Merlin 3x08: Confirmation of a second canonical OT3 - Gwaine/Arthur/Merlin
THIS EPISODE.
THIS FUCKING EPISODE.
THERE ARE NOT WORDS TO DESCRIBE THE GAY, HOLY JESUS.
YOU KNOW THIS IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING AMAZINGLY GAYTASTIC EPISODE WHEN THE OPENING SHOT IS ONE OF ARTHUR'S CHEST - BARE AS YOU LIKE.
AND HE'S MOTHERFUCKING SPLASHING WATER ON HIS FACE IN. SLOW. MOTION!
THE FACT THAT HE THEN SLO-MO LOOKS UP AT MERLIN AND MAKES A FUCKING SEX FACE CLASSIFIES THIS AS SOFT PORN.
MERLIN IS DRESSING ARTHUR, AFTER THEY JUST HAD SEX. OBVIOUSLY. THAT'S WHY ARTHUR WAS "CLEANING UP".
AND FOR SOME REASON THIS MEANS THAT ARTHUR IS THEN GOING TO WALK INTO THE "HALL OF ALL OCCASIONS". WITH BARE FEET. AND MERLIN WATCHING HIM. I'M JUST SAYIN'.
HE WALKS INTO THE ROOM - ALONE - TO MUSIC THAT IS TELLING ME SEX IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN. CLEARLY.
THE LOOK ON ARTHUR'S FACE WHEN HE KNEELS DOWN DOES NOTHING TO HELP MY SUSPICIONS OF ARTHUR PREPARING HIMSELF FOR SOME KIND OF SEX RITUAL.
MERLIN IS WATCHING HIM FONDLY FROM THE DOOR :')
AND GWEN HAS A CUTE MOMENT WITH MERLIN WHERE SHE PRACTICALLY STICKS HER HEAD UNDER MERLIN'S LOVABLE CHIN AND I ~AWW~ SO LOUD I CAN'T HEAR DIALOGUE. ^^;
GWEN ASKS WTF ARTHUR IS DOING BECAUSE SEX RITUALS DON'T HAPPEN WITH JUST ONE PERSON. MERLIN HAS TO EXPLAIN TO HER: HE MUST READY HIMSELF FOR MY QUEST THAT SHALL BE REVEALED TO HIM IN MY PANTS
AND MERLIN SAYS THAT "THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT NIGHTS IN THE PRINCES' LIFE" AND THAT "OF COURSE I AM GOING TO STAY WITH HIM ALL NIGHT". OMFGOD, IT'S TRUE LOVE
BUT SADLY, MERLIN FALLS ASLEEP. LOL, WHO IS SURPRISED? MERLIN ONLY HAS SO MUCH STAMINA, GOD, IF HE DIDN'T SLEEP THE POOR BOY WOULD COLLAPSE!
LMFAO, ARTHUR WAS TOTALLY ASLEEP TOO.
THIS IS DEFINITELY THE FACE OF SOMEONE THAT'S JUST BEEN WOKEN UP.
UTHER AND THE COUNCIL ARE ANXIOUSLY AWAITING TO HEAR WHAT ARTHUR HAS "ENLIGHTENED" TOO.
ARTHUR SPEAKS OF TRAVELLING AND RETRIEVING GOLD TRIDENTS FOUND IN A CAVE CASTLE UNDER THE SEA ACROSS THE PERILOUS LANDS
MERLIN'S EARS FIND THIS INTERESTING YET CONCERNING
AND UTHER STRESSES THE ONE WORD WE WILL HEAR AT LEAST A MILLION TIMES THIS EPISODE: "ALONE."
WHICH MERLIN CLEARLY TAKES TO MEAN "ME AND ARTHUR", SINCE 'ALONE' HAS AND WILL ALWAYS MEAN 'ME AND ARTHUR'. XD DON'T WORRY MERLIN, EVERYONE WAS THINKING THE EXACT SAME THING.
ARTHUR STATES TO HIS FATHER "I DO" AND MARRIES MERLIN WITH HIS EYES ACCEPTS THE CHALLENGE.
APPARENTLY MERLIN CAN EAT LIKE A PIG WHEN HE WANTS HICCUPS. I DON'T KNOW WHY THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE INTERESTING. BUT COLIN IS EATING SO YAY~
WHILE I WATCH COLIN EAT (YAY! EAT MOAR!)
GAIUS IS EXPLAINING PLOTTY THINGS THAT MAY OR MAY NOT BE IMPORTANT. KNOWING THIS SHOW, IT'S PROBABLY NOT.
I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE MERLIN IS LISTENING EITHER.
AFTER FOOD, MERLIN IS MAKING ARTHUR'S BED. BEFORE OR AFTER SEX, CAN'T TELL WHICH.
MERLIN STARTS HICCUPING AND SAYING HOW HE CAN'T HELP IT. BUT MAYBE ARTHUR CAN BY FORGETTING THOSE PAPERS AND JUST BEDDING MERLIN ALREADY.
ARTHUR: I AM PREPARING FOR A QUEST. ONE THAT DOESN'T LEAD TO YOUR PANTS. WHICH I ALREADY KNOW INSIDE AND OUT
SO MERLIN WANDERS OVER TO THE TABLE TO SHOW AN INTEREST IN ARTHUR'S MAPS.
ARTHUR OBLIGES MERLIN, BECAUSE HE LOVES HIM.
MERLIN GETS HIS WIFELY CONCERNED BITCHFACE ON THOUGH, AND RIGHTLY SAYS "WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE CHOSEN SOMETHING A BIT EASIER? SERIOUSLY, YOU DON'T HAVE YOU PROVE YOURSELF TO ME *PUPPY DOG EYES*"
MERLIN: MAYBE I SHOULD COME WITH YOU ;)
ARTHUR: I KNOW YOU LOVE ME, AND I KNOW YOU CARE ABOUT MY WELLBEING. BUT I NEED TO PROVE MYSELF TO YOU
ALSO: I HAVE TO DO THIS. A-L-O-N-E.
NO MATTER HOW MUCH I WANT TO CHANGE THE RULES FOR YOU
GWEN AND MORGANA ARE SHOPPING TOGETHER. GWEN IS ACTUALLY ACTING CUTE WHILE EYEBALLING MORGANA
WHEN A CREEPY "OLD" LADY THAT LOOKS JUST LIKE 1x01 EVIL WITCH GRABS MORGANA WITH FAKE HANDS OF FAKE OLDNESS
AND THEY MAKE EVIL PLANS IN AN ALLEY (THERE'S A SEX JOKE HERE)
INVOLVING MORGAUSE GIVING MORGANA AN EVIL BRACELET THAT WILL BE GIVEN TO ARTHUR SO HE SHALL PERISH IN THE PERILOUS LANDS.
WHILE GWEN IS CHECKING HERSELF OUT IN THE MIRROR
SHE UNCOVERS MORGAUSE'S DISGUISE! :O
AND HAS A QUIET FREAK OUT
BEFORE HAVING A LOUD FREAK OUT TO MORGANA
WHO BRUSHES HER OFF RATHER ... SOMETHING. IDK, MORE THAN SLIGHTLY WEIRDLY AND TOTALLY OBVIOUSLY EVILLY.
ARTHUR GOES TO MERLIN TO STAND BY HIM ONE LAST TIME BEFORE HE SETS OUT ON HIS JOURNEY. THEY EVEN MIRROR EACH OTHER'S MOVEMENTS AL;GKJADFGLKJA
SO IN TUNE WITH EACH OTHER~~!!
UTHER AND MORGANA HAVE A BONDING MOMENT OVER ARTHUR LEAVING.
WITH MORGANA TRYING TO CHEER UTHER UP FAKELY. AWW~
BUT THEN. BUT MOTHERFUCKING THEN.
ARTHUR GETS ON HIS HORSE AND LOOKS AT MERLIN WITH HIS SERIOUS FACE.
MERLIN REPLIES WITH HIS 'I LOVE YOU AND GOOD LUCK' EARS
ARTHUR GRINS AND LOOKS SO FUCKING HAPPY AT HIS WIFE'S BEAUTIFUL SENDING OFF~
WHICH IS UNFORTUNATELY THEN SPOILED BY MERLIN'S MAGIC EARS BEING ATTRACTED TO CERTAIN MAGICAL OBJECT ON ARTHUR'S *COCKRING* WRIST.
ARTHUR SAYS ITS A GIFT FROM MORGANA AND JEALOUS!MERLIN IS JEALOUS THAT MORGANA GETS TO LAVISH GIFTS ON ARTHUR IN PUBLIC AND MERLIN'S LOVE HAS TO REMAIN CAMELOT'S WORST KEPT SECRET.
ARTHUR TOTALLY MISSES ALL THIS THOUGH BECAUSE HE IS LOOKING FORWARD AND DETERMINED TO LOOK STRONG FOR HIS WIFE, DETERMINED TO PROVE HIMSELF TO MERLIN.
MERLIN HOWEVER, IS NOW VERY WORRIED FOR HIS HUSBAND AND NOT AFRAID TO SHOW IT
TO STEM HIS WORRY, MERLIN TURNS IMMEDIATELY TO LICKING HIS FINGERS
ERR, I MEAN, RESEARCHING THROUGH GAIUS' BOOKS.
MERLIN ONLY KNOWS ONE THING THOUGH: ARTHUR'S IN DANGER D:
THEY CONTINUE SEARCHING. MERLIN LOOKS ADORABLE AND GORGEOUS WITH HIS NECK LIKE THIS.
AND TILTING HIS HEAD CURIOUSLY LIKE THIS ♥
GAIUS MENTIONS FINDINGS SUCCESS IN TIME FOR US TO SEE MERLIN WAS CLIMBING THE SHELF LIKE A MONKEY XDD
BUT GAIUS THEN DELIVERS THE BAD NEWS: FAWKES HAS TURNED EVIL AFTER THE DEATH OF DUMBLEDORE.
TURNS OUT THE BRACELET IS A HORCRUX.
ALL MERLIN CAN THINK IS "ARTHUR D: I HAVE TO GO AFTER HIM!"
OMFGOD HIS LOVE AND CONCERN ♥
GAIUS, EVER SENSIBLE, TELLS MERLIN HE CANNOT BE RIDIC SAVE ARTHUR ALONE BECAUSE IT IS VERY DANGEROUS AND MUST GET HELP
MERLIN'S EARS ALREADY HAVE *JUST* THE PERSON IN MIND
AND SO HE RIDES OUT TO FIND THAT PERSON
MORGANA IS DOING VOODOO MAGIC IN HER ROOM
WHICH REQUIRES THE USE OF FIYAH~
SPEAKING OF FIYAH
ARTHUR IS PASSING OUT [ASLEEP, NOT DRUNK] BESIDE ONE
WHILST MORGANA IS USING HER MAGIC EYES
TO LIGHT THE VOODOO SAND ON FIYAH
THAT CAUSES THE BRACELET TO *GLOW* \O/
GWEN HOWEVER FINDS THIS TO BE A CONVENIENT TIME TO REMIND THE PLOT SHE LIVES AND IS ALSO INTELLIGENT
MORGANA JUST TELLS HER TO GTFO D: OH GWEN. THOSE ARE FIGHTING, BREAK UP WORDS THERE :(
NEXT MORNING ARTHUR IS SLEEPING LIKE A BABE
UNFORTUNATELY ABOUT TO BE ATTACKED. OBVIOUSLY THESE BANDITS DON'T NOW WHO THEY'RE MESSING WITH, BECAUSE ARTHUR JUST FUCKING KICKED THE GUY THROUGH THE AIR
AND SOMEHOW MANAGES TO KICK BOTH THEIR ARSES IN A SWORD FIGHT WHILE STILL BEING HALF ASLEEP
AFTER SAID SWORDFIGHT THOUGH, HE MUST TAKE A LITTLE NAP ^^;
LOL, METHINKS THE WEIGHT OF THE ARMOUR IS ACTUALLY STARTING TO AFFECT OUR STRONG AND PERFECT PRINCE
ELSEWHERE, MERLIN IS ON A HORSE
POKING HIS HEAD INTO BARS
WHICH JUST SO HAPPEN TO HOLD A CERTAIN GWAINE
THAT MERLIN MAY OR MAY NOT BE IN LOVE WITH, JUDGING BY THIS SMILE
AND GWAINE MAY OR MAY NOT ALSO BE IN LOVE, JUDGING BY HIS RESPONDING ENTHUSIASM
BUT THEN THE BARKEEPER RAINS ON THEIR GAY PARADE AND THE BOYS HAVE TO RUN FOR IT
TO VERY RIDIC AND LOL-WORTHY MUSIC THAT IS A TOTAL RIP-OFF OF PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN.
THEY HIDE BEHIND A CART. KEEP IN MIND THIS ENTIRE TIME GWAINE IS RUNNING AROUND LIKE HE DRUNK THE ENTIRE ALEHOUSE AND FALLING ALL OVER HIMSELF. IT'S ADORABLE AND ENDEARING TO MERLIN, OBVIOUSLY ♥
THEY POKE THEIR NOSES OVER THE FUCKING BREAD CART, WITH ITS RIDICULOUSLY AND UNNECESSARILY MASSIVE PHALLIC BREAD BUNS
UNFORTUNATELY THEY ARE STILL IN THE BARKEEPERS SIGHTS AND SO THEY RUN FOR IT. THEY TAKE A SECOND TO REST ON TOP OF THE BALCONY AND TALK ABOUT THEIR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER AND ARTHUR
ALSO: THEIR WANT TO SAVE ARTHUR'S STUPID ARROGANT ARSE
THEY RUN AWAY FROM PEOPLE CHASING THEM SOME MORE HAND IN HAND
THEIR GENIUS PLAN TO ESCAPE THOUGH, IS TO JUMP DOWN FROM THE WALL HAND IN HAND
SO GWAINE PUSHES SCAREDY MERLIN OFF FIRST
LOL SLOW MOTION MERLIN FALLING IS HILARIOUS
AND HE LANDS RATHER GRACELESSLY, I MUST SAY XDD
GWAINE FOLLOWS WITH A BEAUTIFUL SWAN DIVE THAT HIS DRUNK SELF SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO PERFORM
MERLIN IS IMPRESSED (AT GWAINE) AND SUPERFUCKINGHAPPY THAT THEY ACTUALLY MANAGED TO ESCAPE
HE MOMENTARILY FORGETS THEY ARE IN PUBLIC AND TRIES TO DISROBE GWAINE RIGHT THE FUCK THEN GROPES GWAINE IN PUBLIC FOR A HAPPY SECOND BEFORE THEY DANCE OFF, LAUGHING AND HAPPY
AWW, MERLIN'S NEVER LOOKED SO HAPPY :') ESPECIALLY SINCE HE'S RIDING AWAY WITH GWAINE :'D
ARTHUR COMES ACROSS SOME CGI OF DUBIOUS BELIEVABILITY AND DOES NOT APPROVE
I KNOW ARTHUR, IT PAINS ME TOO.
SO HE CONSULTS HIS MAP
BUT IT'S PRETTY CRAP
SO SUCKS TO BE YOU RIGHT NOW ARTHUR, BASICALLY.
APPARENTLY THE PERILOUS LANDS ARE IN PUZZLE WOOD. YOU KNOW, DEFAULT LOCATION FOR EVERYTHING MERLIN FILMS IN A FORREST.
NONETHELESS, THERE IS A MIDGET ON A BRIDGE
I KNOW ARTHUR, IT'S SHOCKING
MIDGET'S CREEPY, SLICK EYES TRY TO USE THE PICK UP LINE "YOU MUST BE COURAGE"
AND ARTHUR IS ALL "... NO. I'M PRINCE ARTHUR OF CAMELOT. ARE YOU TRYING TO HIT ON ME?" *FACE SAYS IT ALL*
THEY SHAKE HANDS (IDEK OK)
THE MIDGET COMMENTS ON HOW "ARTHUR'S NOT AS SHORT AS I THOUGHT YOU'D BE"
AND ARTHUR MOTHERFUCKING LOOKS DOWN AT HIS PENIS OHMYFUCKINGGOD SHOW, WHUT WHUT WHUT!
MIDGET DAVIES GIVES ARTHUR A SCHOOLING IN THE WONDERS OF MAGIC.
I THINK MY BRAIN IS PERMANENTLY SCARRED NOW.
MIDGET ALLOWS ARTHUR TO PASS. BUT FIRST HE MUST MAKE A PASS AT HIM BY GRABBING HOLD OF HIS WRIST AND MAKING REMARKS ABOUT HIS BEAUTIFUL JEWELERY
~THAT WAS A GIFT FROM SOMEONE VERY DEAR TO ARTHUR~~ AWW, ARTHUR'S LOVE FOR MORGANA IS SO SWEET ♥
MIDGET DAVIES LOLZ AT THAT AND THEN JUST *DISAPPEARS*
ARTHUR IS NOT ALTOGETHER UNSURPRISED, BECAUSE DAMMIT, HIS LIFE IS JUST SO FREAKIN' WEIRD
SO HE KEEPS CALM AND CARRIES ON
BACK TO MERLIN/GWAINE, MERLIN IS WONDERING WHY THOSE MEN WERE AFTER GWAINE.
I REFUSE TO SAY "BECAUSE GWAINE WOULDN'T PUT OUT" BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW HE WOULD OOPS.
MERLIN CAN'T HELP BUT LOOK LOVINGLY AT GWAINE AT ALL TIMES
GWAINE ASKS HOW MERLIN MANAGED TO FIND HIM THOUGH
MERLIN ANSWERED THAT HE'S BEEN IN JUST ABOUT EVERY TAVERN. GWAINE REPLIES "SO HAVE I" AND MERLIN LAUGHS THIS RIDICULOUSLY CUTE AND ADORABLE LAUGH OF INSANELY PANTY-EXPLOSION WORTHY PROPORTIONS
MOAR DUBIOUS CGI AND SLOW MO SHOTS WITH ARTHUR (OMFGOD ALICE T., SRSLY, ENOUGH ALREADY)
AND THEN WE HAVE FEMMSLASH OF FAKERY WHICH MAKES ME SADFACE BECAUSE OUR GIRLS DON'T LOVE EACH OTHER ANY MORE :(
GWEN IS EVEN SULLEN :(
BUT MORGANA IS TRYING TO BE NICE, AND GIVES GWEN THE NIGHT OFF
AND GWEN SEEMS TO WANT TO MAKE PEACE AND SEX
"I'M GLAD WE'RE FRIENDS AGAIN" AWW, I LOVE THESE LOVELY LADIES
MERLIN AND GWAINE, GET A ROOM ALREADY. FFS.
THEY HAVE ARRIVED AT THE PERILOUS LANDS AND ALL THEY CAN DO IS JOKE AT ONE ANOTHER, NOT EVEN HALF SRS
GWAINE: IT IS A WRETCHED PLACE
MERLIN: YOU WOULDN'T KNOW. I KNOW YOU HAVEN'T BEEN THERE
GWAINE: HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT. I'VE BEEN PLACES
MERLIN: NO TAVERN
GWAINE: AHH. YES. TOLD YOU IT WAS A WRETCHED PLACE
SO. FUCKING. GAY!!!!!
IN OTHER GAY NEWS, MORGANA IS SNEAKING AROUND IN HER ROOM
AND GWEN IS SPYING ON HER, BECAUSE SHE SUSPECTS MORGANA IS CHEATING ON HER
BUT INSTEAD SHE UNCOVERS MORGANA'S BIG SECRET! :O
SHE. HAS. MAGIC! \O/
AND IS LIGHTING THINGS ON FIRE!
SHOCKING, I KNOW.
ARTHUR IS BLINDED BY HIS QUEST OR SOME FUCKING THING, BECAUSE HE DOESN'T EVER NOTICE THE GLARING-AS-FUCK-OBVIOUS EVIL SHINE HIS BRACELET IS DOING OVER HERE
HE DOES FALL INTO A MUD PIT THOUGH, SO I MIGHT FORGIVE HIS STUPID ARSE
EXCEPT HE DECIDES NOW IS A GOOD TIME TO GO TO SLEEP! DX NU ARTHUR NUUUUUUU DON'T SUCCUMB TO THE LIFE-DRAINING FORCES OF EVIL!
SIMULTANEOUSLY, MERLIN AND GWAINE HAVE ALSO FOUND THE MIDGET'S BRIDGE. IN PUZZLEWOOD.
THEY SEX SNEAK AROUND CORNERS
AND GWAINE GIVES MERLIN SILENT INSTRUCTIONS: I.E. GWAINE GOES AROUND AND MERLIN STAYS
MERLIN PRETENDS TO UNDERSTAND
BEFORE WALKING STRAIGHT OUT INTO THE OPEN AFTER GWAINE LEAVES XDDD
MIDGET DAVIES IS ALL "HOW, MAGIC ONE"
AND MERLIN IS ALL "HOLY CHRIST ON CRACKERS, HOW DID YOU KNOW? ERR, I MEAN, WHAT?"
MIDGET TAKES PITY ON YOUR DUMB ARSE MERLIN AND TELLS YOU THAT DO NOT WORRY, YOUR ENDLESS TRAILING AND LOVING AFTER ARTHUR ARE NOT IN VAIN. IT WILL ALL END WELL - SPECIFICALLY IN SPARKLY PONIES AND A PERFECT OPEN MARRIAGE.
ALSO: I JUST WANT MY LANDS TO BE LIVABLE AGAIN. NO HARM MEANT, SO SORRY ABOUT THE NEXT HALF HOUR
MERLIN: ???
BUT GWAINE INTERRUPTS THEIR CONVERSATION
MIDGET SAID THAT HE MUST BE 'STRENGTH' (LOL) AND IN TYPICAL GRYFFINDOR FASHION, GWAINE WHIPS OUT HIS SWORD WITHOUT THINKING
SO MIDGET MAN TURNS IT INTO FLOWERS
LMFAO, GWAINE IS ALL "WHAT IS IT WITH THIS SHOW AND FLOWERS?!?!"
YOU SO KNOW THAT HE WAS ABOUT TO GIVE THOSE FLOWERS TO MERLIN UNTIL HE FOUND OUT THEY WOULD TURN BACK INTO HIS SWORD. LMFAO!!!!
ALSO: MIDGET DAVIES IS SUCH A FUCKING OT3 SHIPPER. OMFGOD I WAS DYING THROUGHOUT THIS WHOLE SCENE AND TALKS OF ~DESTINY~ AND PERFECT THREESOMES FOREVER XDDD
THEY'RE LET ACROSS THE BRIDGE AND ARE ONE STEP CLOSER TO ARTHUR. WHO IS NO LONGER DROWNING IN MUD, BUT USING HIS PHALLIC SWORD TO GRAB A ROOT (LMFAOOOOOOOO, I'M SO IMMATURE)
USING IT TO PULL HIM UP (LOL, SEX JOKE STILL THERE)
AND AFTER RELEASE, ARTHUR COLLAPSES TO THE GROUND ^^;
OHMYWIZARDGOD, MERLIN AND GWAINE MUST REALLY WANT TO PROLONG THEIR TIME. THEY STOP FOR A ROMANTIC DINNER BY CAMPFIRE
WHEN MERLIN HEARS A NOISE IN THE DISTANCE.
GWAINE ASSURES MERLIN IT IS A PHEASANT. A LARGE PHEASANT
(ANYONE ELSE THINKING OF GIANT BABY RATS HERE?)
BUT MERLIN TAKES THIS COMEDIC MOMENT AND TURNS IT SRS WITH HIS FUCKING SEX EYES, WANTING TO KNOW WHY GWAINE IS COMING WITH
GWAINE SAYS BECAUSE HE IS HELPING A FRIEND.
MERLIN SAYS THAT ARTHUR IS LUCKY TO HAVE THEM - HOWEVER!
GWAINE RESPONDS WITH "NOT ARTHUR" - MEANING HE'S DOING THIS ALL FOR ~MERLIN~!
AND HIS EYES ARE FUCKING MERLIN SIX WAYS TO SUNDAY
MERLIN RETURNS THIS EYE FUCKING, BASICALLY WITH A CONFESSION OF "I LOVE YOU AS MUCH AS I LOVE ARTHUR."
I'M JUST MARRIED TO ARTHUR
ME, RIGHT NOW:
BACK IN CAMELOT, GWEN GOES TO TELL GAIUS MORGANA IS EVIL D: AND THAT SHE MAY MEAN HARM TO US D:
GAIUS DOESN'T SUGARCOAT IT AND SAYS YES: MORGANA HAS PROBABLY SHACKED UP WITH HER EVIL SISTER AND IS OUT TO KILL US ALL.
GWEN: D': *HEARTBROKEN*
BACK IN THE LAND OF ARTHUR QUESTLAND, ARTHUR IS HUNGOVER NOT A MORNING PERSON.
BUT MANAGES TO SOLDIER ON
OVER ROCKS
UNTIL HE FINALLY COMES ACROSS THE ~DARK TOWER~ OF STEPHEN KING NOVELS' FAME
ARTHUR IS MORE THAN HAPPY TO FIND THIS RIP OFF. IT MEANS HIS "QUEST" IS NEAR AN END.
UNFORTUNATELY, THE DARK TOWA IS GUARDED BY DRAGONS WYVERNS
AND ARTHUR IS MUCH LESS HAPPY TO SEE THEM
NEVER FEAR - IT'S MERLIN AND GWAINE TO THE RESCUE!
... WHO TAKE A SECOND TO WATCH THE MOTHERFUCKING WYVERNS TRY TO EAT ARTHUR. WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU MERLIN "NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THAT"?!?!?! I THOUGHT THEY WERE DRAGONS FROM FIRST GLANCE, WHY THE FUCK WOULDN'T YOU?! *HEADDESK*
NEVERTHELESS, THEY FIGURE OUT THAT ARTHUR IS ABOUT TO BECOME DRAGON FOOD AND GO TO HELP.
WYVERN'S LOOK AWESOME, APPARENTLY. THEY ALSO ATTACK FROM LOW CLOUDS THAT DO NOT EXIST UNTIL THIS SHOT. MUST BE MAGIC.
ARTHUR DOES HIS BEST TO STAY ALIVE
BY ... RUNNING... AWAY. THAT'S ACTUALLY RATHER INTELLIGENT.
*FACEPALM* I TAKE IT BACK, ARTHUR IS AN IDIOT AND DRAWS THE GATE TO TRY AND KEEP OUT THE DRAGONS. YOU KNOW, THE MOTHERFUCKING DRAGONS THAT HAVE WINGS?!?! *HEADDESK*
PREDICTABLY, THE DRAGON JUST FLIES THROUGH A MOTHERFUCKING WINDOW
MERLIN AND GWAINE MANAGE TO SLIDE UNDER THE CLOSED GATE
WITH MERLIN SHOWING AN INHUMAN DISPLAY OF STRENGTH - MUST BE HIS LOVE OF GWAINE 8DD
THEY DECIDE TO SPLIT UP TO LOOK FOR ARTHUR. D: NO!
ARTHUR MANAGES TO BARRICADE HIMSELF IN A ROOM SOMEWHERE AND THINKS NOW HE IS SAFE. SO HE WANTS TO NAP
MOMENTARILY FORGETTING THAT DRAGONSWYVERNS HAVE CLAWS THAT RIP THROUGH SHIT
MEANWHILE, MERLIN IS SEARCHING FOR ARTHUR (UNF, PROFILE ♥)
GWAINE IS ALSO SEARCHING FOR ARTHUR
BUT ARTHUR CANNOT KEEP HIS STRENGTH UP
AND FAWKES THE PHOENIX EYE TAKES THE LAST OF ARTHUR'S STRENGTH
SO ARTHUR IS NOW DRAGON MEAT
BUT WAIT! MERLIN ARRIVES IN TIME TO SAVE THE DAY!!
WITH HIS BAMF DRAGONLORD POWA~, OBVIOUSLY. IT'S WHY ARTHUR IS CURRENTLY UNCONSCIOUS.
THE WYVERNS BOW TO HIS DRAGONLORD WILL
AND LEAVE, UNDRAMATICALLY
MERLIN RUSHES TO ARTHUR AND TAKES OFF THE EVIL BRACELET OF EVILERY
WHICH OF COURSE MEANS ARTHUR CAN WAKE UP NOW
AND IN THE MOST GAY, RIDICULOUSLY CLICHED ROMANTIC WAY EVER, MERLIN'S BLURRY FACE COMES INTO FOCUS, AND IT IS THE FIRST THING ARTHUR SEES.
ARTHUR IS IN SHOCK
MERLIN IS JUST LIKE "WHY CAN'T YOU JUST SAY THANK YOU. FFS, ARTHUR, I'M YOUR WIFE! I JUST SAVED YOUR LIFE!" *IRRITABLE GRIN*
ARTHUR: A-L-O-N-E! REMEMBER?
THEIR LOVERS SPAT IS INTERRUPTED BY THE AWESOME WYVERN TRYING TO EAT THEM
BUT GWAINE ARRIVES IN TIME TO KILL IT
MERLIN IS HAPPY TO SEE HIM. MERLIN KNOWS THAT GWAINE APPRECIATES HIM ♥
ARTHUR BITCHES SOME MORE AND MERLIN GIVES GWAINE THIS FUCKING LOOK THAT TOTALLY SAYS "DON'T MIND HIM, HE'S ALWAYS THIS GRUMPY IN THE MORNING"
ARTHUR STALKS OFF IN A HUFF AND MERLIN KNOWS EXACTLY HOW TO GET WHAT HE WANTS. HE MOCKS ARTHUR: "DO YOU WANT TO DO THIS A-L-O-N-E?"
AND GRINS LIKE A LOON WHEN ARTHUR YELLS AFTER HIM. MERLIN TOTALLY HAS ARTHUR WRAPPED AROUND HIS PEEN PINKY FINGER
GWAINE JUST ROLLS HIS EYES AT THEIR RIDIC SAPPY LOVE
THEY SEARCH THE CASTLE BY CLIMBING STAIRS UNTIL MERLIN NOTICES A ROOM
AND UNFORTUNATELY TRIGGERS A TRAP WITH HIS STYLISH BOOT
GWAINE IS QUICK THOUGH AND SHOVES MERLIN SO HE DOESN'T GET SQUASHED.
THEY RUSH THE DOOR ONCE IT'S CLOSED, TERRIFIED FOR THEIR LOVER
ARTHUR IS THE MOST CONCERNED/WORRIED/SOUNDING LIKE HE NEEDS TO JUST KNOW THAT MERLIN IS ALRIGHT - YELLING TO MERLIN THROUGH THE DOOR, WANTING HIS WIFE TO KNOW HE DOES CARE, HE DOES LOVE HIM, AND THAT HE WILL REGRET IT FOREVER IF THEIR LAST WORDS WERE IN ARGUMENT
MERLIN IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR, SHOUTING FOR HIS LOVERS
BUT NOT EVEN HIS EARS CAN PENETRATE THE SOUNDPROOFING IN THIS ROOM
GWAINE FIGURES THERE MUST BE A WAY TO OPEN THE DOOR.
MERLIN GETS TO THEN GO AND TALK TO THE GREEPY OLD DUDE COVERED IN SPIDER WEBS.
ARTHUR AND GWAINE MEANWHILE, FIGURE OUT A WAY TO RELEASE THE DOOR. IT INVOLVES ARTHUR STICKING HIS HAND IN BUGS.
GWAINE TELLS ARTHUR NOT TO BE A PRINCESS XDD
AND JUST TO PROVE HOW MUCH ARTHUR LOVES MERLIN, HE DOES INDEED STICK HIS HAND IN THE BUG-INVESTED RELEASE VAULT
MERLIN IS TALKING WITH THE FISHER KING ABOUT WANTS AND NEEDS. MERLIN IS SAD THAT THE KING WANTS TO DIE.
THE KING GIVES MERLIN THE WATER FROM THE LAKE OF AVALON
AND IN RETURN MERLIN CRIES GIVES THE KING THE HORCRUX BRACELET OF SOUL-SUCKING EVILERY
CAUSING THE KING TO BLOW UP IN A TORNADO STORM FOR WHATEVER REASON
AND RIGHT AFTER, ARTHUR AND GWAINE MANAGE TO BREAK THROUGH THE DOOR
ARTHUR IS SHOCKED/HAPPY TO SEE MERLIN. MERLIN IS EQUALLY HAPPY TO SEE ARTHUR.
ARTHUR HOWEVER, HAS A COMPLEX ABOUT SHOWING AFFECTION IN PUBLIC. SO HE PATS MERLIN ON THE BACK AND IS ALL ~MANLY~ ABOUT HOW CONCERNED HE WAS
GWAINE HOWEVER, IS HAVING NONE OF THAT AND PULLS MERLIN INTO A BIG HUG
AND THIS LOOK TOTALLY SAYS "WE ARE HAVING 'GLAD YOU'RE ALIVE' AFTER-DANGER SEX LATER. SRSLY".
ARTHUR, LIKE THE CHILD HE IS, DELIGHTS IN HAVING FOUND THE TRIDENT.
THEY ARE READY TO ROLL RIGHT OUT OF THERE, BUT NOT UNTIL GWAINE AND MERLIN SHARE ONE MORE LOOK OF INTENSE! UST AND MERLIN ACTS BESOTTED WITH ARTHUR
IN THE FIELD OF EPIC LOVE, ARTHUR IS TELLING GWAINE THAT HE IS WELCOME INTO THEIR MARRIAGE BED ANYTIME HE WISHES THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO LEAVE HIM.
GWAINE JUST RESPONDS WITH "WELL, ONE DAY WHEN THERE'S A HALF DECENT KING ON THE THRONE".
MERLIN GIGGLES AND ARTHUR PRETENDS TO SCOLD
ARTHUR CANNOT HANDLE GOODBYES (HE'S SO EMOTIONALLY BROKEN OMG D':) SO HE MOVES OFF SO MERLIN CAN DO IT FOR THEM BOTH.
MERLIN THANKS GWAINE FOR HIS HELP. HIS EYES SAY SO MUCH MORE THOUGH.
GWAINE UNDERSTANDS AND RESPONDS IN LIKE
OMG D': TYPICAL MEN-NOT-SAYING-WHAT-THEY-REALLY-FEEL GOODBYE IS SO HEARTBREAKING.
AS THEY MOVE TOWARD CAMELOT, ARTHUR AND MERLIN FALL INTO AN AGE-OLD EASY PATTERN
AKA, MERLIN TALKING
ARTHUR FINDS IT TOTALLY FUCKING ADORABLE WHEN MERLIN GETS ALL EXCITED LIKE THIS. OMFGOD, MY OVARIES ARE EXPLODING RIGHT NOW
ARTHUR SETS MERLIN STRAIGHT HOWEVER - REMEMBER THAT THING ABOUT ME BEING A-L-O-N-E? YOU'VE NOT SEEN ME FOR DAYS. WE JUST ~HAPPENED~ TO MEET UP AFTERWARDS. FATHER WILL NEVER FIND *THAT* SUSPICIOUS.
MERLIN: AHH, YES SIRE. BUT OF COURSE. I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY.
SME: OHMYFUCKING GOD YOUR FACE COLIN MORGAN, I WANT TO SQUISH IT.
AND THEN!
AND THEN!!
MERLIN SAYS THAT HE WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR ARTHUR. FOR A PRICE
AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
PRICE = DAY OFF = DAY OF JUST SEX, AMIRITE?!?!
MORGANA SPIES ARTHUR RETURNING HOME AND IS NOT HAPPY
GWEN IS VERY GLAD THAT HE IS ALRIGHT HOWEVER
YAY ARTHUR RETURNED SAFELY~
AND GOES STRAIGHT INTO THE HALL OF ALL OCCASIONS TO PRESENT THE TRIDENT TO HIS MERLIN FATHER
UTHER TELLS EVERYONE HE IS PROUD OF ARTHUR, AS HE HALF-EMBRACES HIM. AWW~
AND MORGANA IS JEALOUS AS HELL AS SHE FUMES IN HER CORNER, ALONE AND UNWANTED
IN GAIUS' CHAMBER, MERLIN AND GAIUS ARE CONTEMPLATING THE WATER TIME-TURNER
AND THEY TALK ABOUT MORGANA BEING AN ENEMY AND HEEDING WARNINGS AND WHY THE FUCK DID THEY NOT KNOW THIS SHIT ALREADY?
OH WELL, THEY END WITH A NEAT SHOT OF MERLIN'S FACE IN THE WATER. THE END UNTIL NEXT WEEK.
SO! I HAVE NOT SEEN ANYTHING PAST THIS EPISODE. I WILL BE CATCHING UP SOONTIMES AND WRITING AS I CAN. FINGERS CROSSED I'LL GET IT TO YOU ASAP. :)
THIS FUCKING EPISODE.
THERE ARE NOT WORDS TO DESCRIBE THE GAY, HOLY JESUS.
YOU KNOW THIS IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING AMAZINGLY GAYTASTIC EPISODE WHEN THE OPENING SHOT IS ONE OF ARTHUR'S CHEST - BARE AS YOU LIKE.
AND HE'S MOTHERFUCKING SPLASHING WATER ON HIS FACE IN. SLOW. MOTION!
THE FACT THAT HE THEN SLO-MO LOOKS UP AT MERLIN AND MAKES A FUCKING SEX FACE CLASSIFIES THIS AS SOFT PORN.
MERLIN IS DRESSING ARTHUR, AFTER THEY JUST HAD SEX. OBVIOUSLY. THAT'S WHY ARTHUR WAS "CLEANING UP".
AND FOR SOME REASON THIS MEANS THAT ARTHUR IS THEN GOING TO WALK INTO THE "HALL OF ALL OCCASIONS". WITH BARE FEET. AND MERLIN WATCHING HIM. I'M JUST SAYIN'.
HE WALKS INTO THE ROOM - ALONE - TO MUSIC THAT IS TELLING ME SEX IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN. CLEARLY.
THE LOOK ON ARTHUR'S FACE WHEN HE KNEELS DOWN DOES NOTHING TO HELP MY SUSPICIONS OF ARTHUR PREPARING HIMSELF FOR SOME KIND OF SEX RITUAL.
MERLIN IS WATCHING HIM FONDLY FROM THE DOOR :')
AND GWEN HAS A CUTE MOMENT WITH MERLIN WHERE SHE PRACTICALLY STICKS HER HEAD UNDER MERLIN'S LOVABLE CHIN AND I ~AWW~ SO LOUD I CAN'T HEAR DIALOGUE. ^^;
GWEN ASKS WTF ARTHUR IS DOING BECAUSE SEX RITUALS DON'T HAPPEN WITH JUST ONE PERSON. MERLIN HAS TO EXPLAIN TO HER: HE MUST READY HIMSELF FOR MY QUEST THAT SHALL BE REVEALED TO HIM IN MY PANTS
AND MERLIN SAYS THAT "THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT NIGHTS IN THE PRINCES' LIFE" AND THAT "OF COURSE I AM GOING TO STAY WITH HIM ALL NIGHT". OMFGOD, IT'S TRUE LOVE
BUT SADLY, MERLIN FALLS ASLEEP. LOL, WHO IS SURPRISED? MERLIN ONLY HAS SO MUCH STAMINA, GOD, IF HE DIDN'T SLEEP THE POOR BOY WOULD COLLAPSE!
LMFAO, ARTHUR WAS TOTALLY ASLEEP TOO.
THIS IS DEFINITELY THE FACE OF SOMEONE THAT'S JUST BEEN WOKEN UP.
UTHER AND THE COUNCIL ARE ANXIOUSLY AWAITING TO HEAR WHAT ARTHUR HAS "ENLIGHTENED" TOO.
ARTHUR SPEAKS OF TRAVELLING AND RETRIEVING GOLD TRIDENTS FOUND IN A CAVE CASTLE UNDER THE SEA ACROSS THE PERILOUS LANDS
MERLIN'S EARS FIND THIS INTERESTING YET CONCERNING
AND UTHER STRESSES THE ONE WORD WE WILL HEAR AT LEAST A MILLION TIMES THIS EPISODE: "ALONE."
WHICH MERLIN CLEARLY TAKES TO MEAN "ME AND ARTHUR", SINCE 'ALONE' HAS AND WILL ALWAYS MEAN 'ME AND ARTHUR'. XD DON'T WORRY MERLIN, EVERYONE WAS THINKING THE EXACT SAME THING.
ARTHUR STATES TO HIS FATHER "I DO" AND MARRIES MERLIN WITH HIS EYES ACCEPTS THE CHALLENGE.
APPARENTLY MERLIN CAN EAT LIKE A PIG WHEN HE WANTS HICCUPS. I DON'T KNOW WHY THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE INTERESTING. BUT COLIN IS EATING SO YAY~
WHILE I WATCH COLIN EAT (YAY! EAT MOAR!)
GAIUS IS EXPLAINING PLOTTY THINGS THAT MAY OR MAY NOT BE IMPORTANT. KNOWING THIS SHOW, IT'S PROBABLY NOT.
I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE MERLIN IS LISTENING EITHER.
AFTER FOOD, MERLIN IS MAKING ARTHUR'S BED. BEFORE OR AFTER SEX, CAN'T TELL WHICH.
MERLIN STARTS HICCUPING AND SAYING HOW HE CAN'T HELP IT. BUT MAYBE ARTHUR CAN BY FORGETTING THOSE PAPERS AND JUST BEDDING MERLIN ALREADY.
ARTHUR: I AM PREPARING FOR A QUEST. ONE THAT DOESN'T LEAD TO YOUR PANTS. WHICH I ALREADY KNOW INSIDE AND OUT
SO MERLIN WANDERS OVER TO THE TABLE TO SHOW AN INTEREST IN ARTHUR'S MAPS.
ARTHUR OBLIGES MERLIN, BECAUSE HE LOVES HIM.
MERLIN GETS HIS WIFELY CONCERNED BITCHFACE ON THOUGH, AND RIGHTLY SAYS "WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE CHOSEN SOMETHING A BIT EASIER? SERIOUSLY, YOU DON'T HAVE YOU PROVE YOURSELF TO ME *PUPPY DOG EYES*"
MERLIN: MAYBE I SHOULD COME WITH YOU ;)
ARTHUR: I KNOW YOU LOVE ME, AND I KNOW YOU CARE ABOUT MY WELLBEING. BUT I NEED TO PROVE MYSELF TO YOU
ALSO: I HAVE TO DO THIS. A-L-O-N-E.
NO MATTER HOW MUCH I WANT TO CHANGE THE RULES FOR YOU
GWEN AND MORGANA ARE SHOPPING TOGETHER. GWEN IS ACTUALLY ACTING CUTE WHILE EYEBALLING MORGANA
WHEN A CREEPY "OLD" LADY THAT LOOKS JUST LIKE 1x01 EVIL WITCH GRABS MORGANA WITH FAKE HANDS OF FAKE OLDNESS
AND THEY MAKE EVIL PLANS IN AN ALLEY (THERE'S A SEX JOKE HERE)
INVOLVING MORGAUSE GIVING MORGANA AN EVIL BRACELET THAT WILL BE GIVEN TO ARTHUR SO HE SHALL PERISH IN THE PERILOUS LANDS.
WHILE GWEN IS CHECKING HERSELF OUT IN THE MIRROR
SHE UNCOVERS MORGAUSE'S DISGUISE! :O
AND HAS A QUIET FREAK OUT
BEFORE HAVING A LOUD FREAK OUT TO MORGANA
WHO BRUSHES HER OFF RATHER ... SOMETHING. IDK, MORE THAN SLIGHTLY WEIRDLY AND TOTALLY OBVIOUSLY EVILLY.
ARTHUR GOES TO MERLIN TO STAND BY HIM ONE LAST TIME BEFORE HE SETS OUT ON HIS JOURNEY. THEY EVEN MIRROR EACH OTHER'S MOVEMENTS AL;GKJADFGLKJA
SO IN TUNE WITH EACH OTHER~~!!
UTHER AND MORGANA HAVE A BONDING MOMENT OVER ARTHUR LEAVING.
WITH MORGANA TRYING TO CHEER UTHER UP FAKELY. AWW~
BUT THEN. BUT MOTHERFUCKING THEN.
ARTHUR GETS ON HIS HORSE AND LOOKS AT MERLIN WITH HIS SERIOUS FACE.
MERLIN REPLIES WITH HIS 'I LOVE YOU AND GOOD LUCK' EARS
ARTHUR GRINS AND LOOKS SO FUCKING HAPPY AT HIS WIFE'S BEAUTIFUL SENDING OFF~
WHICH IS UNFORTUNATELY THEN SPOILED BY MERLIN'S MAGIC EARS BEING ATTRACTED TO CERTAIN MAGICAL OBJECT ON ARTHUR'S *COCKRING* WRIST.
ARTHUR SAYS ITS A GIFT FROM MORGANA AND JEALOUS!MERLIN IS JEALOUS THAT MORGANA GETS TO LAVISH GIFTS ON ARTHUR IN PUBLIC AND MERLIN'S LOVE HAS TO REMAIN CAMELOT'S WORST KEPT SECRET.
ARTHUR TOTALLY MISSES ALL THIS THOUGH BECAUSE HE IS LOOKING FORWARD AND DETERMINED TO LOOK STRONG FOR HIS WIFE, DETERMINED TO PROVE HIMSELF TO MERLIN.
MERLIN HOWEVER, IS NOW VERY WORRIED FOR HIS HUSBAND AND NOT AFRAID TO SHOW IT
TO STEM HIS WORRY, MERLIN TURNS IMMEDIATELY TO LICKING HIS FINGERS
ERR, I MEAN, RESEARCHING THROUGH GAIUS' BOOKS.
MERLIN ONLY KNOWS ONE THING THOUGH: ARTHUR'S IN DANGER D:
THEY CONTINUE SEARCHING. MERLIN LOOKS ADORABLE AND GORGEOUS WITH HIS NECK LIKE THIS.
AND TILTING HIS HEAD CURIOUSLY LIKE THIS ♥
GAIUS MENTIONS FINDINGS SUCCESS IN TIME FOR US TO SEE MERLIN WAS CLIMBING THE SHELF LIKE A MONKEY XDD
BUT GAIUS THEN DELIVERS THE BAD NEWS: FAWKES HAS TURNED EVIL AFTER THE DEATH OF DUMBLEDORE.
TURNS OUT THE BRACELET IS A HORCRUX.
ALL MERLIN CAN THINK IS "ARTHUR D: I HAVE TO GO AFTER HIM!"
OMFGOD HIS LOVE AND CONCERN ♥
GAIUS, EVER SENSIBLE, TELLS MERLIN HE CANNOT BE RIDIC SAVE ARTHUR ALONE BECAUSE IT IS VERY DANGEROUS AND MUST GET HELP
MERLIN'S EARS ALREADY HAVE *JUST* THE PERSON IN MIND
AND SO HE RIDES OUT TO FIND THAT PERSON
MORGANA IS DOING VOODOO MAGIC IN HER ROOM
WHICH REQUIRES THE USE OF FIYAH~
SPEAKING OF FIYAH
ARTHUR IS PASSING OUT [ASLEEP, NOT DRUNK] BESIDE ONE
WHILST MORGANA IS USING HER MAGIC EYES
TO LIGHT THE VOODOO SAND ON FIYAH
THAT CAUSES THE BRACELET TO *GLOW* \O/
GWEN HOWEVER FINDS THIS TO BE A CONVENIENT TIME TO REMIND THE PLOT SHE LIVES AND IS ALSO INTELLIGENT
MORGANA JUST TELLS HER TO GTFO D: OH GWEN. THOSE ARE FIGHTING, BREAK UP WORDS THERE :(
NEXT MORNING ARTHUR IS SLEEPING LIKE A BABE
UNFORTUNATELY ABOUT TO BE ATTACKED. OBVIOUSLY THESE BANDITS DON'T NOW WHO THEY'RE MESSING WITH, BECAUSE ARTHUR JUST FUCKING KICKED THE GUY THROUGH THE AIR
AND SOMEHOW MANAGES TO KICK BOTH THEIR ARSES IN A SWORD FIGHT WHILE STILL BEING HALF ASLEEP
AFTER SAID SWORDFIGHT THOUGH, HE MUST TAKE A LITTLE NAP ^^;
LOL, METHINKS THE WEIGHT OF THE ARMOUR IS ACTUALLY STARTING TO AFFECT OUR STRONG AND PERFECT PRINCE
ELSEWHERE, MERLIN IS ON A HORSE
POKING HIS HEAD INTO BARS
WHICH JUST SO HAPPEN TO HOLD A CERTAIN GWAINE
THAT MERLIN MAY OR MAY NOT BE IN LOVE WITH, JUDGING BY THIS SMILE
AND GWAINE MAY OR MAY NOT ALSO BE IN LOVE, JUDGING BY HIS RESPONDING ENTHUSIASM
BUT THEN THE BARKEEPER RAINS ON THEIR GAY PARADE AND THE BOYS HAVE TO RUN FOR IT
TO VERY RIDIC AND LOL-WORTHY MUSIC THAT IS A TOTAL RIP-OFF OF PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN.
THEY HIDE BEHIND A CART. KEEP IN MIND THIS ENTIRE TIME GWAINE IS RUNNING AROUND LIKE HE DRUNK THE ENTIRE ALEHOUSE AND FALLING ALL OVER HIMSELF. IT'S ADORABLE AND ENDEARING TO MERLIN, OBVIOUSLY ♥
THEY POKE THEIR NOSES OVER THE FUCKING BREAD CART, WITH ITS RIDICULOUSLY AND UNNECESSARILY MASSIVE PHALLIC BREAD BUNS
UNFORTUNATELY THEY ARE STILL IN THE BARKEEPERS SIGHTS AND SO THEY RUN FOR IT. THEY TAKE A SECOND TO REST ON TOP OF THE BALCONY AND TALK ABOUT THEIR LOVE FOR EACH OTHER AND ARTHUR
ALSO: THEIR WANT TO SAVE ARTHUR'S STUPID ARROGANT ARSE
THEY RUN AWAY FROM PEOPLE CHASING THEM SOME MORE HAND IN HAND
THEIR GENIUS PLAN TO ESCAPE THOUGH, IS TO JUMP DOWN FROM THE WALL HAND IN HAND
SO GWAINE PUSHES SCAREDY MERLIN OFF FIRST
LOL SLOW MOTION MERLIN FALLING IS HILARIOUS
AND HE LANDS RATHER GRACELESSLY, I MUST SAY XDD
GWAINE FOLLOWS WITH A BEAUTIFUL SWAN DIVE THAT HIS DRUNK SELF SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO PERFORM
MERLIN IS IMPRESSED (AT GWAINE) AND SUPERFUCKINGHAPPY THAT THEY ACTUALLY MANAGED TO ESCAPE
HE MOMENTARILY FORGETS THEY ARE IN PUBLIC AND TRIES TO DISROBE GWAINE RIGHT THE FUCK THEN GROPES GWAINE IN PUBLIC FOR A HAPPY SECOND BEFORE THEY DANCE OFF, LAUGHING AND HAPPY
AWW, MERLIN'S NEVER LOOKED SO HAPPY :') ESPECIALLY SINCE HE'S RIDING AWAY WITH GWAINE :'D
ARTHUR COMES ACROSS SOME CGI OF DUBIOUS BELIEVABILITY AND DOES NOT APPROVE
I KNOW ARTHUR, IT PAINS ME TOO.
SO HE CONSULTS HIS MAP
BUT IT'S PRETTY CRAP
SO SUCKS TO BE YOU RIGHT NOW ARTHUR, BASICALLY.
APPARENTLY THE PERILOUS LANDS ARE IN PUZZLE WOOD. YOU KNOW, DEFAULT LOCATION FOR EVERYTHING MERLIN FILMS IN A FORREST.
NONETHELESS, THERE IS A MIDGET ON A BRIDGE
I KNOW ARTHUR, IT'S SHOCKING
MIDGET'S CREEPY, SLICK EYES TRY TO USE THE PICK UP LINE "YOU MUST BE COURAGE"
AND ARTHUR IS ALL "... NO. I'M PRINCE ARTHUR OF CAMELOT. ARE YOU TRYING TO HIT ON ME?" *FACE SAYS IT ALL*
THEY SHAKE HANDS (IDEK OK)
THE MIDGET COMMENTS ON HOW "ARTHUR'S NOT AS SHORT AS I THOUGHT YOU'D BE"
AND ARTHUR MOTHERFUCKING LOOKS DOWN AT HIS PENIS OHMYFUCKINGGOD SHOW, WHUT WHUT WHUT!
MIDGET DAVIES GIVES ARTHUR A SCHOOLING IN THE WONDERS OF MAGIC.
I THINK MY BRAIN IS PERMANENTLY SCARRED NOW.
MIDGET ALLOWS ARTHUR TO PASS. BUT FIRST HE MUST MAKE A PASS AT HIM BY GRABBING HOLD OF HIS WRIST AND MAKING REMARKS ABOUT HIS BEAUTIFUL JEWELERY
~THAT WAS A GIFT FROM SOMEONE VERY DEAR TO ARTHUR~~ AWW, ARTHUR'S LOVE FOR MORGANA IS SO SWEET ♥
MIDGET DAVIES LOLZ AT THAT AND THEN JUST *DISAPPEARS*
ARTHUR IS NOT ALTOGETHER UNSURPRISED, BECAUSE DAMMIT, HIS LIFE IS JUST SO FREAKIN' WEIRD
SO HE KEEPS CALM AND CARRIES ON
BACK TO MERLIN/GWAINE, MERLIN IS WONDERING WHY THOSE MEN WERE AFTER GWAINE.
I REFUSE TO SAY "BECAUSE GWAINE WOULDN'T PUT OUT" BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW HE WOULD OOPS.
MERLIN CAN'T HELP BUT LOOK LOVINGLY AT GWAINE AT ALL TIMES
GWAINE ASKS HOW MERLIN MANAGED TO FIND HIM THOUGH
MERLIN ANSWERED THAT HE'S BEEN IN JUST ABOUT EVERY TAVERN. GWAINE REPLIES "SO HAVE I" AND MERLIN LAUGHS THIS RIDICULOUSLY CUTE AND ADORABLE LAUGH OF INSANELY PANTY-EXPLOSION WORTHY PROPORTIONS
MOAR DUBIOUS CGI AND SLOW MO SHOTS WITH ARTHUR (OMFGOD ALICE T., SRSLY, ENOUGH ALREADY)
AND THEN WE HAVE FEMMSLASH OF FAKERY WHICH MAKES ME SADFACE BECAUSE OUR GIRLS DON'T LOVE EACH OTHER ANY MORE :(
GWEN IS EVEN SULLEN :(
BUT MORGANA IS TRYING TO BE NICE, AND GIVES GWEN THE NIGHT OFF
AND GWEN SEEMS TO WANT TO MAKE PEACE AND SEX
"I'M GLAD WE'RE FRIENDS AGAIN" AWW, I LOVE THESE LOVELY LADIES
MERLIN AND GWAINE, GET A ROOM ALREADY. FFS.
THEY HAVE ARRIVED AT THE PERILOUS LANDS AND ALL THEY CAN DO IS JOKE AT ONE ANOTHER, NOT EVEN HALF SRS
GWAINE: IT IS A WRETCHED PLACE
MERLIN: YOU WOULDN'T KNOW. I KNOW YOU HAVEN'T BEEN THERE
GWAINE: HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT. I'VE BEEN PLACES
MERLIN: NO TAVERN
GWAINE: AHH. YES. TOLD YOU IT WAS A WRETCHED PLACE
SO. FUCKING. GAY!!!!!
IN OTHER GAY NEWS, MORGANA IS SNEAKING AROUND IN HER ROOM
AND GWEN IS SPYING ON HER, BECAUSE SHE SUSPECTS MORGANA IS CHEATING ON HER
BUT INSTEAD SHE UNCOVERS MORGANA'S BIG SECRET! :O
SHE. HAS. MAGIC! \O/
AND IS LIGHTING THINGS ON FIRE!
SHOCKING, I KNOW.
ARTHUR IS BLINDED BY HIS QUEST OR SOME FUCKING THING, BECAUSE HE DOESN'T EVER NOTICE THE GLARING-AS-FUCK-OBVIOUS EVIL SHINE HIS BRACELET IS DOING OVER HERE
HE DOES FALL INTO A MUD PIT THOUGH, SO I MIGHT FORGIVE HIS STUPID ARSE
EXCEPT HE DECIDES NOW IS A GOOD TIME TO GO TO SLEEP! DX NU ARTHUR NUUUUUUU DON'T SUCCUMB TO THE LIFE-DRAINING FORCES OF EVIL!
SIMULTANEOUSLY, MERLIN AND GWAINE HAVE ALSO FOUND THE MIDGET'S BRIDGE. IN PUZZLEWOOD.
THEY SEX SNEAK AROUND CORNERS
AND GWAINE GIVES MERLIN SILENT INSTRUCTIONS: I.E. GWAINE GOES AROUND AND MERLIN STAYS
MERLIN PRETENDS TO UNDERSTAND
BEFORE WALKING STRAIGHT OUT INTO THE OPEN AFTER GWAINE LEAVES XDDD
MIDGET DAVIES IS ALL "HOW, MAGIC ONE"
AND MERLIN IS ALL "HOLY CHRIST ON CRACKERS, HOW DID YOU KNOW? ERR, I MEAN, WHAT?"
MIDGET TAKES PITY ON YOUR DUMB ARSE MERLIN AND TELLS YOU THAT DO NOT WORRY, YOUR ENDLESS TRAILING AND LOVING AFTER ARTHUR ARE NOT IN VAIN. IT WILL ALL END WELL - SPECIFICALLY IN SPARKLY PONIES AND A PERFECT OPEN MARRIAGE.
ALSO: I JUST WANT MY LANDS TO BE LIVABLE AGAIN. NO HARM MEANT, SO SORRY ABOUT THE NEXT HALF HOUR
MERLIN: ???
BUT GWAINE INTERRUPTS THEIR CONVERSATION
MIDGET SAID THAT HE MUST BE 'STRENGTH' (LOL) AND IN TYPICAL GRYFFINDOR FASHION, GWAINE WHIPS OUT HIS SWORD WITHOUT THINKING
SO MIDGET MAN TURNS IT INTO FLOWERS
LMFAO, GWAINE IS ALL "WHAT IS IT WITH THIS SHOW AND FLOWERS?!?!"
YOU SO KNOW THAT HE WAS ABOUT TO GIVE THOSE FLOWERS TO MERLIN UNTIL HE FOUND OUT THEY WOULD TURN BACK INTO HIS SWORD. LMFAO!!!!
ALSO: MIDGET DAVIES IS SUCH A FUCKING OT3 SHIPPER. OMFGOD I WAS DYING THROUGHOUT THIS WHOLE SCENE AND TALKS OF ~DESTINY~ AND PERFECT THREESOMES FOREVER XDDD
THEY'RE LET ACROSS THE BRIDGE AND ARE ONE STEP CLOSER TO ARTHUR. WHO IS NO LONGER DROWNING IN MUD, BUT USING HIS PHALLIC SWORD TO GRAB A ROOT (LMFAOOOOOOOO, I'M SO IMMATURE)
USING IT TO PULL HIM UP (LOL, SEX JOKE STILL THERE)
AND AFTER RELEASE, ARTHUR COLLAPSES TO THE GROUND ^^;
OHMYWIZARDGOD, MERLIN AND GWAINE MUST REALLY WANT TO PROLONG THEIR TIME. THEY STOP FOR A ROMANTIC DINNER BY CAMPFIRE
WHEN MERLIN HEARS A NOISE IN THE DISTANCE.
GWAINE ASSURES MERLIN IT IS A PHEASANT. A LARGE PHEASANT
(ANYONE ELSE THINKING OF GIANT BABY RATS HERE?)
BUT MERLIN TAKES THIS COMEDIC MOMENT AND TURNS IT SRS WITH HIS FUCKING SEX EYES, WANTING TO KNOW WHY GWAINE IS COMING WITH
GWAINE SAYS BECAUSE HE IS HELPING A FRIEND.
MERLIN SAYS THAT ARTHUR IS LUCKY TO HAVE THEM - HOWEVER!
GWAINE RESPONDS WITH "NOT ARTHUR" - MEANING HE'S DOING THIS ALL FOR ~MERLIN~!
AND HIS EYES ARE FUCKING MERLIN SIX WAYS TO SUNDAY
MERLIN RETURNS THIS EYE FUCKING, BASICALLY WITH A CONFESSION OF "I LOVE YOU AS MUCH AS I LOVE ARTHUR."
I'M JUST MARRIED TO ARTHUR
ME, RIGHT NOW:
BACK IN CAMELOT, GWEN GOES TO TELL GAIUS MORGANA IS EVIL D: AND THAT SHE MAY MEAN HARM TO US D:
GAIUS DOESN'T SUGARCOAT IT AND SAYS YES: MORGANA HAS PROBABLY SHACKED UP WITH HER EVIL SISTER AND IS OUT TO KILL US ALL.
GWEN: D': *HEARTBROKEN*
BACK IN THE LAND OF ARTHUR QUESTLAND, ARTHUR IS HUNGOVER NOT A MORNING PERSON.
BUT MANAGES TO SOLDIER ON
OVER ROCKS
UNTIL HE FINALLY COMES ACROSS THE ~DARK TOWER~ OF STEPHEN KING NOVELS' FAME
ARTHUR IS MORE THAN HAPPY TO FIND THIS RIP OFF. IT MEANS HIS "QUEST" IS NEAR AN END.
UNFORTUNATELY, THE DARK TOWA IS GUARDED BY DRAGONS WYVERNS
AND ARTHUR IS MUCH LESS HAPPY TO SEE THEM
NEVER FEAR - IT'S MERLIN AND GWAINE TO THE RESCUE!
... WHO TAKE A SECOND TO WATCH THE MOTHERFUCKING WYVERNS TRY TO EAT ARTHUR. WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU MERLIN "NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THAT"?!?!?! I THOUGHT THEY WERE DRAGONS FROM FIRST GLANCE, WHY THE FUCK WOULDN'T YOU?! *HEADDESK*
NEVERTHELESS, THEY FIGURE OUT THAT ARTHUR IS ABOUT TO BECOME DRAGON FOOD AND GO TO HELP.
WYVERN'S LOOK AWESOME, APPARENTLY. THEY ALSO ATTACK FROM LOW CLOUDS THAT DO NOT EXIST UNTIL THIS SHOT. MUST BE MAGIC.
ARTHUR DOES HIS BEST TO STAY ALIVE
BY ... RUNNING... AWAY. THAT'S ACTUALLY RATHER INTELLIGENT.
*FACEPALM* I TAKE IT BACK, ARTHUR IS AN IDIOT AND DRAWS THE GATE TO TRY AND KEEP OUT THE DRAGONS. YOU KNOW, THE MOTHERFUCKING DRAGONS THAT HAVE WINGS?!?! *HEADDESK*
PREDICTABLY, THE DRAGON JUST FLIES THROUGH A MOTHERFUCKING WINDOW
MERLIN AND GWAINE MANAGE TO SLIDE UNDER THE CLOSED GATE
WITH MERLIN SHOWING AN INHUMAN DISPLAY OF STRENGTH - MUST BE HIS LOVE OF GWAINE 8DD
THEY DECIDE TO SPLIT UP TO LOOK FOR ARTHUR. D: NO!
ARTHUR MANAGES TO BARRICADE HIMSELF IN A ROOM SOMEWHERE AND THINKS NOW HE IS SAFE. SO HE WANTS TO NAP
MOMENTARILY FORGETTING THAT DRAGONSWYVERNS HAVE CLAWS THAT RIP THROUGH SHIT
MEANWHILE, MERLIN IS SEARCHING FOR ARTHUR (UNF, PROFILE ♥)
GWAINE IS ALSO SEARCHING FOR ARTHUR
BUT ARTHUR CANNOT KEEP HIS STRENGTH UP
AND FAWKES THE PHOENIX EYE TAKES THE LAST OF ARTHUR'S STRENGTH
SO ARTHUR IS NOW DRAGON MEAT
BUT WAIT! MERLIN ARRIVES IN TIME TO SAVE THE DAY!!
WITH HIS BAMF DRAGONLORD POWA~, OBVIOUSLY. IT'S WHY ARTHUR IS CURRENTLY UNCONSCIOUS.
THE WYVERNS BOW TO HIS DRAGONLORD WILL
AND LEAVE, UNDRAMATICALLY
MERLIN RUSHES TO ARTHUR AND TAKES OFF THE EVIL BRACELET OF EVILERY
WHICH OF COURSE MEANS ARTHUR CAN WAKE UP NOW
AND IN THE MOST GAY, RIDICULOUSLY CLICHED ROMANTIC WAY EVER, MERLIN'S BLURRY FACE COMES INTO FOCUS, AND IT IS THE FIRST THING ARTHUR SEES.
ARTHUR IS IN SHOCK
MERLIN IS JUST LIKE "WHY CAN'T YOU JUST SAY THANK YOU. FFS, ARTHUR, I'M YOUR WIFE! I JUST SAVED YOUR LIFE!" *IRRITABLE GRIN*
ARTHUR: A-L-O-N-E! REMEMBER?
THEIR LOVERS SPAT IS INTERRUPTED BY THE AWESOME WYVERN TRYING TO EAT THEM
BUT GWAINE ARRIVES IN TIME TO KILL IT
MERLIN IS HAPPY TO SEE HIM. MERLIN KNOWS THAT GWAINE APPRECIATES HIM ♥
ARTHUR BITCHES SOME MORE AND MERLIN GIVES GWAINE THIS FUCKING LOOK THAT TOTALLY SAYS "DON'T MIND HIM, HE'S ALWAYS THIS GRUMPY IN THE MORNING"
ARTHUR STALKS OFF IN A HUFF AND MERLIN KNOWS EXACTLY HOW TO GET WHAT HE WANTS. HE MOCKS ARTHUR: "DO YOU WANT TO DO THIS A-L-O-N-E?"
AND GRINS LIKE A LOON WHEN ARTHUR YELLS AFTER HIM. MERLIN TOTALLY HAS ARTHUR WRAPPED AROUND HIS PEEN PINKY FINGER
GWAINE JUST ROLLS HIS EYES AT THEIR RIDIC SAPPY LOVE
THEY SEARCH THE CASTLE BY CLIMBING STAIRS UNTIL MERLIN NOTICES A ROOM
AND UNFORTUNATELY TRIGGERS A TRAP WITH HIS STYLISH BOOT
GWAINE IS QUICK THOUGH AND SHOVES MERLIN SO HE DOESN'T GET SQUASHED.
THEY RUSH THE DOOR ONCE IT'S CLOSED, TERRIFIED FOR THEIR LOVER
ARTHUR IS THE MOST CONCERNED/WORRIED/SOUNDING LIKE HE NEEDS TO JUST KNOW THAT MERLIN IS ALRIGHT - YELLING TO MERLIN THROUGH THE DOOR, WANTING HIS WIFE TO KNOW HE DOES CARE, HE DOES LOVE HIM, AND THAT HE WILL REGRET IT FOREVER IF THEIR LAST WORDS WERE IN ARGUMENT
MERLIN IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR, SHOUTING FOR HIS LOVERS
BUT NOT EVEN HIS EARS CAN PENETRATE THE SOUNDPROOFING IN THIS ROOM
GWAINE FIGURES THERE MUST BE A WAY TO OPEN THE DOOR.
MERLIN GETS TO THEN GO AND TALK TO THE GREEPY OLD DUDE COVERED IN SPIDER WEBS.
ARTHUR AND GWAINE MEANWHILE, FIGURE OUT A WAY TO RELEASE THE DOOR. IT INVOLVES ARTHUR STICKING HIS HAND IN BUGS.
GWAINE TELLS ARTHUR NOT TO BE A PRINCESS XDD
AND JUST TO PROVE HOW MUCH ARTHUR LOVES MERLIN, HE DOES INDEED STICK HIS HAND IN THE BUG-INVESTED RELEASE VAULT
MERLIN IS TALKING WITH THE FISHER KING ABOUT WANTS AND NEEDS. MERLIN IS SAD THAT THE KING WANTS TO DIE.
THE KING GIVES MERLIN THE WATER FROM THE LAKE OF AVALON
AND IN RETURN MERLIN CRIES GIVES THE KING THE HORCRUX BRACELET OF SOUL-SUCKING EVILERY
CAUSING THE KING TO BLOW UP IN A TORNADO STORM FOR WHATEVER REASON
AND RIGHT AFTER, ARTHUR AND GWAINE MANAGE TO BREAK THROUGH THE DOOR
ARTHUR IS SHOCKED/HAPPY TO SEE MERLIN. MERLIN IS EQUALLY HAPPY TO SEE ARTHUR.
ARTHUR HOWEVER, HAS A COMPLEX ABOUT SHOWING AFFECTION IN PUBLIC. SO HE PATS MERLIN ON THE BACK AND IS ALL ~MANLY~ ABOUT HOW CONCERNED HE WAS
GWAINE HOWEVER, IS HAVING NONE OF THAT AND PULLS MERLIN INTO A BIG HUG
AND THIS LOOK TOTALLY SAYS "WE ARE HAVING 'GLAD YOU'RE ALIVE' AFTER-DANGER SEX LATER. SRSLY".
ARTHUR, LIKE THE CHILD HE IS, DELIGHTS IN HAVING FOUND THE TRIDENT.
THEY ARE READY TO ROLL RIGHT OUT OF THERE, BUT NOT UNTIL GWAINE AND MERLIN SHARE ONE MORE LOOK OF INTENSE! UST AND MERLIN ACTS BESOTTED WITH ARTHUR
IN THE FIELD OF EPIC LOVE, ARTHUR IS TELLING GWAINE THAT HE IS WELCOME INTO THEIR MARRIAGE BED ANYTIME HE WISHES THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO LEAVE HIM.
GWAINE JUST RESPONDS WITH "WELL, ONE DAY WHEN THERE'S A HALF DECENT KING ON THE THRONE".
MERLIN GIGGLES AND ARTHUR PRETENDS TO SCOLD
ARTHUR CANNOT HANDLE GOODBYES (HE'S SO EMOTIONALLY BROKEN OMG D':) SO HE MOVES OFF SO MERLIN CAN DO IT FOR THEM BOTH.
MERLIN THANKS GWAINE FOR HIS HELP. HIS EYES SAY SO MUCH MORE THOUGH.
GWAINE UNDERSTANDS AND RESPONDS IN LIKE
OMG D': TYPICAL MEN-NOT-SAYING-WHAT-THEY-REALLY-FEEL GOODBYE IS SO HEARTBREAKING.
AS THEY MOVE TOWARD CAMELOT, ARTHUR AND MERLIN FALL INTO AN AGE-OLD EASY PATTERN
AKA, MERLIN TALKING
ARTHUR FINDS IT TOTALLY FUCKING ADORABLE WHEN MERLIN GETS ALL EXCITED LIKE THIS. OMFGOD, MY OVARIES ARE EXPLODING RIGHT NOW
ARTHUR SETS MERLIN STRAIGHT HOWEVER - REMEMBER THAT THING ABOUT ME BEING A-L-O-N-E? YOU'VE NOT SEEN ME FOR DAYS. WE JUST ~HAPPENED~ TO MEET UP AFTERWARDS. FATHER WILL NEVER FIND *THAT* SUSPICIOUS.
MERLIN: AHH, YES SIRE. BUT OF COURSE. I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY.
SME: OHMYFUCKING GOD YOUR FACE COLIN MORGAN, I WANT TO SQUISH IT.
AND THEN!
AND THEN!!
MERLIN SAYS THAT HE WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR ARTHUR. FOR A PRICE
AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
PRICE = DAY OFF = DAY OF JUST SEX, AMIRITE?!?!
MORGANA SPIES ARTHUR RETURNING HOME AND IS NOT HAPPY
GWEN IS VERY GLAD THAT HE IS ALRIGHT HOWEVER
YAY ARTHUR RETURNED SAFELY~
AND GOES STRAIGHT INTO THE HALL OF ALL OCCASIONS TO PRESENT THE TRIDENT TO HIS MERLIN FATHER
UTHER TELLS EVERYONE HE IS PROUD OF ARTHUR, AS HE HALF-EMBRACES HIM. AWW~
AND MORGANA IS JEALOUS AS HELL AS SHE FUMES IN HER CORNER, ALONE AND UNWANTED
IN GAIUS' CHAMBER, MERLIN AND GAIUS ARE CONTEMPLATING THE WATER TIME-TURNER
AND THEY TALK ABOUT MORGANA BEING AN ENEMY AND HEEDING WARNINGS AND WHY THE FUCK DID THEY NOT KNOW THIS SHIT ALREADY?
OH WELL, THEY END WITH A NEAT SHOT OF MERLIN'S FACE IN THE WATER. THE END UNTIL NEXT WEEK.
SO! I HAVE NOT SEEN ANYTHING PAST THIS EPISODE. I WILL BE CATCHING UP SOONTIMES AND WRITING AS I CAN. FINGERS CROSSED I'LL GET IT TO YOU ASAP. :)