Because we really aren't crying wolf, you know.
Okay, so I'm working on fanfics (liek whoa!) and getting up the energy to do the review for FFL (cause I know that will be a long one and I am very, very lazy). So while I do Buffy stuff in the background, allow me one more foray into feminism (because I think that's actually a more important topic than warning headers on fanfics...).
I mentioned in my last link-y post about how some people dismiss individual acts of sexism that women face. Reading some comments on other posts made me start to consider my own life. I typically don't think that I face much in the way of overt sexist acts. I've been told that I have a bit of a "stand-offish" vibe, so I don't often get pervy shouts from guys. And around groups of guys, I tend to blend in as "one of the guys". So, while I obviously get a good dose of sexist attitudes, I don't think of much of it as directed at me.
Then I realized that I have had direct incidents at various points in the past. And, while they upset me at the time, they kinda fade away after a while and I just don't think about them.
I think some people expect "sexist acts" to be something extreme, like a person calling a woman a "bitch" or a "cunt". Or a person punching every woman he meets, or outright stating, "I hate all women." But sexist acts are often more subtle, and often can't be judged on an individual basis. They have to be taken as actions that take place in a world of sexist attitudes. A teacher only ever calling on boys in class (but the girls just rarely raise their hands!), a stranger persistently attempting to hit on a woman when she makes her disinterest known (hey, there are just some jerks out there. You think guys don't have to deal with annoying strangers?), a female manager being derided as a "bitch" or "shrill" even when she displays admirable management skills (but her attitude is just bad. She should be nicer).
Fact is, things don't need to be in-your-face overt to be sexist. We live in a sexist society. Our actions will often reflect and reinforce commonly-held, sexist views in subtle ways. And, yes, our actions. Women are not immune to being sexist towards women.
In pondering this, I spent a day noting down things I came across that reinforced these sexist views. All of the daily events are media-related and not directed at me, personally. But they do affect the atmosphere of the world I live in.
Then I further pondered on past events that were directed at me. Things that I just don't think about because they're really not at all extraordinary. And I wrote those down, too. Not for sympathy or as a "Help! Help! I'm being oppressed!" thing, but just as an exercise to enable better awareness.
Because, in all honesty, simple awareness is a big help to fixing these problems. I think people underestimate the importance of being able to point out, "Hey, that's kinda sexist/racist/homophobic/whatever."
But that's another issue. Anyway, my oh-so-exciting events.
6/23
- The radio played that song by David Cook about the chick going to find herself. The (female) DJ jokingly commented that any woman that left David Cook to find herself was crazy and should just go back to Cook because what else is there for a woman?
It's always nice to get reinforcement (from a woman, even!) that our only goal in life should be to find a man. Yep.
- I watched Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
I still love Indiana Jones. I always will. But this movie does have some massive skanky race issues and...well...I will raise an Eyebrow of Disbelief at anybody who attempts to defend Willy as a female character.
- I'm reading Profiles in Ethnology by Service which was assigned for my Anthropology course that wasn't. It constantly describes women in different tribes/bands as being in a subservient social position to the men, but then handwaves it away by saying that the women are still "happy" and not discriminated against. In societies where the women actually enjoy more societal power (Navajo tribe), it's described as "imbalanced".
Because men in power; women submissive = NORMAL AND RIGHT. Women in power alongside men = OBVIOUSLY ALL WRONG. *is glad she dropped that course*
Random occurrences from the past
- I was chilling at a bar with a much-beloved homegirl and two male acquaintances (one I'd met before, one I had not). Near the end of the evening, the fellow I just met felt it was appropriate to say, "I hope this isn't too forward, but you have very beautiful breasts. May I touch them?" My (natural and slightly tipsy) response was, "It is too forward. Go touch yourself. Somewhere else."
Strangely enough, this guy still tried to persuade me and my homegirl to go home with him for sexy threesome fun (because, obviously, since I was openly flirting with my friend, I must just be waiting for a guy to jump into the action!).
- I had a flat tire on the highway one time (of course...I always get a flat tire on the highway). While I know the theory behind changing a tire, the actual execution appears to elude me. Somewhat fortunately, a good samaritan stopped and helped me. When the doughnut was on and the cue to exit arrived, he tried to kiss me on the lips. I deftly turned it into a handshake (this required stepping back while leaning back and physically stopping him with my arm, which happened to place it in perfect position for him to grab my hand and me to turn it into a firm, yet quick, handshake).
- When I was in junior high school gym class, I used to grab a basketball and shoot hoops by myself (because I was a lonely, lonely kid). Use of the balls was on a "first come, first serve" basis and...well...I'm a speedy bugger who would manage to nab the ball I wanted before anybody else could. One day, the male gym coach came up to me while I was making some hardcore three point shots and took the ball away to give it to a group of boys that wanted to play.
I had no clue what to do and was very disconcerted cause...duh. I was sitting by the wall of the gym, completely bored because the rest of the balls were gone by that point. The female gym teacher (who was made of awesome. I later was a teacher's aide for her) noticed me sitting around doing nothing and knew it was odd for me, so she asked what had happened. I told her, and she got pissed. She yelled at the male coach and forced him to give me the basketball back. I never had a problem after that.
- The next year, as I noted, I was a TA for the female coach. Our school had two gyms: a big gym and a little gym, connected by a hallway. One day, the coach asked me to go into the little gym and grab a chair for some reason. I obliged. When I entered the little gym, the "Newcomers" class was in there with no teachers present ("Newcomers" was the class for Spanish-speakers who did not speak English. And, for some reason I don't know, they were all male). It was a little off-putting that they all stopped and stared at me when I walked in, but I ignored it. The chair I wanted was across the gym, so I made my way over. This required me to walk past the group of boys.
As I got a few paces into the gym, somebody turned the lights off, and I felt the group grabbing at me in mass fashion. I completely freaked, running out of there in record-setting speed. I was shaken, but went back to the coach and just told her that there weren't any chairs in the gym. For some reason, I didn't feel comfortable telling her about what had happened (I honestly think I didn't want to get the Newcomers in trouble).
- Way, way back at my first real job, I was working at the zoo as a cashier in the gift shop. There was a guy in Operations who worked in the same area of the park. He became known as my "stalker" among my department as he was always gravitating to where I was working and trying to talk to me. Eventually, he tried to ask me out a couple times, and I turned him down. Shortly thereafter I was having my break in the zoo cafe reading by myself as nobody else in my department had the same break as I did. As I was reading, I felt the table I was at lurch violently into my stomach. When I looked up, my stalker and a friend of his were standing in front of my table, smirking expectantly. I suppose in retaliation for turning him down. I hadn't quite developed my smart-ass mouth at that point, so I just opted to ignore them and continue reading my book. They stood there for a few moments, likely puzzled as to why I wasn't paying attention to them, then wandered off.
After that, I had my supervisor get his supervisor to move him to a different area of the park so that he wouldn't bother me anymore.
- The Plumber Incident. Is anybody gonna try to tell me that guys have the same, justifiable, apprehension when having service workers into their home?
I mentioned in my last link-y post about how some people dismiss individual acts of sexism that women face. Reading some comments on other posts made me start to consider my own life. I typically don't think that I face much in the way of overt sexist acts. I've been told that I have a bit of a "stand-offish" vibe, so I don't often get pervy shouts from guys. And around groups of guys, I tend to blend in as "one of the guys". So, while I obviously get a good dose of sexist attitudes, I don't think of much of it as directed at me.
Then I realized that I have had direct incidents at various points in the past. And, while they upset me at the time, they kinda fade away after a while and I just don't think about them.
I think some people expect "sexist acts" to be something extreme, like a person calling a woman a "bitch" or a "cunt". Or a person punching every woman he meets, or outright stating, "I hate all women." But sexist acts are often more subtle, and often can't be judged on an individual basis. They have to be taken as actions that take place in a world of sexist attitudes. A teacher only ever calling on boys in class (but the girls just rarely raise their hands!), a stranger persistently attempting to hit on a woman when she makes her disinterest known (hey, there are just some jerks out there. You think guys don't have to deal with annoying strangers?), a female manager being derided as a "bitch" or "shrill" even when she displays admirable management skills (but her attitude is just bad. She should be nicer).
Fact is, things don't need to be in-your-face overt to be sexist. We live in a sexist society. Our actions will often reflect and reinforce commonly-held, sexist views in subtle ways. And, yes, our actions. Women are not immune to being sexist towards women.
In pondering this, I spent a day noting down things I came across that reinforced these sexist views. All of the daily events are media-related and not directed at me, personally. But they do affect the atmosphere of the world I live in.
Then I further pondered on past events that were directed at me. Things that I just don't think about because they're really not at all extraordinary. And I wrote those down, too. Not for sympathy or as a "Help! Help! I'm being oppressed!" thing, but just as an exercise to enable better awareness.
Because, in all honesty, simple awareness is a big help to fixing these problems. I think people underestimate the importance of being able to point out, "Hey, that's kinda sexist/racist/homophobic/whatever."
But that's another issue. Anyway, my oh-so-exciting events.
6/23
- The radio played that song by David Cook about the chick going to find herself. The (female) DJ jokingly commented that any woman that left David Cook to find herself was crazy and should just go back to Cook because what else is there for a woman?
It's always nice to get reinforcement (from a woman, even!) that our only goal in life should be to find a man. Yep.
- I watched Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
I still love Indiana Jones. I always will. But this movie does have some massive skanky race issues and...well...I will raise an Eyebrow of Disbelief at anybody who attempts to defend Willy as a female character.
- I'm reading Profiles in Ethnology by Service which was assigned for my Anthropology course that wasn't. It constantly describes women in different tribes/bands as being in a subservient social position to the men, but then handwaves it away by saying that the women are still "happy" and not discriminated against. In societies where the women actually enjoy more societal power (Navajo tribe), it's described as "imbalanced".
Because men in power; women submissive = NORMAL AND RIGHT. Women in power alongside men = OBVIOUSLY ALL WRONG. *is glad she dropped that course*
Random occurrences from the past
- I was chilling at a bar with a much-beloved homegirl and two male acquaintances (one I'd met before, one I had not). Near the end of the evening, the fellow I just met felt it was appropriate to say, "I hope this isn't too forward, but you have very beautiful breasts. May I touch them?" My (natural and slightly tipsy) response was, "It is too forward. Go touch yourself. Somewhere else."
Strangely enough, this guy still tried to persuade me and my homegirl to go home with him for sexy threesome fun (because, obviously, since I was openly flirting with my friend, I must just be waiting for a guy to jump into the action!).
- I had a flat tire on the highway one time (of course...I always get a flat tire on the highway). While I know the theory behind changing a tire, the actual execution appears to elude me. Somewhat fortunately, a good samaritan stopped and helped me. When the doughnut was on and the cue to exit arrived, he tried to kiss me on the lips. I deftly turned it into a handshake (this required stepping back while leaning back and physically stopping him with my arm, which happened to place it in perfect position for him to grab my hand and me to turn it into a firm, yet quick, handshake).
- When I was in junior high school gym class, I used to grab a basketball and shoot hoops by myself (because I was a lonely, lonely kid). Use of the balls was on a "first come, first serve" basis and...well...I'm a speedy bugger who would manage to nab the ball I wanted before anybody else could. One day, the male gym coach came up to me while I was making some hardcore three point shots and took the ball away to give it to a group of boys that wanted to play.
I had no clue what to do and was very disconcerted cause...duh. I was sitting by the wall of the gym, completely bored because the rest of the balls were gone by that point. The female gym teacher (who was made of awesome. I later was a teacher's aide for her) noticed me sitting around doing nothing and knew it was odd for me, so she asked what had happened. I told her, and she got pissed. She yelled at the male coach and forced him to give me the basketball back. I never had a problem after that.
- The next year, as I noted, I was a TA for the female coach. Our school had two gyms: a big gym and a little gym, connected by a hallway. One day, the coach asked me to go into the little gym and grab a chair for some reason. I obliged. When I entered the little gym, the "Newcomers" class was in there with no teachers present ("Newcomers" was the class for Spanish-speakers who did not speak English. And, for some reason I don't know, they were all male). It was a little off-putting that they all stopped and stared at me when I walked in, but I ignored it. The chair I wanted was across the gym, so I made my way over. This required me to walk past the group of boys.
As I got a few paces into the gym, somebody turned the lights off, and I felt the group grabbing at me in mass fashion. I completely freaked, running out of there in record-setting speed. I was shaken, but went back to the coach and just told her that there weren't any chairs in the gym. For some reason, I didn't feel comfortable telling her about what had happened (I honestly think I didn't want to get the Newcomers in trouble).
- Way, way back at my first real job, I was working at the zoo as a cashier in the gift shop. There was a guy in Operations who worked in the same area of the park. He became known as my "stalker" among my department as he was always gravitating to where I was working and trying to talk to me. Eventually, he tried to ask me out a couple times, and I turned him down. Shortly thereafter I was having my break in the zoo cafe reading by myself as nobody else in my department had the same break as I did. As I was reading, I felt the table I was at lurch violently into my stomach. When I looked up, my stalker and a friend of his were standing in front of my table, smirking expectantly. I suppose in retaliation for turning him down. I hadn't quite developed my smart-ass mouth at that point, so I just opted to ignore them and continue reading my book. They stood there for a few moments, likely puzzled as to why I wasn't paying attention to them, then wandered off.
After that, I had my supervisor get his supervisor to move him to a different area of the park so that he wouldn't bother me anymore.
- The Plumber Incident. Is anybody gonna try to tell me that guys have the same, justifiable, apprehension when having service workers into their home?