CRAZY ASS WOMAN
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK.
I'm not letting this down, I will not just cave in. I will fight back. Tomorrow, she gets a phone call, as I lay it out in front of her.
Alright, twice this has happened to me now. Twice. Woman make no sense, that or there is something fundamentally wrong like being an ugly ass.
Twice, the woman has given me this "I'd just end up hurting you" or "I'm horrible with relationships" or "I don't want it to end in disaster and then not have a friend".
BULL FUCKIN SHIT.
I know what it is, I've figured it out. The first time(and as of right now, this time) I let it down with a "Okay, its your decision. I think we'd work together, but if you don't think it'll work thats fine. Its fear. Downright, fear. Fear that she'l hurt me, trying to protect me, fear that there'll be problems down the way.
First one was brittany. Nice girl, but I thought saying "it is your decision" was the right thing to do. I thought it'd show her I WASN'T that emotionally attached, nor that things bothered me that much.
This time, I fight back. There is more to this girl than just looks, and shes one of those perfect-catches. Its been a long time since I've enjoyed someone this much. Tomorrow, I'm giving her a call, and a piece of my mind, I'm laying it out in front of her and using the power of my logic to catch her.
Backstory: Jessica is a cute/pretty art history major, known her as a friend for at least a year. Been attracted to her for at least a year. This semester, she started to hang out in the art departments painting room. She is mostly there to paint, even though she has no art classes only art history classes, she wanted to learn to paint well and push out some work on her own to get her name out. THAT takes a lot of willpower and strength to do in as much as shes doing paint-wise in that class. She is not yet as talented, but shes pushing out more learning in art than most of the actual students. She liked me as a friend, and gave me the occasional glance.
We hung out once over Spring break, we met at panera's, went to bookstore afterwards, then I drove us both up to Stoney Creek for a few hours. Sunday, I called her and asked if she wanted to hang out this coming saturday, to which she agreed. Tuesday, she surprised me by sitting in my arms(this I wasn't planning on happening until at least saturday). Thursday was the same thing, except when everyone left the room she came out with "I don't think this is a good idea. I know you want to go somewhere, but I'm not a good person, going to hurt you somehow, etc. etc." Convo kinda ended when people walked back in. I could tell throughout that day, she was nearly in tears. I'm pretty sure she walked away a few times to be in tears.
I'm writing my ultimatum here, for revision and to have a place to draft it. Feel free to critique/give opinion, emperor knows I need it, but I won't be changing much. I'm being a fucking stubborn asshole this time, and I know what I need to say.
"Jessica, listen. We really didn't get to finish our conversation yesterday and I need to say something or else I won't feel good about myself nor feel like I tried that hard.
Twice now has someone tried to tell me they were afraid they might hurt me. The first time I didn't understand that completely, but this time I do, and this time I can't sit back and let something slip through my fingers so easily.
I know why you've said you were afraid to hurt me if we moved toward something, that your somehow this horrible evil person who would scare me away, but the fact you said that to me shows that you're not. It shows me that you're afraid, fearful to face the possibility of rejection, or of some catastrophic failure that ends horribly in both of us being hurt. If thats what you're afraid of, you'll be stuck in such a way, unable to move toward a relationship worthwhile. One has to at the very least face there fears and try if they want something. If you've hurt someone, or they hurt you at some point, it doesn't mean it'll happen again, even if there is a trend it doesn't mean it can't be broken.
[sounding more light-hearted] {and} If you honestly think you're horrible enough to hurt me, then I offer you to even TRY. You're talking to someone who took years of abuse from his father, is completely in control of his emotions, and is accustomed to heartbreak. I can guarentee that anything you throw at me won't phase me enough to damage me in such a way that you'll somehow no longer be my friend.
[More sincere] There are a lot of things I like about you, and it would've killed me if I didn't at least try to say something. I really think something good could've happened. {now} This is still your decision, but I think there is potential and I think you should at least consider trying.
[We were going to hangout saturday, I was going to make it a date but as of right now I GUESS NOT] Now, as for saturday, I was thinking we could've gone to mongolian barbecue and I was going pay for the both of us with a movie afterwards, or maybe a walk as a date, but if its just as friends, I figure we could go to Coney island and still watch a movie afterwards or something.
So, with that in mind, think it over, and give me a call right around 5p tomorrow and tell me what you think we should do okay?
......
"
I'm not letting this down, I will not just cave in. I will fight back. Tomorrow, she gets a phone call, as I lay it out in front of her.
Alright, twice this has happened to me now. Twice. Woman make no sense, that or there is something fundamentally wrong like being an ugly ass.
Twice, the woman has given me this "I'd just end up hurting you" or "I'm horrible with relationships" or "I don't want it to end in disaster and then not have a friend".
BULL FUCKIN SHIT.
I know what it is, I've figured it out. The first time(and as of right now, this time) I let it down with a "Okay, its your decision. I think we'd work together, but if you don't think it'll work thats fine. Its fear. Downright, fear. Fear that she'l hurt me, trying to protect me, fear that there'll be problems down the way.
First one was brittany. Nice girl, but I thought saying "it is your decision" was the right thing to do. I thought it'd show her I WASN'T that emotionally attached, nor that things bothered me that much.
This time, I fight back. There is more to this girl than just looks, and shes one of those perfect-catches. Its been a long time since I've enjoyed someone this much. Tomorrow, I'm giving her a call, and a piece of my mind, I'm laying it out in front of her and using the power of my logic to catch her.
Backstory: Jessica is a cute/pretty art history major, known her as a friend for at least a year. Been attracted to her for at least a year. This semester, she started to hang out in the art departments painting room. She is mostly there to paint, even though she has no art classes only art history classes, she wanted to learn to paint well and push out some work on her own to get her name out. THAT takes a lot of willpower and strength to do in as much as shes doing paint-wise in that class. She is not yet as talented, but shes pushing out more learning in art than most of the actual students. She liked me as a friend, and gave me the occasional glance.
We hung out once over Spring break, we met at panera's, went to bookstore afterwards, then I drove us both up to Stoney Creek for a few hours. Sunday, I called her and asked if she wanted to hang out this coming saturday, to which she agreed. Tuesday, she surprised me by sitting in my arms(this I wasn't planning on happening until at least saturday). Thursday was the same thing, except when everyone left the room she came out with "I don't think this is a good idea. I know you want to go somewhere, but I'm not a good person, going to hurt you somehow, etc. etc." Convo kinda ended when people walked back in. I could tell throughout that day, she was nearly in tears. I'm pretty sure she walked away a few times to be in tears.
I'm writing my ultimatum here, for revision and to have a place to draft it. Feel free to critique/give opinion, emperor knows I need it, but I won't be changing much. I'm being a fucking stubborn asshole this time, and I know what I need to say.
"Jessica, listen. We really didn't get to finish our conversation yesterday and I need to say something or else I won't feel good about myself nor feel like I tried that hard.
Twice now has someone tried to tell me they were afraid they might hurt me. The first time I didn't understand that completely, but this time I do, and this time I can't sit back and let something slip through my fingers so easily.
I know why you've said you were afraid to hurt me if we moved toward something, that your somehow this horrible evil person who would scare me away, but the fact you said that to me shows that you're not. It shows me that you're afraid, fearful to face the possibility of rejection, or of some catastrophic failure that ends horribly in both of us being hurt. If thats what you're afraid of, you'll be stuck in such a way, unable to move toward a relationship worthwhile. One has to at the very least face there fears and try if they want something. If you've hurt someone, or they hurt you at some point, it doesn't mean it'll happen again, even if there is a trend it doesn't mean it can't be broken.
[sounding more light-hearted] {and} If you honestly think you're horrible enough to hurt me, then I offer you to even TRY. You're talking to someone who took years of abuse from his father, is completely in control of his emotions, and is accustomed to heartbreak. I can guarentee that anything you throw at me won't phase me enough to damage me in such a way that you'll somehow no longer be my friend.
[More sincere] There are a lot of things I like about you, and it would've killed me if I didn't at least try to say something. I really think something good could've happened. {now} This is still your decision, but I think there is potential and I think you should at least consider trying.
[We were going to hangout saturday, I was going to make it a date but as of right now I GUESS NOT] Now, as for saturday, I was thinking we could've gone to mongolian barbecue and I was going pay for the both of us with a movie afterwards, or maybe a walk as a date, but if its just as friends, I figure we could go to Coney island and still watch a movie afterwards or something.
So, with that in mind, think it over, and give me a call right around 5p tomorrow and tell me what you think we should do okay?
......
"