The time has come...

[freaking_a]

so... ben decided to reappear in my life about... two weeks ago. was pissed at first. then spent a day with him that started off fine but slowly turned emo, because i was like "omg i am not over you i cant just be your friend cause im so used to being close to you" cry cry cry. so then i was still pissed cause i was like ew, im all cry-y cause of him... again.

so then what happens? oh he breaks up with his girlfriend, and when he talks to me about it, asks if he can kiss me. hmmm so yeah, i gave in.

i am stupid. and after a week of giving in because i can't help myself, i've decided no more. especially because of an awkward encounter invovling me, him, and his latest ex. and besides, the boy moves tomorrow. 
but its really hard to be in any sort of relationship with him... dating, friendship, random hookups, or whatever... because it feels like i care so much more, or put in so much more, no matter what.

thus, i will resist any urges from here on out. it will probably be hard, but hopefully this time i can really get over it... like i thought i already had.

blah.
santa barbara boys will be better? or what ever happened to z? good grief.

on another note, life can be fun. very fun.


yayo thats me.. woot.