Merlin 3x09: Capps gets his ideas from SPN and I want to break his face
HONEST TO GOD I AM REALLY NOT FEELING 'BLAH' ABOUT THIS EPISODE. I'M SORRY IN ADVANCE FOR CRAPNESS. BLAME THE SHOW, THIS EPISODE IS LAMEASS.
EPISODE STARTS WITH A MISLEADING, CALMING, TRAVELLING IN NATURE SHOT.
FOR SOME REASON THERE IS JUST AN EMPTY HOUSE IN CAMELOT THAT IS NOT BEING LIVED IN. OR SOMETHING. IDK, OK, THIS SHOW LIVES IN A PLOT HOLE.
CREEPY MAGIC OLD WITCH LADY DOES MAGIC
TO SUMMON THE DEMON OF THE WEEK
IT LOOKS MIGHTY FUCKING CREEPY. AND THIS WITCH IS DEFINITELY GETTING TOO COZY/ATTACHED TO IT TO BE A GOOD INTENTION GONE WRONG, FFS.
FUCKING. CREEPY!
BUT NOW WE MUST HAVE A PLOT TITLE SCENE IN WHICH GAIUS STANDS BEFORE HIS BOYFRIEND AND MERLIN PRETENDS LIKE HE AND ARTHUR AREN'T GLANCING AT EACH OTHER EVERY FIVE SECONDS.
UTHER TALKS ABOUT TEH EV0L MAGICK BEING USED TO CURE PEOPLE
AND ARTHUR LOOKS STRAIGHT AT FUCKING MERLIN.
OH MY WIZARD GOD, ARTHUR IS SO ONTO YOU MERLIN.
ALSO: MERLIN AND ARTHUR, YOU JUST GOT CAUGHT EYEFUCKING
ANYWAY, GAIUS TELLS UTHER HE'LL LOOK INTO IT AND MERLIN TRIES REAL HARD NOT TO ROLL HIS EYES. LMFAO MERLIN, YOUR DISDAIN NEEDS TO WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE *OUT* OFF THE HALL-FOR-ALL-OCCASIONS!
JUST WANT TO POINT OUT HERE, ARTHUR IS STILL WATCHING MERLIN AS HE LEAVES. OH MY FUCKING GOD YES, THOSE EYES ARE FULL OF LUST AND WANT. >;DD
OUTSIDE PLOT!POINT!INN, GAIUS IS TELLING MERLIN TO THINK WITH HIS UPSTAIRS BRAIN FOR A CHANGE AND AT LEAST PRETEND TO RESPECT THE KING AND HIS HYPOCRITICAL WAYS.
OF COURSE THE FIRST THING MERLIN NOTICES INSIDE THE PUB IS THE MAGICAL-OBJECT-BY-COMPLETELY-POINTEDLY-OBVIOUS-SHOTS. WAY TO GO, SHOW, POINTING OUT THE MAGICAL TINGS THAT EVERYONE BESIDES KING PENDRAGON KNOWS ABOUT.
GAIUS QUESTIONS THE INNKEEPER ABOUT HIS SUDDEN, UNEXPECTED RISE FROM DEATH.
INNKEEPER CONFESSES BECAUSE "GAIUS IS NOT THE KING". NO, YOU'RE JUST HIS BOYFRIEND THAT SOLD OUT ALL MAGIC USES IN 'THE GREAT PURGE' AND GOT A BUNCH OF YOUR FRIENDS KILLED. =\
BUT PEOPLE IN THIS SHOW ARE STUPID OR TOO TRUSTING BECAUSE INNKEEPER HANDS OVER HIS REMEDY.
WHICH IS SO OBVIOUSLY MAGICAL THE GLITTER HURTS MY EYES.
THEN HE FACES HIS BOYFRIEND AND LIES THROUGH HIS EYEBROW
MERLIN SEEMS A LITTLE BIT SURPRISED AT GAIUS'S ANSWER (LOL, SO LITTLE FAITH HE HAS IN GAIUS) AND ITS A REALLY GOOD THING ARTHUR ISN'T THERE, BECAUSE HE WOULD HAVE CAUGHT THAT SHIFTY LOOK FROM ACROSS THE ROOM. ARTHUR ONLY HAS EYES FOR MERLIN, OBVS, SO THAT HE CAN PUNISH HIM IN THE BEDROOM WHEN NECESSARY.
UTHER IS DISBELIEVING OF THE WORDS HIS BOYFRIEND IS SPEAKING.
BUT GAIUS IS STEADFAST AND PROTECTING SOMETHING. ALSO: LYING THROUGH HIS EYEBROW. TO HIS BOYFRIEND!
MERLIN IS MORE THAN A LITTLE SHOCKED
UTHER IS GRATEFUL FOR GAIUS PUTTING HIS MIND AT REST. AWW~~ ♥♥♥ THESE TWO ARE SO CUTE TOGETHER~
MERLIN IS WORRIED THERE MAY NOW BE GAIUS/UTHER SEXING TIMES THAT HE DNW TO WATCH XDD
NEVER FEAR, THE PRE-WATERSHED SHOWS STATE THEY MUST NOW WALK AWAY FROM THE GOLDEN SEXING OPPORTUNITY. MERLIN CAN'T BELIEVE GAIUS HAS SUCH WILLPOWER DID WHAT HE JUST DID.
LOL FACE!
THEY HAVE A MANLY HEART-TO-HEART OVER MEAT (WHICH I *KNOW* YOU DON'T EAT COLIN) IN WHICH GAIUS TRIES TO FOOL MERLIN AND MERLIN DOESN'T BELIEVE HIM.
LMFAOOOOOOOO THIS WHOLE SCENE XDDD
UNF, MERLIN SLEEPING WHILE READINGGGGNNNRNNGAFLGKJFLJ
WOKEN BY GAIUS SNEAKING OUT, AND MERLIN IS SO TOTALLY ONTO YOU GAIUS.
SO HE ALSO SNEAKS OUT AND FOLLOWS GAIUS IN HIS MOTHERFUCKING NIGHTSHIRT AND JACKET WITH BED HAIR AFGA;ALFKJGD;LFGJAGJ
*IMPLODES FROM SHEER HOTNESS*
HE SPIES GAIUS VISITING ... A GIRL
AND MERLIN IS CLEARLY THINKING "HOSHIT, GAIUS YOU ARE SO CHEATING ON UTHER RIGHT NOW"
LOL MERLIN IS ALL "WTF" IS THIS HET?!?!?!
SO MERLIN SCAMPERS AND GAIUS AND MYSTERIOUS LADY ALICE GO INSIDE TO TALK.
ALICE SAYS ITS BEEN A LONG TIME AND SHE WANTS TO BE BACK IN CAMELOT.
GAIUS SAYS THINGS HAVE NOT CHANGED AND UTHER IS THE SAME AS EVER
OMFG, THIS IS SUCH A GAIUS/UTHER GAYLOVE EPISODE. GAIUS IS TOTALLY TRYING TO LET ALICE DOWN EASY. HE MAY HAVE ONCE BEEN ENGAGED BUT NOW HE STANDS AT UTHER'S SIDE AND LOVES HIM MORE THAN ANYONE.
AND SHE OBVIOUSLY DOESN'T CARE ALL THAT MUCH ABOUT GAIUS. I MEAN, THE MONSTER-OF-THE-WEEK JUST SAID THAT 'THE PHYSICIAN IS VITAL TO OUR PLAN'
WHICH ALICE CLEARLY KNOWS ALL ABOUT, SO SHE MUSTN'T LOVE GAIUS ALL THAT MUCH IF SHE'S WILLING TO GET HIM STAKED FOR HER OWN AMBITION.
AND THAT THING IS JUST SUPER CREEPY SOME MORE (IMMA AVOID TAKING PICS OF IT NOW, ALRIGHT?)
ALICE IS A SUPERNATURAL DEMON!! :O
YOU FUCKING PLAGIARIST WRITERS!
END THE NIGHT WITH GAIUS SITTING BY THE FIRE, RE-READING INTO 'NOSTALGIA'.
NEXT MORNING, MERLIN IS TRYING TO BRING UP THE SUBJECT WHILE ATTEMPTING TO LOUNGE, CASUALLY.
GAIUS IS ALL "NOTHING TO SEE, NOTHING TO TELL"
MERLIN THINKS DIFFERENTLY. LOL HIS BRINGING UP THE KISS. YOU SO KNOW HE WAS LIKE "IN MY EXPERIENCE, KISSING USUALLY LEADS TO OTHER THINGS ... AND YOU WERE GONE ~ALL NIGHT~"
LMFAO, SO GAIUS WAS LIKE "YOU FOLLOWED ME! >:("
MERLIN JUST CONTINUES TO BE TEN TIMES OF ADORABLE AND WANTS TO TALK MANFEELINGS WITH GAIUS.
UNTIL, OF COURSE, GAIUS MENTIONS "MARRIAGE" AND MERLIN IS LIKE 'WHUT. BUT! UTHER! :O'
LOL, SO GAIUS SITS MERLIN DOWN TO EXPLAIN IT TO HIM.
MERLIN FINDS IT ALL CUTE, REALLY. GAIUS FINDING LOVE (WITH UTHER, OBVS) AFTER ALICE HAD TO LEAVE CAMELOT IN THE PURGE. AWW~ FORBIDDEN LOVE WITH TEH BADASS KING FTW. XDD
MERLIN IS ALSO MORE THAN A LITTLE SHOCKED TO HEAR ABOUT HER GREAT HEALING POWERS. AND HOW SUPER!GAIUS SAVED THE DAY AND GOT HER OUT OF CAMELOT. AWW, GAIUS, YOU WEREN'T ALWAYS JUST A DOUCHEBAG <3
NEXT DAY, GAIUS GOES TO GIVE ALICE THE PIG LEG MERLIN WOULDN'T EAT, VEGETARIAN THAT COLIN IS XD
GAIUS HAS A LITTLE REVIEW SESSION ON HIS HEALING MAGIC
AND CUTE IS ATTEMPTED TO BE INDUCED. MEH.
NOW HOWEVER, WE HAVE A BIG, ROUND, BEAUTIFUL, AMAZING, FUCKING HOLE ON THE SCREEN. WITH ARTHUR IN THE MIDDLE OF IT!!!!
YOU KNOW THIS SHIT IS ABOUT TO GET GOOD.
ARTHUR IS LOOKING PRETTY FUCKING SATISFIED RIGHT NOW, WOULDN'T YOU AGREE? YOU TOTES KNOW WHERE HE IS GOING TO STICK HIS LONG PHALLIC STICK, AND HE IS GOING TO ENJOY IT!
MERLIN, WITH HIS BIG HOLE, IS RATHER APPREHENSION OF ARTHUR JUST SHOVING IT IN
ARTHUR IS CHARGING STRAIGHT FOR THE MIDDLE OF MERLIN'S HOLE OMFGOD
ARTHUR STARTS TO THRUST
WITH HIS PHALLIC PEEN POINTED AT THE READY
AND SWIFTLY SHOVES IT ALL THE WAY IN
MY MIND: IT IS BLOWN
[IN THE BEDROOM, ON THE LAWN] MERLIN LIKES IT ROUGH
SO ARTHUR FUCKS HIM ROUGH. BY SLAPPING THAT ARSE THAT IS BEING PRESENTED TO HIM
AND SHOUTING AT MERLIN
(via Insanity Wolf Tumblr)
BUT THEN MERLIN TELLS ARTHUR THAT HE'S A LITTLE BIT TIRED TODAY, FROM ALL THE NON-SEX RELATED SNOOPING HE'S BEEN DOING. SO ARTHUR RELENTS. BECAUSE HE LOVES MERLIN.
MERLIN IS DISAPPOINTED BECAUSE HE DIDN'T MEAN STOP DAMMIT!
SEE THE WAY HE PRESENTS HIS FINE ARSE OH SO TANTALISINGLY? YEA, THAT'S RIGHT - HE'S SEDUCING ARTHUR.
SO ARTHUR OBLIGES HIM. BY PULLING OUT THE BIG DILDO!
LMFAOOOOO, ARTHUR'S FUCKING GRIN OF ANTICIPATION XDD
MERLIN IS ALL "HO HO, HEY NOW"
AND ALL I CAN THINK OF IS THIS:
WHY YES MERLIN, YES IT WILL.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
*SPAZZES LIKE A MONKEY*
*DEAD*
HOW CAN ANYTHING FOLLOW THAT?
MERLIN MEETS ALICE, THE EX-GIRLFRIEND AND GIVES HER HIS BED. THAT'S ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW.
BECAUSE NOW, MERLIN HAS TO PERMANENTLY MOVE INTO ARTHUR'S BEDCHAMBERS
FORTUNATELY FOR MERLIN AND FOR THE PLOT, ARTHUR KICKED HIM OUT OF BED TO FUCK HIM ON THE FLOOR. WHICH IS WHERE MERLIN FELL ASLEEP. IT ALLOWED HIM TO BE WOKEN IN THE EARLY HOURS OF THE MORNING THOUGH, BY SHIFTY SOUNDS IN HIS ROOM.
NEEEEEERRRRRRGGGG FUCK HE LOOKS SO GORGEOUS ALL FUCKED OUT A;FKGJAG;LKJDFL;GKJ
HIS INVESTIGATIONS REVEAL SHADY LADY BEING SHADY
AND SCARY MONSTER DUDE GETTING ITS RAGE ON
SO MERLIN HIDES HIS FACE, ALL KINDS OF SHOCKED AND FREAKED THE WTF OUT
NEXT MORNING, MERLIN FAILS AT SUBTLY, TRYING TO BRING UP ALICE'S SUDDENLY EVIL WAYS.
MERLIN: I SAW HER EVIL
GAIUS: DON'T BE RIDICULOUS. YOU ARE RIDICULOUS. RIDICULOUS, RIDICULOUS, RIDICULOUS.
MERLIN: *POUT* I'LL SHOW YOU THEN!
... BY STICKING MY EAR AGAINST THE BOX OF EVIL INTENTIONS.
LOL MERLIN, JUST LOL.
GAIUS: ARGH, TOLD YOU! RIDICULOUS!
EMPTY BOX: IS VERY OBVIOUSLY EMPTY
SO MERLIN'S EARS STRUT OFF IN A HUFF AND HE GOES TO THE LIBRARY
... WAIT, WHAT?
LMFAO, GEOFFREY IS SO SURPRISED TO SEE HIM XDDD
NONETHELESS, MERLIN'S EYEBROWS HAVE FOUND SOMETHING OF INTEREST
GEOFFREY THE LIBRARIAN OF AWESOME COMES OVER TO ASK IF MERLIN IS, BECAUSE WHY ELSE WOULD HE BE SKULKING IN THE LIBRARY.
MERLIN ANSWERS WITH A TERSE "NO"
BUT THEN CHANGES HIS MIND AND DECIDES TO BE NICE, BECAUSE THE LIBRARIAN CAN HELP
SO HE ASKS WHAT THIS CREATURE IS
BAMF GEOFFREY SAYS THAT ITS "A LEGEND" AKA NON-EXISTENT.
EXCEPT IT TOTALLY IS IN MERLIN'S SCREWED UP WORLD
MEANWHILE, GAIUS AND ALICE DO PHYSICIAN THINGS AND TALK ABOUT TEAMWORK. GAIUS MENTIONS THAT MERLIN FINDS THE PHYSICIANS WORK BORING LMFAO XDD
BUT CREEPY ALICE HAS JUST HEARD THE WORDS HER EVIL SELF WANTED TO HEAR: "UTHER'S BATTLE WOUND"
SO SHE TRIES TO POUR SOME POISON INTO IT
BUT IS INTERRUPTED BY MERLIN, SO SHE DROPS IT TO BREAK IT AND DESTROY EVIDENCE
MERLIN IS TOTES ONTO YOU
SO HE SNEAKS BACK INTO THE LIBRARY AT NIGHT
WHERE GEOFFREY IS SLEEPING
BUT CLUMSY MERLIN WAKES HIM UP SO MERLIN HAS TO CHARM HIM WITH FLOATY OBJECTS
THAT DELIGHT GEOFFREY WAAAAAAAY TOO MUCH
LMFAO AND MERLIN IS ALL "NOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOONE IS HEEEEEEEEEEERE. GOOOOOO BAAAAAAACK TO SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP" XDD
LMFAO, IF SOMEONE IS ASLEEP THEN THEY WOULDN'T BE GOING BACK TO SLEEP MERLIN XDD
BUT WHATEVER, GEOFFREY LAYS HIS HEAD BACK DOWN TO REST XD
LMFAO AND MERLIN TUTS. HE FUCKING TUTS AFTER HIS CLUMSY ARSE IS THE ONE THAT WOKE HIM. OMG THIS SHOW, I DON'T EVEN.
ANYWAY, MERLIN STUDIES INTO THE NIGHT, LOOKING FOR INFO HE NEEDS TO CONFRONT GAIUS
AND HE FINDS IT, SO HE GOES TO GAIUS THE NEXT MORNING
BUT GAIUS IS "BLINDED BY HIS FEELINGS" OF PURE PLATONIC FRIENDSHIP
LMFAO AND ALICE IS ALL "MERLIN'S JUST JEALOUS" HAHAHA YOU WISH, BITCH
GAIUS IS LIKE "MORE LIKE VERY HOSTILE YOU'RE NOT ABOUT TO DO SOMETHING EVIL, ARE YOU"
TOO BAD SHE ACTUALLY IS, BECAUSE GAIUS GIVES HER THE GO AHEAD TO PREPARE UTHER'S MEDICINE. THAT WILL SEKRITLY BE LACED WITH POISON. \O/
ELSEWHERE, THE GAY IS OUT IN FORCE.
BY WHICH I MEAN FUCKING IN MERLIN'S PANTS.
ARTHUR IS RIDING MERLIN WITH HIS 'LANCE', LONG AND HARD
MERLIN CANNOT HELP BUT MAKE SEX FACES AND MOAN WHEN ARTHUR HITS THE SPOT
BY WHICH I MEAN "BULLSEYE" AKA MERLIN'S PROSTATE.
MERLIN JUST CAME AND IS NOW UNABLE TO MOVE ON THE GROUND THERE
SO ARTHUR HELPS HIM UP (JUST WANTS AN EXCUSE TO MANHANDLE HIS SERVANT SOME MORE~~)
BUT MERLIN IS RATHER QUIET AND NOT LAVISHING HIM WITH KISSES AND PUPPY LOVE, SO CLEARLY SOMETHING IS WRONG. ARTHUR KNOWS IT AND WANTS TO TALK ABOUT MANFEELINGS
MERLIN DOESN'T WANT TO TELL, BUT ARTHUR THREATENS HIM WITH NO SEX FOR A WEEK, SO MERLIN CAVES AND TALKS ABOUT HIS MANFEELINGS - HE AND GAIUS HAD A FALLING OUT.
AND ARTHUR GIVES. MERLIN. ADVICE!
AFTER MERLIN SAYS HE DOESN'T THINK "IT'LL JUST BLOW OVER", ARTHUR WANTS TO COMFORT MERLIN
SO HE PUNCHES MERLIN ON THE ARM A;LFKJGA;DFKJG ARTHUR, YOUR LOVE, YOU TOTES DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS IT
EVIDENCED BY MERLIN'S "HOW IS PUNCHING ME ON THE ARM MEANT TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER?"
ARTHUR SAYS THAT IT'S HOW THE KNIGHTS CHEER EACH OTHER UP
MERLIN: -_-; WELL THE KNIGHTS ARE THICK, AREN'T THEY.
ARTHUR: >:| I'M A KNIGHT
MERLIN: WELL THERE YOU ARE THEN
ARTHUR: >:( I'LL SHOW YOU *WHACKS WITH PENIS*
I STILL LOVE YOU THOUGH
MEANWHILE, INDOORS, GAIUS IS FAILING AT REMEMBERING "SIGNIFICANT PRESENTS" BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ALICE
SPEAKING OF WHO, IS CURRENTLY POISONING UTHER'S MEDICINE
LOL GAIUS, YOU FAIL SO HARD AS A PHYSICAN. DID YOU NOT NOTICE THAT THE COLOUR OF UTHER'S MEDICINE IS DARKER THAN USUAL? HOW DID THAT NOT TRIGGER A "ARE YOU SURE YOU DID THIS RIGHT?" *FACEPALM*
HE THEN TAKES IT TO UTHER, WHO IS ALL "TO MY VERY GOOD SEXUAL HEALTH, EH GAIUS?" *WAGGLES EYEBROWS*
GAIUS IS JUST LIKE 'WHOA SLOW DOWN THERE OR NURSE!GAIUS WILL HAVE TO SPANK YOU FOR BEING A VERY CHEEKY BOY" ;)
UTHER DOWNS IT LIKE A GOOD BOY,
BUT LIKES THE WAY GAIUS THINKS
CUT FOR SEXING TIMES
MERLIN IS CONTEMPLATING OUT ON THE STAIRS HIS LOVE FOR ARTHUR
WHEN HE HEARS THE BELLS A-RINGING AND HIS EARS GET ALL CURIOUS
SO DOES THE FORCED HET COUPLE OF THE WEEK, WHO ARE EATING DINNER
TURNS OUT ARTHUR IS DISTRESSED
HE FOUND UTHER BELLY UP LIKE A DEAD FISH IN WATER
GAIUS IS OBVIOUSLY VERY WORRIED, BECAUSE HIS BOYFRIEND LOOKS LIKE SHIT
ESPECIALLY SINCE HE'S BEEN INFECTED WITH AN SPN!DEMON! :O
MERLIN DNW THAT CROSSOVER-WTFUCKERY AKA MERLIN IS NOT EVEN ON THE SAME PLATFORM OF GENIUS AS SUPERNATURAL, FUCK OFF AND DIE JOHNNY CAPPS WITH YOUR STEALING WAYS
ZE PENNY HAZ DROPPED
GAIUS TELLS ARTHUR TO WATCH UTHER AND HE WILL FIND OUT WHAT'S WRONG, EVEN THOUGH EVERYONE AND THEIR MOTHER ALREADY KNOWS THE ANSWER (INCLUDING ARTHUR, FUNNY ENOUGH)
MERLIN, IN THE BACKGROUND, IS JUST WATCHING ARTHUR AND SHAKING HIS HEAD IN DISGUST AT GAIUS RN.
AND BECAUSE MERLIN LOVES ARTHUR AND IS SUPER PISSED THAT GAIUS WOULD LIE TO HIS HUSBAND JUST TO PROTECT THIS CHICK OF NO CONSEQUENCE, MERLIN CONFRONTS HIM
COLIN MORGAN DOES A PARTICULARLY GOOD JOB OF RANTY!MERLIN. PLEASE TAKE A SECOND TO ADMIRE
BUT THEN GAIUS IS LIKE 'STFU, KING IS HURT AND YOU'RE PLACE IS AT ARTHUR'S SIDE
*EXPLODES WITH GLEE*
MERLIN LOOKS LIKE HE JUST REMEMBERED HE SHOULD BE COMFORTING INSTEAD OF BEING INDIGNANT ON ARTHUR'S BEHALF. OMFGOD, SUCH A GOOD WIFE YOU ARE MERRRRRRRLIN~
*FLAILS AND FLAILS* SO MERLIN GOES TO ARTHUR, WHO IS WORRYING
WHILE MERLIN IS LISTENING, FINDING IT VERY HARD TO HEAR ARTHUR'S PAIN WHEN HE KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED
ARTHUR IS RUNNING THROUGH A PROCESS OF ELIMINATION
AND HE SEEMS TO HAVE REALISED SOMETHING...
MERLIN TO PROTECT GAIUS TO REWARD HIS HUSBAND'S BRILLIANCE, DECIDES TO COME CLEAN, BECAUSE THIS SHIT HAS GONE ON LONG ENOUGH
GAIUS GOES TO CONFRONT HER, IN A BITCH FIT OF EPIC PROPORTIONS
ALICE CONFESSES BY DEFAULT WHEN HER EYES GO ALL DEMON LIKE
AND THEN ARTHUR BURSTS IN, SAYING SHE IS BEING ARRESTED FOR EVIL AND HIGH TREASON
GAIUS IS NOT PLEASED
MERLIN PRACTICALLY SAYS "TOUGH SHIT, YOU OR HER AND SHE IS OBVIOUSLY EVIL"
IN THE DUNGEON, ARTHUR IS GETTING LADY TO CONFESS AND TRYING TO REASON WITH HER TO SAVE HIS FATHER
MERLIN IS GIVING HER THE STINK EYE ON ARTHUR'S BEHALF, WHO IS TOO BUSY TRYING TO BE DIPLOMATIC TO RESORT TO SUCH THINGS.
ALSO, HE DOESN'T BELIEVE THAT "THE CREATURE" WOULD MAKE YOU DO EVIL. YOU'RE EVIL ALL ON YOUR OWN, DEMON LADY.
ARTHUR RESORTS TO BEGGING FOR HIS FATHERS LIFE, BECAUSE HE IS NOT SO PROUD THAT HE WOULDN'T IF IT MEANT IT MIGHT SAVE HIM.
BUT THEN HER INNER DEMON SHOWCASES ITSELF, ALONG WITH RANDOM "MANTICORE" REFERENCE
AND MERLIN JUST FIGURED OUT WHAT TO DO NOW
HE GOES TO GAIUS, WHO IS BY THE KING'S (HIS LOVES) SIDE
GAIUS SAYS HE FORGIVES HIM, BUT THE KING IS DYING AND ;_;
MERLIN SAYS HE THINKS HE KNOWS WHAT TO DO NOW
SO THEY GO BACK TO THEIR QUARTERS AND TALK ABOUT HOW TO DEFEAT MONSTER OF THE WEEK
LMFAO MERLIN "HOW DO I KILL IT"
GAIUS: YOU CAN'T - CREATURE OF THE OLD RELIGION.
SO DOES THAT MEAN YOU CAN'T KILL THE SLASHDRAGON EITHER? *CURIOUS*
BUT GAIUS FIGURED OUT ANOTHER WAY - SMASH THE BOX WHILE THE MANTICORE IS STILL IN THIS WORLD.
HEH, SOUNDS SIMPLE ENOUGH. THEREFORE, IT IS DESTINED TO GO WRONG. MERLIN FEARS IT ALSO LOL XD
OMINOUS APPROACH TO BOX IS OMINOUS
LETS FOCUS ON THE "IF THIS DOESN'T WORK" OPTION BEFOREHAND, JUST SO WE KNOW WHAT WE ARE GETTING INTO. GOOD MERLIN, GOOD, THINK OF ALL OPTIONS BEFORE DOING SOMETHING CRAZY. LIKE ALWAYS *DROP*
MERLIN MAGIC'S IT OPEN
FOR A SECOND NOTHING HAPPENS, EXCEPT FOR THIS LOLFACE GAIUS MAKES XD
THEN THE MANTICORE COMES FLYING OUT AND ATTACKS MERLIN
AND GAIUS TRIES TO GET HIS MAGIC MOJO ON ... BUT WITHOUT MANY RESULTS
UNTIL MERLIN SCREAMS IN A COMPLETELY NON-GIRLY WAY "NOW OR NEVER GAIUS! FFS!"
SO GAIUS GETS DOUBLE THE MOJO OUT TO ACCOMPANY HIS 'O' FACE
AND MANAGES TO MAKE THE TARDIS BOX REJUVINATE EXPLODE ITSELF
THE MANTICORE SOON FOLLOWS SUIT IN A SHOWER OF SPARKLES (LMFAO THIS SHOW XDD)
GAIUS IS ALL KINDS OF WHACKED OUT AFTER THAT SHOWDOWN
AND MERLIN JUST GIGGLES HAPPILY. "HAS BEEN" LMFAO, OH MERLIN, YOU ARE SO PRECIOUS.
UTHER LIVES
EVERYONE IS GLAD BUT NOT HAPPY WHEN UTHER SAYS "THE WOMAN IS TO DIE"
SHE TRIED TO STEAL MY BOYFRIEND AND THAT SHIT IS NOT ON
GAIUS: "AS YOU WISH JEALOUS LOVER~"
GAIUS GOES TO SAY GOODBYE TO ALICE.
AND ALICE CONFESSES SHE HAD HOPED TO HARNESS THE POWER OF THE MANTICORE TO BE USED FOR GOOD.
EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER WATCHED TELEVISION INNERWARDLY CRINGES BECAUSE YOU JUST *KNOW* THAT IS A DUMBARSE MOVE. *SIGH* I STILL THINK SHE'S CORRUPTED INTO EVILDOM, JUST SAYIN'.
ALICE MAKES HER PEACE ABOUT "DYING A FREE WOMAN" AND DISGRACING HERSELF BLAHBLAH WHO CARES
THEY HUG AND SAY THEIR GOODBYES, THAT'S ALL THAT'S IMPORTANT HERE
OBVIOUSLY, THE NEXT MORNING "ONE OF THE PRISONERS HAS ESCAPED"
LMFAO, MERLIN SAYS "HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE"
... OH I DUNNO MERLIN. MAYBE BECAUSE THE GUARDS OF CAMELOT ARE SHIT.
MAYBE BECAUSE THE LOCKS ARE EASY TO BREAK.
MAYBE BECAUSE THIS IS LIKE, THE ELEVENTY BILLIONTH TIME SOMETHING LIKE THIS HAS HAPPENED.
"THE DUNGEONS ARE SO SECURE" MY ARSE. THEY ARE ABOUT AS "SECURE" AS YOUR TROUSERS ARE WHEN ARTHUR ENTERS THE ROOM, SILLY BOY.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU ASK "HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE????!?!?!?!" AND FOLLOW IT WITH "THE DUNGEONS ARE SO SECURE"? *FACEPALM* *HEADDESK*
GAIUS SAYS THAT HE WOULDN'T WANT TO LEAVE WITH HER BECAUSE HE HAS TO LOOK AFTER MERLIN. WHAT HE DIDN'T SAY THOUGH WAS THAT HE COULDN'T LEAVE HIS BOYFRIEND, AND THATS WHY HE STAYED. AWW~
LOL SOMEHOW LOOKING AFTER MERLIN MEANS PRESENTING HIM WITH MEAT
WHICH I KNOW YOU DON'T EAT COLIN SO LMFAO AT YOUR PRETEND HAPPYFACE AT GETTING TO EAT IT XD
LOOOOOOOOOOL PERFECT DISAPPOINTED!FACE IS A PERFECT ENDING XDDD
SO IT IS NOW THANKSGIVING AND I HAVE TIME TO WRITE SO FINGERS CROSSED I SHALL BE UP TO DATE ... SOON. 8D HAPPY TURKEY DAY EVERYONE, HOPE YOU AMERICANS ARE CELEBRATING LOTS. :D
EPISODE STARTS WITH A MISLEADING, CALMING, TRAVELLING IN NATURE SHOT.
FOR SOME REASON THERE IS JUST AN EMPTY HOUSE IN CAMELOT THAT IS NOT BEING LIVED IN. OR SOMETHING. IDK, OK, THIS SHOW LIVES IN A PLOT HOLE.
CREEPY MAGIC OLD WITCH LADY DOES MAGIC
TO SUMMON THE DEMON OF THE WEEK
IT LOOKS MIGHTY FUCKING CREEPY. AND THIS WITCH IS DEFINITELY GETTING TOO COZY/ATTACHED TO IT TO BE A GOOD INTENTION GONE WRONG, FFS.
FUCKING. CREEPY!
BUT NOW WE MUST HAVE A PLOT TITLE SCENE IN WHICH GAIUS STANDS BEFORE HIS BOYFRIEND AND MERLIN PRETENDS LIKE HE AND ARTHUR AREN'T GLANCING AT EACH OTHER EVERY FIVE SECONDS.
UTHER TALKS ABOUT TEH EV0L MAGICK BEING USED TO CURE PEOPLE
AND ARTHUR LOOKS STRAIGHT AT FUCKING MERLIN.
OH MY WIZARD GOD, ARTHUR IS SO ONTO YOU MERLIN.
ALSO: MERLIN AND ARTHUR, YOU JUST GOT CAUGHT EYEFUCKING
ANYWAY, GAIUS TELLS UTHER HE'LL LOOK INTO IT AND MERLIN TRIES REAL HARD NOT TO ROLL HIS EYES. LMFAO MERLIN, YOUR DISDAIN NEEDS TO WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE *OUT* OFF THE HALL-FOR-ALL-OCCASIONS!
JUST WANT TO POINT OUT HERE, ARTHUR IS STILL WATCHING MERLIN AS HE LEAVES. OH MY FUCKING GOD YES, THOSE EYES ARE FULL OF LUST AND WANT. >;DD
OUTSIDE PLOT!POINT!INN, GAIUS IS TELLING MERLIN TO THINK WITH HIS UPSTAIRS BRAIN FOR A CHANGE AND AT LEAST PRETEND TO RESPECT THE KING AND HIS HYPOCRITICAL WAYS.
OF COURSE THE FIRST THING MERLIN NOTICES INSIDE THE PUB IS THE MAGICAL-OBJECT-BY-COMPLETELY-POINTEDLY-OBVIOUS-SHOTS. WAY TO GO, SHOW, POINTING OUT THE MAGICAL TINGS THAT EVERYONE BESIDES KING PENDRAGON KNOWS ABOUT.
GAIUS QUESTIONS THE INNKEEPER ABOUT HIS SUDDEN, UNEXPECTED RISE FROM DEATH.
INNKEEPER CONFESSES BECAUSE "GAIUS IS NOT THE KING". NO, YOU'RE JUST HIS BOYFRIEND THAT SOLD OUT ALL MAGIC USES IN 'THE GREAT PURGE' AND GOT A BUNCH OF YOUR FRIENDS KILLED. =\
BUT PEOPLE IN THIS SHOW ARE STUPID OR TOO TRUSTING BECAUSE INNKEEPER HANDS OVER HIS REMEDY.
WHICH IS SO OBVIOUSLY MAGICAL THE GLITTER HURTS MY EYES.
THEN HE FACES HIS BOYFRIEND AND LIES THROUGH HIS EYEBROW
MERLIN SEEMS A LITTLE BIT SURPRISED AT GAIUS'S ANSWER (LOL, SO LITTLE FAITH HE HAS IN GAIUS) AND ITS A REALLY GOOD THING ARTHUR ISN'T THERE, BECAUSE HE WOULD HAVE CAUGHT THAT SHIFTY LOOK FROM ACROSS THE ROOM. ARTHUR ONLY HAS EYES FOR MERLIN, OBVS, SO THAT HE CAN PUNISH HIM IN THE BEDROOM WHEN NECESSARY.
UTHER IS DISBELIEVING OF THE WORDS HIS BOYFRIEND IS SPEAKING.
BUT GAIUS IS STEADFAST AND PROTECTING SOMETHING. ALSO: LYING THROUGH HIS EYEBROW. TO HIS BOYFRIEND!
MERLIN IS MORE THAN A LITTLE SHOCKED
UTHER IS GRATEFUL FOR GAIUS PUTTING HIS MIND AT REST. AWW~~ ♥♥♥ THESE TWO ARE SO CUTE TOGETHER~
MERLIN IS WORRIED THERE MAY NOW BE GAIUS/UTHER SEXING TIMES THAT HE DNW TO WATCH XDD
NEVER FEAR, THE PRE-WATERSHED SHOWS STATE THEY MUST NOW WALK AWAY FROM THE GOLDEN SEXING OPPORTUNITY. MERLIN CAN'T BELIEVE GAIUS HAS SUCH WILLPOWER DID WHAT HE JUST DID.
LOL FACE!
THEY HAVE A MANLY HEART-TO-HEART OVER MEAT (WHICH I *KNOW* YOU DON'T EAT COLIN) IN WHICH GAIUS TRIES TO FOOL MERLIN AND MERLIN DOESN'T BELIEVE HIM.
LMFAOOOOOOOO THIS WHOLE SCENE XDDD
UNF, MERLIN SLEEPING WHILE READINGGGGNNNRNNGAFLGKJFLJ
WOKEN BY GAIUS SNEAKING OUT, AND MERLIN IS SO TOTALLY ONTO YOU GAIUS.
SO HE ALSO SNEAKS OUT AND FOLLOWS GAIUS IN HIS MOTHERFUCKING NIGHTSHIRT AND JACKET WITH BED HAIR AFGA;ALFKJGD;LFGJAGJ
*IMPLODES FROM SHEER HOTNESS*
HE SPIES GAIUS VISITING ... A GIRL
AND MERLIN IS CLEARLY THINKING "HOSHIT, GAIUS YOU ARE SO CHEATING ON UTHER RIGHT NOW"
LOL MERLIN IS ALL "WTF" IS THIS HET?!?!?!
SO MERLIN SCAMPERS AND GAIUS AND MYSTERIOUS LADY ALICE GO INSIDE TO TALK.
ALICE SAYS ITS BEEN A LONG TIME AND SHE WANTS TO BE BACK IN CAMELOT.
GAIUS SAYS THINGS HAVE NOT CHANGED AND UTHER IS THE SAME AS EVER
OMFG, THIS IS SUCH A GAIUS/UTHER GAYLOVE EPISODE. GAIUS IS TOTALLY TRYING TO LET ALICE DOWN EASY. HE MAY HAVE ONCE BEEN ENGAGED BUT NOW HE STANDS AT UTHER'S SIDE AND LOVES HIM MORE THAN ANYONE.
AND SHE OBVIOUSLY DOESN'T CARE ALL THAT MUCH ABOUT GAIUS. I MEAN, THE MONSTER-OF-THE-WEEK JUST SAID THAT 'THE PHYSICIAN IS VITAL TO OUR PLAN'
WHICH ALICE CLEARLY KNOWS ALL ABOUT, SO SHE MUSTN'T LOVE GAIUS ALL THAT MUCH IF SHE'S WILLING TO GET HIM STAKED FOR HER OWN AMBITION.
AND THAT THING IS JUST SUPER CREEPY SOME MORE (IMMA AVOID TAKING PICS OF IT NOW, ALRIGHT?)
ALICE IS A SUPERNATURAL DEMON!! :O
YOU FUCKING PLAGIARIST WRITERS!
END THE NIGHT WITH GAIUS SITTING BY THE FIRE, RE-READING INTO 'NOSTALGIA'.
NEXT MORNING, MERLIN IS TRYING TO BRING UP THE SUBJECT WHILE ATTEMPTING TO LOUNGE, CASUALLY.
GAIUS IS ALL "NOTHING TO SEE, NOTHING TO TELL"
MERLIN THINKS DIFFERENTLY. LOL HIS BRINGING UP THE KISS. YOU SO KNOW HE WAS LIKE "IN MY EXPERIENCE, KISSING USUALLY LEADS TO OTHER THINGS ... AND YOU WERE GONE ~ALL NIGHT~"
LMFAO, SO GAIUS WAS LIKE "YOU FOLLOWED ME! >:("
MERLIN JUST CONTINUES TO BE TEN TIMES OF ADORABLE AND WANTS TO TALK MANFEELINGS WITH GAIUS.
UNTIL, OF COURSE, GAIUS MENTIONS "MARRIAGE" AND MERLIN IS LIKE 'WHUT. BUT! UTHER! :O'
LOL, SO GAIUS SITS MERLIN DOWN TO EXPLAIN IT TO HIM.
MERLIN FINDS IT ALL CUTE, REALLY. GAIUS FINDING LOVE (WITH UTHER, OBVS) AFTER ALICE HAD TO LEAVE CAMELOT IN THE PURGE. AWW~ FORBIDDEN LOVE WITH TEH BADASS KING FTW. XDD
MERLIN IS ALSO MORE THAN A LITTLE SHOCKED TO HEAR ABOUT HER GREAT HEALING POWERS. AND HOW SUPER!GAIUS SAVED THE DAY AND GOT HER OUT OF CAMELOT. AWW, GAIUS, YOU WEREN'T ALWAYS JUST A DOUCHEBAG <3
NEXT DAY, GAIUS GOES TO GIVE ALICE THE PIG LEG MERLIN WOULDN'T EAT, VEGETARIAN THAT COLIN IS XD
GAIUS HAS A LITTLE REVIEW SESSION ON HIS HEALING MAGIC
AND CUTE IS ATTEMPTED TO BE INDUCED. MEH.
NOW HOWEVER, WE HAVE A BIG, ROUND, BEAUTIFUL, AMAZING, FUCKING HOLE ON THE SCREEN. WITH ARTHUR IN THE MIDDLE OF IT!!!!
YOU KNOW THIS SHIT IS ABOUT TO GET GOOD.
ARTHUR IS LOOKING PRETTY FUCKING SATISFIED RIGHT NOW, WOULDN'T YOU AGREE? YOU TOTES KNOW WHERE HE IS GOING TO STICK HIS LONG PHALLIC STICK, AND HE IS GOING TO ENJOY IT!
MERLIN, WITH HIS BIG HOLE, IS RATHER APPREHENSION OF ARTHUR JUST SHOVING IT IN
ARTHUR IS CHARGING STRAIGHT FOR THE MIDDLE OF MERLIN'S HOLE OMFGOD
ARTHUR STARTS TO THRUST
WITH HIS PHALLIC PEEN POINTED AT THE READY
AND SWIFTLY SHOVES IT ALL THE WAY IN
MY MIND: IT IS BLOWN
[IN THE BEDROOM, ON THE LAWN] MERLIN LIKES IT ROUGH
SO ARTHUR FUCKS HIM ROUGH. BY SLAPPING THAT ARSE THAT IS BEING PRESENTED TO HIM
AND SHOUTING AT MERLIN
(via Insanity Wolf Tumblr)
BUT THEN MERLIN TELLS ARTHUR THAT HE'S A LITTLE BIT TIRED TODAY, FROM ALL THE NON-SEX RELATED SNOOPING HE'S BEEN DOING. SO ARTHUR RELENTS. BECAUSE HE LOVES MERLIN.
MERLIN IS DISAPPOINTED BECAUSE HE DIDN'T MEAN STOP DAMMIT!
SEE THE WAY HE PRESENTS HIS FINE ARSE OH SO TANTALISINGLY? YEA, THAT'S RIGHT - HE'S SEDUCING ARTHUR.
SO ARTHUR OBLIGES HIM. BY PULLING OUT THE BIG DILDO!
LMFAOOOOO, ARTHUR'S FUCKING GRIN OF ANTICIPATION XDD
MERLIN IS ALL "HO HO, HEY NOW"
AND ALL I CAN THINK OF IS THIS:
WHY YES MERLIN, YES IT WILL.
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
*SPAZZES LIKE A MONKEY*
*DEAD*
HOW CAN ANYTHING FOLLOW THAT?
MERLIN MEETS ALICE, THE EX-GIRLFRIEND AND GIVES HER HIS BED. THAT'S ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW.
BECAUSE NOW, MERLIN HAS TO PERMANENTLY MOVE INTO ARTHUR'S BEDCHAMBERS
FORTUNATELY FOR MERLIN AND FOR THE PLOT, ARTHUR KICKED HIM OUT OF BED TO FUCK HIM ON THE FLOOR. WHICH IS WHERE MERLIN FELL ASLEEP. IT ALLOWED HIM TO BE WOKEN IN THE EARLY HOURS OF THE MORNING THOUGH, BY SHIFTY SOUNDS IN HIS ROOM.
NEEEEEERRRRRRGGGG FUCK HE LOOKS SO GORGEOUS ALL FUCKED OUT A;FKGJAG;LKJDFL;GKJ
HIS INVESTIGATIONS REVEAL SHADY LADY BEING SHADY
AND SCARY MONSTER DUDE GETTING ITS RAGE ON
SO MERLIN HIDES HIS FACE, ALL KINDS OF SHOCKED AND FREAKED THE WTF OUT
NEXT MORNING, MERLIN FAILS AT SUBTLY, TRYING TO BRING UP ALICE'S SUDDENLY EVIL WAYS.
MERLIN: I SAW HER EVIL
GAIUS: DON'T BE RIDICULOUS. YOU ARE RIDICULOUS. RIDICULOUS, RIDICULOUS, RIDICULOUS.
MERLIN: *POUT* I'LL SHOW YOU THEN!
... BY STICKING MY EAR AGAINST THE BOX OF EVIL INTENTIONS.
LOL MERLIN, JUST LOL.
GAIUS: ARGH, TOLD YOU! RIDICULOUS!
EMPTY BOX: IS VERY OBVIOUSLY EMPTY
SO MERLIN'S EARS STRUT OFF IN A HUFF AND HE GOES TO THE LIBRARY
... WAIT, WHAT?
LMFAO, GEOFFREY IS SO SURPRISED TO SEE HIM XDDD
NONETHELESS, MERLIN'S EYEBROWS HAVE FOUND SOMETHING OF INTEREST
GEOFFREY THE LIBRARIAN OF AWESOME COMES OVER TO ASK IF MERLIN IS, BECAUSE WHY ELSE WOULD HE BE SKULKING IN THE LIBRARY.
MERLIN ANSWERS WITH A TERSE "NO"
BUT THEN CHANGES HIS MIND AND DECIDES TO BE NICE, BECAUSE THE LIBRARIAN CAN HELP
SO HE ASKS WHAT THIS CREATURE IS
BAMF GEOFFREY SAYS THAT ITS "A LEGEND" AKA NON-EXISTENT.
EXCEPT IT TOTALLY IS IN MERLIN'S SCREWED UP WORLD
MEANWHILE, GAIUS AND ALICE DO PHYSICIAN THINGS AND TALK ABOUT TEAMWORK. GAIUS MENTIONS THAT MERLIN FINDS THE PHYSICIANS WORK BORING LMFAO XDD
BUT CREEPY ALICE HAS JUST HEARD THE WORDS HER EVIL SELF WANTED TO HEAR: "UTHER'S BATTLE WOUND"
SO SHE TRIES TO POUR SOME POISON INTO IT
BUT IS INTERRUPTED BY MERLIN, SO SHE DROPS IT TO BREAK IT AND DESTROY EVIDENCE
MERLIN IS TOTES ONTO YOU
SO HE SNEAKS BACK INTO THE LIBRARY AT NIGHT
WHERE GEOFFREY IS SLEEPING
BUT CLUMSY MERLIN WAKES HIM UP SO MERLIN HAS TO CHARM HIM WITH FLOATY OBJECTS
THAT DELIGHT GEOFFREY WAAAAAAAY TOO MUCH
LMFAO AND MERLIN IS ALL "NOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOONE IS HEEEEEEEEEEERE. GOOOOOO BAAAAAAACK TO SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP" XDD
LMFAO, IF SOMEONE IS ASLEEP THEN THEY WOULDN'T BE GOING BACK TO SLEEP MERLIN XDD
BUT WHATEVER, GEOFFREY LAYS HIS HEAD BACK DOWN TO REST XD
LMFAO AND MERLIN TUTS. HE FUCKING TUTS AFTER HIS CLUMSY ARSE IS THE ONE THAT WOKE HIM. OMG THIS SHOW, I DON'T EVEN.
ANYWAY, MERLIN STUDIES INTO THE NIGHT, LOOKING FOR INFO HE NEEDS TO CONFRONT GAIUS
AND HE FINDS IT, SO HE GOES TO GAIUS THE NEXT MORNING
BUT GAIUS IS "BLINDED BY HIS FEELINGS" OF PURE PLATONIC FRIENDSHIP
LMFAO AND ALICE IS ALL "MERLIN'S JUST JEALOUS" HAHAHA YOU WISH, BITCH
GAIUS IS LIKE "MORE LIKE VERY HOSTILE YOU'RE NOT ABOUT TO DO SOMETHING EVIL, ARE YOU"
TOO BAD SHE ACTUALLY IS, BECAUSE GAIUS GIVES HER THE GO AHEAD TO PREPARE UTHER'S MEDICINE. THAT WILL SEKRITLY BE LACED WITH POISON. \O/
ELSEWHERE, THE GAY IS OUT IN FORCE.
BY WHICH I MEAN FUCKING IN MERLIN'S PANTS.
ARTHUR IS RIDING MERLIN WITH HIS 'LANCE', LONG AND HARD
MERLIN CANNOT HELP BUT MAKE SEX FACES AND MOAN WHEN ARTHUR HITS THE SPOT
BY WHICH I MEAN "BULLSEYE" AKA MERLIN'S PROSTATE.
MERLIN JUST CAME AND IS NOW UNABLE TO MOVE ON THE GROUND THERE
SO ARTHUR HELPS HIM UP (JUST WANTS AN EXCUSE TO MANHANDLE HIS SERVANT SOME MORE~~)
BUT MERLIN IS RATHER QUIET AND NOT LAVISHING HIM WITH KISSES AND PUPPY LOVE, SO CLEARLY SOMETHING IS WRONG. ARTHUR KNOWS IT AND WANTS TO TALK ABOUT MANFEELINGS
MERLIN DOESN'T WANT TO TELL, BUT ARTHUR THREATENS HIM WITH NO SEX FOR A WEEK, SO MERLIN CAVES AND TALKS ABOUT HIS MANFEELINGS - HE AND GAIUS HAD A FALLING OUT.
AND ARTHUR GIVES. MERLIN. ADVICE!
AFTER MERLIN SAYS HE DOESN'T THINK "IT'LL JUST BLOW OVER", ARTHUR WANTS TO COMFORT MERLIN
SO HE PUNCHES MERLIN ON THE ARM A;LFKJGA;DFKJG ARTHUR, YOUR LOVE, YOU TOTES DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS IT
EVIDENCED BY MERLIN'S "HOW IS PUNCHING ME ON THE ARM MEANT TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER?"
ARTHUR SAYS THAT IT'S HOW THE KNIGHTS CHEER EACH OTHER UP
MERLIN: -_-; WELL THE KNIGHTS ARE THICK, AREN'T THEY.
ARTHUR: >:| I'M A KNIGHT
MERLIN: WELL THERE YOU ARE THEN
ARTHUR: >:( I'LL SHOW YOU *WHACKS WITH PENIS*
I STILL LOVE YOU THOUGH
MEANWHILE, INDOORS, GAIUS IS FAILING AT REMEMBERING "SIGNIFICANT PRESENTS" BECAUSE OBVIOUSLY HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ALICE
SPEAKING OF WHO, IS CURRENTLY POISONING UTHER'S MEDICINE
LOL GAIUS, YOU FAIL SO HARD AS A PHYSICAN. DID YOU NOT NOTICE THAT THE COLOUR OF UTHER'S MEDICINE IS DARKER THAN USUAL? HOW DID THAT NOT TRIGGER A "ARE YOU SURE YOU DID THIS RIGHT?" *FACEPALM*
HE THEN TAKES IT TO UTHER, WHO IS ALL "TO MY VERY GOOD SEXUAL HEALTH, EH GAIUS?" *WAGGLES EYEBROWS*
GAIUS IS JUST LIKE 'WHOA SLOW DOWN THERE OR NURSE!GAIUS WILL HAVE TO SPANK YOU FOR BEING A VERY CHEEKY BOY" ;)
UTHER DOWNS IT LIKE A GOOD BOY,
BUT LIKES THE WAY GAIUS THINKS
CUT FOR SEXING TIMES
MERLIN IS CONTEMPLATING OUT ON THE STAIRS HIS LOVE FOR ARTHUR
WHEN HE HEARS THE BELLS A-RINGING AND HIS EARS GET ALL CURIOUS
SO DOES THE FORCED HET COUPLE OF THE WEEK, WHO ARE EATING DINNER
TURNS OUT ARTHUR IS DISTRESSED
HE FOUND UTHER BELLY UP LIKE A DEAD FISH IN WATER
GAIUS IS OBVIOUSLY VERY WORRIED, BECAUSE HIS BOYFRIEND LOOKS LIKE SHIT
ESPECIALLY SINCE HE'S BEEN INFECTED WITH AN SPN!DEMON! :O
MERLIN DNW THAT CROSSOVER-WTFUCKERY AKA MERLIN IS NOT EVEN ON THE SAME PLATFORM OF GENIUS AS SUPERNATURAL, FUCK OFF AND DIE JOHNNY CAPPS WITH YOUR STEALING WAYS
ZE PENNY HAZ DROPPED
GAIUS TELLS ARTHUR TO WATCH UTHER AND HE WILL FIND OUT WHAT'S WRONG, EVEN THOUGH EVERYONE AND THEIR MOTHER ALREADY KNOWS THE ANSWER (INCLUDING ARTHUR, FUNNY ENOUGH)
MERLIN, IN THE BACKGROUND, IS JUST WATCHING ARTHUR AND SHAKING HIS HEAD IN DISGUST AT GAIUS RN.
AND BECAUSE MERLIN LOVES ARTHUR AND IS SUPER PISSED THAT GAIUS WOULD LIE TO HIS HUSBAND JUST TO PROTECT THIS CHICK OF NO CONSEQUENCE, MERLIN CONFRONTS HIM
COLIN MORGAN DOES A PARTICULARLY GOOD JOB OF RANTY!MERLIN. PLEASE TAKE A SECOND TO ADMIRE
BUT THEN GAIUS IS LIKE 'STFU, KING IS HURT AND YOU'RE PLACE IS AT ARTHUR'S SIDE
*EXPLODES WITH GLEE*
MERLIN LOOKS LIKE HE JUST REMEMBERED HE SHOULD BE COMFORTING INSTEAD OF BEING INDIGNANT ON ARTHUR'S BEHALF. OMFGOD, SUCH A GOOD WIFE YOU ARE MERRRRRRRLIN~
*FLAILS AND FLAILS* SO MERLIN GOES TO ARTHUR, WHO IS WORRYING
WHILE MERLIN IS LISTENING, FINDING IT VERY HARD TO HEAR ARTHUR'S PAIN WHEN HE KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED
ARTHUR IS RUNNING THROUGH A PROCESS OF ELIMINATION
AND HE SEEMS TO HAVE REALISED SOMETHING...
MERLIN TO PROTECT GAIUS TO REWARD HIS HUSBAND'S BRILLIANCE, DECIDES TO COME CLEAN, BECAUSE THIS SHIT HAS GONE ON LONG ENOUGH
GAIUS GOES TO CONFRONT HER, IN A BITCH FIT OF EPIC PROPORTIONS
ALICE CONFESSES BY DEFAULT WHEN HER EYES GO ALL DEMON LIKE
AND THEN ARTHUR BURSTS IN, SAYING SHE IS BEING ARRESTED FOR EVIL AND HIGH TREASON
GAIUS IS NOT PLEASED
MERLIN PRACTICALLY SAYS "TOUGH SHIT, YOU OR HER AND SHE IS OBVIOUSLY EVIL"
IN THE DUNGEON, ARTHUR IS GETTING LADY TO CONFESS AND TRYING TO REASON WITH HER TO SAVE HIS FATHER
MERLIN IS GIVING HER THE STINK EYE ON ARTHUR'S BEHALF, WHO IS TOO BUSY TRYING TO BE DIPLOMATIC TO RESORT TO SUCH THINGS.
ALSO, HE DOESN'T BELIEVE THAT "THE CREATURE" WOULD MAKE YOU DO EVIL. YOU'RE EVIL ALL ON YOUR OWN, DEMON LADY.
ARTHUR RESORTS TO BEGGING FOR HIS FATHERS LIFE, BECAUSE HE IS NOT SO PROUD THAT HE WOULDN'T IF IT MEANT IT MIGHT SAVE HIM.
BUT THEN HER INNER DEMON SHOWCASES ITSELF, ALONG WITH RANDOM "MANTICORE" REFERENCE
AND MERLIN JUST FIGURED OUT WHAT TO DO NOW
HE GOES TO GAIUS, WHO IS BY THE KING'S (HIS LOVES) SIDE
GAIUS SAYS HE FORGIVES HIM, BUT THE KING IS DYING AND ;_;
MERLIN SAYS HE THINKS HE KNOWS WHAT TO DO NOW
SO THEY GO BACK TO THEIR QUARTERS AND TALK ABOUT HOW TO DEFEAT MONSTER OF THE WEEK
LMFAO MERLIN "HOW DO I KILL IT"
GAIUS: YOU CAN'T - CREATURE OF THE OLD RELIGION.
SO DOES THAT MEAN YOU CAN'T KILL THE SLASHDRAGON EITHER? *CURIOUS*
BUT GAIUS FIGURED OUT ANOTHER WAY - SMASH THE BOX WHILE THE MANTICORE IS STILL IN THIS WORLD.
HEH, SOUNDS SIMPLE ENOUGH. THEREFORE, IT IS DESTINED TO GO WRONG. MERLIN FEARS IT ALSO LOL XD
OMINOUS APPROACH TO BOX IS OMINOUS
LETS FOCUS ON THE "IF THIS DOESN'T WORK" OPTION BEFOREHAND, JUST SO WE KNOW WHAT WE ARE GETTING INTO. GOOD MERLIN, GOOD, THINK OF ALL OPTIONS BEFORE DOING SOMETHING CRAZY. LIKE ALWAYS *DROP*
MERLIN MAGIC'S IT OPEN
FOR A SECOND NOTHING HAPPENS, EXCEPT FOR THIS LOLFACE GAIUS MAKES XD
THEN THE MANTICORE COMES FLYING OUT AND ATTACKS MERLIN
AND GAIUS TRIES TO GET HIS MAGIC MOJO ON ... BUT WITHOUT MANY RESULTS
UNTIL MERLIN SCREAMS IN A COMPLETELY NON-GIRLY WAY "NOW OR NEVER GAIUS! FFS!"
SO GAIUS GETS DOUBLE THE MOJO OUT TO ACCOMPANY HIS 'O' FACE
AND MANAGES TO MAKE THE TARDIS BOX REJUVINATE EXPLODE ITSELF
THE MANTICORE SOON FOLLOWS SUIT IN A SHOWER OF SPARKLES (LMFAO THIS SHOW XDD)
GAIUS IS ALL KINDS OF WHACKED OUT AFTER THAT SHOWDOWN
AND MERLIN JUST GIGGLES HAPPILY. "HAS BEEN" LMFAO, OH MERLIN, YOU ARE SO PRECIOUS.
UTHER LIVES
EVERYONE IS GLAD BUT NOT HAPPY WHEN UTHER SAYS "THE WOMAN IS TO DIE"
SHE TRIED TO STEAL MY BOYFRIEND AND THAT SHIT IS NOT ON
GAIUS: "AS YOU WISH JEALOUS LOVER~"
GAIUS GOES TO SAY GOODBYE TO ALICE.
AND ALICE CONFESSES SHE HAD HOPED TO HARNESS THE POWER OF THE MANTICORE TO BE USED FOR GOOD.
EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER WATCHED TELEVISION INNERWARDLY CRINGES BECAUSE YOU JUST *KNOW* THAT IS A DUMBARSE MOVE. *SIGH* I STILL THINK SHE'S CORRUPTED INTO EVILDOM, JUST SAYIN'.
ALICE MAKES HER PEACE ABOUT "DYING A FREE WOMAN" AND DISGRACING HERSELF BLAHBLAH WHO CARES
THEY HUG AND SAY THEIR GOODBYES, THAT'S ALL THAT'S IMPORTANT HERE
OBVIOUSLY, THE NEXT MORNING "ONE OF THE PRISONERS HAS ESCAPED"
LMFAO, MERLIN SAYS "HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE"
... OH I DUNNO MERLIN. MAYBE BECAUSE THE GUARDS OF CAMELOT ARE SHIT.
MAYBE BECAUSE THE LOCKS ARE EASY TO BREAK.
MAYBE BECAUSE THIS IS LIKE, THE ELEVENTY BILLIONTH TIME SOMETHING LIKE THIS HAS HAPPENED.
"THE DUNGEONS ARE SO SECURE" MY ARSE. THEY ARE ABOUT AS "SECURE" AS YOUR TROUSERS ARE WHEN ARTHUR ENTERS THE ROOM, SILLY BOY.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU ASK "HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE????!?!?!?!" AND FOLLOW IT WITH "THE DUNGEONS ARE SO SECURE"? *FACEPALM* *HEADDESK*
GAIUS SAYS THAT HE WOULDN'T WANT TO LEAVE WITH HER BECAUSE HE HAS TO LOOK AFTER MERLIN. WHAT HE DIDN'T SAY THOUGH WAS THAT HE COULDN'T LEAVE HIS BOYFRIEND, AND THATS WHY HE STAYED. AWW~
LOL SOMEHOW LOOKING AFTER MERLIN MEANS PRESENTING HIM WITH MEAT
WHICH I KNOW YOU DON'T EAT COLIN SO LMFAO AT YOUR PRETEND HAPPYFACE AT GETTING TO EAT IT XD
LOOOOOOOOOOL PERFECT DISAPPOINTED!FACE IS A PERFECT ENDING XDDD
SO IT IS NOW THANKSGIVING AND I HAVE TIME TO WRITE SO FINGERS CROSSED I SHALL BE UP TO DATE ... SOON. 8D HAPPY TURKEY DAY EVERYONE, HOPE YOU AMERICANS ARE CELEBRATING LOTS. :D