Fuck.
I have never been this disgustingly jealous of one of my friends in my entire life. I was more than happy to give her money so that Barry could fly down to see her - all I want is for her to be happy, and Barry makes her happy - but like.. every time I wake up I'm like, "Oh yeah, Alli and Barry are together.", and then I go into this spiral of like.. why the fuck isn't it me and Brandon? It isn't fair. I hate that they're together. I hate looking at pictures of his brother with his pregnant girlfriend. I hate that Michael is dating this girl now who he really, really likes. I hate listening to mom bitch about her problems with Patrick. I wish I could bitch about having those types of everyday problems with him. Everyone is fucking happy with someone.
Incidentally, when I go visit her in March, she said she'd drive me down to South Carolina if I wanted to visit him. Which.. really, it means a lot to me. And I think I'm going to take her up on that.
Edit: Yeah, it's even worse now. We started talking at like 6:00 (it's 7:50 now) and she's been talking about Barry ever since. And I talked to Barry through her messenger a few times too. I love 'em both but holy shit I am so indescribably jealous. Even worse because lately Alli has been such a huge component of my daily activities (as well as Jonny because the three of us have disorders that prevent us from being able to live regular lives) and I have no idea what I'm going to do now that she's occupied with Barry. Hopefully they'll get online sometimes and entertain me. u_u But yeah. Fuck. I hate thinking about them together. When she tells me "lol sometimes he wakes me up by making out with me", I'm like, fuck. That should be US. It could be us. It would be so easy if he didn't go and fucking.. ruin our fucking lives. On days like this I remember why I'm so angry at him.
Incidentally, when I go visit her in March, she said she'd drive me down to South Carolina if I wanted to visit him. Which.. really, it means a lot to me. And I think I'm going to take her up on that.
Edit: Yeah, it's even worse now. We started talking at like 6:00 (it's 7:50 now) and she's been talking about Barry ever since. And I talked to Barry through her messenger a few times too. I love 'em both but holy shit I am so indescribably jealous. Even worse because lately Alli has been such a huge component of my daily activities (as well as Jonny because the three of us have disorders that prevent us from being able to live regular lives) and I have no idea what I'm going to do now that she's occupied with Barry. Hopefully they'll get online sometimes and entertain me. u_u But yeah. Fuck. I hate thinking about them together. When she tells me "lol sometimes he wakes me up by making out with me", I'm like, fuck. That should be US. It could be us. It would be so easy if he didn't go and fucking.. ruin our fucking lives. On days like this I remember why I'm so angry at him.