Birthdays, Life, and Parties
I've been meaning to post for a while, especially since New Years, and just haven't found the time. I'm home sick with a cold so I guess I have the time.
I am sick. It started two days ago. My head feels like a basketball. I'm all stuffy and sneezing and coughing. I am also achey and running a fever.
Today I turn 38. I'm still trying to decide how I feel about my age. It's actually rather funny because 4 days ago I had a group of people around that I have know for quite some time and we were commenting that it almost felt like we were back in our 20's. And we're not the same people we were then. Our priorities have changed - we have kids and houses and parents and jobs we need to care for and about.
I know I'm still not where I want to be in life but I'm not quite sure where that is. I know certain things and I have no clue about others. I know a rich trust fund that would alleviate the need to work would be nice but barring the fairy princess life I'm kind of clueless.
I know that for the moment I am settled in well with my job. It's not a lifelong position but I have the chance of taking my bosses position if he leaves the company and his title on my resume for a few years would look good so I am probably not going anywhere anytime soon.
I would like to get my Masters degree at some point, I guess. It would help with the employment job thing in the long run. I also know that I consider a job a means to an end. I want a career and I don't. Really I want to find some bizarre out of left field type of thing, you know - the guys who do some odd job that you'd never thought of but they get paid pretty well for (yeah I watch Dirty Jobs too much)...
I think I could live a pretty happy simple life in the right circumstances. An outdoor job in a warm climate would be nice. So would living in a climate where you don't need large indoor spaces because outside is nice for doing stuff. Unless I can package up a group of people with me or travel back and forth with ease I'm not going anywhere else anytime soon. Of course global warming may take care of that issue for me...
I like my house except in all the ways I don't like it. It's good for what it is. If my mother must live with me, which she must, I at least have the separate space for her. I alternately wish the yard were slightly larger and remember that I don't like having to take care of it as it is. My biggest wish is that some of the rooms were slightly larger, and it's not really something I can do much about. I wonder what I will do with my mother's space when that time comes. Restoring the space down there to it's orginal configuration would make a major difference. There would be large rooms available for dining and sit down socializing. But that's to deal with when it's to deal with and not before. In the meantime I can afford the mortgage so I really can't complain.
I like my living situation in general. My housemates are enjoyable. We all sit in the same room every evening and talk to each other. Dinner is a group deal a good portion of the time, even if it's just ordering out and eating in front of the TV. And the ones who aren't allergic are fantastic with the kitties. Sometimes I wish cleaning was more of a self starting operation around here but there are much worse problems I could deal with and don't. I wouldn't wish for different housemates.
I have a major turn in that I am in a monogamus relationship and he lives with me. This is one of the things I am certain about. Whatever I decide to do I hope that he will be there doing it with me. While that has actually been true for quite some time I was just too dense to understand what that meant in the larger picture of my life. I have dated many men in my life but despite the fact that the vast majority of them were very good men I have never felt that strongly about any of them. For him I did. I just thought that our friendship alone was enough to justify my emotions for him. I'm glad he saw through me better then I did.
I still want to travel more and I wish I had more time to spend with friends and family. When I had the time I didn't have the money, etc... but I guess that's the way it always is. One day maybe we can all retire and have both (except that Social Security is going to be bankrupt by the time we're due for payments).
Each achievement leads to different set of options. I guess in this way I am still the same as I was when I was 20. There is still so much still ahead - too much to speculate about really. It's just that (tick) I feel like (tick) there is less (tick) likelyhood that I will get to do all that I want (tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick)
I found out I can still throw a good party. Thanks to all that came. I hope you enjoyed yourselves. Next party will be bigger as I will get off my duff and actually promote it a little. Among other things we have MORE alcohol to get rid of. Yes, that's right, we have more then we started with. I have one empty bottle of vodka that was already nearly empty anyway and 3 new bottles of other things. It will also be scheduled so as not to conflict with so many other major obligations at a late date. And hopefullly less people will be out of the game entirely due to illness.
Which brings me back to where I started. I'm gonna go pass out now. What a way to spend a birthday.