This is what it's supposed to be like
~.: So I know I've been absent from LJ for a little while, what with life keeping me busy and not having any boyfriend related drama to rant about, but now I'm back and I sort of have something I'd like to put out there (because I enjoy gushing XD;).
~.: Around the time that I was gathering my courage and resolve to break up with Guille, I'd signed up on a couple of dating sites. Now, before you all jump on me or try to judge me for it, I did it mostly as a distraction. I had absolutely zero intention of trying to meet some new guy to start dating immediately after dumping my boyfriend. I think I just wanted to make myself stay aware that there were still really great guys out there that were single and potentially available to me and that not all the good ones were already taken. Plus, I just really like signing up on sites. 8D; It's like jumping into a whole new little world or something.
~.: Anyway. About three weeks ago, I began to strike up some conversation with a guy from one of the sites (our agreed upon story is that we stopped a bank robbery in progress). The online chatting was going really well, and we decided to meet. We've been hanging out every weekend since then.
~.: Now, my emotions have already decided for me that I really like him, from what I know of him, but I'm thankfully removed enough to be able to remain objective. If I have to compare the two relationships I've had to whatever this is that I have now, I'd actually say this is the healthiest situation of all three. It's casual and fun, and neither of us, even after discussing things extensively, has any expectations of the other beyond complete honesty (like, for real, not Guille's version of not having expectations, or honesty for that matter). While I know I will probably want to progress things eventually towards a relationship, right now I know I want to keep things as they are, even if only for the fact that the both of us are newly single. But I don't want this to be another me and Guille, where I start a serious relationship with someone I barely know. I don't even want to think about serious relationships for like ... a year. At least. Unless it's something that develops without my realizing it. But I don't want it to be a conscious decision, and I don't think it should be, necessarily. But he still has feelings for his ex (which is understandable), and I want to be sure my motives are pure (I don't want to be in a relationship for its own sake). So time is the only thing right now, and I'm perfectly content to wait it out. I don't feel an obsessive compulsion to spend every waking second with this guy (whose name is Michael, by the way). I spend my entire weekends with him pretty much, and I miss him when I'm not hanging out with him (which inspired this entry, because he popped to mind while I was at work), but it's not the insecure sort of missing I had with Guille, where I felt I needed to be with him in order to "figure him out." (I actually just determined this now -- I felt like being with him all the time was the only way I'd be able to figure out how to move to his rhythms and figure out what he wanted from me -- this is so not the case with Michael). It's the healthy sort of missing. I have fun with him, and I look forward to having fun with him. I'm genuinely interested in him as a person, and he seems to be genuinely interested in me. We have enough in common that it's not totally awkward, and just enough not in common to have something to talk about and learn from each other, and to help broaden one another's horizons. He's super-smart, super-adorable (weirdly enough, physically speaking, and personality wise, he's like a perfect combination of every guy I've had a crush on in the past three to four years). There's nothing about him that makes me feel insecure or intimidated (beyond my own hangups, which I'd likely feel with anyone at this point, and which is another reason I don't want to just be like "OKAY RELATIONSHIP NOW :D"). He has the same playful energy that I have, which I've come to realize is imperative in a guy I'd even consider a successful relationship with. We start hanging out and the playful jibes and teasing and jokes just pour out. He loves to cuddle, he pays attention to me, he tells me that I'm adorable, calls me gorgeous, says he thinks I'm sexy, compliments me on my body, doesn't make me feel stupid or bad or immature for having made poor life decisions in the past, or judge me on my money habits or any of that. It's just ... genuinely a good time, and I feel good with him.
~.: But it's all still in the beginning stages. I don't consider us to be dating or in a relationship or anything like that, and neither does he. We briefly discussed exclusivity, but it's sort of a moot point, since I'm not interested in seeing anyone else, but I told him he's free to if he wants. We're just friends right now, and though I'm definitely falling in like, I wouldn't be terribly heartbroken if he decided to be with someone else or start seeing someone else (okay, yeah, I'd be a little jealous, but not to the point where I'd be sobbing and whatnot XD). And he knows this (and is totally cool with this level of honesty, and my level of commitment at this point in time, even if he would like to work towards officializing things and doesn't have any interest in seeing other people right now either). But I think it's good. I'm easing into it, and seeing where things go. I'm not forcing anything, I'm not really worried about any of it. I'm doing what I feel comfortable with, and taking things as slowly as I want, even though, again, it's tempting to jump into a relationship when he brings up that he thinks he might want to pursue one with me.
~.: So yeah, that's that. I'm excited to see where this goes, but I'm not rushing it along; for once I'm actually enjoying the ride. I think I'll be okay no matter the end result. :)
~.: Around the time that I was gathering my courage and resolve to break up with Guille, I'd signed up on a couple of dating sites. Now, before you all jump on me or try to judge me for it, I did it mostly as a distraction. I had absolutely zero intention of trying to meet some new guy to start dating immediately after dumping my boyfriend. I think I just wanted to make myself stay aware that there were still really great guys out there that were single and potentially available to me and that not all the good ones were already taken. Plus, I just really like signing up on sites. 8D; It's like jumping into a whole new little world or something.
~.: Anyway. About three weeks ago, I began to strike up some conversation with a guy from one of the sites (our agreed upon story is that we stopped a bank robbery in progress). The online chatting was going really well, and we decided to meet. We've been hanging out every weekend since then.
~.: Now, my emotions have already decided for me that I really like him, from what I know of him, but I'm thankfully removed enough to be able to remain objective. If I have to compare the two relationships I've had to whatever this is that I have now, I'd actually say this is the healthiest situation of all three. It's casual and fun, and neither of us, even after discussing things extensively, has any expectations of the other beyond complete honesty (like, for real, not Guille's version of not having expectations, or honesty for that matter). While I know I will probably want to progress things eventually towards a relationship, right now I know I want to keep things as they are, even if only for the fact that the both of us are newly single. But I don't want this to be another me and Guille, where I start a serious relationship with someone I barely know. I don't even want to think about serious relationships for like ... a year. At least. Unless it's something that develops without my realizing it. But I don't want it to be a conscious decision, and I don't think it should be, necessarily. But he still has feelings for his ex (which is understandable), and I want to be sure my motives are pure (I don't want to be in a relationship for its own sake). So time is the only thing right now, and I'm perfectly content to wait it out. I don't feel an obsessive compulsion to spend every waking second with this guy (whose name is Michael, by the way). I spend my entire weekends with him pretty much, and I miss him when I'm not hanging out with him (which inspired this entry, because he popped to mind while I was at work), but it's not the insecure sort of missing I had with Guille, where I felt I needed to be with him in order to "figure him out." (I actually just determined this now -- I felt like being with him all the time was the only way I'd be able to figure out how to move to his rhythms and figure out what he wanted from me -- this is so not the case with Michael). It's the healthy sort of missing. I have fun with him, and I look forward to having fun with him. I'm genuinely interested in him as a person, and he seems to be genuinely interested in me. We have enough in common that it's not totally awkward, and just enough not in common to have something to talk about and learn from each other, and to help broaden one another's horizons. He's super-smart, super-adorable (weirdly enough, physically speaking, and personality wise, he's like a perfect combination of every guy I've had a crush on in the past three to four years). There's nothing about him that makes me feel insecure or intimidated (beyond my own hangups, which I'd likely feel with anyone at this point, and which is another reason I don't want to just be like "OKAY RELATIONSHIP NOW :D"). He has the same playful energy that I have, which I've come to realize is imperative in a guy I'd even consider a successful relationship with. We start hanging out and the playful jibes and teasing and jokes just pour out. He loves to cuddle, he pays attention to me, he tells me that I'm adorable, calls me gorgeous, says he thinks I'm sexy, compliments me on my body, doesn't make me feel stupid or bad or immature for having made poor life decisions in the past, or judge me on my money habits or any of that. It's just ... genuinely a good time, and I feel good with him.
~.: But it's all still in the beginning stages. I don't consider us to be dating or in a relationship or anything like that, and neither does he. We briefly discussed exclusivity, but it's sort of a moot point, since I'm not interested in seeing anyone else, but I told him he's free to if he wants. We're just friends right now, and though I'm definitely falling in like, I wouldn't be terribly heartbroken if he decided to be with someone else or start seeing someone else (okay, yeah, I'd be a little jealous, but not to the point where I'd be sobbing and whatnot XD). And he knows this (and is totally cool with this level of honesty, and my level of commitment at this point in time, even if he would like to work towards officializing things and doesn't have any interest in seeing other people right now either). But I think it's good. I'm easing into it, and seeing where things go. I'm not forcing anything, I'm not really worried about any of it. I'm doing what I feel comfortable with, and taking things as slowly as I want, even though, again, it's tempting to jump into a relationship when he brings up that he thinks he might want to pursue one with me.
~.: So yeah, that's that. I'm excited to see where this goes, but I'm not rushing it along; for once I'm actually enjoying the ride. I think I'll be okay no matter the end result. :)