hmph!

[fuckdaglitz]

i have been going to the rec center everyday and i love to watch everyone workout. i know that's kinda weird, but i am starting to see the same people everyday. older, younger students, the super skinny, athletic, and the overweight. today i was sitting on the bike and thinking, why do these people workout? just watching all these girls and guys working out so hard and sweating so much on the equipment, i just wonder what are girls motivation to get to the gym? is it because they think some guy they like doesn't like them because they think they're fat? do they want to just be healthy? i just think about it because so many of these girls are sweating and breathing so hard and reading cosmo, and jane, or vogue while they're doing it. maybe it's just easy reading to distract their mind or maybe it's those magazines that's motivating them. i mean i really love working out because it's a nice time to listen to my music, and yeah i have my own vain reasons for working out, but it's so nice to workout, take a shower, and just feel warm and feel like i did something good for myself. i guess my point is, i just dont want anyone there to feel bad about themselves and who's to say they even do. i dont know. i admire everyone working out but i just feel bad, i dont want people to have to feel bad about themselves when they look at other people and wish to themselves, "i wish i looked like her or him" because i do that all the time. and it's not fun and it's exhausting. sometimes i just wish i could eat whatever i wanted, do whatever i wanted, but i don't because i know im better for not doing those things. but it would be easier to not care.

i don't sleep anymore. 6 and 4 am bedtimes for 9 am class is really taking its toll on me. im exhausted, but refuse to fall asleep in class, so i just feel like shit. :)