Space They Cannot Touch
Title: Chapter Fourteen: It Ain't Me, Babe
Pairing: Matthew/Dominic
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Matt searches for courage, Dom is in for a shock, and Chris is just trying to be a good friend.
Disclaimer: I do not own Muse. The events within are entirely fictional.
Betas: The dynamic duo millionstar and dolce_piccante . You both are made of beauty and win.
Warnings: Angst, language.
Previous Parts: Prologue, Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five, Chapter Six, Chapter Seven, Chapter Eight , Chapter Nine, Chapter Ten, Chapter Eleven, Chapter Twelve, Chapter Thirteen
Go away from my window
Leave at your own chosen speed
I’m not the one you want, babe
I’m not the one you need
You say you’re looking for someone
Who’s never weak, but always strong
To protect you and defend you
Whether you are right or wrong
Someone to open each and every door
But it ain’t me, babe
No, no, no it ain’t me, babe
It ain’t me you’re looking for, babe
It Ain’t Me, Babe - Bob Dylan
Courage.
It’s not a trait Matt is accustomed to associating with himself. Other people seem to. They’re always gushing about how brave he is to bare his soul in his songs or up on stage. Matt doesn’t see it. If you believe enough in what you’re doing, performing is no scarier for a musician than delivering a letter is for a postman. It’s his job; he does it because he was born to do so. And he believes in Muse.
The only thing even remotely scary about what he does is writing the songs in the first place. Great songwriters don’t sit down to write a song because they need one to finish off their album. They do it because they have something to say, something that they don’t know how to express in any other way but through music. Matt doesn’t consider himself a great songwriter, but he can understand their frustrations. All the introspection that leads to the urge to write in the first place. The ensuing quest for the right words, the perfect melody. The constant fear of being misunderstood. The thing about songwriting, though, is that you can work at it for as long as it takes to get it right. If you’re dissatisfied with the phrasing, you can go back and change it. Melody doesn’t work? No problem. Find another one. By the time the revision process is complete, you’re no longer afraid of the song. You’ve mastered it. It owes its existence to you.
It’s not that easy with conversations. Not the difficult ones, anyway. It’s perfectly easy to have a conversation with someone about the weather, but breaking up with someone when you’re still madly in love with them because you know it’s for the best? That takes real courage. Courage that Matt isn’t sure he possesses. He considers himself even worse at conversations than he is at songwriting, especially conversations that he doesn’t really want to have. He panics, and inevitably ends up saying the first thing that comes into his head without any thought for the consequences. How many times in recent months has he upset Dom by not choosing his words more carefully? And this time it’s even worse, because it really doesn’t matter how well-chosen his words are, Dom is still going to be angry. In fact, there’s a good chance that Matt really will lose him forever. Not just as a lover, but as a friend and bandmate too.
That’s a possibility he’s not willing to think about too much. Because he has to do this, whatever the outcome. Dom needs support right now. He does not need the drama of a boyfriend who can’t sleep with him. It was absurdly optimistic of them to think they could start a relationship in the situation that they are in and have it be successful. Dom has to see that, surely?
Even if he doesn’t, Matt has made his decision. The longer he walks, the more confident he feels that it is the right one. Dom might not understand at first, but it won’t take long for him to see the wisdom in Matt’s choice. By the time he returns to the apartment, Matt has had enough time to compose a short speech explaining his decision. It’ll be a miracle if Dom lets him get through it uninterrupted, but it makes him feel better to have the words ready.
Silence greets him as he steps into the apartment. This is not unusual, as Dom has now stopped putting on the television when he’s home alone, too frustrated at his continuing deafness to concentrate on divining the story from the pictures. Matt checks the lounge, and then Dom’s bedroom, for any sign of the drummer. Confused when he can’t find one, Matt returns to the kitchen. It’s only then that he notices the note on the fridge.
Gone to doctor’s appointment.
Fuck.
Matt feels his blood turn to ice. How could he have forgotten?
*
Chris had no idea how hard these visits were for Dom. Obviously no one likes going to the doctors, but Dom seems genuinely scared from the moment they step out of the car and into the hospital. The grip he has on Chris’ elbow is almost painful, but the bassist can’t bring himself to make Dom let go. Most of Chris’ prior experience with hospitals has been for the birth of his children, joyful events that caused him to look at hospitals as a place of wonder. It’s not so this time. Everywhere he looks he sees misery and suffering. When pass the paediatric ward Chris has to turn away from the forest of IVs and pained young faces.
It’s something of a relief to arrive at the ENT ward, and be shown to their seats to wait for Dom’s specialist to call them. Chris untangles himself from Dom’s grip and reaches for the blond’s hand instead, squeezing it tightly. He’s rewarded with a small smile. When the receptionist holds up a sign bearing Dom’s name, they both stand. They follow her down the narrow hall and into a small consulting room.
“Dr. Thomas will be with you shortly,” the receptionist informs Chris, who nods sharply in response.
Dom’s anxiety is palpable, and Chris once again curses Matt for not being here to support him. Dom hasn’t said anything more about Matt’s disappearance, but Chris can see the anger and betrayal in his grey eyes. The guitarist is going to be in for one hell of a bollocking when he finally does show up.
Dom’s head snaps up when the door opens, and he forces a smile for the woman who enters. She signs a greeting, which Dom returns, before turning to glance at Chris in surprise. No doubt she’d been expecting Matt. Chris isn’t sure how much to tell her about the situation, so he merely introduces himself and explains that Matt was unable to make it today, so he’d asked Chris to come instead. She seems satisfied with the explanation.
They all sit down, and Dr. Thomas immediately begins scribbling on a piece of card.
I have some good news for you.
Chris’ heart leaps into his throat.
It looks like the surgery to repair your fistula has been successful. We’ll have to wait another two or three months for it to be completely healed, but I’m very pleased with your progress so far.
A shocked tear slips down Dom’s cheek.
It’s working.
Does that mean I’ll definitely get my hearing back?
I still can’t guarantee that, I’m afraid. There are still some possible complications that might arise from your injury, but it’s impossible to identify them until the structural damage you sustained has healed.
Chris frowns. It seems so cruel that Dom should be so close to recovery and yet still so far away. Dr. Thomas smiles sadly.
I know it’s hard. But you should be aware that most of the complications we would expect are perfectly treatable. It might take a bit longer than you might like, but I urge you not to give up hope.
Dom nods, but Chris can tell he’s a little discouraged by the news.
“Is there anything more we can do?” he asks, desperate for some way of speeding up the process.
“I’m afraid not,” Dr. Thomas replies. “Just be patient. This is a much better result than we originally expected, Mr Wolstenholme. Try to make Dom see that, if you can. It will help him keep his spirits up until we can give him some definite predictions.”
“Thank you,” Chris replies.
*
Matt jumps up when he hears the front door open, ready to launch into his well-rehearsed apology. Dom isn’t alone though, and when his eyes meet Chris’ his words die in his throat. The bassist looks angrier than Matt has ever seen him. Matt can’t bring himself to look at Dom.
“You,” Chris snarls, pointing an accusing finger at Matt. “Are a prick.”
Matt looks down at his feet, a lump already forming in his throat. Making Chris angry at him has always made Matt feel like he’s back at school, being yelled at by his favourite teacher.
“No,” Chris continues. “It’s worse than that. You’re a cunt. A first class cunt. How could you do that to him?”
“I’m sorry,” Matt says quickly. “I didn’t mean to. I needed some time to think so I went for a walk. I completely forgot about the appointment.”
“Aren’t you going to ask him how it went?”
Matt’s heart sinks. It’s bad news. And should have been there to hear it.
Fearfully, he turns to Dom. The blond is staring at him, his expression uncharacteristically guarded. Matt grabs one of the many notebooks that are strategically placed around the apartment.
What did they say?
Dom scowls, and Matt curses himself for not starting with ‘I’m sorry’. All that careful planning and he still manages to fuck it up.
The surgery appears to have been successful. They still have to do some more tests after it has completely healed, but it looks good.
Matt’s eyes widen. He’s dying to hug Dom, but he’s scared Chris will punch him if he tries it.
That’s fucking fantastic!
Yeah.
Dom couldn’t look less pleased if he tried. He turns to Chris, who pulls him into a long hug, sending Dom a look of understanding. Matt’s eyes follow Dom as he leaves the room, but he makes no attempt to get the drummer to stay.
“Please tell me you can fix this,” Chris says desperately.
“I hope so,” Matt says, sounding almost as lost as he looks.
Chris sighs. As great as his anger at Matt is, it is also tinged with worry. Matt needs this relationship to work just as much as Dom does, if not more. Taking care of someone, and putting their needs before his own, for the most part, has transformed Matt into a better person. Despite the stress of Dom’s condition, Matt seems happier, more balanced, than he has the whole time Chris has known him. He has always been careful not to over-commit to his partners, fearing the pain he would have to endure if things didn’t work out, but he truly seems to have thrown everything he has into this. If things now turn sour, Chris isn’t sure Matt will ever risk his heart again. Which is a shame, because if the past few months have proven anything it’s that Matt is capable of love far beyond what he had previously assumed.
“I think we need to slow things down a bit,” Matt continues. The moment the words leave his mouth he bites his lip, anxious for Chris’ reaction.
“How slow are we talking here?” Chris questions. He has a bad feeling about the guilty look on Matt’s face and the way his hands keep fiddling with the hem of his shirt.
“I think we should split up,” Matt says quietly.
“You what?” Chris roars. “You can’t do that! It’ll kill him.”
“I have to,” Matt says firmly. “What we have now just isn’t working. It isn’t going to work until he gets better.”
“But that could only be two more months,” Chris argues.
“Or it could be longer,” Matt counters.
Chris considers lying, but his heart warns against it. “Yes. It could be. And he’ll need your support more than ever if it is.”
“Exactly!” Matt says. “All this relationship crap is getting in the way of that. I’d be much more help if I could just be his friend right now. I know how to be his friend, but I’m fucking clueless when it comes to being his boyfriend.”
Chris fixes him with a hard stare. “Don’t you want him anymore?”
“Of course I do,” Matt says emphatically. “You have to believe that. I’m just so tired of fighting all the time. I honestly don’t know what else to do.”
Chris has every reason to doubt Matt. He has a history of getting out of his relationships in the most convenient way possible, with very little concern for how the other person might feel. He’s certainly never felt that he owed the truth to any of his partners. But this is Dom. There’s no way Matt would think he could get away with the crap he pulled on other people with the blond. Tom and Chris wouldn’t let him, for a start.
“I believe you,” Chris says eventually, and Matt breathes a sigh of relief. “I don’t agree with your decision, but I believe that you’re doing what you think is best.”
“Will you help me convince Dom?” Matt asks, and he looks so desperate that it pains Chris to have to disappoint him.
“No,” he says firmly. “This is between the two of you. And don’t even think about dragging Tom into it either. It’s not fair.”
“I know,” Matt replies. “I’m just scared of what he might say.”
“That’s understandable,” Chris acknowledges. “But if you’re convinced that this is the best course of action then you’re going to have to suck it up and talk to him.”
“I know,” Matt says miserably.
Chris crosses the room and pulls Matt into a hug, the first comforting gesture he’s offered the other man all afternoon.
“It’ll be okay,” he says soothingly.
He really does believe it. Dom will be angry. They both know that. But even in his anger, Chris can’t imagine Dom casting Matt out of his life for good.
*
Dom emerges from his bedroom just as Matt is pouring some tea for them both. He looks Matt up and down, a helpless look on his face.
I hate fighting with you.
I know. I’m so sorry Dom. I can’t believe I forgot about your appointment.
Dom throws himself onto the couch, waiting for Matt to join him with the tea.
What are we going to do?
Matt swallows thickly. This is as good an opening as he’s going to get. His hands are shaking as he sets the tea down on the table.
Courage.
He needs it now more than ever.
I think maybe we should rethink this whole relationship thing. Just until you’re better.
Dom’s eyes darken as he reads the message.
You want out, is that it?
Matt shakes his head, steeling himself for battle. So much depends on whether he can convince Dom that this is the right thing to do. His future happiness depends on it. Hell, his entire career depends on it. If Dom chooses to walk away, there will be no more Muse, and Matt truly will have lost everything he has ever cared about.
No. I love you Dom. That’s why I’m doing this. Trust me. It’ll all be for the best, and it’s only for a couple of months.
No it fucking isn’t. It’s for every time things get tough for the rest of our lives. Do you think this is the only bad thing that will ever happen to us? If one of us were to be in a car accident or get cancer or something, would you ask for a break then?
Of course not. But this is different, Dom. You have to see that.
Dom frowns. It’s clear that he doesn’t see the difference at all.
Why is it different?
Because we’re building a relationship from scratch. And it’s not the kind of relationship we want to have.
We want each other. Isn’t that enough?
But that’s not all we want, is it? You want to be able to hear and I want you to stop putting so much importance on your ability to hear. We can’t make either of those things happen.
And you think the answer is to walk away?
I’m not going anywhere. It is absolutely fucking killing me to hurt you. To keep on letting you down the way I am. I just think I’d be more use to you as a friend than a boyfriend right now.
It sounds like you’ve already made your mind up.
I have.
Dom nods sharply and stands up, leaving his steaming cup of tea on the table. Matt jumps up after him, though he has no idea what he hopes to achieve with the gesture. All he knows is that he isn’t ready for Dom to disappear just yet. Not like this.
Don’t you have anything you want to say to me?
There’s a lot I’d like to say. But what’s the point?
Try as he might, Matt can’t think of an answer.
Pairing: Matthew/Dominic
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Matt searches for courage, Dom is in for a shock, and Chris is just trying to be a good friend.
Disclaimer: I do not own Muse. The events within are entirely fictional.
Betas: The dynamic duo millionstar and dolce_piccante . You both are made of beauty and win.
Warnings: Angst, language.
Previous Parts: Prologue, Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five, Chapter Six, Chapter Seven, Chapter Eight , Chapter Nine, Chapter Ten, Chapter Eleven, Chapter Twelve, Chapter Thirteen
Go away from my window
Leave at your own chosen speed
I’m not the one you want, babe
I’m not the one you need
You say you’re looking for someone
Who’s never weak, but always strong
To protect you and defend you
Whether you are right or wrong
Someone to open each and every door
But it ain’t me, babe
No, no, no it ain’t me, babe
It ain’t me you’re looking for, babe
It Ain’t Me, Babe - Bob Dylan
Courage.
It’s not a trait Matt is accustomed to associating with himself. Other people seem to. They’re always gushing about how brave he is to bare his soul in his songs or up on stage. Matt doesn’t see it. If you believe enough in what you’re doing, performing is no scarier for a musician than delivering a letter is for a postman. It’s his job; he does it because he was born to do so. And he believes in Muse.
The only thing even remotely scary about what he does is writing the songs in the first place. Great songwriters don’t sit down to write a song because they need one to finish off their album. They do it because they have something to say, something that they don’t know how to express in any other way but through music. Matt doesn’t consider himself a great songwriter, but he can understand their frustrations. All the introspection that leads to the urge to write in the first place. The ensuing quest for the right words, the perfect melody. The constant fear of being misunderstood. The thing about songwriting, though, is that you can work at it for as long as it takes to get it right. If you’re dissatisfied with the phrasing, you can go back and change it. Melody doesn’t work? No problem. Find another one. By the time the revision process is complete, you’re no longer afraid of the song. You’ve mastered it. It owes its existence to you.
It’s not that easy with conversations. Not the difficult ones, anyway. It’s perfectly easy to have a conversation with someone about the weather, but breaking up with someone when you’re still madly in love with them because you know it’s for the best? That takes real courage. Courage that Matt isn’t sure he possesses. He considers himself even worse at conversations than he is at songwriting, especially conversations that he doesn’t really want to have. He panics, and inevitably ends up saying the first thing that comes into his head without any thought for the consequences. How many times in recent months has he upset Dom by not choosing his words more carefully? And this time it’s even worse, because it really doesn’t matter how well-chosen his words are, Dom is still going to be angry. In fact, there’s a good chance that Matt really will lose him forever. Not just as a lover, but as a friend and bandmate too.
That’s a possibility he’s not willing to think about too much. Because he has to do this, whatever the outcome. Dom needs support right now. He does not need the drama of a boyfriend who can’t sleep with him. It was absurdly optimistic of them to think they could start a relationship in the situation that they are in and have it be successful. Dom has to see that, surely?
Even if he doesn’t, Matt has made his decision. The longer he walks, the more confident he feels that it is the right one. Dom might not understand at first, but it won’t take long for him to see the wisdom in Matt’s choice. By the time he returns to the apartment, Matt has had enough time to compose a short speech explaining his decision. It’ll be a miracle if Dom lets him get through it uninterrupted, but it makes him feel better to have the words ready.
Silence greets him as he steps into the apartment. This is not unusual, as Dom has now stopped putting on the television when he’s home alone, too frustrated at his continuing deafness to concentrate on divining the story from the pictures. Matt checks the lounge, and then Dom’s bedroom, for any sign of the drummer. Confused when he can’t find one, Matt returns to the kitchen. It’s only then that he notices the note on the fridge.
Gone to doctor’s appointment.
Fuck.
Matt feels his blood turn to ice. How could he have forgotten?
*
Chris had no idea how hard these visits were for Dom. Obviously no one likes going to the doctors, but Dom seems genuinely scared from the moment they step out of the car and into the hospital. The grip he has on Chris’ elbow is almost painful, but the bassist can’t bring himself to make Dom let go. Most of Chris’ prior experience with hospitals has been for the birth of his children, joyful events that caused him to look at hospitals as a place of wonder. It’s not so this time. Everywhere he looks he sees misery and suffering. When pass the paediatric ward Chris has to turn away from the forest of IVs and pained young faces.
It’s something of a relief to arrive at the ENT ward, and be shown to their seats to wait for Dom’s specialist to call them. Chris untangles himself from Dom’s grip and reaches for the blond’s hand instead, squeezing it tightly. He’s rewarded with a small smile. When the receptionist holds up a sign bearing Dom’s name, they both stand. They follow her down the narrow hall and into a small consulting room.
“Dr. Thomas will be with you shortly,” the receptionist informs Chris, who nods sharply in response.
Dom’s anxiety is palpable, and Chris once again curses Matt for not being here to support him. Dom hasn’t said anything more about Matt’s disappearance, but Chris can see the anger and betrayal in his grey eyes. The guitarist is going to be in for one hell of a bollocking when he finally does show up.
Dom’s head snaps up when the door opens, and he forces a smile for the woman who enters. She signs a greeting, which Dom returns, before turning to glance at Chris in surprise. No doubt she’d been expecting Matt. Chris isn’t sure how much to tell her about the situation, so he merely introduces himself and explains that Matt was unable to make it today, so he’d asked Chris to come instead. She seems satisfied with the explanation.
They all sit down, and Dr. Thomas immediately begins scribbling on a piece of card.
I have some good news for you.
Chris’ heart leaps into his throat.
It looks like the surgery to repair your fistula has been successful. We’ll have to wait another two or three months for it to be completely healed, but I’m very pleased with your progress so far.
A shocked tear slips down Dom’s cheek.
It’s working.
Does that mean I’ll definitely get my hearing back?
I still can’t guarantee that, I’m afraid. There are still some possible complications that might arise from your injury, but it’s impossible to identify them until the structural damage you sustained has healed.
Chris frowns. It seems so cruel that Dom should be so close to recovery and yet still so far away. Dr. Thomas smiles sadly.
I know it’s hard. But you should be aware that most of the complications we would expect are perfectly treatable. It might take a bit longer than you might like, but I urge you not to give up hope.
Dom nods, but Chris can tell he’s a little discouraged by the news.
“Is there anything more we can do?” he asks, desperate for some way of speeding up the process.
“I’m afraid not,” Dr. Thomas replies. “Just be patient. This is a much better result than we originally expected, Mr Wolstenholme. Try to make Dom see that, if you can. It will help him keep his spirits up until we can give him some definite predictions.”
“Thank you,” Chris replies.
*
Matt jumps up when he hears the front door open, ready to launch into his well-rehearsed apology. Dom isn’t alone though, and when his eyes meet Chris’ his words die in his throat. The bassist looks angrier than Matt has ever seen him. Matt can’t bring himself to look at Dom.
“You,” Chris snarls, pointing an accusing finger at Matt. “Are a prick.”
Matt looks down at his feet, a lump already forming in his throat. Making Chris angry at him has always made Matt feel like he’s back at school, being yelled at by his favourite teacher.
“No,” Chris continues. “It’s worse than that. You’re a cunt. A first class cunt. How could you do that to him?”
“I’m sorry,” Matt says quickly. “I didn’t mean to. I needed some time to think so I went for a walk. I completely forgot about the appointment.”
“Aren’t you going to ask him how it went?”
Matt’s heart sinks. It’s bad news. And should have been there to hear it.
Fearfully, he turns to Dom. The blond is staring at him, his expression uncharacteristically guarded. Matt grabs one of the many notebooks that are strategically placed around the apartment.
What did they say?
Dom scowls, and Matt curses himself for not starting with ‘I’m sorry’. All that careful planning and he still manages to fuck it up.
The surgery appears to have been successful. They still have to do some more tests after it has completely healed, but it looks good.
Matt’s eyes widen. He’s dying to hug Dom, but he’s scared Chris will punch him if he tries it.
That’s fucking fantastic!
Yeah.
Dom couldn’t look less pleased if he tried. He turns to Chris, who pulls him into a long hug, sending Dom a look of understanding. Matt’s eyes follow Dom as he leaves the room, but he makes no attempt to get the drummer to stay.
“Please tell me you can fix this,” Chris says desperately.
“I hope so,” Matt says, sounding almost as lost as he looks.
Chris sighs. As great as his anger at Matt is, it is also tinged with worry. Matt needs this relationship to work just as much as Dom does, if not more. Taking care of someone, and putting their needs before his own, for the most part, has transformed Matt into a better person. Despite the stress of Dom’s condition, Matt seems happier, more balanced, than he has the whole time Chris has known him. He has always been careful not to over-commit to his partners, fearing the pain he would have to endure if things didn’t work out, but he truly seems to have thrown everything he has into this. If things now turn sour, Chris isn’t sure Matt will ever risk his heart again. Which is a shame, because if the past few months have proven anything it’s that Matt is capable of love far beyond what he had previously assumed.
“I think we need to slow things down a bit,” Matt continues. The moment the words leave his mouth he bites his lip, anxious for Chris’ reaction.
“How slow are we talking here?” Chris questions. He has a bad feeling about the guilty look on Matt’s face and the way his hands keep fiddling with the hem of his shirt.
“I think we should split up,” Matt says quietly.
“You what?” Chris roars. “You can’t do that! It’ll kill him.”
“I have to,” Matt says firmly. “What we have now just isn’t working. It isn’t going to work until he gets better.”
“But that could only be two more months,” Chris argues.
“Or it could be longer,” Matt counters.
Chris considers lying, but his heart warns against it. “Yes. It could be. And he’ll need your support more than ever if it is.”
“Exactly!” Matt says. “All this relationship crap is getting in the way of that. I’d be much more help if I could just be his friend right now. I know how to be his friend, but I’m fucking clueless when it comes to being his boyfriend.”
Chris fixes him with a hard stare. “Don’t you want him anymore?”
“Of course I do,” Matt says emphatically. “You have to believe that. I’m just so tired of fighting all the time. I honestly don’t know what else to do.”
Chris has every reason to doubt Matt. He has a history of getting out of his relationships in the most convenient way possible, with very little concern for how the other person might feel. He’s certainly never felt that he owed the truth to any of his partners. But this is Dom. There’s no way Matt would think he could get away with the crap he pulled on other people with the blond. Tom and Chris wouldn’t let him, for a start.
“I believe you,” Chris says eventually, and Matt breathes a sigh of relief. “I don’t agree with your decision, but I believe that you’re doing what you think is best.”
“Will you help me convince Dom?” Matt asks, and he looks so desperate that it pains Chris to have to disappoint him.
“No,” he says firmly. “This is between the two of you. And don’t even think about dragging Tom into it either. It’s not fair.”
“I know,” Matt replies. “I’m just scared of what he might say.”
“That’s understandable,” Chris acknowledges. “But if you’re convinced that this is the best course of action then you’re going to have to suck it up and talk to him.”
“I know,” Matt says miserably.
Chris crosses the room and pulls Matt into a hug, the first comforting gesture he’s offered the other man all afternoon.
“It’ll be okay,” he says soothingly.
He really does believe it. Dom will be angry. They both know that. But even in his anger, Chris can’t imagine Dom casting Matt out of his life for good.
*
Dom emerges from his bedroom just as Matt is pouring some tea for them both. He looks Matt up and down, a helpless look on his face.
I hate fighting with you.
I know. I’m so sorry Dom. I can’t believe I forgot about your appointment.
Dom throws himself onto the couch, waiting for Matt to join him with the tea.
What are we going to do?
Matt swallows thickly. This is as good an opening as he’s going to get. His hands are shaking as he sets the tea down on the table.
Courage.
He needs it now more than ever.
I think maybe we should rethink this whole relationship thing. Just until you’re better.
Dom’s eyes darken as he reads the message.
You want out, is that it?
Matt shakes his head, steeling himself for battle. So much depends on whether he can convince Dom that this is the right thing to do. His future happiness depends on it. Hell, his entire career depends on it. If Dom chooses to walk away, there will be no more Muse, and Matt truly will have lost everything he has ever cared about.
No. I love you Dom. That’s why I’m doing this. Trust me. It’ll all be for the best, and it’s only for a couple of months.
No it fucking isn’t. It’s for every time things get tough for the rest of our lives. Do you think this is the only bad thing that will ever happen to us? If one of us were to be in a car accident or get cancer or something, would you ask for a break then?
Of course not. But this is different, Dom. You have to see that.
Dom frowns. It’s clear that he doesn’t see the difference at all.
Why is it different?
Because we’re building a relationship from scratch. And it’s not the kind of relationship we want to have.
We want each other. Isn’t that enough?
But that’s not all we want, is it? You want to be able to hear and I want you to stop putting so much importance on your ability to hear. We can’t make either of those things happen.
And you think the answer is to walk away?
I’m not going anywhere. It is absolutely fucking killing me to hurt you. To keep on letting you down the way I am. I just think I’d be more use to you as a friend than a boyfriend right now.
It sounds like you’ve already made your mind up.
I have.
Dom nods sharply and stands up, leaving his steaming cup of tea on the table. Matt jumps up after him, though he has no idea what he hopes to achieve with the gesture. All he knows is that he isn’t ready for Dom to disappear just yet. Not like this.
Don’t you have anything you want to say to me?
There’s a lot I’d like to say. But what’s the point?
Try as he might, Matt can’t think of an answer.