I don't think I've ever felt this rushed before :/
~.: I'm not really sure what's going on with me this week. I don't know if it's because Valentine's Day was Monday, because I'm recently single, because one of my friends just got engaged, or because I work with a lady who's pregnant with her tenth child, but I suddenly feel this immense amount of pressure from I have no idea where to settle down. Like, I'm driving myself crazy because I'm not in love with someone and planning on spending the rest of my life with them. I hate it. I feel absolutely broken and empty and I want so badly for my life to start working like the rom com I know it was meant to be. D< I have to sit and listen everyday to Jenna gush about her boyfriend, and granted, he's a great guy and I'm glad they're happy together, but it just makes me feel miserable and lacking. I'm a great person! Where is the perfect man that I'm supposed to be with? Why is it that the best relationships I've ever formed with guys have happened over the internet? And that these guys have live in countries thousands and thousands of miles away from me? It's like the universe is playing a cosmic joke on me by dangling these great guys in front of me that I can't have because distance and money will not permit. It's frustrating. I don't wanna wait anymore. Baby mania has been creeping up on me for the past 7 months or so, and I don't know if it's biology or society or both, but I just feel like, domestically speaking, I am nowhere near where I want to be in my life. I thought I'd be well onto working my way towards marriage at this point.
~.: I just feel like I have no time left to me to do what I want in that area. I want to spend as much time as possible with whoever I'm meant to spend the rest of my life with, and I don't wanna have to wait until I'm 40 to find that person. I want to be a cool, young mom who's madly in love with her husband, who goes shopping for the groceries and cooks and takes care of everyone. Why don't I have it yet? I've only got 60 or so years left of my life to live (one, if you think the world is ending next year). I tell you people, THAT IS NOT ENOUGH. I've fulfilled most of what I wanted to for my education, and some of what I've wanted for my career. Now where's my family?
~.: I know it's stupid, and half the comments I get on this will be telling me I need to be patient, but I have little patience for the failed relationships I've already experienced (you might not think two is that many, but one was enough for me, and then I did it again), especially when everyone around me is so blissfully engaged/wed/courting.
~.: I wish I had billions of dollars to go on Millionaire Matchmaker or whatever that show is and get set up with someone awesome. I'm not worried about finding someone, I'm worried about finding someone before I'm 30. My ovaries are gonna start to DIE, I tell you, if I don't start popping out babies soon.
~.: In other news, I wish that gift card my mom keeps promising me would get here soon. I've spent all the money I can spare on food for myself by eating out and buying quick meals for a day because I kept expecting it the very next day, and now the rest of my funds I need to save for my car payment, the rest of my rent, and car insurance. And I don't actually have all the money in my bank necessary for that. So.
~.: I just feel like I have no time left to me to do what I want in that area. I want to spend as much time as possible with whoever I'm meant to spend the rest of my life with, and I don't wanna have to wait until I'm 40 to find that person. I want to be a cool, young mom who's madly in love with her husband, who goes shopping for the groceries and cooks and takes care of everyone. Why don't I have it yet? I've only got 60 or so years left of my life to live (one, if you think the world is ending next year). I tell you people, THAT IS NOT ENOUGH. I've fulfilled most of what I wanted to for my education, and some of what I've wanted for my career. Now where's my family?
~.: I know it's stupid, and half the comments I get on this will be telling me I need to be patient, but I have little patience for the failed relationships I've already experienced (you might not think two is that many, but one was enough for me, and then I did it again), especially when everyone around me is so blissfully engaged/wed/courting.
~.: I wish I had billions of dollars to go on Millionaire Matchmaker or whatever that show is and get set up with someone awesome. I'm not worried about finding someone, I'm worried about finding someone before I'm 30. My ovaries are gonna start to DIE, I tell you, if I don't start popping out babies soon.
~.: In other news, I wish that gift card my mom keeps promising me would get here soon. I've spent all the money I can spare on food for myself by eating out and buying quick meals for a day because I kept expecting it the very next day, and now the rest of my funds I need to save for my car payment, the rest of my rent, and car insurance. And I don't actually have all the money in my bank necessary for that. So.