You are MY ENEMY! (my connection to S-cry-ed, part 15)
WE've all lost things in our lifetime- possessions, ideals, friends, memories...
Two things caught my attention this past week that reminded me of my views on changes in my life.
My scars: Since I've taken 'control' of my life's direction and the path I've chosen, my body has undergone a great deal of change. The cost is still relatively meager, but I'd be remiss not to mention it... first, when I was in Pensacola and had an "accident" I sustained an injury to the left side of my face- it has since permanently altered my left eye. It's more sensitive to light, and tears up often, as if to express some inner sadness I'm partially unaware of. Also, the bone around my eye has changed slightly as well. It's slightly tougher and bonier. Second, my left hand has changed greatly as well and while most of its positive- growing noticeably stronger and more resilient- it has begun to develop reddish, scarlike tissue over the knuckles that have grown bigger and denser (which to date are the ones over the middle and index fingers... the middle one is noticably bigger after I punched something much harder than I'd anticipated)
My views: It's funny how I've stumbled and staggered towards awareness- almost bumping blindly into it or missing it barely so many times. My lovely little thoeries on life have taken quite a beating ^_^ Moreso than probably anything else. I've come at some point in time to view everyone- hell everyTHING- as an enemy. I've yelled, cursed, punched, kicked, smashed, stomped, headbutted and have even bitten things I saw as my enemy at some point in time... even those I was trying to initally help. They became my enemy in my mind. If you become my enemy, there's always the chance I could lose myself in that illusion and kill you. *sighs and hangs head* It's true. I can't begin to tell those reading this how close I came to killing certain people that I regarded as enemies. Until this year's experiences, I got more and more wrapped up in that, and seemed to come closer to crossing the line and taking a human life. At the start of the year, I crossed society's line of acceptable behavior, and sent an enemy to the hospital. But since this event, I've undergone change. Maybe I've begun to meet people that were willing to talk me down from it... maybe I've gained some awareness of my limited perspective and selfish inclinations... *head hurts a little* Eh, whatever or whomever is responsible, I've changed.
Not because society says I should reform- in fact, I think society is the only thing keeping my hatred alive- hate for people who go around acting like... like... like me, I guess. *sighs, then looks in the mirror* So... who IS my real enemy? You? I wonder... hmm, I wonder whose enemy I am :P
Click to viewTwo things caught my attention this past week that reminded me of my views on changes in my life.
My scars: Since I've taken 'control' of my life's direction and the path I've chosen, my body has undergone a great deal of change. The cost is still relatively meager, but I'd be remiss not to mention it... first, when I was in Pensacola and had an "accident" I sustained an injury to the left side of my face- it has since permanently altered my left eye. It's more sensitive to light, and tears up often, as if to express some inner sadness I'm partially unaware of. Also, the bone around my eye has changed slightly as well. It's slightly tougher and bonier. Second, my left hand has changed greatly as well and while most of its positive- growing noticeably stronger and more resilient- it has begun to develop reddish, scarlike tissue over the knuckles that have grown bigger and denser (which to date are the ones over the middle and index fingers... the middle one is noticably bigger after I punched something much harder than I'd anticipated)
My views: It's funny how I've stumbled and staggered towards awareness- almost bumping blindly into it or missing it barely so many times. My lovely little thoeries on life have taken quite a beating ^_^ Moreso than probably anything else. I've come at some point in time to view everyone- hell everyTHING- as an enemy. I've yelled, cursed, punched, kicked, smashed, stomped, headbutted and have even bitten things I saw as my enemy at some point in time... even those I was trying to initally help. They became my enemy in my mind. If you become my enemy, there's always the chance I could lose myself in that illusion and kill you. *sighs and hangs head* It's true. I can't begin to tell those reading this how close I came to killing certain people that I regarded as enemies. Until this year's experiences, I got more and more wrapped up in that, and seemed to come closer to crossing the line and taking a human life. At the start of the year, I crossed society's line of acceptable behavior, and sent an enemy to the hospital. But since this event, I've undergone change. Maybe I've begun to meet people that were willing to talk me down from it... maybe I've gained some awareness of my limited perspective and selfish inclinations... *head hurts a little* Eh, whatever or whomever is responsible, I've changed.
Not because society says I should reform- in fact, I think society is the only thing keeping my hatred alive- hate for people who go around acting like... like... like me, I guess. *sighs, then looks in the mirror* So... who IS my real enemy? You? I wonder... hmm, I wonder whose enemy I am :P