I am too busy trying to stay busy!
This is how my stress story arc operates:
[Are You Too Stressed To Read This??]
1. Try not to think about what is stressing me out.
2. When that doesn't work, try harder.
3. Forget everything, nap in a field of daisies.
4. Wake up in panic, abstract and fight anything that touches me.
5. Do something else I definitely shouldn't be doing....
6. Double down on my decision, just in case I'm really worried
.... but don't want to admit it to myself or anyone else -
7..... or die trying.
8. Regain senses. Resume panicking.
9. Throw pop-up business-casual self-pity party.
10. Try and tackle the Stressful Thing with nothing but caffeinated + optimistic frustration.
11. Fail miserably.
11. Grow desperate enough to concoct a plan and Be Mad About It (for focus).
12. Think about what just happened.
13. Wonder what the big deal was and why I had to go through all that, but know... I'm still going to choose the same way again next time.
I expect my way
is a lot like
a lot of other people's way
of trying diversion, avoidance, distraction, and anxiety
to see if any of those will "work"
before actually buckling down
to do the thing
I don't want to do.
I hope any one of them will be my way out
And sometimes THEY ARE!
Sometimes the thing I'm worrying about is... bullshit
and I'm just worrying out of habit,
or because I have this tingling sensation that if I worry,
I might need to go chase a white rabbit in a waistcoat
(if I see one)
so I worry I might see a white rabbit in a waistcoat
who will only distract me
despite my other worries.
Being a human sure is a wild ride
through our extraordinary levels of neuroticism and nonsense.
But I admit,
I don't [too much] mind my circular attack on worry,
which involves wandering me off into the woods
in an attempt to scout out my feelings
and watch the problem grow confident in its power position.
But the nap, the daisies, the rabbit hole
that is all just me playing my one-of-a-kind Wench-like part.
I REALLY AM just wandering around avoiding problematic reality
but also?
I REALLY AM circling around looking for a back gate to the problem,
wondering if passing the time, changing my paradigm, or something else sublime
might pull a secret lever
or unlock a hidden door
that offers me a solution
I couldn't see
from when and where I was before.
Epilogue:
So much of my anxiety is made of -
wondering how much my in-the-moment
lived and living anxiety arc
is real remediation
vs
destructive distraction
and never really knowing
until
it works
or
it doesn't.
[Are You Too Stressed To Read This??]
1. Try not to think about what is stressing me out.
2. When that doesn't work, try harder.
3. Forget everything, nap in a field of daisies.
4. Wake up in panic, abstract and fight anything that touches me.
5. Do something else I definitely shouldn't be doing....
6. Double down on my decision, just in case I'm really worried
.... but don't want to admit it to myself or anyone else -
7..... or die trying.
8. Regain senses. Resume panicking.
9. Throw pop-up business-casual self-pity party.
10. Try and tackle the Stressful Thing with nothing but caffeinated + optimistic frustration.
11. Fail miserably.
11. Grow desperate enough to concoct a plan and Be Mad About It (for focus).
12. Think about what just happened.
13. Wonder what the big deal was and why I had to go through all that, but know... I'm still going to choose the same way again next time.
I expect my way
is a lot like
a lot of other people's way
of trying diversion, avoidance, distraction, and anxiety
to see if any of those will "work"
before actually buckling down
to do the thing
I don't want to do.
I hope any one of them will be my way out
And sometimes THEY ARE!
Sometimes the thing I'm worrying about is... bullshit
and I'm just worrying out of habit,
or because I have this tingling sensation that if I worry,
I might need to go chase a white rabbit in a waistcoat
(if I see one)
so I worry I might see a white rabbit in a waistcoat
who will only distract me
despite my other worries.
Being a human sure is a wild ride
through our extraordinary levels of neuroticism and nonsense.
But I admit,
I don't [too much] mind my circular attack on worry,
which involves wandering me off into the woods
in an attempt to scout out my feelings
and watch the problem grow confident in its power position.
But the nap, the daisies, the rabbit hole
that is all just me playing my one-of-a-kind Wench-like part.
I REALLY AM just wandering around avoiding problematic reality
but also?
I REALLY AM circling around looking for a back gate to the problem,
wondering if passing the time, changing my paradigm, or something else sublime
might pull a secret lever
or unlock a hidden door
that offers me a solution
I couldn't see
from when and where I was before.
Epilogue:
So much of my anxiety is made of -
wondering how much my in-the-moment
lived and living anxiety arc
is real remediation
vs
destructive distraction
and never really knowing
until
it works
or
it doesn't.