OOC: Music Dump - Part One of a Two Part Heartbreak
God help you all the day someone breaks my heart, is all I can say, after making this and the second part of this. Oh yeah, folks, it's the Clark perspective on the Katia/Clark break-up v.2.5 or whatever they're on now mix. It's a bit more general Clark and his feelings than that, though - there's some songs for the Dynamo stuff because ... why not, and god knows "The Cave" covers about 30 million things if you want it to (and I do). I tried to keep the music to things I thought you might actually listen to, Ace-Face, so it's all a bit more rock-pop/folk-rock/heavily featuring (acoustic) guitars. Anyways, you know the drill, blah, blah, free music; enjoy!
I'm with America'>
1. America - The Indelicates
This little England, it's dingy and it's mean
I've flirted with her mewling gods and petty jelousies
These edited-reader rebels with their simulated causes
Their weak-chinned snarls and red guitars I disregard them all
[…]
I find myself a loner and I find myself bereft
I find myself agreeing with Bill O'Reilly more than the left.
***
Okay, so Clark isn't a Bill O'Reilly, right-winger or anything - but just bare with me here and go with the metaphor. Clark feels unsupported and separated from everyone in his social group because of his personal views. Which he holds … rather strongly.
***
2. Center of Attention - Jackson Waters
You want your independence
But you won't let me let you go
You wanna test the waters
And leave it on the empty shores
But I'll take my time if you want to
And I'll give you what ever you need
And I'll wait a lifetime to give it to you
Give in to you
***
Initially Clark was okay with Katia's back-and-forth over their relationship.
***
3. Doormat - Jill Cohen
Step on in
tell me to my face
I can take your anger but I can't take this silence
Step on in
like I'm a rug at your door
and maybe you'll tell your story some more
You won't take the offer
You won't take the bet
It's so hard to remember
and you'll never forgive me
Step on in
tell me to my face
Be courageous and put me in the place
Step on in
it's your choice if you choose
or maybe your story is too good to lose.
***
But you know what wasn't cool? Katia's constant inability to let go of and dispel the stories that made him seem like a jackass and bad boyfriend to all her friends. It wasn't that she was telling them, but ... she wasn't stopping them either. If she felt that way, she just should have said it.
***
4.I'm Going Missing - Maximo Park
This can't go on so I should just,
Regret it, regret it, regret it,
And even though I left you I'll,
Forget it, forget it, forget it
I'm going missing for a while,
I've got nothing left to lose,
I don't listen to anything
I sleep with my hands across my chest,
And I dream of you with someone else
***
Clark giving up his feelings and becoming Dynamo. (This song will always be another character's song first in my mind, but it works pretty well for Clark.)
***
5.Comes and Goes (In Waves) - Greg Laswell
And this part was for her
This part was for her
This part was for her
Does she remember?
It comes and goes in waves,
I am only let to wonder why
It comes and goes in waves
I am only left to wonder why
Why I try
***
Coming down from the Dynamo phase, and trying to find a balance between his need to serve a purpose and dealing with Katia's wishy-washy-ness. (Incidentally, if Aaron (either of them) ever wrote a song about Katia/Clark, I think this is what it would sound like.)
***
6. Northshore - Tegan & Sara
Don't feel, don't tear, don't kiss, don't care, don't touch, don't want me.
Don't want me, don't want me.
[…]
Don't sing, don't talk, don't yell, don't laugh, don't think, don't speak, don't save me.
Don't save me, don't save me.
Don't stare, don't glare, don't heal, don't mend, don't take, don't send, don't love me.
Don't love me, don't love me.
***
This song and the next one sort of go with one another, time-line wise. This is more about Clark blowing up at Katia regarding the Church of Dynamo/her immaturity and pettiness.
***
7.The Fallout - O.A.R.
I never meant to hurt you
But knew I someday would
It's like I built myself a cabin
With matches between the wood
And I'll be damned if I am happy
And you will pay the price
Strong becomes the liar
When he believes his own advice
***
Again, same time period, but more internally reflective.
***
8. The Static Between Us - Golden State
Every time this world crashes in on me
I’m crawling from the wreckage and the static between
Every time I’m down, up against the wall
I keep on holding on, you know we face it all
Every time
***
It's hard to let go though. Which is why Clark seems to always show up at Katia's door whenever he's just faced mortal peril.
***
9. My Backwards Walk - Frightened Rabbit
I'm working on my faults and cracks
filling in the blanks and gaps
and when I write them out they don't make sense
I need you to pencil in the rest
I'm working on drawing a straight line
and I'll draw until I get one right
it's bold and dark girl, can't you see
I done drawn a line between you and me
I'm working on erasing you
just don't have the proper tools
I get hammered, forget that you exist
there's no way I'm forgetting this
You're the shit and I'm knee-deep in it.
***
"...what did you mean when you said 'The Clark I love needs someone.'?"
" ... Just that - you were ... *are* a people person. You like to make people happy. You like to help people. Obviously. I loved that about you. And, I think you need someone to be with you. To help you from pushing yourself too hard. Or going too far."
"...and have I? Gone too far?"
"You don't seem to think so. Your leg wound makes a nice case for pushing yourself too hard though."
"...I want something."
"Well, everybody wants things, Clark."
"...you're right."
"... Okay."
"I think...I think I'm entitled."
"Well, you always did have a bit of an ego."
***
10.Down on the River by the Sugar Plant - Mike Doughty
All of the girls out with their hips asway
And I'm the loneliest man
They're selling incense and sunglasses on Orchard Street
Boatloads of bootleg Sean John
And I'll dream you up in this vast, dark bed
Believe I loved you for each hair upon the back of your neck, and I
Want to kiss you but I can't
***
Clark, circa living in New York City. I don't know if he missed Katia, or just the physical part of their relationship here, but still - he missed her. But he still couldn't (or wouldn't) do anything about it. (Well. Not much.)
***
11.King of Anything - Sam Tsui
I'm not the one who's lost
With no direction oh
But you won't ever see
You're so busy makin' maps
With my name on them in all caps
You got the talkin' down just not the listening
***
But seriously though. Katia's a nag.
***
12.Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want - Clayhill (The Smiths cover.)
Haven't had a dream in a long time
see, the life I've had
can make a good man bad
So for once in my life
let me get what I want
Lord knows it would be the first time
***
Angelique.
***
13. The Cave - Mumford and Sons
So make your siren's call
And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say
Because I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be
And I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck
And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again
***
Hey there, themes of Clark's journey of rediscovery, with all its zig-zags, u-turns, and new starts. (CW wishes she had been able to finish this mix a month before the Grammys so this song wouldn't be so overplayed.)
I'm with America'>
1. America - The Indelicates
This little England, it's dingy and it's mean
I've flirted with her mewling gods and petty jelousies
These edited-reader rebels with their simulated causes
Their weak-chinned snarls and red guitars I disregard them all
[…]
I find myself a loner and I find myself bereft
I find myself agreeing with Bill O'Reilly more than the left.
***
Okay, so Clark isn't a Bill O'Reilly, right-winger or anything - but just bare with me here and go with the metaphor. Clark feels unsupported and separated from everyone in his social group because of his personal views. Which he holds … rather strongly.
***
2. Center of Attention - Jackson Waters
You want your independence
But you won't let me let you go
You wanna test the waters
And leave it on the empty shores
But I'll take my time if you want to
And I'll give you what ever you need
And I'll wait a lifetime to give it to you
Give in to you
***
Initially Clark was okay with Katia's back-and-forth over their relationship.
***
3. Doormat - Jill Cohen
Step on in
tell me to my face
I can take your anger but I can't take this silence
Step on in
like I'm a rug at your door
and maybe you'll tell your story some more
You won't take the offer
You won't take the bet
It's so hard to remember
and you'll never forgive me
Step on in
tell me to my face
Be courageous and put me in the place
Step on in
it's your choice if you choose
or maybe your story is too good to lose.
***
But you know what wasn't cool? Katia's constant inability to let go of and dispel the stories that made him seem like a jackass and bad boyfriend to all her friends. It wasn't that she was telling them, but ... she wasn't stopping them either. If she felt that way, she just should have said it.
***
4.I'm Going Missing - Maximo Park
This can't go on so I should just,
Regret it, regret it, regret it,
And even though I left you I'll,
Forget it, forget it, forget it
I'm going missing for a while,
I've got nothing left to lose,
I don't listen to anything
I sleep with my hands across my chest,
And I dream of you with someone else
***
Clark giving up his feelings and becoming Dynamo. (This song will always be another character's song first in my mind, but it works pretty well for Clark.)
***
5.Comes and Goes (In Waves) - Greg Laswell
And this part was for her
This part was for her
This part was for her
Does she remember?
It comes and goes in waves,
I am only let to wonder why
It comes and goes in waves
I am only left to wonder why
Why I try
***
Coming down from the Dynamo phase, and trying to find a balance between his need to serve a purpose and dealing with Katia's wishy-washy-ness. (Incidentally, if Aaron (either of them) ever wrote a song about Katia/Clark, I think this is what it would sound like.)
***
6. Northshore - Tegan & Sara
Don't feel, don't tear, don't kiss, don't care, don't touch, don't want me.
Don't want me, don't want me.
[…]
Don't sing, don't talk, don't yell, don't laugh, don't think, don't speak, don't save me.
Don't save me, don't save me.
Don't stare, don't glare, don't heal, don't mend, don't take, don't send, don't love me.
Don't love me, don't love me.
***
This song and the next one sort of go with one another, time-line wise. This is more about Clark blowing up at Katia regarding the Church of Dynamo/her immaturity and pettiness.
***
7.The Fallout - O.A.R.
I never meant to hurt you
But knew I someday would
It's like I built myself a cabin
With matches between the wood
And I'll be damned if I am happy
And you will pay the price
Strong becomes the liar
When he believes his own advice
***
Again, same time period, but more internally reflective.
***
8. The Static Between Us - Golden State
Every time this world crashes in on me
I’m crawling from the wreckage and the static between
Every time I’m down, up against the wall
I keep on holding on, you know we face it all
Every time
***
It's hard to let go though. Which is why Clark seems to always show up at Katia's door whenever he's just faced mortal peril.
***
9. My Backwards Walk - Frightened Rabbit
I'm working on my faults and cracks
filling in the blanks and gaps
and when I write them out they don't make sense
I need you to pencil in the rest
I'm working on drawing a straight line
and I'll draw until I get one right
it's bold and dark girl, can't you see
I done drawn a line between you and me
I'm working on erasing you
just don't have the proper tools
I get hammered, forget that you exist
there's no way I'm forgetting this
You're the shit and I'm knee-deep in it.
***
"...what did you mean when you said 'The Clark I love needs someone.'?"
" ... Just that - you were ... *are* a people person. You like to make people happy. You like to help people. Obviously. I loved that about you. And, I think you need someone to be with you. To help you from pushing yourself too hard. Or going too far."
"...and have I? Gone too far?"
"You don't seem to think so. Your leg wound makes a nice case for pushing yourself too hard though."
"...I want something."
"Well, everybody wants things, Clark."
"...you're right."
"... Okay."
"I think...I think I'm entitled."
"Well, you always did have a bit of an ego."
***
10.Down on the River by the Sugar Plant - Mike Doughty
All of the girls out with their hips asway
And I'm the loneliest man
They're selling incense and sunglasses on Orchard Street
Boatloads of bootleg Sean John
And I'll dream you up in this vast, dark bed
Believe I loved you for each hair upon the back of your neck, and I
Want to kiss you but I can't
***
Clark, circa living in New York City. I don't know if he missed Katia, or just the physical part of their relationship here, but still - he missed her. But he still couldn't (or wouldn't) do anything about it. (Well. Not much.)
***
11.King of Anything - Sam Tsui
I'm not the one who's lost
With no direction oh
But you won't ever see
You're so busy makin' maps
With my name on them in all caps
You got the talkin' down just not the listening
***
But seriously though. Katia's a nag.
***
12.Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want - Clayhill (The Smiths cover.)
Haven't had a dream in a long time
see, the life I've had
can make a good man bad
So for once in my life
let me get what I want
Lord knows it would be the first time
***
Angelique.
***
13. The Cave - Mumford and Sons
So make your siren's call
And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say
Because I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be
And I will hold on hope
And I won't let you choke
On the noose around your neck
And I'll find strength in pain
And I will change my ways
I'll know my name as it's called again
***
Hey there, themes of Clark's journey of rediscovery, with all its zig-zags, u-turns, and new starts. (CW wishes she had been able to finish this mix a month before the Grammys so this song wouldn't be so overplayed.)