A few points..
A misery in and of itself, the idea of being utterly alone.
However, to say that i am all alone is surely an absurdity, because i am by far not.
My friends so vigorously try and spring my laughter back to life. On the outside it is a success,
it took a mere few days to make me forget of a year-long friendship and love. On the inside it is like a virus picking away the wall i have made myself to protect from sheer hurt. As it picks little pieces of my smile fade away. I am not hurt. I am not happy. I just become a void. Some would say they'd rather feel nothing than feel heartache. Well, i would rather feel life than have it slip through my fingers. Do you know what a day feels like when there is nothing to look forward to? It feels like meaningless time. And the worst part? They don't stop coming. Time never stops coming, whether you like it or not there is always another day.
I am not trying to wallow in my own self pity. I take these meaningless days and fill them with productive things to do, so somehow by the end of the day i can figure in my head that i have done something that is worth doing.
I am starting to believe that love isn't eternal. It's a compilation of mere happy moments that we sync together in our minds. Love all the time? That is so over-whelming. It is so over-rated, and such a misconstrued over-analyzed thought. It is childish and insecure, to be in love and have it all of the time.
I think this relationship was the last that i will use that word. I am sick of throwing it around, and even sicker of others throwing it around. It's meaning has faded, it's luster all but gone. I don't want to find love, i want to experience the joy of my friends and family. I want to run free with liberation and let my ambitions and goals take me to where i want to be in life. I am stronger than self-pity, and can overcome my own apathy.
I need to write a book on this crap.
However, to say that i am all alone is surely an absurdity, because i am by far not.
My friends so vigorously try and spring my laughter back to life. On the outside it is a success,
it took a mere few days to make me forget of a year-long friendship and love. On the inside it is like a virus picking away the wall i have made myself to protect from sheer hurt. As it picks little pieces of my smile fade away. I am not hurt. I am not happy. I just become a void. Some would say they'd rather feel nothing than feel heartache. Well, i would rather feel life than have it slip through my fingers. Do you know what a day feels like when there is nothing to look forward to? It feels like meaningless time. And the worst part? They don't stop coming. Time never stops coming, whether you like it or not there is always another day.
I am not trying to wallow in my own self pity. I take these meaningless days and fill them with productive things to do, so somehow by the end of the day i can figure in my head that i have done something that is worth doing.
I am starting to believe that love isn't eternal. It's a compilation of mere happy moments that we sync together in our minds. Love all the time? That is so over-whelming. It is so over-rated, and such a misconstrued over-analyzed thought. It is childish and insecure, to be in love and have it all of the time.
I think this relationship was the last that i will use that word. I am sick of throwing it around, and even sicker of others throwing it around. It's meaning has faded, it's luster all but gone. I don't want to find love, i want to experience the joy of my friends and family. I want to run free with liberation and let my ambitions and goals take me to where i want to be in life. I am stronger than self-pity, and can overcome my own apathy.
I need to write a book on this crap.