A Homunculus that sells pigs.
Wow. First official fullmetalsues report.
And this one bastardizes Envy.
*feel the “exitment”*
(I've just been informed Mingchao is a Crossover!Canon!Sue. If my ratings weren't limited to 5 sporks, I'd give this a six.)
TITLE:Adventures of the Three
SINNER AUTHOR'S NAME:Migchao
NUMBER OF SPORKS IT TAKES TO KILL THIS SUE:
FULL NAME(with titles):
“KG” (a pig farmer. With no common sense.)
Envy (OMGWTFBBQ)
Mingchao (self-insert) (Even worse! Crossover!)
SPECIES:
“KG” - Catgirl. Homunculi. The Eighth Homunculi. >__<
Envy - Homunculi.
Mingchao - Human.
HAIR COLOR(with adjectives):
KG - “brown bangs and blonde hair which extended a little under her shoulders”
Envy - As in canon
Mingchao - She’s Chinese… I guess normally it would be black.. unless she’s been uber-sue-ified.
EYE COLOR(include adjectives):
KG - “light-brown eyes”
Envy - As in canon
Mingchao - Brown? Chinese?
UNUSUAL MARKINGS:
KG - “real cat ears and a tail.”, Ouroborus on her Stomach
Envy - Ouroborus on his thigh.
Mingchao - none. Poor her. -__-
POSSESSIONS:
KG owns pigs. And doesn’t know how to sell them. (You’re supposed to sell the fattest ones first and wait for the smaller and weaker ones to get fatter.) She also owns SPARKLY-POO cooking skillz. With a z.
Envy owns guns.
Mingchao owns an “Eto Gun”.
“The gun was carved by a Chinese blacksmith and ws powered by an animal essence from the Chinese zodiac's twelve animals.”
Apparently, if you stick a rabbit bone it it, and shout “RABBIT BULLET, GOOOOO!” the rabbit “bullet” will bounce like a rabbit.
ANNOYING ORIGIN:
KG - The Gate. She’s the eighth homunculus.
Envy - The Gate. And he’s an orphan.
Mingchao - Orphanage from Hell
ANNOYING CONNECTIONS TO CANON: KG meets Envy and Mingchao after she finds their injured bodies in the middle of the road. After poking them with a stick, she decides to take them home. Mingchao and Envy are an “unbeatable team” when they’re near each other and they’re searching for the philosophe’s stone. She's also Envy's sister and manages to save the lives of the Lab 5 Chimeras from a crazy widower. And all the Lab 5 Chimeras have been canon!raped too.
ANNOYING SPECIAL ABILITIES:
KG - “miracles”-she can "imagine" someone dead, Hallucinations
Envy - Shapeshifter. And sparkly sniper skillz.
Mingchao - “RABBIT BULLET, GOOOOO!” and probably any stereotypical Chinese kung-fu skills.
OTHER ANNOYING TRAITS: KG can not sell pigs. Sue!Envy has been written so horribly that if you stuck a random name where "Envy" usually is, you won't be able to see the difference.
NOTES:
This was originally going to be THREE SPORKS, but then… the suethor completely butchered Envy’s character. Envy totes guns in this story. GUNS.
What happened? He transformed into Riza and there were aftereffects?
There's also no rising action. The plot goes from Introduction -> Climax 1 -> Climax 2 -> Climax 3 and the reader is just sitting there, going: Huh?
This story annoys me in ways I don't even understand.
Therefore, FIVE SPORKS.
SAMPLE:
"Good morning, KG." the shopkeeper answered back. (That girl was named KG.)(Never would've guessed.) "I see you've brought some pigs today." He took some money out of his pocket and gave it to her while she handed over the pigs.
"They're the last ones I have," replied KG, "and they're the fattest ones. I thought I should save the best for last, and that's your answer to why I gave you the skinniest and weakest ones first, and then giving the pigs until I gave you the best." "Ha, I see what you mean." the shopkeeper said, cutting up a pig. He tossed out the head.
(Why don’t you sell the fattest ones first??? Then the skinnier ones could GROW. Oh right. Logic.)
KG sighed and watched her pig getting chopped up. She then stretched her arms out and started to walk away. "I see that you're busy, so I'll go now. Thanks for the pay; it'll be the last!" shouted KG. (She was already walking away when she said that.)
While KG was walking to her home, she wondered what she would do since she had no more pigs to sell anymore. Could she become a famous singer? It was the year 1914, and there weren't many choices for a kid to make. She could go on an expedition (if she was lucky), or get a job with animals. She didn't know.
While she was walking, she stumbled upon two bodies. A girl and a boy, to be exact, were injured horribly. She got a stick and poked them both with it. She got up and threw the stick. After a moment of silence, she rolled her eyes and rubbed her chest.
"Well, it's none of my business anyways." KG said, still rubbing her chest.(This sentence scares me. o.O)"I'd better get home and plan for my future!(There are two dead bodies in the road and you're just going home to plan you're future. Oh yes, I keep forgetting that Logic doesn't exist in Mary-sue world.) I'll get a better life that way!" She started to walk away.
Grooooaan... Ugh...(Beautiful time-lapse insert right there.)
Some time later, the boy and the girl woke up in the night. The boy got up and looked at the girl, who was just waking up. She groaned again and looked at the boy, and she put her hand on her head, which had throbbing pain, and her bruised leg. They were covered in bandages.
-----------------------------------
"You killed them! YOU DIE NOW!" shouted Gordy, who fired at KG and cut off the tip of her ear and grazed her tail, which just lost some fur. "EEEEK! MY EAR!" shreiked KG in pain, while she squeezed her hurting ear.
Now Mingchao lost it. She pulled out a gun and applied a bone from the rabbit stew they had onto a hole in the unusual gun.
"I hate to do this to you, but you leave me no choice!" She said. Mingchao pointed the gun at Gordy and yelled, "RABBIT BULLET, GOOOOO!"
Not only was it a strange gun, but it was a strange bullet (That's becuase it's a rabbit bone...), too. It looked like a regular bullet, but it bounced off of the ground like a rabbit and struck Gordy in the back. The gun was carved by a Chinese blacksmith and ws powered by an animal essence from the Chinese zodiac's twelve animals. There was another gun, similar to that of the Eto Gun (the gun was called that) in another region, but hd a different owner.
"Now you can feel the pain of the people you killed." Mingchao said, returning the Eto Gun in her pocket. "It's all over now." "No. It's not over," Envy said, "he's still alive. The to Gun doesn't kill people because your grandpa didn't want you to become a murderer." (Great. A gun that doesn't kill people when you shoot them with it. THAT's efficient in the FMA world.)
-------------------------------------
January 16,
I had a wonderful day today. My husband created a successful chimera! It's a miracle now. The chimera was named Talc by my daughter, sweet Rimmie. But I can't live any longer now. My heart is full of sorrow, pain and deep memories I wish would fade away, but can never forget. I wat my daughter to come with me to heaven so I won't be alone, not just God and me. I hope I can lift this burden and my chimera can do it for me--
(Real wonderful day, eh?)
There was splattered wth blood, so KG couldn't decipher it.
Inscribed on the vvery final page was: I will avenge you, Mira!
"No...no...no...it can't be. Please, I hope I'm wrong but, I've got the evidence so I'm correct!" exclaimed KG. "It's revenge!"
------------------------------------
And I didn't even show you the hot-springs scene.
P.S. My Lj-cuts are coming up in capital letters, and it's annoying me. Does anyone know the CSS override for it?
And this one bastardizes Envy.
*feel the “exitment”*
(I've just been informed Mingchao is a Crossover!Canon!Sue. If my ratings weren't limited to 5 sporks, I'd give this a six.)
TITLE:Adventures of the Three
SINNER AUTHOR'S NAME:Migchao
NUMBER OF SPORKS IT TAKES TO KILL THIS SUE:
FULL NAME(with titles):
“KG” (a pig farmer. With no common sense.)
Envy (OMGWTFBBQ)
Mingchao (self-insert) (Even worse! Crossover!)
SPECIES:
“KG” - Catgirl. Homunculi. The Eighth Homunculi. >__<
Envy - Homunculi.
Mingchao - Human.
HAIR COLOR(with adjectives):
KG - “brown bangs and blonde hair which extended a little under her shoulders”
Envy - As in canon
Mingchao - She’s Chinese… I guess normally it would be black.. unless she’s been uber-sue-ified.
EYE COLOR(include adjectives):
KG - “light-brown eyes”
Envy - As in canon
Mingchao - Brown? Chinese?
UNUSUAL MARKINGS:
KG - “real cat ears and a tail.”, Ouroborus on her Stomach
Envy - Ouroborus on his thigh.
Mingchao - none. Poor her. -__-
POSSESSIONS:
KG owns pigs. And doesn’t know how to sell them. (You’re supposed to sell the fattest ones first and wait for the smaller and weaker ones to get fatter.) She also owns SPARKLY-POO cooking skillz. With a z.
Envy owns guns.
Mingchao owns an “Eto Gun”.
“The gun was carved by a Chinese blacksmith and ws powered by an animal essence from the Chinese zodiac's twelve animals.”
Apparently, if you stick a rabbit bone it it, and shout “RABBIT BULLET, GOOOOO!” the rabbit “bullet” will bounce like a rabbit.
ANNOYING ORIGIN:
KG - The Gate. She’s the eighth homunculus.
Envy - The Gate. And he’s an orphan.
Mingchao - Orphanage from Hell
ANNOYING CONNECTIONS TO CANON: KG meets Envy and Mingchao after she finds their injured bodies in the middle of the road. After poking them with a stick, she decides to take them home. Mingchao and Envy are an “unbeatable team” when they’re near each other and they’re searching for the philosophe’s stone. She's also Envy's sister and manages to save the lives of the Lab 5 Chimeras from a crazy widower. And all the Lab 5 Chimeras have been canon!raped too.
ANNOYING SPECIAL ABILITIES:
KG - “miracles”-she can "imagine" someone dead, Hallucinations
Envy - Shapeshifter. And sparkly sniper skillz.
Mingchao - “RABBIT BULLET, GOOOOO!” and probably any stereotypical Chinese kung-fu skills.
OTHER ANNOYING TRAITS: KG can not sell pigs. Sue!Envy has been written so horribly that if you stuck a random name where "Envy" usually is, you won't be able to see the difference.
NOTES:
This was originally going to be THREE SPORKS, but then… the suethor completely butchered Envy’s character. Envy totes guns in this story. GUNS.
What happened? He transformed into Riza and there were aftereffects?
There's also no rising action. The plot goes from Introduction -> Climax 1 -> Climax 2 -> Climax 3 and the reader is just sitting there, going: Huh?
This story annoys me in ways I don't even understand.
Therefore, FIVE SPORKS.
SAMPLE:
"Good morning, KG." the shopkeeper answered back. (That girl was named KG.)(Never would've guessed.) "I see you've brought some pigs today." He took some money out of his pocket and gave it to her while she handed over the pigs.
"They're the last ones I have," replied KG, "and they're the fattest ones. I thought I should save the best for last, and that's your answer to why I gave you the skinniest and weakest ones first, and then giving the pigs until I gave you the best." "Ha, I see what you mean." the shopkeeper said, cutting up a pig. He tossed out the head.
(Why don’t you sell the fattest ones first??? Then the skinnier ones could GROW. Oh right. Logic.)
KG sighed and watched her pig getting chopped up. She then stretched her arms out and started to walk away. "I see that you're busy, so I'll go now. Thanks for the pay; it'll be the last!" shouted KG. (She was already walking away when she said that.)
While KG was walking to her home, she wondered what she would do since she had no more pigs to sell anymore. Could she become a famous singer? It was the year 1914, and there weren't many choices for a kid to make. She could go on an expedition (if she was lucky), or get a job with animals. She didn't know.
While she was walking, she stumbled upon two bodies. A girl and a boy, to be exact, were injured horribly. She got a stick and poked them both with it. She got up and threw the stick. After a moment of silence, she rolled her eyes and rubbed her chest.
"Well, it's none of my business anyways." KG said, still rubbing her chest.(This sentence scares me. o.O)"I'd better get home and plan for my future!(There are two dead bodies in the road and you're just going home to plan you're future. Oh yes, I keep forgetting that Logic doesn't exist in Mary-sue world.) I'll get a better life that way!" She started to walk away.
Grooooaan... Ugh...(Beautiful time-lapse insert right there.)
Some time later, the boy and the girl woke up in the night. The boy got up and looked at the girl, who was just waking up. She groaned again and looked at the boy, and she put her hand on her head, which had throbbing pain, and her bruised leg. They were covered in bandages.
-----------------------------------
"You killed them! YOU DIE NOW!" shouted Gordy, who fired at KG and cut off the tip of her ear and grazed her tail, which just lost some fur. "EEEEK! MY EAR!" shreiked KG in pain, while she squeezed her hurting ear.
Now Mingchao lost it. She pulled out a gun and applied a bone from the rabbit stew they had onto a hole in the unusual gun.
"I hate to do this to you, but you leave me no choice!" She said. Mingchao pointed the gun at Gordy and yelled, "RABBIT BULLET, GOOOOO!"
Not only was it a strange gun, but it was a strange bullet (That's becuase it's a rabbit bone...), too. It looked like a regular bullet, but it bounced off of the ground like a rabbit and struck Gordy in the back. The gun was carved by a Chinese blacksmith and ws powered by an animal essence from the Chinese zodiac's twelve animals. There was another gun, similar to that of the Eto Gun (the gun was called that) in another region, but hd a different owner.
"Now you can feel the pain of the people you killed." Mingchao said, returning the Eto Gun in her pocket. "It's all over now." "No. It's not over," Envy said, "he's still alive. The to Gun doesn't kill people because your grandpa didn't want you to become a murderer." (Great. A gun that doesn't kill people when you shoot them with it. THAT's efficient in the FMA world.)
-------------------------------------
January 16,
I had a wonderful day today. My husband created a successful chimera! It's a miracle now. The chimera was named Talc by my daughter, sweet Rimmie. But I can't live any longer now. My heart is full of sorrow, pain and deep memories I wish would fade away, but can never forget. I wat my daughter to come with me to heaven so I won't be alone, not just God and me. I hope I can lift this burden and my chimera can do it for me--
(Real wonderful day, eh?)
There was splattered wth blood, so KG couldn't decipher it.
Inscribed on the vvery final page was: I will avenge you, Mira!
"No...no...no...it can't be. Please, I hope I'm wrong but, I've got the evidence so I'm correct!" exclaimed KG. "It's revenge!"
------------------------------------
And I didn't even show you the hot-springs scene.
P.S. My Lj-cuts are coming up in capital letters, and it's annoying me. Does anyone know the CSS override for it?