(no subject)
I had a lovely day today. I say that a lot, don't I? But I mean it every time. So I must be doing something right.
I spent the day in my jammies, doing homework, getting things done, feeling good about myself.
I had a lovely meal. :)
Havdalah was terrific, I think. I have amazing friends at Hillel. Why did I have such an awful time for most of last year? Why didn't someone hit me over the head and tell me that there is such potential for happiness here, that I could be so happy here? I am sooo happy here. I love just talking to them. And all of you, for that matter. And it was like last year I was holding back something of myself, and this year whatever was holding me in just sort of broke, and I exploded with joy. And I can hug people that I have only known for a week, and I can play clapping games like I do with Mom and Rebecca, and I can lean on Laura's shoulder and almost fall asleep, like I did last night, and I can be sarcastic without being afraid that people will think I am bitter, or mean, or all kinds of things that I really don't think that I am, but might come off as sometimes. In fact, I can say whatever I want to say, because I am beyond the point of wanting desperately to make friends, or even to keep friends. I know I have friends, and that this won't change, that they care enough about me that it doesn't matter what I say, they won't stop being my friends. Which is what friends are, really.
I love everybody. No joke. Everybody.
I spent the day in my jammies, doing homework, getting things done, feeling good about myself.
I had a lovely meal. :)
Havdalah was terrific, I think. I have amazing friends at Hillel. Why did I have such an awful time for most of last year? Why didn't someone hit me over the head and tell me that there is such potential for happiness here, that I could be so happy here? I am sooo happy here. I love just talking to them. And all of you, for that matter. And it was like last year I was holding back something of myself, and this year whatever was holding me in just sort of broke, and I exploded with joy. And I can hug people that I have only known for a week, and I can play clapping games like I do with Mom and Rebecca, and I can lean on Laura's shoulder and almost fall asleep, like I did last night, and I can be sarcastic without being afraid that people will think I am bitter, or mean, or all kinds of things that I really don't think that I am, but might come off as sometimes. In fact, I can say whatever I want to say, because I am beyond the point of wanting desperately to make friends, or even to keep friends. I know I have friends, and that this won't change, that they care enough about me that it doesn't matter what I say, they won't stop being my friends. Which is what friends are, really.
I love everybody. No joke. Everybody.