New Outlook on an Old Life
Its crazy because I once thought that if Kat and I ever stopped being friends that it would be over some huge dispute and that we'd rival each other forever. I thought it would be that way because we had, both of us, tendencies to get very angry and to chasm. The decision was not something that I just woke up one day and said, "Oh, today is a great day to stop being Katy's friend." It was something that I thought long and hard about. I knew beforehand that she was younger mature-wise, and at the time that we became friends, so was I. But in the almost two years that we were friends, I grew further interested in my future and she grew further interested in her past. She befriended a lot of younger people and wanted to experience a life that she cheated from herself through teenage rebellion. I never fully went through a rebellion phase in my life, so I never really understood her affinity for harming herself. I am also a real quiet type of person, though I've no problems letting my hair loose from time to time, I just didn't swagger about with it always hanging around and down my shoulders. I guess that you could say that I have a liberal mindset with a more conservative outlook on life. It's a strange dicotomy, but not too far fetched. I don't like associating myself with the social derelicts of society that have yet to discover that life without an education is hard. College life is demanding and I know that the only way that I can get myself through it is to surround myself with people that are striving for the same goals. I really wish that Katy would have taken up this state and really worked hard for her aspirations - becoming a vet. But even though she says that she would stop at nothing to become one, its almost like she doesn't realize that becoming one involves small steps and critical choices. Choices like completing community college swiftly and as painlessly as possible. I never understood why she even went to community college in the first place, she always seemed too smart for those classes. I guess that she let University life intimidate her, but it intimidated me as well... I just plunged head first into it. I guess that in our relationship I always wanted so much more for Katy because she had so much potential, but I realized when I let her live with me that you can't help the unwilling. No matter how hard I tried to help her stretch her wings and discover the true person that she is, she would go against it and rather choose to live in the low points of her existence. Community college to me was always a black hole for those that were unwilling to pit themselves against the challenging atmosphere of real college life. I've known people that have taken years and years to get a simple AA degree. I was just hoping that Katy wouldn't be one of those people. Maybe she won't be. I can only hope that she never looks at me as a bad friend, because she knows the opposite to be true. The only reason that we aren't friends right now is because, as a good friend, I cannot stand by and watch her hurt herself any longer. I'd rather not see her at all.