My Delerium
Quite often I have a lot of trouble sleeping. This is something I've been working on with my psychiatrist, but that's another story. When trying to sleep, I often fall into what I call a Delerium. I am not asleep, nor am I awake-but in a hellish place somewhere in between which offers no rest or rejuviation. And in that place my mind will be locked in a hellish rut, going over the same idea or words over and over and over again- actually making me more tired. And I can't stop it, because I'm not quite awake. It's horrible. No doubt related to my OCD.
So I thought I'd try to type out the one that has been haunting me tonight. In the hopes it will get sucked into Cyberspace. This is it more or less.
I have stood on the edge of the Abyss, and looked into it. And indeed it looked into me. Unfortunatly I saw what it saw. For in looking into the Abyss, you become a part of it. And I don't recommend it.
I have stood in the ripping flurried winds of my own chaotic thoughts, trying to communicate a complete thought to a friend, and failed miserably. And seen the pity hidden behind his/her eyes. I don't recommend it.
I have stood saddened watching self-styled poets dressed in black, guzzle Absynth while combing thru Lovecraft. All in the hopes of touching true evil or maddness- somehow thinking this will validate their own pain. And to my surprise, I have found both. Not thru drugs or some forgotten tome of quaint and curious forgotten lore- But in my own heart there all along. Evil beyond the grasp of sentience, ancient and indescriabable. To the fools who might seek it- I don't recommend it.
And I have shined a light into the deeper dark places in my mind and much to my surprise found other people. Not just whining extensions of my own psyche who need a mask to wear in order to have their say. But bonified strangers of whom I know not what to expect. I turned off that light very fast, and I'm sure they still sleep. I hope they do, I prey they do. I must try to not think about them. Do not imagine a pink elephant. See? My task will be hard. And as for those who might seek out and try to awaken their own sleepers.... I think, I would'nt recommend it.
So I thought I'd try to type out the one that has been haunting me tonight. In the hopes it will get sucked into Cyberspace. This is it more or less.
I have stood on the edge of the Abyss, and looked into it. And indeed it looked into me. Unfortunatly I saw what it saw. For in looking into the Abyss, you become a part of it. And I don't recommend it.
I have stood in the ripping flurried winds of my own chaotic thoughts, trying to communicate a complete thought to a friend, and failed miserably. And seen the pity hidden behind his/her eyes. I don't recommend it.
I have stood saddened watching self-styled poets dressed in black, guzzle Absynth while combing thru Lovecraft. All in the hopes of touching true evil or maddness- somehow thinking this will validate their own pain. And to my surprise, I have found both. Not thru drugs or some forgotten tome of quaint and curious forgotten lore- But in my own heart there all along. Evil beyond the grasp of sentience, ancient and indescriabable. To the fools who might seek it- I don't recommend it.
And I have shined a light into the deeper dark places in my mind and much to my surprise found other people. Not just whining extensions of my own psyche who need a mask to wear in order to have their say. But bonified strangers of whom I know not what to expect. I turned off that light very fast, and I'm sure they still sleep. I hope they do, I prey they do. I must try to not think about them. Do not imagine a pink elephant. See? My task will be hard. And as for those who might seek out and try to awaken their own sleepers.... I think, I would'nt recommend it.