Life.
I guess I'm going back into the insomnia stage of my sleep cycle cause I went to bed at 6:00 AM and got up at 10:00. I guess it's a good thing, though, because now my sleep schedule is back on track - it's kind of surreal waking up every night at 8:00, and I have no reason to get up because school ended last week, so. It's kind of been ruining all of my plans to see Ben this week, so I'm glad that's fixed now. On the other hand, Ryan hasn't called me since the time last week he randomly showed up at my house, made plans with me and then never showed up, and I have no intention whatsoever of calling him. We're twenty years old, it's the middle of the summer and neither of us have a job. We live within biking distance of each other and there's no excuse for why he shouldn't be returning my calls or ditching me to hang out with PEOPLE WHO WE'RE MUTUALLY FRIENDS WITH AND COULD ALL HANG OUT TOGETHER WITH AT THE SAME TIME. I guess I'm just tired of making all the effort in every single relationship I have except with Ben, so whatever. If you don't wanna see me/aren't interested in being friends or whatever, don't lead me on, because if you're not interested, I'll just get other friends, whatever. Don't care that much. I wish I could still call him by best friend but I have to face the facts: he's a shit friend and I guess I'm closer to Ben now anyway. Oh well. Relationships are built out of need and I guess we're just not what the other needs right now. He's still in his adolescent drugs-party-sex-don't care-don't want to work or go to school phase of life and I'm more or less finished with that, so I guess we just aren't on the same page anymore. Anyway. Nothing else really eventful to speak of, can't complain about my life at all. I hope I'll be back in a school credit program by September but I have pretty low hopes of that happening. I was gonna ask my mom for art classes but I went online and looked at the prices and holy shit, they are so batshit expensive, there's no way she's going to say yes. Maybe a sewing/clothesmaking program? Yeah.. that's a good idea.. I know Ryan was in art school for a while and it was something like three days a week, couple of hours a day, but I think it was a school where you had to have finished high school, because otherwise that would be fucking perfect for me. It doesn't really seem like there's the type of in-between that I'm looking for in Ottawa, or maybe I'm just not looking hard enough. Maybe I should try for a job? But I'm about to send in my disability, so I don't want to jeopardize that. On the other hand, if I could work then I wouldn't need disability, but.. disability offers other perks that I can't get with just a job, like placement programs, therapy, free medication. I think I have an appointment sometime this week with Dr. Gilles, who's doing my disability forms (which needs to be filled out by a doctor or a psychiatrist), and she's getting all of my files from the various doctors and clinics and hospitals for me to support my diagnosis/the fact that it hinders my ability to perform, so. idk. lol, I used to feel so awkward writing an entire journal entry about myself, and now here I am, writing whole paragraphs with ease. I guess it's because I know that no one's going to read it, and it's not like I'm whining at someone - just myself, really, I suppose. Anyway. No pseudo-philosophical musings here. Not gonna say my life is absolute shit because ________ (someone called me fat because I gained four pounds and daddy grounded me and took away my BMW and allowance so I totally couldn't even go to that Avril Lavigne concert) or pretend that it's perfect because ________ (insert bullshit about how I'm happy for the first time in years because I finally have a boyfriend and it's soooo kawaii and fulfilling to hold each other and make love on a rainy day, because obviously it's impossible to be happy without a man). Just a quick and useless update. Completely uneventful.