Because we really aren't crying wolf, you know.

[gabrielleabelle]

Okay, so I'm working on fanfics (liek whoa!) and getting up the energy to do the review for FFL (cause I know that will be a long one and I am very, very lazy). So while I do Buffy stuff in the background, allow me one more foray into feminism (because I think that's actually a more important topic than warning headers on fanfics

Comments

[xlivvielockex]

What is really kind of sad is that I bet most of the women on your flist could write down at least a few sexist things that happen to them during the course of a day as well as huge ones that stick out in their mind from their past. It really can get you depressed if you focus on it too long. What really makes me even more sad is like your first example. The "girl on girl" sexism.

I refuse to have service people in my house if my husband isn't home or it isn't a family friend we have known for years. Not just because of the issue of safety but as soon as they see the breasts, they think I am incapable of knowing how things work or the price for them. If I can't fix something on my car (which is rare), I make my husband take it to the service station.

[gabrielleabelle]

My first experience with a service person after moving out on my own wasn't the greatest, to be honest. I was getting my cable internet hooked up, and the guy was openly flirtatious with me. He even left, then came back to give me a free splitter so I could steal cable TV from his company, and he joked that he "wasn't stalking me" because he had a wife.

Yeah, after that, I always got nervous whenever I needed to have a maintenance guy over or something. I'm not a handy person, myself, so they are free to treat me like the idiot I am (though I know that a man would get different treatment). I just wish they'd all stop asking if my husband or father was around.

[eowyn_315]

That's why I like living in a building with a maintenance staff. Not that something couldn't still happen, but at least I know the guys, and see them around regularly, so I'd be more comfortable being alone with them. (Although if something needs fixing, I usually just give them permission to come in when I'm at work.)

One of the things that makes me sad about moving is that I'll miss having maintenance guys I trust. Guess I'll have to make friends with the new building's staff now.

[lavastar]

You know, my friends tease me for being The Big Dyke who runs around hating on straight men, but then...guys do really dumb things, and I go into my No Boys Allowed cave and pout

[gabrielleabelle]

Gah! I imagine those guys think you're supposed to take that nonsense as a compliment, which is just...so stupid. I'd have been freaked out, too. I'm glad that some people spoke up to get them to shut up.

[lavastar]

Yeah, me and my friend were pretty convinced it all started because they thought trying to turn gay girls straight was hilarious, or something.

One of the things I hated most about the experience was telling my mom about it, and then having her say, "Well, I don't want to say this, but maybe you shouldn't talk about gay stuff on the bus." And then feeling like I didn't want to self-censor, but also that she was probably right. Bleck.

Anyways, luckily there were nice adults back there to help us out. We were way too far from the bus driver to get them to do anything.

[gabrielleabelle]

One of the things I hated most about the experience was telling my mom about it, and then having her say, "Well, I don't want to say this, but maybe you shouldn't talk about gay stuff on the bus."

...actually, I strongly disagree with her. Because it reinforces the view that your sexuality is something to be hidden or ashamed of.

Yeah, you're gonna get some shit. I can't tell you the number of Dumb Guys I've run into who are just so turned on when I'm out on an obvious date with a girl or kissing/making the moves on a girl in a bar. They're regular jack asses. And I know that stuff can often escalate to truly frightening proportions, especially for queer people.

But I try not to let that risk hamper how I express myself and act in public. Because if I'm on a date with a girl, dammit, I'm sure as hell gonna be physically affectionate with her.

[eowyn_315]

I'm sure there are probably many more instances I've encountered, but these stick out in my mind:

1. I was at a bar with my friends, and this guy comes up to me. I don't actually know him, but I'd seen him at the local pizza place at lunchtime enough times to recognize each other. We usually smile and say hi, but that's about it. So he comes up to me in the bar - the first time I've seen him anywhere but the pizza place - and starts telling me how beautiful I am, and how he's noticed me, but never had the courage to say anything (apparently, liquid courage was all it took). So I'm kinda like, "Okay, well, that's incredibly forward, but you're cute, so I'll give you a chance to talk to me." Then, he and his friends decide to do shots, he for some reason is unable to swallow his, and so he spits it out - hitting me. I am, of course, pretty disgusted, and he kinda slinks away, embarrassed, but then he comes back, apologizes, and tries to kiss me. I don't think so, buddy. You don't spit on a girl and then expect her to still be

[gabrielleabelle]

2. ...do guys not realize that "walking her home" is done in the spirit of keeping away the guys who want to have sex with her?? That's like offering to watch someone's wallet while they go swimming but expecting to be given $50 for it.

3. Lord save us from pervy older guys in bars. I've run into a few. None so obvious, though. Life is not a porno movie, peeps! Ugh.

[eowyn_315]

...do guys not realize that "walking her home" is done in the spirit of keeping away the guys who want to have sex with her??

Apparently not. And there I was thinking what a nice guy he was for doing it... and then he wouldn't go away!

One thing I'm thinking about, prompted by your post. I sometimes get whistled at or compliments shouted at me from across the street or whatever else guys do to express that they think I'm attractive. And I feel like I should probably be offended by the objectification and stuff, but... I kinda enjoy getting the attention. The comments are rarely crude or vulgar, just a "you're beautiful" or "you look really good." It's nice to hear, even if it comes from some random guy on the street or the homeless people at the bus station. (I can always tell how hot I look by the reaction when I walk past the bus station, lol.)

[gabrielleabelle]

I think it's okay to be flattered by it, while still recognizing that it's coming from a sexist viewpoint enforced by society. In all honesty, my first (mental) reaction to the guy who complimented my breasts was, "You're right. They are pretty fabulous." That's not what I told him, obviously, because he was being an inappropriate and presumptuous douche. But, hey, most women are insecure about their bodies or looks. There's no harm in taking those shouts as a self esteem-boost.

[angearia]

Gah. All your stories scare me, especially the one from high school involving the "Newcomers".

I guess I've managed to repress all these experiences because I can't think of many off the top of my head. But I remember being incredibly uncomfortable when I used to work at On The Border and pretty much the entire kitchen was Hispanic. Whenever I'd be doing sidework in back, some of the guys would come back and do the whole 'stand too close, touch you' thing. And the staring. Why oh why the staring? It's so creepy, especially when you're alone and it's a group of guys. (I've got a pretty...erm voluptuous figure so the staring from guys who think it's okay to stare...yeah, it happens a lot)

Oh god, they'd even do this thing to the girls there called the Mexican sandwich where two of them would corner a girl and both hug her to tightly. It was just bad. I just remember being so uncomfortable working there.

[gabrielleabelle]

My experience with the Newcomers was actually the one that had the biggest impact on me. It was in junior high so I was probably 13, and it made me nervous among groups of guys for a long while after it.

And, gah! Your workplace...very bad environment there. There had to have been some complaints, I hope. At least from the girls who got cornered and hugged. I know that the staring doesn't seem like a big deal to some people, but it really is very threatening to be the only girl in a group of guys and have them all be staring at you with obviously pervy thoughts. It makes you feel exposed and like a mouse trapped in a circle of cats.

[angearia]

Oh god, I can remember one time being followed in a Walmart by this really creepy guy. It was like stalker-esque. I think I was seventeen at the time and with my Mom, but I'd wandered off to shop somewhere else. The following and the staring - it's almost worse than being directly approached because it's like you're being hunted or something.

[gabrielleabelle]

Ick. Yeah, being with your mom doesn't deter them. Hell, The Plumber Incident happened at my mom's place while she was at the house. And they even started hounding her as to why I wouldn't go out with them.

Now being with your dad...that's a bit more likely to scare off the creeps.

[gabrielleabelle]

Ugh. The "time of the month" comments. So commonplace, I barely even register them anymore. They're even seemingly perfectly acceptable in our media. Cause you know women fly off the handle and act completely irrationally when they have their period.

I'm sorry to hear about your experience in high school. In all honesty, I didn't get sexually harassed much at all, but I was a very quiet bookworm who managed to go unnoticed by most everyone. Most women I know were sexually harassed in high school (including everything from verbal remarks, to being groped against their own locker, to having a teacher act inappropriately towards them), and how they dressed had very little impact on that harassment. The sad part is that teachers knew about this behavior and did nothing because it was expected that boys would do that.