Common Miracles : week 87
“Rejoicing in ordinary things is not sentimental or trite. It actually takes guts. Each time we drop our complaints and allow everyday good fortune to inspire us, we enter the warrior’s world.” - Pema Chodron
You know how when you’re driving around in your car, and you wash the windshield, and when the wiper blades move all the dirt and dust out of the way you are simply ASTONISHED at how dull the windshield was without you even realizing? It’s like the world is suddenly in technicolor. It’s like this small moment of “ahhh!” (At least it is for me…)
I had a real-life version of that happen the other day.
A few days ago, a situation came up that really pissed me off. I felt like I was COMPLETELY being taken advantage of. My normal reaction these days is to feel out things, process them a little. But for some reason, this particular situation triggered a deep frustration in me that just bubbled right to the surface. I was very angry.
It was a little overwhelming to feel something that strong, so I decided to just get in the pool and work some of the anger out while I was swimming.
And as I thrashed through the water at top speed, I realized something: it kinda felt *good*. Not the anger, but the FEELING it.
It was kind of like a wake up call. As I felt the emotion course through my body, I realized that it’s been a long time since I felt something - negative OR positive- that thoroughly. And it felt like the energy from the emotion was evolving into something really good, something that cleared away the dust from my emotions. It helped me to see clearly, to realize that I have been so fixed on working towards being “serene” that I’ve basically dulled down ALL my emotions, even the really great ones.
Just feeling that much energy and emotion about something really inspired me. Now I *know* it’s there, and I want to tap into it, but in POSITIVE ways. I mean, there’s got to be a way to get to that “alive” feeling without looking around for things that upset me, you know? I just need to figure out what those positive ways to get to an emotional high *are*. The more I think about it, the more I realize it’s been a very long time since I have been engaged in something that sort of soaks deep down into me and makes me feel alive and awake and excited and inspired.
I’m really grateful that this happened because for the last few days I’ve been feeling super restless… even a little bored. It’s been completely draining me because there’s so much I want to do and try and create, there’s so much that inspires me, but I just couldn’t summon the energy or the interest to do any of it.
So it was like I got a wake-up call- a reminder that living isn’t just about being serene and calm and mindful. Life is about FEELING things, experiencing things, engaging with things (the good AND the bad) with my whole self. And not lose myself in the process, if that makes any sense.
So- anger, bad. But clarity? Very good. Very, very good.
Gradually… I began to feel awake. I could feel bits and pieces of myself coming to life. Little threads of emotions like joy, excitement, and hope began percolating and pulsing through me, coexisting with fear, anger, and doubt. In other words, I felt alive. - Priscilla Warner
Common Miracles is a project I started in May, 2011 to examine and discover how gratitude works in everyday life. To find out more about Common Miracles please visit the very first post about this project, located here.