one little word 2013 : [en]joy creativity

[gingerblue]

Resolution: ENJOY the CREATIVE process.

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Creativity is a huge part of my life.

As I’ve mentioned before (ad nauseum), I always wanted to be a curator in a museum. I had some physical health problems in college (and a certain professor…) that sort of set me off that path. For years and years I really thought I made the wrong decision, but in the last year I started realizing that I sort of had the life that “Curator Chel” would probably daydream about- enough time to truly take care of her health, a little yellow house on the water, a lovely husband and child, a little garden, a sunny art studio, a warm climate, cats and birds, and a pool all to herself.

Realizing this was a big turning point for me- life changing, actually.

I finally saw my life for what it was. I didn’t lose anything by making that decision, instead, I CHOSE this life. I just didn’t know it at the time. I didn’t know it would turn out like this, but maybe some part of me DID know and was guiding me towards it all along. I am choosing to believe that, as difficult as it is for me to embrace sort of “dreamy” and abstract ideas like that.

Anyway, when I realized that I wanted to embrace where I am now, I sort of had to start from scratch. I had to make some new plans for myself. For years I had been researching graduate programs for art history, museum studies. I never bothered to try and think about my life as an artist. The concept was very uncomfortable. But I knew I wanted an informed approach- I’m not good at “following my bliss”. I like feeling productive and like my work has meaning, even if it’s only to me.

The first thing I did was look to professional artists and designers. I researched business information and marketing. I started reading creative business blogs and following the blogs of professional artists and designers. I learned a tremendous amount, and got motivated enough to relaunch GBS. But as the year went on, I started realizing that my focus had at some point moved AWAY from the art I was focused solely on the end product. That made me uneasy.

I also realized a lot of the artists and creative types I admired were juggling a tremendous amount. They were embracing their life as creative professionals. They were sort of coming out and saying “I am an illustrator/designer/artist/etc. and I am available for ______ opportunities.” Instead of creating individual pieces of art, they were creating opportunities for themselves as all-around artists, perfect for their abilities and talents. They were able to go from designing paper lines to teaching classes all over the world to writing books to illustrating and designing for Big Name Stores to creating online workshops to leading creative retreats. It was astonishing and inspiring.

But it was also overwhelming. And just not for me. On one hand, my health thing (Spina Bifida) makes me a lot less flexible about traveling and time. BUT, the bottom line truth is even if I didn’t have to put my health first, I don’t think that career path would be for me.

For me it’s still about the art. The process. The engagement. The way I feel when I put brush to paper or glue down scraps of paper or splash dye on a bead. It’s the same feeling that made me want to be a curator. A chance to honor the art, the process, the moment. The feeling that it evokes.

And I lost that.

Somewhere in the process of figuring out Etsy and figuring out marketing and trying to predict what people might be interested in spending their dollars on, I lost touch with the joy of the creative process. It became about production, not process.

What colors do people want vs. what colors sang out to me when I sat down with my dyes.

What I could draw that would sell a card/print vs. what did I feel pulled to draw or paint.

How LARGE did the item need to be in case it ever went to hang in a gallery vs. what size did I feel compelled to work in.

So this year I want to figure out how to enjoy making art again.

I have no idea what this means. It may not go well. I may create some hideous things. I may blow an opportunity. But I feel like I need to do this, I need to take a step back from the “get your stuff mentioned in a major publication!” mode to “figure out what makes you want to make art so badly” mode.

The first step of this is feeling things out. Let myself be drawn to colors and pattern again. Open myself  to inspiration. Look to the everyday world for magic. Slow down and feel more. Try different things out, knowing that none of them may succeed.

Most importantly, I need to learn to be okay with that.

I want to joyfully create art, and then be able to share it with the world. I know it’s not that simple, but the whole “enjoy creating” needs to be a part of my life. I need to find that again.

Of course, I have some ideas in mind. Briefly:

- More painting/coloring. My parents surprised me with a big set of artist-quality markers for Christmas. I wanted those markers for a LONG time (most of my adult life, actually!) but wouldn’t allow myself to get them because I just don’t color. But coloring is something I *want* to do, something I spent a tremendous time doing as a kid. So I want to allow myself the opportunity to color again. Just find some images, some stamps, whatever, and have some fun. Same with painting. Late in the fall I started making mandalas and I want to start painting and coloring those.

My goal is to do one painting/color every week and post about it here (to keep me from letting it be the first thing that goes by the wayside when things get hectic…) I think I am going to keep it small- maybe 6″ x 6″, just so it’s manageable. I *can* go larger, but the goal is to get one 6×6″ done every week.

(I’d love to find a creative collaboration opportunity to make that even more of a focused goal.)

- Draw and doodle more. Stamp more. Start using my art journal as a place for play, experimentation, random what-evers. Not every page needs to be finished or good-looking.

- Rediscover the pure joy in beads and jewelry. A few years ago I started making beads in colors I thought people might like as opposed to what colors and designs and textures I felt drawn to. I love suggestions, and they often get me inspired, but my own creativity and ideas can’t be the sacrifice, you know?

- Commit to creating a business that reflects my creative philosophy. If I am going to keep doing GBS, I want it to reflect joy and mindfulness and contemplation and immersion and passion. I want to share that with people through the work I create.  I want to invest my time and energy in such a way that I come to it every day and look over it and think “yes.” And want to continue doing more of it.