Dragon STD's and dinner with my family
I just had a conversation with my brother about dragon's STD's and why one should not slay a dragon with their penis in any way. He's convinced that they'd burn, but I'm convinced, to dragon's, burning is like tickling and a dragon STD's has the opposite effect...A feeling of immense cold. In your genitals.
Yes, I really did have a conversation this weird. And it's not like this is a one-time occurrence. Shit this odd get's talked about between my brother and I often and, occasionally, at dinner or other times where my parents get in on the weirdness.
I'm sure this won't come as a shock to folks that have known me for a while, but I'm a huge dork. I know...shocking, right? Part of my being a dork involves my sense of humor being, well, weird. What do I mean by weird? I think part of that has to do with how I grew up to be sure, since my family is a little strange at times as well. How so, I hear you ask (well, in my head, anyway, because if you show up at my house and try to ask directly, the level I'm going to be disturbed by this will vary by the day, from incomprehensible mumble to psychotic rage to sheer terror to mild amusement. If you feel like spinning that emotion mystery wheel, feel free)?
Here's an example:
So, one of the first times my full family (read mom, dad, and brother) met one of my gf's was about a month or two after we started dating. I decided to introduce her to them and vice-versa over dinner at a local bar and grill one night. Now, she was a pretty cool girl overall and seemed to at least tolerate, if not accept my quirky sense of humor and occasionally weird/immature/dorky behavior. However, I don't think she was fully prepared to encounter that times four.
As we sat talking and eating, my brother's cell phone went off suddenly, playing the Batman TV show theme (the original one). We, in unison as a family, began to all sing along going "Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh...Batman!" And no, not quietly. not yelling, but loud enough for immediate tables to notice, as evidenced by one or two folks clearly looking over. They may have also notice some minor swaying/dancing/hand gestures that accompanied it.
But simply, my gf was stunned. I think her brain locked up and the look on her face was a combined look of horror, embarrassment, and "WTF?!?" For sure, part of her wanted to make a break for it or, at the very least, hide under the table to distance herself from the clearly batshit nuts family sitting with her.
Thankfully, once her initial shock/WTF reaction was battled by her feelings for me and her want to not break the unwritten social rules by running off screaming, she actually started laughing about it all. Her reaction once home and talking to her mom was hilarious, though:
GF: Mom...you'll never guess what his family did at dinner...
GF's Mom: What?
GF: They started SINGING and DANCING to the ringtone on his brother's phone. People STARED AT US.
GF's Mom: *looks at me with similar look of horror/embarrassment/WTF that her daughter did earlier* REALLY?
Me: Yep. My family's weird like that.
Oh...and did I mention my brother made sure to run out and literally wipe his bare ass on the door handles of my car on both sides, making sure to tell her that "now it was like we both were touching his ass?" Yeah...that happened too.
I can't understand why THAT relationship didn't work out. In hindsight, I'm surprised she didn't dump my ass that night. Fairly sure, judging on the look from her mom, that her mom would've been pretty ok with that.
Yes, I really did have a conversation this weird. And it's not like this is a one-time occurrence. Shit this odd get's talked about between my brother and I often and, occasionally, at dinner or other times where my parents get in on the weirdness.
I'm sure this won't come as a shock to folks that have known me for a while, but I'm a huge dork. I know...shocking, right? Part of my being a dork involves my sense of humor being, well, weird. What do I mean by weird? I think part of that has to do with how I grew up to be sure, since my family is a little strange at times as well. How so, I hear you ask (well, in my head, anyway, because if you show up at my house and try to ask directly, the level I'm going to be disturbed by this will vary by the day, from incomprehensible mumble to psychotic rage to sheer terror to mild amusement. If you feel like spinning that emotion mystery wheel, feel free)?
Here's an example:
So, one of the first times my full family (read mom, dad, and brother) met one of my gf's was about a month or two after we started dating. I decided to introduce her to them and vice-versa over dinner at a local bar and grill one night. Now, she was a pretty cool girl overall and seemed to at least tolerate, if not accept my quirky sense of humor and occasionally weird/immature/dorky behavior. However, I don't think she was fully prepared to encounter that times four.
As we sat talking and eating, my brother's cell phone went off suddenly, playing the Batman TV show theme (the original one). We, in unison as a family, began to all sing along going "Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh...Batman!" And no, not quietly. not yelling, but loud enough for immediate tables to notice, as evidenced by one or two folks clearly looking over. They may have also notice some minor swaying/dancing/hand gestures that accompanied it.
But simply, my gf was stunned. I think her brain locked up and the look on her face was a combined look of horror, embarrassment, and "WTF?!?" For sure, part of her wanted to make a break for it or, at the very least, hide under the table to distance herself from the clearly batshit nuts family sitting with her.
Thankfully, once her initial shock/WTF reaction was battled by her feelings for me and her want to not break the unwritten social rules by running off screaming, she actually started laughing about it all. Her reaction once home and talking to her mom was hilarious, though:
GF: Mom...you'll never guess what his family did at dinner...
GF's Mom: What?
GF: They started SINGING and DANCING to the ringtone on his brother's phone. People STARED AT US.
GF's Mom: *looks at me with similar look of horror/embarrassment/WTF that her daughter did earlier* REALLY?
Me: Yep. My family's weird like that.
Oh...and did I mention my brother made sure to run out and literally wipe his bare ass on the door handles of my car on both sides, making sure to tell her that "now it was like we both were touching his ass?" Yeah...that happened too.
I can't understand why THAT relationship didn't work out. In hindsight, I'm surprised she didn't dump my ass that night. Fairly sure, judging on the look from her mom, that her mom would've been pretty ok with that.