its life long...
tons on my mind right now...its been a really relaxing weekend, a well deserved one must i add, since we came back from hawaii. loaded and packed with different things to do and lots of stuff to worry about, finally i felt like my burden was kind of lifted off my shoulders.
firstly the whole deal with my masters application caught me in a frenzy. sudden requests for my Sophia transcripts, (which really was a pain to get), finding out that one of my references didn't actually fill out a reference before leaving for haiti for a year, writing and trying to perfect my statement of intent and resume...all these led to many unrestful nights and heaviness on my mind. what if it all doesn't work out and i don't get accepted? what if i miss the deadline? what if my credentials still doesn't impress the school and i can't get in? would i get kicked out of my current contract and not be able to start at my new job? all these uncertainties of not knowing. then to add to that i had to tell my work place that i was quitting...something i had dreaded since the day i got hired for my new job. how do i tell her tactfully and without hurting her too much?
frankly speaking, its hard to believe its only been 2 weeks since i've been back from my vacation...it feels like a long time because of all the stress and things i had to do. but thank God it's mostly all over now and He helped me solve most of the problems...my application is almost complete and im just waiting on the school to receive my statement and resume and Sophia's transcripts. i finally told my work place that i was quitting and things went well enough. i didn't get a scolding and she's been alot nicer to me than i had expected she would be after i told her. YC came and went...the stress of that is over too.
with all those burdens lifted, i felt so much better this weekend and was finally able to sleep peacefully. but with that came other worries, worries that i know i shouldn't even think too much about because it's unnecessary. things like not getting accepted, like not being able to handle my new job, finances. today has enough worries of it own so i'll let tomorrow worry for itself. i should have learnt by now that God is able to take care of all these things that im stressing over...i was SO scared about all those things for the past 2 weeks but it's all over and properly handled so it'll be the same for these new worries that i have. when i find out that all these worries are just empty thoughts that won't even materialize, i'll wish i didn't waste all these energy worrying about them...i'm just so tired of worrying you know? so tired of all these things in life and waves upon waves of stress...
and speaking of God, ever since i went to hawaii, we've been kind of distant...which you can probably tell from the tone of my post so far. and its really really sad. even with YC i feel like i've left Him behind somewhere. i miss Him...and i know that as usual it's my fault and that i need to do something about it. i just feel like there's so many lessons for me to learn lately...like not worrying and laying my burdens unto Him and trusting Him, getting out of my comfort zone even more, my pride and how i shld stop looking at that speck in my brother's eye...so so so many things. i'm just seeing how messed up i am and how imperfect i am lately...and how far away i am from being an worthy ambassador for Christ...and these lessons, im not sure if i've fully learnt them yet. when i ask God to change me, this is what He uses...and i better get it!!! or keep asking Him to mold me through these lessons...
firstly the whole deal with my masters application caught me in a frenzy. sudden requests for my Sophia transcripts, (which really was a pain to get), finding out that one of my references didn't actually fill out a reference before leaving for haiti for a year, writing and trying to perfect my statement of intent and resume...all these led to many unrestful nights and heaviness on my mind. what if it all doesn't work out and i don't get accepted? what if i miss the deadline? what if my credentials still doesn't impress the school and i can't get in? would i get kicked out of my current contract and not be able to start at my new job? all these uncertainties of not knowing. then to add to that i had to tell my work place that i was quitting...something i had dreaded since the day i got hired for my new job. how do i tell her tactfully and without hurting her too much?
frankly speaking, its hard to believe its only been 2 weeks since i've been back from my vacation...it feels like a long time because of all the stress and things i had to do. but thank God it's mostly all over now and He helped me solve most of the problems...my application is almost complete and im just waiting on the school to receive my statement and resume and Sophia's transcripts. i finally told my work place that i was quitting and things went well enough. i didn't get a scolding and she's been alot nicer to me than i had expected she would be after i told her. YC came and went...the stress of that is over too.
with all those burdens lifted, i felt so much better this weekend and was finally able to sleep peacefully. but with that came other worries, worries that i know i shouldn't even think too much about because it's unnecessary. things like not getting accepted, like not being able to handle my new job, finances. today has enough worries of it own so i'll let tomorrow worry for itself. i should have learnt by now that God is able to take care of all these things that im stressing over...i was SO scared about all those things for the past 2 weeks but it's all over and properly handled so it'll be the same for these new worries that i have. when i find out that all these worries are just empty thoughts that won't even materialize, i'll wish i didn't waste all these energy worrying about them...i'm just so tired of worrying you know? so tired of all these things in life and waves upon waves of stress...
and speaking of God, ever since i went to hawaii, we've been kind of distant...which you can probably tell from the tone of my post so far. and its really really sad. even with YC i feel like i've left Him behind somewhere. i miss Him...and i know that as usual it's my fault and that i need to do something about it. i just feel like there's so many lessons for me to learn lately...like not worrying and laying my burdens unto Him and trusting Him, getting out of my comfort zone even more, my pride and how i shld stop looking at that speck in my brother's eye...so so so many things. i'm just seeing how messed up i am and how imperfect i am lately...and how far away i am from being an worthy ambassador for Christ...and these lessons, im not sure if i've fully learnt them yet. when i ask God to change me, this is what He uses...and i better get it!!! or keep asking Him to mold me through these lessons...