Communication Breakdown
I don't know which is harder; starting or starting again. At first blush it would seem an easy question to answer. When one starts an endeavor the implication is that no previous attempt had been made. Being completely new, the experience is prone to al the pitfalls and pratfalls that are common with the first encounter with something foreign. Surely starting again (or over) at least offers the advantage of somewhat familiar terrain. Then again, similar is not the same. Every experience is unique and thus the challenges and comforts are also unique. As I mentioned already, I don't know which is harder.
In the recent past I had a series of conversations that have led me into a very reflective mood. The topics of these conversation were varied and ultimately unimportant. The manner in which these conversations progressed, or perhaps disintegrated, is much more insightful. Long story short, as long as the focus of a conversation was of the other party (or parties) choosing all was well. Once that changed, however, everything would end quite abruptly. Regardless of the participants (parents, siblings, friends, and/or co-workers) or the forum (in person, phone, or email) if my participation extended beyond asking questions or succinctly answering direct queries I was at best interrupted and at worst the conversation was ended. (Editorial note: Maybe sentence structure like that is a big contributor to the problem.)
If my inability to complete an expression of a complex thought were limited to interactions with only a handful of people I could shrug this off as the behavior of a rude individual(s). Given the scope and frequency of the issue, I think it is fair to say that the deficiency lies with me. Apparently my conversation skills leave much to be desired. It could be a result of the 16-23 age range where instead of standard social interactions with peers, I was spending the bulk of my time in physical rehab or wrestling with other life intricacies that were not of my choosing. Maybe my tendency as a child to be more comfortable conversing with adults skewed my ability to interact with my cohorts. Ultimately the cause is of no consequence.
The frustration of not being able to express myself in a way that others find helpful or interesting is demoralizing. I'm not looking to hijack any conversations, merely contribute to them. Unfortunately I can't seem to communicate in a way that is meaningful to a conversations other participants. It feels like everyone else has the ability to read minds and that there is an entire different level of communication to which I am not privy. I'm not saying that I think this is the case. It just feels like it is.
The best idea is probably for me to engage in as many different types of conversations as possible; using each to sharpen my skills. I may do that. However, I will still need a place to express myself fully. Even if it is the equivalent of shouting into an empty room, posting my thoughts here will at least get them out of my head. For right now starting (again) to post here will have to be enough.
In the recent past I had a series of conversations that have led me into a very reflective mood. The topics of these conversation were varied and ultimately unimportant. The manner in which these conversations progressed, or perhaps disintegrated, is much more insightful. Long story short, as long as the focus of a conversation was of the other party (or parties) choosing all was well. Once that changed, however, everything would end quite abruptly. Regardless of the participants (parents, siblings, friends, and/or co-workers) or the forum (in person, phone, or email) if my participation extended beyond asking questions or succinctly answering direct queries I was at best interrupted and at worst the conversation was ended. (Editorial note: Maybe sentence structure like that is a big contributor to the problem.)
If my inability to complete an expression of a complex thought were limited to interactions with only a handful of people I could shrug this off as the behavior of a rude individual(s). Given the scope and frequency of the issue, I think it is fair to say that the deficiency lies with me. Apparently my conversation skills leave much to be desired. It could be a result of the 16-23 age range where instead of standard social interactions with peers, I was spending the bulk of my time in physical rehab or wrestling with other life intricacies that were not of my choosing. Maybe my tendency as a child to be more comfortable conversing with adults skewed my ability to interact with my cohorts. Ultimately the cause is of no consequence.
The frustration of not being able to express myself in a way that others find helpful or interesting is demoralizing. I'm not looking to hijack any conversations, merely contribute to them. Unfortunately I can't seem to communicate in a way that is meaningful to a conversations other participants. It feels like everyone else has the ability to read minds and that there is an entire different level of communication to which I am not privy. I'm not saying that I think this is the case. It just feels like it is.
The best idea is probably for me to engage in as many different types of conversations as possible; using each to sharpen my skills. I may do that. However, I will still need a place to express myself fully. Even if it is the equivalent of shouting into an empty room, posting my thoughts here will at least get them out of my head. For right now starting (again) to post here will have to be enough.