Random dick
So i just watch unusual move called Good Dick..Yeah the title seems like a porn but its about this lady that rents porn everyday and a guy that works there tries to talk to her..She didn't say much..He gets her address and goes to her place to get to know her better...He basically slips into her life(by a lie)and falls in love with her but she pushes him away...All she does is stay in her house all day long watching porn...She wont have sex with him and tries to make him hate her...But the reason she wont is cause she was molested by her father (who paid for her apartment and anything she needs)She finally pushes him out of her life then finds a job and then tells her father that shes moved and if he finds out where she lives shell tell everyone what he did....Then after that she find the guy tells him something and kisses...Made me cry a little...But in general made me wonder and think...."True Love" is a complete crock of shit..No one is truly in love with just one person maybe for that moment but it doesn't mean they don't check out other people or fantasize of other people....Like i don't being alone but i have been for the past 9 months..I think i rather die alone then live in a complete lie...Ive been way to hurt in the past and it has ruined me for life..I will never have a normal relationship,I will never be happy with someone,and ill never trust anyone...All i do is tell the truth to someone if they like it or not,If its to blunt or not,If they wanted to know or not..That who i am...But all i get is lies and lies and lies back...No wonder why i have phobia of people they just make me sick to my stomach...I know i'm not perfect no where near it....But get older and realizing what Ive become or haven't become makes me super sad and what this world has become and will be come in the near future..I'm terrified for my son,Extremely terrified...Its bad enough hes grown up with out his father...Not like his dad is not capable of coming i think he choices not to,So he doesn't have to face the fact he fucked up and doesn't know how to take care of a child....Or he just like His own son?He showed more affection towards his nephew than his own son..Sickens me to the core....I wasn't ever truly in love with this guy...I always find the damage guys and try to help and fix them..But he was way to fucked up for me..No matter what i did wasn't good enough...And all he wanted to do was make me happy..No one can truly do that...Ive seen,witnessed,and been in some sick shit that has scared me for life which makes me not able to be happy with anyone..Cause people are crude,disgusting,lying pieces of shit....No one is pure yes but how can people do shit like that to another human being...Was that our human nature when we were able to walk and make fire..Seriously? There is some messed up people that should be hung from a tree....Sorry for the long rant,nonsense,randomness...i just have to much going on in my head and don't know how to explain anything....Ive been confused my whole life cant even decide for myself,fend for myself,SURVIVE for myself...Makes me angry that i cant do that for my own son..Its not a good example to grow and live by....i want to be the best mother i can be and let me son have a 10x better life than i have..But i don't know the way to go..Ive never had guidance..Or someone to look up too...just sucks That's life right!! I truly hate that saying..No one knows the meaning of life or what we are suppose to do in life...But i don't think raping,killing,robbing,ect...was on the list of things for life....But anyways i'm done...