important. But knowing what you don’t want to do can be even more so.
... a big part of discerning your next right step is knowing and understanding what you really want to do. Knowing what you want isn’t selfish, it’s actually crucial to making decisions because it builds confidence, hastens healing, and is a gift to the people you love.
The simplest benefit to knowing what you really want? It helps you say yes and no to things without all the angst. [178]
◘ When a friend comes to you with a question, a problem, or a tough decision, take a step back. Ask lots of questions and listen to her answers.
Listen to both what she says and what she fails to say.
Listen to her tone and her excuses. ... Does she use the word “should” a lot? Does she sound motivated by guilt, shame, or pressure?
... Be on the side of her soul. Stand up for her in ways she may not yet have the courage to stand up for herself. [179]
◘◘ podcast
18. Don't Give Your Critic Words
- - "We're not gonna give her words,
cause that’s exactly what she wants."
“We’re not gonna give her words.” I repeat it instinctively, trying out the phrase on my lips, catching her wisdom, repeating it slow, a responsive reading in a backseat church.
◘ The critic only lives if we let her live.
And I don’t mean the critic that is helpful and has your best interest at heart.
I mean the spiteful one, the petty one, the one who said those things way back when. Maybe the one that just lives in your own head. That time is past, and the only voice that critic could have now in your life? It's yours.
~ How would today be different or how your next decision would change if you refused to give the critic words? [184]
◘ We can learn a lot from critique, from correction, from critical thinking and direction.
... It’s not necessary (or healthy for that matter) to have people always agree with you but the critique to most seriously consider is the ones coming from those who believe in you.
If someone who believes in you, your work, your art or your decisions is pointing out a weakness or trying to make things better, it’s helpful and healthy to consider their words with humility and grace. Resist the urge to close yourself off from them.
Instead, open yourself in the presence of Christ and allow his words to partner with their critique in order to show you the truth.
This is the critic who gets to have words. [185]
But if the critic not only disagrees but also doesn’t believe in you, their words may be more difficult to sort out.
- - The off-hand opinion your brother’s girlfriend's sister’s roommate has of your Instagram feed. ....
These are the ones who have the least right to influence your life but somehow, for some reason, end up getting the most power.
◘ We aren’t going to change their minds. Instead, let’s change ours.
Let’s stop giving that critic words. Let’s stop handing her the mic.
Let’s take her seat away from the table and put it out in the hall.
Our friend Jesus knows what it means to be questioned, challenged, humiliated, and critiqued. Not once ever did he allow his negative critic to change one solitary decision he made on earth.
He was about his Father’s business, and all was well with him.
His face was set like a flint.
His soul was always at peace.
His countenance remained kind.
His choice was always love.
◘ Here is the thing it all comes down to, the thing it always comes down to in the Kingdom of God one where our belief slams right into our everyday life the critic points out my weakness and my fear, but if I’m paying attention, she will also point out something else, a gift I would never dare to ask for and a motivation she never means to give.
The gift the critic brings, whether we like it or not, is a line in the sand.
When the critic says words, we have to decide if we believe them.
We have to decide who gets to have a say.
The voice of the critic forces us to face our biggest fears and, in turn, listen hard for the voice of God.
... I can get defensive or I can be free. [186]
* If you have a decision to make today, don't give your critic words
Be still. Get quiet. Know you are loved.
Keep us in our stillness. Quiet us in your presence. Remind us of your love.
Replace the words of the critic with your words of peace.
◘◘ podcast
19. Come Home to Yourself
I hope your jagged edges are beginning to smooth, allowing you to feel the presence of Jesus with you in every ordinary moment. I hope these words are creating space for yourself to breathe so you can name the unnamed things within you and discern your next right thing in love. I hope your narrative of God is shaping into one that is more truthful, and that, through his spirit, you’re beginning to loosen your grip on outcomes. The simple, soulful decision-making path isn't linear, is it? It starts out that way, maybe, but then it dips down into a cool, shadowed valley and meanders into the dark of the woods. Just when you’re sure you’re lost, the trees open up into a wide field, a green pasture near still water. And then we start again. [191]
◘ Too often the relational interaction we engage in the most is also the one that is the most often ignored. It’s the relationship we have with ourselves. ...
◘ God always wants us to know it’s not too late to come on back - to be gathered back to center again. What if your next right thing is to settle in right where you are and come on back home to yourself? ... Consider this: the only person you’re guaranteed to be with every day of your life is you. It doesn’t get much more home than that. So maybe it’s time to make some peace. [192]
◘ What does it mean to come home to ourselves, and how can this help us make decisions? God is always giving us hints about who we are & how he has made us to image himself in the world. He doesn’t shout, though, which is why becoming a soul minimalist is so important. Because it clears all the clutter that comes at us in our daily lives and helps us pay attention. One of the ways God often invites us to see ourselves is through the words of other people. [193]
◘ First, think back to a time in your life when you felt most like you.
Where were you? What were you doing? Who were you with?
These questions can help you begin to get familiar with your own giftedness, personality, & offerings you've made to give. ... Think back to words that someone spoke to you that when they said them, you felt fully seen and fully known ... “There I am” / 'it was well with my soul.'
... It will feel safe and settled. You won’t feel like you have something to prove. It will be kind and open and free. It may be something that you’ll feel invited to grow into, that will require a bit of a journey. But it’s one you’ll be glad to take. Maybe it will begin as you try something new. [194 - 195]
◘◘ podcast
* Psalm 139: 1-3
... Previous chapters 14, 15 & 16
the NEXT RIGHT THING:
Emily P. Freeman
17. Find a No Mentor
◘ Knowing what you want to do is important. But knowing what you don’t want to do can be even more so.
... a big part of discerning your next right step is knowing and understanding what you really want to do. Knowing what you want isn’t selfish, it’s actually crucial to making decisions because it builds confidence, hastens healing, and is a gift to the people you love.
The simplest benefit to knowing what you really want? It helps you say yes and no to things without all the angst. [178]
◘ When a friend comes to you with a question, a problem, or a tough decision, take a step back. Ask lots of questions and listen to her answers.
Listen to both what she says and what she fails to say.
Listen to her tone and her excuses. ... Does she use the word “should” a lot? Does she sound motivated by guilt, shame, or pressure?
... Be on the side of her soul. Stand up for her in ways she may not yet have the courage to stand up for herself. [179]
◘◘ podcast
18. Don't Give Your Critic Words
- - "We're not gonna give her words,
cause that’s exactly what she wants."
“We’re not gonna give her words.” I repeat it instinctively, trying out the phrase on my lips, catching her wisdom, repeating it slow, a responsive reading in a backseat church.
◘ The critic only lives if we let her live.
And I don’t mean the critic that is helpful and has your best interest at heart.
I mean the spiteful one, the petty one, the one who said those things way back when. Maybe the one that just lives in your own head. That time is past, and the only voice that critic could have now in your life? It's yours.
~ How would today be different or how your next decision would change if you refused to give the critic words? [184]
◘ We can learn a lot from critique, from correction, from critical thinking and direction.
... It’s not necessary (or healthy for that matter) to have people always agree with you but the critique to most seriously consider is the ones coming from those who believe in you.
If someone who believes in you, your work, your art or your decisions is pointing out a weakness or trying to make things better, it’s helpful and healthy to consider their words with humility and grace. Resist the urge to close yourself off from them.
Instead, open yourself in the presence of Christ and allow his words to partner with their critique in order to show you the truth.
This is the critic who gets to have words. [185]
But if the critic not only disagrees but also doesn’t believe in you, their words may be more difficult to sort out.
- - The off-hand opinion your brother’s girlfriend's sister’s roommate has of your Instagram feed. ....
These are the ones who have the least right to influence your life but somehow, for some reason, end up getting the most power.
◘ We aren’t going to change their minds. Instead, let’s change ours.
Let’s stop giving that critic words. Let’s stop handing her the mic.
Let’s take her seat away from the table and put it out in the hall.
Our friend Jesus knows what it means to be questioned, challenged, humiliated, and critiqued. Not once ever did he allow his negative critic to change one solitary decision he made on earth.
He was about his Father’s business, and all was well with him.
His face was set like a flint.
His soul was always at peace.
His countenance remained kind.
His choice was always love.
◘ Here is the thing it all comes down to, the thing it always comes down to in the Kingdom of God one where our belief slams right into our everyday life the critic points out my weakness and my fear, but if I’m paying attention, she will also point out something else, a gift I would never dare to ask for and a motivation she never means to give.
The gift the critic brings, whether we like it or not, is a line in the sand.
When the critic says words, we have to decide if we believe them.
We have to decide who gets to have a say.
The voice of the critic forces us to face our biggest fears and, in turn, listen hard for the voice of God.
... I can get defensive or I can be free. [186]
* If you have a decision to make today, don't give your critic words
Be still. Get quiet. Know you are loved.
Keep us in our stillness. Quiet us in your presence. Remind us of your love.
Replace the words of the critic with your words of peace.
◘◘ podcast
19. Come Home to Yourself
I hope your jagged edges are beginning to smooth, allowing you to feel the presence of Jesus with you in every ordinary moment. I hope these words are creating space for yourself to breathe so you can name the unnamed things within you and discern your next right thing in love. I hope your narrative of God is shaping into one that is more truthful, and that, through his spirit, you’re beginning to loosen your grip on outcomes. The simple, soulful decision-making path isn't linear, is it? It starts out that way, maybe, but then it dips down into a cool, shadowed valley and meanders into the dark of the woods. Just when you’re sure you’re lost, the trees open up into a wide field, a green pasture near still water. And then we start again. [191]
◘ Too often the relational interaction we engage in the most is also the one that is the most often ignored. It’s the relationship we have with ourselves. ...
◘ God always wants us to know it’s not too late to come on back - to be gathered back to center again. What if your next right thing is to settle in right where you are and come on back home to yourself? ... Consider this: the only person you’re guaranteed to be with every day of your life is you. It doesn’t get much more home than that. So maybe it’s time to make some peace. [192]
◘ What does it mean to come home to ourselves, and how can this help us make decisions? God is always giving us hints about who we are & how he has made us to image himself in the world. He doesn’t shout, though, which is why becoming a soul minimalist is so important. Because it clears all the clutter that comes at us in our daily lives and helps us pay attention. One of the ways God often invites us to see ourselves is through the words of other people. [193]
◘ First, think back to a time in your life when you felt most like you.
Where were you? What were you doing? Who were you with?
These questions can help you begin to get familiar with your own giftedness, personality, & offerings you've made to give. ... Think back to words that someone spoke to you that when they said them, you felt fully seen and fully known ... “There I am” / 'it was well with my soul.'
... It will feel safe and settled. You won’t feel like you have something to prove. It will be kind and open and free. It may be something that you’ll feel invited to grow into, that will require a bit of a journey. But it’s one you’ll be glad to take. Maybe it will begin as you try something new. [194 - 195]
◘◘ podcast
* Psalm 139: 1-3
... Previous chapters 14, 15 & 16