Why Didn't Someone Think of This Sooner?
Every year, countless traffic accidents are caused by drivers who think "I can make that yellow!" How many times have you been put in that situation? Having to decide in a matter of milliseconds whether you should floor it or slam on the brakes? It's not only stressful, it's dangerous. But finally, someone has come up with a solution.
The city has just approved a bill that will allocate funds for the construction and installation of four-stage lights at every major intersection in town. Just what are four-stage lights? Well, most of us will be familiar with the standard three-stage lights common in most American cities and interstates. They consist of:
Green, meaning go,
Yellow, meaning yield, and
Red, meaning stop.
Four-stage lights are similar in every way, save one: They have a fourth light. This quadratic, or Shemp-ian, light is designed to warn drivers that red is eminent, acting as a sort of middle management go-between for the frequently tragic yellow and the somewhat less ambiguous red. So, begin familiarizing yourself with the new system:
Green still means go,
Yellow is now situationally dependant, meaning both slow down and speed up,
The new light, Teal, means that the light has now commenced with the process of beginning to change, and
Red, still means stop.
One problem with the ratified design is that many drivers are not familiar with Teal, the new color. So for the chromatically un-diverse motorist out there, teal is a shade of the turquoise family, a slightly darker cousin color to sea-foam, often seen paired with beige carpeting when put into drape form, and frequently referred to by it's non-crayola approved street name, Sea Green. The board that gave the final go ahead to the plan is urging drivers to take the time to get acquainted with the new light. When you see green, stay with the flow of traffic, when you see yellow, use your better judgment regarding distance to the light and the speed of your vehicle, and when you see green with a slightly richer hue and an ambient, blue-ish sheen, start slowing down immediately. The new system is expected to reduce accidents at intersections by at least 25%.
Depending upon the level of success the new system achieves, the board may also give the go ahead sometime next year for the five-stage light system, modeled after the Department of Homeland Security's Terror Alert Levels. For example, if in late 2007 you're driving up to an intersection and the light turns orange, that means that, after several hours of testicular electrocution, an indefinitely detained foreign national disclosed information regarding the possibility of traffic approaching from the adjacent road. Many have predicted that it will be as helpful, popular, and not-at-all-condescending as the actual Terror Alert system
The city has just approved a bill that will allocate funds for the construction and installation of four-stage lights at every major intersection in town. Just what are four-stage lights? Well, most of us will be familiar with the standard three-stage lights common in most American cities and interstates. They consist of:
Green, meaning go,
Yellow, meaning yield, and
Red, meaning stop.
Four-stage lights are similar in every way, save one: They have a fourth light. This quadratic, or Shemp-ian, light is designed to warn drivers that red is eminent, acting as a sort of middle management go-between for the frequently tragic yellow and the somewhat less ambiguous red. So, begin familiarizing yourself with the new system:
Green still means go,
Yellow is now situationally dependant, meaning both slow down and speed up,
The new light, Teal, means that the light has now commenced with the process of beginning to change, and
Red, still means stop.
One problem with the ratified design is that many drivers are not familiar with Teal, the new color. So for the chromatically un-diverse motorist out there, teal is a shade of the turquoise family, a slightly darker cousin color to sea-foam, often seen paired with beige carpeting when put into drape form, and frequently referred to by it's non-crayola approved street name, Sea Green. The board that gave the final go ahead to the plan is urging drivers to take the time to get acquainted with the new light. When you see green, stay with the flow of traffic, when you see yellow, use your better judgment regarding distance to the light and the speed of your vehicle, and when you see green with a slightly richer hue and an ambient, blue-ish sheen, start slowing down immediately. The new system is expected to reduce accidents at intersections by at least 25%.
Depending upon the level of success the new system achieves, the board may also give the go ahead sometime next year for the five-stage light system, modeled after the Department of Homeland Security's Terror Alert Levels. For example, if in late 2007 you're driving up to an intersection and the light turns orange, that means that, after several hours of testicular electrocution, an indefinitely detained foreign national disclosed information regarding the possibility of traffic approaching from the adjacent road. Many have predicted that it will be as helpful, popular, and not-at-all-condescending as the actual Terror Alert system