Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I am an idiot
~.: So I think I just reached full panic/freak-out mode as I've discovered I now have $45, and a quarter tank of gas to last me until .... I don't know when. I'm hungry, have no food, will probably be subsisting on half a meal a day until further notice, and even though I have a small transfer of money that should go through in the next two days or so, and money that my mom is lending me, I don't know if it'll be enough to sustain me until and after I get my last paycheck. I'm trying to do the sitting/nannying thing but all anyone wants is part-time, and because everyone is broke, they can't afford to pay me what I need to live. So I guess I'll be walking down to Minnieland tomorrow morning to ask for an application. Maybe I'll be lucky and they'll hire me and pay more more than $9 an hour (which is all I made last time I worked there). Or I could do that and work part-time somewhere else (maybe doing the nannying thing?). I just hate having to venture way outside of my field for some stupid part-time job because I was retarded enough to quit my full-time, good-paying job. I don't know what I've gotten myself into and I'm seriously freaking out. I don't even know if it would make a difference if I was living at home or at Layne's either, since I'd still have no income. Maybe I wouldn't be as hungry, but I'd still have bills to pay. Without food, my bills, including phone, car insurance, car payment, and student loans, are about $1000 a month. And after the interview I had on Monday, I'm actually kinda scared of getting that job. I hope, if I get it, they can train me. Like, I have the biggest fear of just being thrown into the job and told to do it, without any training, because I talked myself up so well in the interview (not that I'm lying, but I'm playing up the whole "I'm a fast learner and dedicated worker! :D").
~.: So I don't know what to do. It also doesn't help that the internet in my new place sucks. Like, really really sucks. Nothing loads, and when it does, it's usually with an error message, or it's after you waited ten minutes. Not helpful when you're trying to apply for jobs, but I can't afford to drive anywhere because I have no money for gas. I mean, I only spent $600 for this whole rent and deposit thing. And then, as always happens when I least need it to (like, seriously, without fail, no matter what I do or how I budget), everything that was pending for two weeks decided to no longer be pending. So yeah, it's definitely partially my fault that I'm in this crappy situation, but it's also partially not my fault because our electronic banking system is made for grownups making more money than me, who know how to budget and invest. They should have a junior banking system for us less money-savvy people. :x Or at least teach kids in school how to handle their money better.
~.: I hate this. I really really hate this. And on top of freaking out, I feel totally isolated, and I don't even have that many people I can turn to to help me out financially. My dad is definitely out of the question, I can't ask my gram for money, and my mom already sent me some. All my friends are broke too, and I wouldn't ask them for any serious money anyway. How did I screw myself so badly? How did I manage to do this? How do I fix it? And how do I get around the fact that everyone is now judging me as a too-spontaneous, immature, idiot? Because that's exactly what I feel like, and that's exactly how my dad is making me feel, because I won't just back out of everything. It's not going to help anything, because I STILL WON'T HAVE A JOB and I'll STILL HAVE BILLS TO PAY.
~.: So I don't know what to do. I don't wanna be freaking out about this anymore, but I'm so anxious because I don't have a quick solution. All my plans have failed me. I'm stupid. I'm stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid. I tried to get everything I wanted all at once and it all came crashing down and now no one can help me deal with the consequences, and no one should help me or have to help me with the consequences, because I caused this all myself. Stupid idiot that I am. I should never be trusted with money, or life decisions, because I fail at all of it.
~.: I'm gonna go crochet and go to bed.
~.: So I don't know what to do. It also doesn't help that the internet in my new place sucks. Like, really really sucks. Nothing loads, and when it does, it's usually with an error message, or it's after you waited ten minutes. Not helpful when you're trying to apply for jobs, but I can't afford to drive anywhere because I have no money for gas. I mean, I only spent $600 for this whole rent and deposit thing. And then, as always happens when I least need it to (like, seriously, without fail, no matter what I do or how I budget), everything that was pending for two weeks decided to no longer be pending. So yeah, it's definitely partially my fault that I'm in this crappy situation, but it's also partially not my fault because our electronic banking system is made for grownups making more money than me, who know how to budget and invest. They should have a junior banking system for us less money-savvy people. :x Or at least teach kids in school how to handle their money better.
~.: I hate this. I really really hate this. And on top of freaking out, I feel totally isolated, and I don't even have that many people I can turn to to help me out financially. My dad is definitely out of the question, I can't ask my gram for money, and my mom already sent me some. All my friends are broke too, and I wouldn't ask them for any serious money anyway. How did I screw myself so badly? How did I manage to do this? How do I fix it? And how do I get around the fact that everyone is now judging me as a too-spontaneous, immature, idiot? Because that's exactly what I feel like, and that's exactly how my dad is making me feel, because I won't just back out of everything. It's not going to help anything, because I STILL WON'T HAVE A JOB and I'll STILL HAVE BILLS TO PAY.
~.: So I don't know what to do. I don't wanna be freaking out about this anymore, but I'm so anxious because I don't have a quick solution. All my plans have failed me. I'm stupid. I'm stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid. I tried to get everything I wanted all at once and it all came crashing down and now no one can help me deal with the consequences, and no one should help me or have to help me with the consequences, because I caused this all myself. Stupid idiot that I am. I should never be trusted with money, or life decisions, because I fail at all of it.
~.: I'm gonna go crochet and go to bed.