Life as I know it...
So this relationship I'm having with this LJ is lacking on my end. My LJ is always here for me, even when I'm connected at a low speed. I'm just never signing in and giving it the attention it deserves. I'll try and do it more often. Along with other thigns that I plan on trying to achieve. New Year's is appraoching and every year I in fact follow the classic trend and I make a resolution. I usually do stick to them. Making a resolution is the same thing as making a promise to yourself. Being that I don't believe in breaking promises it's good to keep a promise to yourself. I mean if you can't make and keep promises to yourself, then how can you make them and keep them with others? Anyway my resolution last year was to stop littering. I was drunk and I was throwing things around the front yard of the lake house. I really didn't want to pick it up so I claimed I was littering and vowed to stop littering after midnight. If you were there you would have laughed too. Anyway this year I'm making my resolution a little more serious in hopes of having a less dramatc year. It will be quite difficult considering that, aside from few, I'm surrounded by uptight dramatic people. So part of my resolution is to in a way smile and nod at some, and continue on with my life. I think by doing this I'm just not focusing on others who are over dramatic and tend to annoy me. This way it's my life, I'm running it, and as far as others are concerned take it or leave it. In simpler terms,. I'm going to worry less about making others happy and focus more on just me being happy. Because from that I noticed it either makes people happy with me or makes them more miserable because, well, misery loves company. So here's to a farewell to 2006. It treated me well and taught me some lessons. It made me grow up, and showed me how to enjoy the magic of life. It's true, there's magic. But when you're uptight and focused on trying too hard there's no magic. Sort of how a small child believes in magic but the older one who searches for how the quarter got inside his ear, will never again feel the surprise and joy of just letting it happen without asking how or why.
This may be the lack of sleep, with strong overdoses of coffee talking but even though the last few months have been mostly stressful and hard, I'm really enjoying them. Why? Well, I learned my lessons and I'm still learning from them, even the mistakes. I made a mistake decision about 6 months ago, I'm living with it now, and even though at times I'm misrable and frustrated with it, I sit back and realize how much it has impacted my life. In both a negative sense and a postive.
Also I'm learning and changing a lot from being with Ben. We just had our first Christmas together,a nd although I'm not exactly sure how it went for him. It was great for me. My family really took to him, and that was hard for me at first. Mostly because they're my family, and they've all been through a lot that I can't ever accet someone who would hurt them or look down on them. So after I stood back and looked around I relaized I jsut got what I wanted for Christmas and I should relax and enjoy it. I don't think anyone will ever understnad the thankful feeling that came over me Christmas eve and is still with me. It's so overwhelming that words could never express how I've been feeling the past week. Anyway being with Ben is teaching me how to share my life with someone, and trust, and love, and allow myself to be loved, and to let down my guard. Being with him this past year has really been great. Through the best of times and the hardest times we've ever had, we've been there and had each other's back and still do. But we (and I mean I) need to just let the magic happen without looking for answers again. Because it always worked before and I know it still does.
Who knows maybe if I relax and lay in his arms without over thinking life it might snow!!!
Hell since I've slowly started to, the Flyers won a game!!!
~faitfully yours
This may be the lack of sleep, with strong overdoses of coffee talking but even though the last few months have been mostly stressful and hard, I'm really enjoying them. Why? Well, I learned my lessons and I'm still learning from them, even the mistakes. I made a mistake decision about 6 months ago, I'm living with it now, and even though at times I'm misrable and frustrated with it, I sit back and realize how much it has impacted my life. In both a negative sense and a postive.
Also I'm learning and changing a lot from being with Ben. We just had our first Christmas together,a nd although I'm not exactly sure how it went for him. It was great for me. My family really took to him, and that was hard for me at first. Mostly because they're my family, and they've all been through a lot that I can't ever accet someone who would hurt them or look down on them. So after I stood back and looked around I relaized I jsut got what I wanted for Christmas and I should relax and enjoy it. I don't think anyone will ever understnad the thankful feeling that came over me Christmas eve and is still with me. It's so overwhelming that words could never express how I've been feeling the past week. Anyway being with Ben is teaching me how to share my life with someone, and trust, and love, and allow myself to be loved, and to let down my guard. Being with him this past year has really been great. Through the best of times and the hardest times we've ever had, we've been there and had each other's back and still do. But we (and I mean I) need to just let the magic happen without looking for answers again. Because it always worked before and I know it still does.
Who knows maybe if I relax and lay in his arms without over thinking life it might snow!!!
Hell since I've slowly started to, the Flyers won a game!!!
~faitfully yours