Why does life keep getting harder for me?
Well lets see..Haven't posted in awhile.Ive been getting screwed over by men and a old friend..I was homeless in a homeless shelter for a week then bouncing house to house for a couple months till we found the place i am in now since Nov.Haven't had the slightest luck finding a job.Been super depressed.Ethan's being doing pretty good hell be 3 in 2 months..Hes talking a lot more,always goofy,and have anger problems once in awhile..I have the battle scars to prove it.Alright let me start with my first relationship after My son's father..Well i met him 5 months after kicking out my ex..He was my brothers friend.My (ex)friend Becca started talking to him to start talking to me.Which happened..He was mysterious,very attractive,a little to young,But he was actually a sweet heart.Every time i kissed him i smiled.That hasn't happened to me in a long time.But after i would say a month of dating found out he was my brothers drug dealer...I told him either stop selling or get the fuck out (yeah he moved in cause his roommates kicked him out)Cause i don't want that shit around my son..So he stopped.He was really good with my son.Did a lot more with him than my ex did..But then again he started "selling" again...had guns pulled on him twice..Found out he had a rap sheet...But anyways my ex friend Becca is my ex friend cause i believe she was jealous of my ex cause i didn't want to get with her..So she tried fighting him for no reason then talked shit about me on Fb..Omg like that's gonna hurt me.Talk all the shit you want...Oh whoopee i'm on food stamps You know what that's food in my sons stomach...Until i can get on my feet ill do what i have to,to make sure my son is healthy,fed,and has a roof over his head...But yeah after all that..We got evicted out of our apartment,Fucked up part the day before we had to move out My mom broke her ankle on the stairs cause the railing was so loose..And when they had her on the gurney Dude comes up hands her the eviction notices then runs away...The EMT wanted to beat the shit of him....So After we had everything in the storage we went to the Homeless shelter...Man i swear that place was worse than jail...If you fn moved wrong you get kicked out...I had to wheelchair my mom to work and back everyday.Lost so much weight cause of it.Had to do that for a month..But after a week in the shelter my mom couldn't do it no more.So we ended up staying at my sisters place for a month.I broke up with my bf but he still came over mainly everyday to sleep cause he was homeless..Which i didn't mind i'm not heartless...But we did end up getting back together..Than my sisters landlord found out we were staying there and said either they get out or you do..So we had to leave...So my aunt said my mom can stay with her and me and Ethan have to find somewhere to go...Which i thought i had somewhere to go..But of course i cant count on anyone....I'm balling my eyes out cause me and Ethan had no where to go..So my aunt is like alright you can stay with us....That was hell living there...Got no sleep,had to clean up after everyone,to many parties.....I broke up with Pat again but he still came over everyday till my aunt said he cant come over anymore well just not everyday...Then we finally found this place but we had to wait a month before moving in....But we finally moved in..Felt great to finally get a place...Plus my brother isn't living here which is a HUGE plus...After 3 weeks of living here my mom never put the electric in my name so the person that use to live here turned it off...So i called the electric company and you know what we had to wait a f'n week before they can turn it on Wait i mean TWOOO f'n weeks..They kept dicking me around...Out of the blue Pat called me and wanted to hang out im like whatever Im just sitting here bored...He came over hung out for most the night...Haven't herd from him since cause hes moved on...I'm glad hes happy...Sooo moving on...My friend narco that Ive liked since Ive known him basically...We started hanging out again...Found out he liked me..Kinda didn't act like he did but yeah ....Like i didn't want to be with him cause i didn't want to ruin our awesome friendship..But on New years We were both drunk well i was buzzed he was WASTED so he came over and we did the deed...4 play was good,Sex not really....But anyways..He left that night cause he was gonna puke and didn't want to do it here lol...But the next day i'm like i hope things wont get awkward..He said it wouldn't...But guess what it kinda did.So he stop talking to me,deleted me off Fb...I asked his friend if he knew why he said he didn't so i said ill just give him his space and wait for him to talk to me again which i did..Took a month and a half...But last Monday we went bowling...Let me back track a little..Okie well there's this asshole which i had to find out the hard way...Hes a friend of my friend so he added me on fb so i'm like whatever no harm done...We started talking like everyday for like a month..I was starting to like him..Even tho im Asexual so i was gonna give it a chance....He was very charming,a sweetheart,and pretty attractive...Not the kinda man i would go for(redneck)..So he wanted to hang out one day So he met me half way at the wall walked around talked a lot then had fun bus rides back to my house,to play video games and watch a movie...I didn't want to have sex with him...i told him that while we were making out..But he took advantage of me and still proceeded to...But kinda felt dirty afterward...Only took 3 pumps and he was done....But after 2 days i got the "my phones broke" on fb threw his phone Yep that's when i knew he just used me like a dirty fucking whore...That sure as hell how i felt...Then he blocked me wouldn't answer my text so i left a text saying"If you were gonna be like this you could of gave me a fair warning,I guess nice meeting you asshole"So now i have to get tested to make sure i didn't catch anything.Ive ALWAYS used protection except with my sons father clearly..Which i was tested 3 times while i was with him....I feel disgusting,I really truly hate myself,I will never trust anyone for a very long time......I just don't know whats wrong with me its like one asshole right after the other...I don't get it....Also its one horrible thing after the other...I wonder what will happen next..Maybe get hit with lightening? A demon takes my soul....Like seriously...Its whatever....I'll enjoy with what i can in my life and try to live a long happy life with me and my son....I'm done for now...