what God has for me it is for me!!!
Well i am so tired of the drama! I feel like a gabage. It's like everybody i know use me and just dump all of their crap on me!! The only person I can trully say that is there for me is my roomate Shawn. I know that we have hard times, but when it comes down to it she is always there for me. And when push comes to shuve she tell me the truth. Alot of it hurt but i just have to take it. She's helping me look at life in a better aspect.I'm realizing that there is no one that really care about me. I actually care about people a little bit more than they think but i'm not going to worry about it anymore. This weekend i realized alot that all i cn do is be a friend to certain people. i am here for them and it's hard it's like i'm tired of trying to prove myself to him. But i know that God is going to get the victory. i'm tired of letting him hurt me and letting him be my downfall. Because every time he dosen't respond to me in the way that i would like him to i get upset and depressed. But no not this time. i can't let it get me down. The devil will not get the glory in this situation. i thank God for letting me see things in another way now. and helping me to love me first before i give my all to another [person who don't deserve me. You know i am getting old and i have the desire to want to be loved. And i don't have time to continue to go through things and make mistakes. I have to take control of myself. Well i met this guy on the chat line. His name is jay. And so far everything is okay. We are supposed to be metting each other this weekend and in a way i'm beginning to have doubts because i am so self concious. but i think i'm going to go ahead and go and see what he is all albout it's like you never know until u get out there and try. And i'm going to do that. We had a great conversation and we never had a dull moment he mad me laugh and i mad him laugh. that made me feel good and it really was a plus for me because if i can make a guy laugh that's a plus because he is not so up tight. he was really intrested in me and he wasn't so stuck on himself. I was happy for that. I know tha twe just began to talk so i'm going to take it slow. I am so anxious to meet him in a way because i am ready so see how he will respond to me. and i am also happy because he just bought a house,he's a loan officer, and he has his own car. i'm like mayn! it's about time! i'm tired of needy niggas, but anyway well i can go on and on about jay. well as for my house things are alright my sister basically used me and it hurts but i'm not going to worry about it. It's crazy because i treat people how i would want to be treated and even family will treat u like a man off the street! that really sucks!but i can't worry about that either. anyway i know that God is going to get the glory in everything so i'm not going to really worry about anything. Well i'm about to go to bed and i guess i'll try to call jay once a gain before i go to sleep,i'm sure he is sleep because he takes is son to daycare at about 5:30 in the morning to be at work on time. well anyway good night and be blessed. just remember that "GIANTS will FALL!! and i know all of my giants are going doing that this is a new season and i thank God for it i'm just going to walk into it!
GOOD NIGHT!
GOOD NIGHT!