Tired and confused
Been trying to sleep for about an hour now. Got sick of just tossing and turning. Weird thing is, I'm terribly tired. Maybe not so odd. Last night went to bed 3:00ish and fell asleep quickly. I then must've slept at least three hours at a stretch. And I had dreams! I never have dreams. They were normal weird dreams, not a delerium. I woke up from my last sleep at something around 1:30. I felt great.
A half hour later, I was tired and took a nap; lasting only an hour or so. Then Sarah and I went and did stuff. I watched the director's cut of The Chronicles of Riddick tonight. It was much better than the theatrical version.
I missplaced or lost a bullet here at home last night. Must do a more thorough search tomorrow. Not such a good thing to loose.
The thing just lately is, with the depression crashing back in full bore (I stopped taking my main one due to side effects) I don't know how to handle it. I'm disorientated and dizzy. I forgot what to expect. I'm lost. Imagine you have not swam for 15 years, and are then thrown into cold water naked- at the deep end. That momentary sense and panic. Something old, yet something new. A moment of helpless confusion as your head is suddenly underwater, unexpectedly. Feh- I feel I am failing to convey this at all. Feeling irratable.
It's just all so futile and pointless.
I think I'll go try to sleep again.
During the past 20 min I've been typing, my cat Owen has caught and ate a dream mouse/bird/prey; turned inside out with a joyous smile, and is still inside out, with one paw curled over his eyes. Ooops, now he's hunting again. Sometimes I think I envy him a bit.
A half hour later, I was tired and took a nap; lasting only an hour or so. Then Sarah and I went and did stuff. I watched the director's cut of The Chronicles of Riddick tonight. It was much better than the theatrical version.
I missplaced or lost a bullet here at home last night. Must do a more thorough search tomorrow. Not such a good thing to loose.
The thing just lately is, with the depression crashing back in full bore (I stopped taking my main one due to side effects) I don't know how to handle it. I'm disorientated and dizzy. I forgot what to expect. I'm lost. Imagine you have not swam for 15 years, and are then thrown into cold water naked- at the deep end. That momentary sense and panic. Something old, yet something new. A moment of helpless confusion as your head is suddenly underwater, unexpectedly. Feh- I feel I am failing to convey this at all. Feeling irratable.
It's just all so futile and pointless.
I think I'll go try to sleep again.
During the past 20 min I've been typing, my cat Owen has caught and ate a dream mouse/bird/prey; turned inside out with a joyous smile, and is still inside out, with one paw curled over his eyes. Ooops, now he's hunting again. Sometimes I think I envy him a bit.