life...
So i've been working 40 hours a week, plus 20 hours a week with school, and i'm just so tired. I told my mom this and she told me she didnt' want to hear it cuz it was my choice to work that many hours. I was like, well is it my choice to be put in a house that barely counts as middle class. I'm working so many hours to pay for college and my car, and my mom said that if i kept my grades i could pay for college with a scholarship, but i have a fear of not having security with money. I would like to know that i have the money to pay for it, without freaking out every week if i'm going to eat or not. I'm just sooooo physically and emotionally tired, and i need a break, not some thanksgiving 4 day weekend break, but like a summer trip to Europe vacation. Sometimes i just with i didn't live in my body but i could see my life through someone elses eyes. And i'm soooo sick of keeping secrets from them. I just wanna be like you fucked up my life mom by always being around, and dad you fucked it up by hardly being around, and all i wanna do is slit my wrists, and than at the end be like oh yeah you have a child that smokes and is addicted to coke, haha bye. And i've realized that as much as i hate change, i can't stay in one place for a very long time..so i'm going to have to make millions so i can travel or else i'm going to go insane and be alone forever. I don't make sense, this is pointless. Life.....pointless.