(no subject)
I think that my relationship with Katy has come to an end. I once told her that the reason that I could not live with her is because it would inevitably ruin our relationship. I was right. She only lived with us about a month and I knew that it had destroyed the affinity that I held for her as my friend. I know that I am partly to blame because I advocated that she move from her parent's home and get out on her own. I really only expected her to be here a week, maybe two at most, but she stayed. I take things on myself too much when I try to help a friend out, I know that I was not wrong in advising that she leave and stretch out her wings, but I let her stay too long. Perhpas it was good for me to finally see why we had so many problems in our friendship. We are just too different, you know? I am a very focused person. School has always been truly number one in my list of importance. It was never really that way for her. She was always dropping classes left and right just because she didn't go to them. I also didn't like the way that she completely disrespected her parents, even right in front of me. I know that they might have had their differences, but she really took things too far. She also has a very imposing personality that I often find hard to contend with. She comes in and takes up space like it is her own to take without thinking about other people that lay claim to it first. With her living with me, it helped me to better realize that our personalities are just so different on the spectrum that I couldn't be the friend that she wanted me to be. Our tastes in friends and activities were too different. I am not the type of person to hang with bands and party all night. I never really was. I've always been more of the hang at the sports bar and pal around with guys and a few cool chicks person. Most of the time I just want to relax from a mentally fatiguing day at a really demanding university and I feel like she just doesn't understand that. I feel that most people don't. I'm just going through a major point in my life right now where I really can't go out all the time and do all these wild things every night and I feel pressured when I don't. In the begining of our friendship I did everything that she wanted me to do and rarely said no to her. Perhaps that was where I went wrong, but I think that I came into our relationship with the idea of a best friend being Alicia. It was easy with her because we had many of the same interests and I didn't have to bribe her to do things with me. I did something that she'd like and then when I saw something that I wanted to do, she was game. As my relationship with Kat continued on, I noticed that we rarely did anything that I wanted to do unless I struck some sort of deal with her to do it. I felt like I was dragging a child along with me. Karaoke was no longer a fun night for me, but something that I put Kat through. So I stopped going. Sure there were other places to go, but I think that I just hated having to talk her into it and then being rushed in singing and then leaving that it became less fun. It's hard to find someone who appreciates performance art like I do, I guess. She was constantly trying to get me to go to CD release parties and small concerts of obscure bands and what not. I went to a couple of the shows and then realized that our taste in music is way too different. Ninety percent of the music that she liked was depressing and dark. I have a gothy side, but it isn't dark, if you can understand that. Then again, I like most things, so long as they are administered in small amounts. Needless to say, she kept trying to guilt trip me into them. It was better in the beginning because she seemed to understand that I was busy, but I don't think that she realized that I just wasn't interested in that stuff in general. She got into this relationship with this guy that I knew wouldn't last, but I could tell that he was a pretty cool guy to hang with, so I said that she should treat it as that. She decided to make him a friends with benefits and things went sour. She came home and started talking to me about a fight or whatever and I got this huge impression that she didn't want me to be friends with him. I've never been the type to just stop a friendship just because someone else tells me too. He IMed me and said some things that she said about me and I realized that she knew that I was getting testy. We are pretty good friends and he mainly talks to me about girls that he wants to date and what not. It is really harmless and it upsets me that she'd even elude to me not being friends with someone. Adam treated me like crap and she didn't stop being friends with him and I never made her, or asked her to. The only thing that I tried to show her is that he wasn't as great a friend to her as she made him out to be. At any rate, its getting late, so I'll stop typing and another day I'll finish...