MY ONE AND ONLY LOVE
Title: MY ONE AND ONLY LOVE Chapter Five
Pairing: Ennis/Jack
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: The characters of course belongs to the great Annie Proulx and story is my own.
Story summary: A long romantic evening in where things are finally said.
Story Inspiration: I was inspirted to write this story for two reasons. 1. One is the song from which gives the title of my story. The version I using is the great jazz saxophonist John Coltrane with vocals by Johnny Hartman. The lyrics by Robert Mellin and Guy Wood plays an important key to the story. 2. The second inspiration belongs to our very own lotitaray. When she began writing her The Moments Between story, her first chapter she entitle A DANCE. I wrote a comment telling her how much a enjoyed and spoke about how I am an unapologetic romantic and that dance is the most beautiful expression of love. She wrote back and told me I such write something. That was back in May its August now. It took me long enough!!
Author's Note: I'm scared shitless because I'm leaving my comforted zone to write this story!! But its a good-scare because I'm also excited!! Be warn! I think I have remain true to the original characterization of Ennis and Jack, I have given them my own spin. I don't think I've gone off the deep end. I HOPE!! Also the story isn't that long. Five chapters I think will be the most. Baby steps, baby steps.
Feedback: When you speak of this and I know you will, please be kind. (laughing)
Dedication: To all the fabulous, marvleous, talented and gifted writers who stories has given me much enjoyment and I'm sure you all know who you are. They are too countless to name individually.
Chapter One: http://george66.livejournal.com/2687.html
Chapter Two: http://george66.livejournal.com/2971.html
Chapter Three: http://george66.livejournal.com/3375.html
Chapter Four:
http://george66.livejournal.com/3634.html
“What?”
Jack was looking up at Ennis with complete disbelief. Did Ennis just asked him to dance? Come on that isn’t Ennis Del Mar besides how the hell does he expect Jack to just jump up and start dancing after the talk they just had. Going from one extreme to another was slowly becoming a headache for Jack. Jack briefly looked around the room. The candles was still giving off a golden glow and the fireplace was still giving off warmth but the romantic moment seem to have past or at least diminish. Jack was tried. He was tried fighting, tried at trying to get Ennis to come around, simply tried of everything. His mind and body was exhausted and completely worn out and at this moment all he wanted was sleep.
“Ennis,” Jack said in a wearily voice and rubbing his forehead with a hand. “Nice if surprising an offer that is I’m simply to tried and I just want to go to bed.”
“Please Jack for me.” Ennis pleaded quietly.
Jack looked up in Ennis face who face had finally looked down into Jack’s. The sincerity in those dark caramel colored eyes has always moved Jack and seeing the plead in them after hearing the plead in Ennis’ voice, something that Jack has never heard before, as predictable of anything in Jack’s life he responded. Taking his hands into Ennis stretched out hands, Ennis helped him off the floor and moved him into the center of the living room both walking as if defeated.
“So when did you start liking jazz?” asked a barely interested Jack. Hearing that in Jack’s voice and understanding the reason for it Ennis just gave a lonesome sigh. “Just…just go with me Jack okay?” At first both just stood there looking at one another not sure what to do. Ennis only danced once in his life and it was an experience he never wanted to experience again. Jack on the other hand loved to dance his body seem to have been design for it and under different circumstances he would be on cloud nine. Ennis Del Mar asked him to dance. Pigs are definitely flying over Texas tonight. But he did asked. He asked. The revelation of that gesture began to lift Jack’s spirit. Despite the fact they never discuss it, Jack knew that Ennis hates to dance, you just have to look at the man to see that. But he was offering and watching the clear awkwardness and nervousness that was running though Ennis despite his very weak ability to cover it up was sweetly endearing to Jack. His spirit was back. Seeing how helpless Ennis was and always willing to help him, Jack of course took the lead.
“Come on cowboy,” a smile came to Jack’s voice as he poked Ennis’ side playfully. Wrapping his arms around Ennis neck and shoulders, Ennis almost by instinct wrapped his arms around Jack’s waist. As always the case with the men the moment of any physical connect there is an electric shock that races between them filling them both with an overwhelm need to never let go and race head forward to it. But this feeling was something new. It was a sensation more intimate, more private, and revealing. A sense of tranquility was washing over them, an ecstasy that was filled with emotions, rapturous with its intensity and yet instead rushing to it as often the case with them there was a sense of calmness to it an overwhelming need to slow down that need to quench that thirst quickly but instead drink the feeling slowly in order to savor each drip as if it was the last. The more the serene feeling took hold of them the tighter the embrace until both men was able to feel the heartbeat of the other. But there was no music playing.
“Um, Ennis?”
“Mmmhmm.”
“Don’tcha think you should turn the music on?”
“Mmmmm.”
“Music Ennis. We need music.”
“Music sounds nice huh?”
Ennis has completely lost himself in Jack’s embrace rubbing his cheek against Jack’s and was quietly swaying Jack in his arms. Jack was feeling the same but wasn’t so completely lost that he was aware that you needed music to dance. Removing a hand from around Ennis neck, he reach behind his waist taking the stereo remote control from Ennis and point it to the stereo and push the button throwing the remote on the sofa.
The room was suddenly filled with the sounds of tenor saxophone playing a lonesome melody lush in its sensuous harmony. The melody is helped with a piano and bass that underlines and compliment the harmonic lines establish by the saxophone but they never overwhelm the saxophone phrasing. The music shimmering with romanticism had a heartfelt and lyricism with an ineffable grace. This incandescent sound bathed the room with a rapturous sublime beauty that was filtering inside Ennis and Jack’s bodies. Their body and soul seem to have become one with the music, lifting them it seems off the floor making them float as if going to heaven. A hypnotic, lazy, sleep-induce rhapsody took hold of them that was intoxicating, every poetic phrasing of the music seems to have release an unremitting declaration of love that wrapped around them giving in melody what the men couldn’t seem to say in words.
As the long intro was coming to its close and a soft playing of a drum turned the trio into a quartet a haunting, lyrical, deep tenor male voice began to sing. A voice that engulfed and blended seamlessly into the music as if the voice was in fact an instrument that change the quartet into a quintet giving off the sense of a lullaby being sung just for Ennis and Jack, a lullaby that was cascading directly to their hearts. Moving his head in order for his lips to move directly into Jack’s ear, in a desperate whisper Ennis said, “Listen to the words darlin’. Listen to the words.”
The very thought of you makes my heart sing
Like an April breeze on the wings of spring
And you appear in all your splendor
My one and only love
The shadows fall and spread their mystic charms
In the hush of night while you're in my arms
I feel your lips so warm and tender
My one and only love
The touch of your hand is like heaven
A heaven that I've never known
The blush on your cheek whenever I speak
Tells me that you are my own
You fill my eager heart with such desire
Every kiss you give sets my soul on fire
I give myself in sweet surrender
My one and only love
My one and only love
As the song came to its delicate end the atmosphere in the room was filled with a soothing euphoria so palatable in its radiant glow, it’s sense of overwhelming peace leaving the men motionless, paralyze of movement. Only emotions and feelings seem to have survived. A spiritual awaking seemed to have happen. A delicate acknowledgment to fragile to put into words but that both was aware that something major had happen. Barely breathing, too scared to do so, Ennis and Jack just stood there in each other arms holding tight. Finally exhaling Ennis softly pulled away from Jack just enough to look deeply in those blue eyes.
“That’s it.”
Moving away from Jack Ennis began walking around the living and dining room softly blowing out all the candles slowly leaving both rooms in darkness with only the raves from the bale blue moon giving light to the rooms. With each candle being blow out, Jack felt he was watching Ennis put an end to all the demons that had been eating him for all these years. Fear. Shame. Regret. Lost. Loneliness. Self-hatred. All gone, all forgotten.
When the finally candle was diminish Ennis turned towards Jack who was standing half in shadow and half in light of the moon. The image was exquisitely breathtaking. This man who has waited for years who has never given up hope or belief that Ennis would eventually see what he has always seen has finally come to see it. It has always been there staring in his face all this time. The words may have never been spoken between them but it was there. Ennis never said them out of fear for not accepting the obvious and for Jack fear that if he spoke them Ennis would run away. But the time has come. The moment in where just thinking it or expressing it physically was no longer good enough, the words had to be spoken. While Ennis was able to see Jack, Jack was only able to see the unmistakable silhouette frame of Ennis who was a few feet away entirely in the dark.
“Jack.” Ennis voice was lace with a heartbreaking rawness and naked with vulnerability that made Jack softly grasp when he heard Ennis spoke his name. “Jack. Lil darlin’,I…I…I love you.”
Jack quickly shut his eyes. Those three simply words crashed into his body with a force that made his entire body go weak. He felt his legs were about to give out unable to support his weight. For a moment Jack simply wasn’t able to comprehend what he just heard. Too finally hear him say it, to be able to finally know it without assuming or guessing or praying or hoping, to know that Ennis Del Mar…loves me. He loves me. He loves ME! But for Jack it was too much. It was too scary. Funny how we wish and long for things, things that in the deepest part of our soul we crave the most, that when we finally receive it suddenly we become afraid of it, unsure how to accepted it, to acknowledge - a fantasy realized. But isn’t that what it has always been? A fantasy? A fantasy that was too precious, so far out of reach to have it actually become a reality? Jack’s mind was trying desperately to wrap it self around this sudden pronouncement, this declaration of feelings felt but never acknowledge. Jack felt his mind must be playing tricks on him after all it was only a voice in the dark. No face was connected to that voice. But the voice was familiar, he knew it as surely as he knows his own. A voice that was connected to a person that was everything to Jack, he cause for living, for breathing. That person was his better half, the one who makes him feel whole, complete. Who makes him feel alive. But it was just too much. No, Jack heard wrong.
Still in the shadows Ennis was watching Jack reacting to what he just said to him. He could see the facial and body reaction, he saw how Jack was slowing shaking, fidgeting. The eyes opening and closing fighting back the tears that was determine to push forward. The struggle that was clearly going though Jack’s head trying to believe what he had heard was true and not some dream. Ennis had to turn his face in shame. Shame that he waited for so long to speak, to put into words what both men have felt every since that summer on Brokeback. Shame that when he finally had the courage to say them, Jack is too afraid to believe them. The thing Jack wanted the most in all the world was finally given to him but instead of enjoying the reality of it the fear that he would never receive it was making him to scared to believe it and Ennis knew it was all because of him. Even when he finally does something right, thought Ennis, he manages to screw it up.
“Darlin’?”
“Don’t say anything Ennis.” Jack was only barely able to say it above a lonesome whisper.
“Darlin please. I need to say this.” Ennis voice was just as breathless.
“I said no.” Jack suddenly found himself not knowing what to do with his hands and arms. He began rubbing his hands together, moving them up and down his arms, eventually wrapping them around his chest as if comforting himself, shielding himself from a truth he always wanted but was now too frighten to face. His face seems to have sunken inward with all the blood withdrawn making his face go pale.
“I won’t let you do this to me Ennis. I won’t let you. You can’t be…that cruel to me. Don’t do this to me Ennis. Please I’m begging you…don’t hurt like this.” Jack’s voice was like a child’s begging not to be punished.
It was killing Ennis but he was determined to make Jack realize that it wasn’t a dream or a cruel joke. Slowly walking out of the shadow into the light of moon, Ennis approach Jack carefully and delicately hoping not to scare him, stretching his arms out as he approach speaking with a quiet whisper.
“Come here darlin, come here.” Jack didn’t move from his spot, he arms by this point was at his side and he turned his head in order not to see Ennis face while still struggling not to cry. But Ennis’ eyes were already flowing with tears. “Stay away Ennis.” Jack kept mumbling over and over again in a weak voice. By the time Ennis managed to wrap his arms around Jack, Jack simply froze. Wrapping his arms around Jack in an embrace so comforting as if he was holding the most precious gift he was ever given and fully aware that is exactly what Jack is to him, Ennis slowly began rocking Jack in his arms.
“It’s okay darlin.” Ennis whispered into Jack’s ears. “I understand believe me I do. You don’t want to believe because it’s too scary. I’m scared too. But you don’t have to be scared. It’s no mean joke I swear.” Ennis swallowed hard and held Jack tighter. “I ain’t a talker. I just wasn’t made that way and maybe in the big picture you ain’t either. I mean you talk, God I can never get you to shut-up. But what I mean we never seem to have those important words to…to tell each other how we really feel between us. I don’t know, maybe we were scared how the other feels…about saying it.” Ennis paused. “No that’s wrong. You probably would have said it long ago but was too scared at how I would react or something. You probably would have been right. I would have run.” Ennis closed his eyes at the hard truth about himself. “But I’m here now darlin. You hear that? I’m here. I ain’t goin’ lie to ya. Probably never say it again. But it’s true. It’s all true.”
Pulling himself slightly away from Jack and taking his hands and bringing them up to Jack’s face. Ennis looked straight into Jack beautiful and haunting blue eyes. “You listen very carefully Jack Twist. With all my heart, with all my soul, for what it’s worth to ya and you probably don’t think it’s much.” Ennis paused to gather as much strength in his voice as possible. “My heart is cut in half. My girls have one half and you have the other. Next to them you are the best damn thing that ever happen to me, even more so. I fucking love you Jack Twist very, very much.”
Jack just stared at Ennis not moving a muscle. His eyes were as open as they have ever been before. He felt as if his mind, spirit and soul had all paused in order to slowly gain strength, building themselves up to fully understand what they just heard coming from Ennis. When it finally registered that he could actually trust what he just heard the sprinkle that came from within Jack’s body glowed so brightly outside him Ennis felt he might burst with delight. But Jack had to make sure he was hearing correctly. Jack searched Ennis’ eyes looking for any doubt, for any uncertainty, for any fear on Ennis’ part. To his astonishment he find none. Ennis meant what he said! He wasn’t ashamed! He wasn’t ashamed at loving…ME!
“Ennis say it again!”
“I love you darlin! Always have, always will!”
The tears finally came. Jack and Ennis tightly engulf each other in their arms. Squeezing and holding each other as they never have done before. To finally hear those three words spoken by one of them about how they both feel was life giving. It filled them up as if giving themselves a new sense of who they are and what they truly mean to one another.
Not wanting to pull away but Ennis wanted to say something to Jack and he wanted very much to see Jack’s face.
“Jack…Jack. Y’know of all the time I watch you there is one moment that…that is really amazing to me.” For a moment Ennis looked downward avoiding Jack’s eyes. He took a moment and looked back up. “When we couple together and I’m on top I look down and I see the most sweetest look on you face. It takes my breath away darlin every time. It looks as if you have…some key to what true happiness really mean. As if this is what life is all about. That this is the moment we all want and need. You’re so pretty and happy and peaceful Jack.” Placing his forehead directly against Jack’s, Ennis inhaled and exhaled heavily before saying the next thing.
“Jack. Tonight do you think you can give me that key? Will you give me that sweet look on my face so when you look down on me you can see it in my eyes?”
Jack grasped for a moment and then smiled.
“You bet.”
TBC
Pairing: Ennis/Jack
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: The characters of course belongs to the great Annie Proulx and story is my own.
Story summary: A long romantic evening in where things are finally said.
Story Inspiration: I was inspirted to write this story for two reasons. 1. One is the song from which gives the title of my story. The version I using is the great jazz saxophonist John Coltrane with vocals by Johnny Hartman. The lyrics by Robert Mellin and Guy Wood plays an important key to the story. 2. The second inspiration belongs to our very own lotitaray. When she began writing her The Moments Between story, her first chapter she entitle A DANCE. I wrote a comment telling her how much a enjoyed and spoke about how I am an unapologetic romantic and that dance is the most beautiful expression of love. She wrote back and told me I such write something. That was back in May its August now. It took me long enough!!
Author's Note: I'm scared shitless because I'm leaving my comforted zone to write this story!! But its a good-scare because I'm also excited!! Be warn! I think I have remain true to the original characterization of Ennis and Jack, I have given them my own spin. I don't think I've gone off the deep end. I HOPE!! Also the story isn't that long. Five chapters I think will be the most. Baby steps, baby steps.
Feedback: When you speak of this and I know you will, please be kind. (laughing)
Dedication: To all the fabulous, marvleous, talented and gifted writers who stories has given me much enjoyment and I'm sure you all know who you are. They are too countless to name individually.
Chapter One: http://george66.livejournal.com/2687.html
Chapter Two: http://george66.livejournal.com/2971.html
Chapter Three: http://george66.livejournal.com/3375.html
Chapter Four:
http://george66.livejournal.com/3634.html
“What?”
Jack was looking up at Ennis with complete disbelief. Did Ennis just asked him to dance? Come on that isn’t Ennis Del Mar besides how the hell does he expect Jack to just jump up and start dancing after the talk they just had. Going from one extreme to another was slowly becoming a headache for Jack. Jack briefly looked around the room. The candles was still giving off a golden glow and the fireplace was still giving off warmth but the romantic moment seem to have past or at least diminish. Jack was tried. He was tried fighting, tried at trying to get Ennis to come around, simply tried of everything. His mind and body was exhausted and completely worn out and at this moment all he wanted was sleep.
“Ennis,” Jack said in a wearily voice and rubbing his forehead with a hand. “Nice if surprising an offer that is I’m simply to tried and I just want to go to bed.”
“Please Jack for me.” Ennis pleaded quietly.
Jack looked up in Ennis face who face had finally looked down into Jack’s. The sincerity in those dark caramel colored eyes has always moved Jack and seeing the plead in them after hearing the plead in Ennis’ voice, something that Jack has never heard before, as predictable of anything in Jack’s life he responded. Taking his hands into Ennis stretched out hands, Ennis helped him off the floor and moved him into the center of the living room both walking as if defeated.
“So when did you start liking jazz?” asked a barely interested Jack. Hearing that in Jack’s voice and understanding the reason for it Ennis just gave a lonesome sigh. “Just…just go with me Jack okay?” At first both just stood there looking at one another not sure what to do. Ennis only danced once in his life and it was an experience he never wanted to experience again. Jack on the other hand loved to dance his body seem to have been design for it and under different circumstances he would be on cloud nine. Ennis Del Mar asked him to dance. Pigs are definitely flying over Texas tonight. But he did asked. He asked. The revelation of that gesture began to lift Jack’s spirit. Despite the fact they never discuss it, Jack knew that Ennis hates to dance, you just have to look at the man to see that. But he was offering and watching the clear awkwardness and nervousness that was running though Ennis despite his very weak ability to cover it up was sweetly endearing to Jack. His spirit was back. Seeing how helpless Ennis was and always willing to help him, Jack of course took the lead.
“Come on cowboy,” a smile came to Jack’s voice as he poked Ennis’ side playfully. Wrapping his arms around Ennis neck and shoulders, Ennis almost by instinct wrapped his arms around Jack’s waist. As always the case with the men the moment of any physical connect there is an electric shock that races between them filling them both with an overwhelm need to never let go and race head forward to it. But this feeling was something new. It was a sensation more intimate, more private, and revealing. A sense of tranquility was washing over them, an ecstasy that was filled with emotions, rapturous with its intensity and yet instead rushing to it as often the case with them there was a sense of calmness to it an overwhelming need to slow down that need to quench that thirst quickly but instead drink the feeling slowly in order to savor each drip as if it was the last. The more the serene feeling took hold of them the tighter the embrace until both men was able to feel the heartbeat of the other. But there was no music playing.
“Um, Ennis?”
“Mmmhmm.”
“Don’tcha think you should turn the music on?”
“Mmmmm.”
“Music Ennis. We need music.”
“Music sounds nice huh?”
Ennis has completely lost himself in Jack’s embrace rubbing his cheek against Jack’s and was quietly swaying Jack in his arms. Jack was feeling the same but wasn’t so completely lost that he was aware that you needed music to dance. Removing a hand from around Ennis neck, he reach behind his waist taking the stereo remote control from Ennis and point it to the stereo and push the button throwing the remote on the sofa.
The room was suddenly filled with the sounds of tenor saxophone playing a lonesome melody lush in its sensuous harmony. The melody is helped with a piano and bass that underlines and compliment the harmonic lines establish by the saxophone but they never overwhelm the saxophone phrasing. The music shimmering with romanticism had a heartfelt and lyricism with an ineffable grace. This incandescent sound bathed the room with a rapturous sublime beauty that was filtering inside Ennis and Jack’s bodies. Their body and soul seem to have become one with the music, lifting them it seems off the floor making them float as if going to heaven. A hypnotic, lazy, sleep-induce rhapsody took hold of them that was intoxicating, every poetic phrasing of the music seems to have release an unremitting declaration of love that wrapped around them giving in melody what the men couldn’t seem to say in words.
As the long intro was coming to its close and a soft playing of a drum turned the trio into a quartet a haunting, lyrical, deep tenor male voice began to sing. A voice that engulfed and blended seamlessly into the music as if the voice was in fact an instrument that change the quartet into a quintet giving off the sense of a lullaby being sung just for Ennis and Jack, a lullaby that was cascading directly to their hearts. Moving his head in order for his lips to move directly into Jack’s ear, in a desperate whisper Ennis said, “Listen to the words darlin’. Listen to the words.”
The very thought of you makes my heart sing
Like an April breeze on the wings of spring
And you appear in all your splendor
My one and only love
The shadows fall and spread their mystic charms
In the hush of night while you're in my arms
I feel your lips so warm and tender
My one and only love
The touch of your hand is like heaven
A heaven that I've never known
The blush on your cheek whenever I speak
Tells me that you are my own
You fill my eager heart with such desire
Every kiss you give sets my soul on fire
I give myself in sweet surrender
My one and only love
My one and only love
As the song came to its delicate end the atmosphere in the room was filled with a soothing euphoria so palatable in its radiant glow, it’s sense of overwhelming peace leaving the men motionless, paralyze of movement. Only emotions and feelings seem to have survived. A spiritual awaking seemed to have happen. A delicate acknowledgment to fragile to put into words but that both was aware that something major had happen. Barely breathing, too scared to do so, Ennis and Jack just stood there in each other arms holding tight. Finally exhaling Ennis softly pulled away from Jack just enough to look deeply in those blue eyes.
“That’s it.”
Moving away from Jack Ennis began walking around the living and dining room softly blowing out all the candles slowly leaving both rooms in darkness with only the raves from the bale blue moon giving light to the rooms. With each candle being blow out, Jack felt he was watching Ennis put an end to all the demons that had been eating him for all these years. Fear. Shame. Regret. Lost. Loneliness. Self-hatred. All gone, all forgotten.
When the finally candle was diminish Ennis turned towards Jack who was standing half in shadow and half in light of the moon. The image was exquisitely breathtaking. This man who has waited for years who has never given up hope or belief that Ennis would eventually see what he has always seen has finally come to see it. It has always been there staring in his face all this time. The words may have never been spoken between them but it was there. Ennis never said them out of fear for not accepting the obvious and for Jack fear that if he spoke them Ennis would run away. But the time has come. The moment in where just thinking it or expressing it physically was no longer good enough, the words had to be spoken. While Ennis was able to see Jack, Jack was only able to see the unmistakable silhouette frame of Ennis who was a few feet away entirely in the dark.
“Jack.” Ennis voice was lace with a heartbreaking rawness and naked with vulnerability that made Jack softly grasp when he heard Ennis spoke his name. “Jack. Lil darlin’,I…I…I love you.”
Jack quickly shut his eyes. Those three simply words crashed into his body with a force that made his entire body go weak. He felt his legs were about to give out unable to support his weight. For a moment Jack simply wasn’t able to comprehend what he just heard. Too finally hear him say it, to be able to finally know it without assuming or guessing or praying or hoping, to know that Ennis Del Mar…loves me. He loves me. He loves ME! But for Jack it was too much. It was too scary. Funny how we wish and long for things, things that in the deepest part of our soul we crave the most, that when we finally receive it suddenly we become afraid of it, unsure how to accepted it, to acknowledge - a fantasy realized. But isn’t that what it has always been? A fantasy? A fantasy that was too precious, so far out of reach to have it actually become a reality? Jack’s mind was trying desperately to wrap it self around this sudden pronouncement, this declaration of feelings felt but never acknowledge. Jack felt his mind must be playing tricks on him after all it was only a voice in the dark. No face was connected to that voice. But the voice was familiar, he knew it as surely as he knows his own. A voice that was connected to a person that was everything to Jack, he cause for living, for breathing. That person was his better half, the one who makes him feel whole, complete. Who makes him feel alive. But it was just too much. No, Jack heard wrong.
Still in the shadows Ennis was watching Jack reacting to what he just said to him. He could see the facial and body reaction, he saw how Jack was slowing shaking, fidgeting. The eyes opening and closing fighting back the tears that was determine to push forward. The struggle that was clearly going though Jack’s head trying to believe what he had heard was true and not some dream. Ennis had to turn his face in shame. Shame that he waited for so long to speak, to put into words what both men have felt every since that summer on Brokeback. Shame that when he finally had the courage to say them, Jack is too afraid to believe them. The thing Jack wanted the most in all the world was finally given to him but instead of enjoying the reality of it the fear that he would never receive it was making him to scared to believe it and Ennis knew it was all because of him. Even when he finally does something right, thought Ennis, he manages to screw it up.
“Darlin’?”
“Don’t say anything Ennis.” Jack was only barely able to say it above a lonesome whisper.
“Darlin please. I need to say this.” Ennis voice was just as breathless.
“I said no.” Jack suddenly found himself not knowing what to do with his hands and arms. He began rubbing his hands together, moving them up and down his arms, eventually wrapping them around his chest as if comforting himself, shielding himself from a truth he always wanted but was now too frighten to face. His face seems to have sunken inward with all the blood withdrawn making his face go pale.
“I won’t let you do this to me Ennis. I won’t let you. You can’t be…that cruel to me. Don’t do this to me Ennis. Please I’m begging you…don’t hurt like this.” Jack’s voice was like a child’s begging not to be punished.
It was killing Ennis but he was determined to make Jack realize that it wasn’t a dream or a cruel joke. Slowly walking out of the shadow into the light of moon, Ennis approach Jack carefully and delicately hoping not to scare him, stretching his arms out as he approach speaking with a quiet whisper.
“Come here darlin, come here.” Jack didn’t move from his spot, he arms by this point was at his side and he turned his head in order not to see Ennis face while still struggling not to cry. But Ennis’ eyes were already flowing with tears. “Stay away Ennis.” Jack kept mumbling over and over again in a weak voice. By the time Ennis managed to wrap his arms around Jack, Jack simply froze. Wrapping his arms around Jack in an embrace so comforting as if he was holding the most precious gift he was ever given and fully aware that is exactly what Jack is to him, Ennis slowly began rocking Jack in his arms.
“It’s okay darlin.” Ennis whispered into Jack’s ears. “I understand believe me I do. You don’t want to believe because it’s too scary. I’m scared too. But you don’t have to be scared. It’s no mean joke I swear.” Ennis swallowed hard and held Jack tighter. “I ain’t a talker. I just wasn’t made that way and maybe in the big picture you ain’t either. I mean you talk, God I can never get you to shut-up. But what I mean we never seem to have those important words to…to tell each other how we really feel between us. I don’t know, maybe we were scared how the other feels…about saying it.” Ennis paused. “No that’s wrong. You probably would have said it long ago but was too scared at how I would react or something. You probably would have been right. I would have run.” Ennis closed his eyes at the hard truth about himself. “But I’m here now darlin. You hear that? I’m here. I ain’t goin’ lie to ya. Probably never say it again. But it’s true. It’s all true.”
Pulling himself slightly away from Jack and taking his hands and bringing them up to Jack’s face. Ennis looked straight into Jack beautiful and haunting blue eyes. “You listen very carefully Jack Twist. With all my heart, with all my soul, for what it’s worth to ya and you probably don’t think it’s much.” Ennis paused to gather as much strength in his voice as possible. “My heart is cut in half. My girls have one half and you have the other. Next to them you are the best damn thing that ever happen to me, even more so. I fucking love you Jack Twist very, very much.”
Jack just stared at Ennis not moving a muscle. His eyes were as open as they have ever been before. He felt as if his mind, spirit and soul had all paused in order to slowly gain strength, building themselves up to fully understand what they just heard coming from Ennis. When it finally registered that he could actually trust what he just heard the sprinkle that came from within Jack’s body glowed so brightly outside him Ennis felt he might burst with delight. But Jack had to make sure he was hearing correctly. Jack searched Ennis’ eyes looking for any doubt, for any uncertainty, for any fear on Ennis’ part. To his astonishment he find none. Ennis meant what he said! He wasn’t ashamed! He wasn’t ashamed at loving…ME!
“Ennis say it again!”
“I love you darlin! Always have, always will!”
The tears finally came. Jack and Ennis tightly engulf each other in their arms. Squeezing and holding each other as they never have done before. To finally hear those three words spoken by one of them about how they both feel was life giving. It filled them up as if giving themselves a new sense of who they are and what they truly mean to one another.
Not wanting to pull away but Ennis wanted to say something to Jack and he wanted very much to see Jack’s face.
“Jack…Jack. Y’know of all the time I watch you there is one moment that…that is really amazing to me.” For a moment Ennis looked downward avoiding Jack’s eyes. He took a moment and looked back up. “When we couple together and I’m on top I look down and I see the most sweetest look on you face. It takes my breath away darlin every time. It looks as if you have…some key to what true happiness really mean. As if this is what life is all about. That this is the moment we all want and need. You’re so pretty and happy and peaceful Jack.” Placing his forehead directly against Jack’s, Ennis inhaled and exhaled heavily before saying the next thing.
“Jack. Tonight do you think you can give me that key? Will you give me that sweet look on my face so when you look down on me you can see it in my eyes?”
Jack grasped for a moment and then smiled.
“You bet.”
TBC